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Sep

2022

Your EQ is More Important Than Your IQ

Reading Time: 5 minutes

Education is one of the important things that parents strive to be able to provide for their children. Schools reward children with praise and awards when they get high grades in their subjects. They are envied for their intelligence.

Intelligence is also highly valued in job applications. In fact, most job application exams have some form of an IQ (intelligence quotient) test. Because of the predominant value of having a high IQ, we often forget another important factor to our success in life: our EQ (emotional quotient) or emotional intelligence.

IQ is recognized as an important component of success especially in terms of academic achievement. The classroom and society as a whole puts a high premium on children with high IQ or intelligence. These children usually continue to do well in school and are expected to get higher pay in their jobs. Thus, they are able to live healthier lifestyles and remain respected by their peers throughout their lives.

IQ Isn’t Everything

Having high IQ is only half the story. Since intelligence is praised and rewarded even since they’re young; these intelligent children also develop their self-esteem and confidence much more quickly. This, in turn affects their motivation to do well both in school and outside it. But, having a high IQ is not a guarantee of success in life.

Note that self-esteem and confidence are signs of a well-developed EQ. In short, the value placed on their IQ has helped them to develop their EQ. This is because of the favorable responses that they get from the people around them.

Your IQ can open doors to a lot of opportunities in your career. Your EQ is a major factor in how you will succeed or fail in your career, and in life in general.

What is EQ?

EQ or emotional quotient or emotional intelligence refers to an individual’s ability to feel or perceive emotions. It also refers to the ability to evaluate, control and express emotions. There are some people with high IQ who have awkward social skills. This usually deprives them the opportunity for leadership positions. Thus, EQ is an important component of success. Unfortunately, our education system focuses more on IQ and less on developing emotional and social skills. The food news is that, it is now recognized that there are different types of intelligence including those that involve emotional intelligence.

Testing IQ and EQ

We are all familiar with the IQ test where we have to figure out the next number or image in a sequence as well as some standard mathematical and reasoning problems to solve. This is one of the exams we usually take when applying for our first job. Based on the results of this standardized test, you get a number that measures your IQ.

On the other hand, there are no standardized tests to measure EQ. Few schools, if any include emotional and social skills as part of their curriculum. This has resulted in developing highly intelligent but socially awkward teens and even adults.

Five Categories of EQ

A person’s EQ is manifested in these five aspects which affect their personality and how they relate to others.

Self-Awareness

People who are aware of their own emotions are more successful at controlling them. This means that they can also choose which emotions to tune in to so that they feel better and become better at what they do. This also informs how they compare and view other people’s emotions.

Self-Regulation

Being aware of your emotions allows you to control yourself so that you do not become stuck in a volatile and stressful situation. For example, in the workplace, you do not become aggressively competitive with your colleagues but you are able to develop a sense of healthy competition. In your personal relationships, you are able to soothe your anger so you can talk about issues instead of getting mad and resorting to physical attacks to vent your emotion.

Motivation

Being able to boost your own confidence and contributing to boosting the morale of your team is a great skill in any career. Motivated individuals are more likely to succeed in any endeavor as they are always seeking out ways to improve themselves, their service and their organization.

Consider the Marshmallow Test. Your self motivation to pursue a more satisfactory result for your goals will help you to stay on track with your plans and delay gratification for small things that may distract you along the way. Being able to delay gratification is a good indicator of future success.

Empathy

Empathy is when you are aware of how people feel and how your actions affect them emotionally. This allows you to understand other people’s feelings and in a team setup, this provides you with different ways to approach a hot topic with as minimal emotional stress as possible.

With empathy, you are able to help other people soothe their fears, calm their nervousness and re-channel their anger, among other things.

Social Skills

An important factor in life is having good social skills which also includes how well you communicate with others. How you communicate can make a situation better or worse. Developing good communication skills is important in all aspects of life.

Developing your EQ is a large part of the 8 dimensions of wellness that will help you become a well-rounded and healthy person. An emotionally-balanced individual is better equipped to react and act on whatever obstacles and situations life throws at them.

Your IQ can be a source of pride but your EQ is what will help you sail through life with your pride and your values intact or transformed for the better.

EQ and Success

Being emotionally aware can have a great impact on your success in all aspects of your life. It informs the decisions you make in choosing a career over another; in choosing what to do about your financial situation and how to change it, even in choosing which people to keep as friends and which ones to stay away from.

It is helpful to you in sorting out your emotional stress. When you are new to a group, it guides you on what to do to relate to the group dynamics instead of alienating yourself. Your EQ enables you to successfully diffuse an otherwise heated argument at home or in the office. It will guide you in the best way to convince your crying niece that she should wait for the cake at the next store instead of buying candy at the first store.

Together with your IQ, your EQ serves as your internal guidance system in making the right decisions for every situation. Rather than being on auto-pilot, use your EQ to help you make good decisions and go thru the necessary changes that will improve your life.

How to Develop EQ

If you feel you are lacking in certain aspects of your emotional skills, here is what you can do to improve. Start by being observant of your emotions. Ask yourself where they are coming from; from fears or from positive intentions?

Observe how your words and actions affect other people. By being aware of how your emotions impact you and the people around you, you can have a better understanding of how to control them, how to motivate yourself and how you can better relate to others. Better yet, evaluate your emotional wellness and work on improving yourself from there.

Updated. First published on Pinoy Smart Living on 2019.04.19.
Feature Image: Original Photo by ROMAN ODINTSOV on Pexels.

Aug

2021

Bring Out the Fighter in You

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Many people are in pain right now because of the pandemic. Millions are grieving for their departed loved ones. Many lost their job s. A great number are sick and are fighting for their lives. Even those that may be safe physically and financially may be living in fea r. What to do if you are one of these people? While it is okay to not be okay, we can’t stay in this state forever. Sooner or later, we need to learn how to turn pain into success . Here are tips on how to bring out the fighter in you.

1. Feel the Pain

Pain is a necessary component of life. Without pain, you will not be able to fully appreciate and understand what happiness is.You need to let go and allow the negative emotions to flow. Give yourself time to feel the pain. Cry your heart out. It is the only way towards healing.

Bring it, bring the pain, oh yeah. Come on up, bring the pain. Rain is pouring, sky keeps falling, everyday, oh na na na. Bring it, bring the pain.
– BTS, On

2. Acceptance

It is easier said than done, but you need to learn to accept reality. The world is no longer what it used to be. We just woke up one day to a whole new world. Unfortunately, there is no going back to where it was before. We just need to learn to accept that. The sooner we accept his fact, the sooner we can move on with our lives. Our life has been disrupted, bringing us at a crossroads. Whether it is changing careers, changing addresses or whatever it is; now is the time to make life-changing decisions. And it is easier to make a decision if we understand and accept that things now are different.

3. Find Your Why

Once you have learned to accept the situation. It is now time to find your ‘why’. Why do you need to succeed? Why do you need to overcome this obstacle? Your why will be your motivation. It will serve as your fuel or energy to stand up again. Without this reason, it will be difficult to keep on moving forward. It will be easier to give up.

4. Come Up With A Plan

Where do you want to go from here? What are your goals? In order to move forward, you must first figure out your direction. How can you reach your destination without knowing where you want to go in the first place? If you are still unclear about this, start by redesigning your life through a bucket list.

5. Persevere

The road ahead is never easy. What differentiate successful people like Oprah Winfrey, Steve Jobs, Walt Disney and BTS from those who are not is their level of persistence and perseverance. The ability to keep on moving forward despite the setbacks and challenges that come their way is what makes them successful.

Even if I fall, I come right up, scream. That’s how we’ve always been. Even if my knees dropped to the ground, as long as they don’t get buried; it won’t matter…Can’t hold me down ’cause you know I’m a fighter.
– BTS, On

Yes, you can do it! Believe in Yourself. And some day, you are going to pat yourself in the back and be proud of yourself as you look back to this day. Fighting!

You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.
– Steve Jobs

Feature Photo by Julia Larson from Pexels

Aug

2021

How to Turn Pain into Success

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Many of us want to learn how to turn pain into success. There is no shortcut to success. Being successful always entails hard work and a bit of luck. Painful experiences are part of the process to creating a more successful you. However, when you go through challenges in life, such as losing your job or going thru grief; there are some things you can do to turn your pain into stepping stones to progress, and eventually become successful in your goals.

Rest and Assess

Experiencing challenges and pain forces us to stop in our tracks and even rest from our daily routine. This is the best time to get mental and physical rest as well as emotional rest. Your focus at this time should be how to feel better. When your mind and body are relaxed, and your emotions are calm; you are in the best condition to take stock of things. You can make an honest assessment of your current circumstances and how best to change them. Your lowest point in life could be an opportunity to reset your life.

Explore and Learn

The time of pain is a time to help you explore your feelings and learn from them. Dig deep but don’t dwell on blame or on feeling the victim. The important thing is to be honest with yourself. Ask yourself why you reacted the way you did to a particular person or situation. What triggered your emotions and what could be the cause? Exploring your pain allows you to learn more about yourself. This way, you can get clearer on how you can become better. You can do this with a friend or loved one, in a safe space where you won’t fear being judged.

Create Goals, Not Vices

Sometimes when we are in pain, we want to be alone and we even forget to take care of ourselves. If we dwell on our pain too much without processing them, not taking care of ourselves becomes a habit. Bad habits become vices overtime. This is not a good way to live your life or to heal from your pain. So when you have taken time to rest and reflect; make sure you create goals based on the lessons you learned. This way, you give your self and your life a direction to make progress and grow. Creating goals to move forward is one of the best ways you can turn your pain into a step towards success.

Think Positive, Do Positive

It is important to keep up a positive outlook even in times of pain. Losing hope in yourself and in the future is a dead end. There is always a lesson to be learned, a silver lining to the storm so to speak. Keeping a gratitude journal helps but expressing gratitude towards others for the little things they do for you is even more fulfilling. It is also important to learn to smile, at your self and to others.

The future may be uncertain, but you can be sure that the sun will rise again. Take each day as a chance to start or restart. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Remember, you are a work in progress just like everyone else. The only way to overcome challenges is to keep working on it. As long as you don’t quit, you will find success later on.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Road Trip with Raj on Unsplash.

Aug

2021

5 Reasons Why You Can’t Stick to Your Budget and How to Fix It

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Is sticking to your budget a big problem for you? Perhaps you are plagued by one or more of the common reasons why a budget is not working for you. Good news is, there’s a way to fix them.

1. Looking for Perfection

You want to create the perfect budget that will work for you personally so you keep crunching numbers; unable to decide what percentage to allocate for which category in your budget. Overthinking leads to analysis-paralysis hindering you from making any progress towards a solution because you keep going over the flaws in your budget system.

The Fix: Just create a budget and stick to it for a set duration. Don’t try to think of a permanent solution. Think of your budget as a work in progress and adjust it along the way as you learn more about your spending habits. Remember that it’s a system and it may have bugs at the start; so testing it in actual practice is the best way to achieve your ideal budget system. It might help to learn more about your money personality and make your budget accordingly.

2. Thinking It’s Too Complicated

Keeping track of your spending doesn’t have to be complicated. There are many applications on your computer or mobile device that you can use. You do need to test which one is the right fit for you and your lifestyle. But you really don’t want to test all of them do you?

The Fix: Keep it simple by going back to the basics. A pen and notebook is always handy so you can immediately jot down any expense you may have. This way, it will be easier for you to identify your money leaks. If you have to use an application, keep it as a back-up or a secondary method to monitor your expenses.

3. Indulging in Online Shopping

Online shopping is one of the easiest way to ruin your budget. All the sale items give you the illusion that you are buying them for cheap so you tell yourself that you can go over budget this time and just spend less on your next salary. But since you’re not paying in cash immediately or you’re paying via credit card, you don’t really feel how much it takes out from your budget.

The Fix: Always consult your budget. If it’s not in your budget, consider saving up for it. If it’s on sale, ask yourself if you really need it. Another solution is to take a break from your computer for awhile and think about it. You may realize that you can make do without it. Being aware of your spending helps you better stick to your budget.

4. You’re Good at Giving

Generosity is a good virtue but it is also most often abused. There are a lot of people who are frugal and are able to stick to a budget for their personal expenses but when it comes to their family and friends, they are unable to say no. This is especially true when it comes to giving gifts during birthdays for example, or when monetary assistance is requested by a relative or friend.

The Fix: Put “giving” in your budget. This way, you are still able to give them gifts or provide them monetary assistance and still stay within your budget.

5. Unexpected Events

Life happens and most of them are not in our budget. A medical expense, a job loss, a sudden change of residence, etc. Most people create a budget based on what they experience on a daily basis. They only see what’s currently in front of them and fail to plan for life’s unexpected surprises.

The Fix: Accommodate the unexpected in your budget. When creating your budget, make sure to include items such as quarterly and annual expenses. Also include in your budget a fund where you can stash a portion of your income for use during special occasions and emergencies.

We hope you are able to keep to your budgeting system with these helpful tips. There’s no right or wrong way to start your budget as long as you commit to following the system and tweaking it along the way. You might want to try out the money jar budgeting system and see if it works for you.

Updated. First revised on Pinoy Smart Living on 04.30.2019.
Feature Image: Original Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash.

Aug

2021

What is Your Money Personality?

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Your money personality simply means your attitude and behavior towards money. It is a reflection of your beliefs about money. Knowing and understanding your money personality will help you improve your financial life. It will help you spend, save, invest and grow your money wisely. So, what is your money personality?

There are five kinds of money personalities. Each one has different outlooks on how they handle money. It is possible to be a mixture of one or two personalities.

1.The Big Spender

As the name suggests, the big spender is someone who places value in their possessions. It is easy to spot one. Just take a look at the possessions that they own. Do they have the latest smartphone or gadget? Are they always wearing branded clothing? Do they have high-end vehicles? How big is their home? Do they own the latest and biggest television?These people are so comfortable spending money that they don’t care even if they end up in credit card debts.

If you are a big spender, make sure that what you are spending falls within your budget. If not, learn the art of delayed gratification. It is also important that you understand how credit cards work. Otherwise, a big spender is in great danger of falling into financial distress.

If you can’t buy it twice, you can’t afford it.
– Jay Z

2. The Savers

The savers are exactly the opposite of the big spenders. Savers shop only when necessary and they hardly ever use their credit cards. They generally have no debts. They are the cheapskates. If you know someone who tries to avoid paying and does not want to share expenses, then they are the savers. Unlike the big spender who derives satisfaction from the possessions that they own, the savers get theirs from looking at their bank accounts.

If you are a saver, congratulate yourself. It means you are already careful and aware of your finances. Chances are, you already have your emergency fund and probably a bit of retirement fund as well. However, money psychologists advise that you should also learn to allow yourself to enjoy your hard-earned money. In the same way, you should also learn to share your money with others. The money jar budgeting system allocates at least 10% for play and another 10% for title.

3.The Security Seeker

The security seekers are careful planners. They research every option available before they start spending their money. However, unlike the savers, security seekers are willing to spend as long as they have the budget for it. They make sure that they have enough money to pay for the expenses before swiping their card or going on vacation. The downside is that sometimes, because of too much research; they end up not making the decision at all.

If you are a security seeker, it is best to lessen too much pessimism and anxiety over financial decisions. Be aware that life is all about choices. The key is to know your financial goals and make decisions towards the attainment of those goals. Yes, there will be better opportunities that may arise in time but be comforted in the fact that you already did due diligence. Your decision is the best decision at that point in time.

4. The Avoider

The avoider is someone who avoids thinking and talking about money. Avoiders are those people who have an untouched stack of bills lying in the counter. They don’t want to face their finances. They don’t take note of the due dates of their credit cards and bills.

If you are an avoider, it is best to start caring about your finances. Let’s face it, whether you like it or not; money is a big part of our lives. We need money in order to survive in this world. The first thing to do is to track your expenses. You will not be able to improve your financial life if you don’t know where your money is going. From there, you will be able to set up a plan going forward.

5. The Moneymaker

The moneymaker is someone who already perfected the skills of creating wealth. They spend most of their time and energy earning money. They believe that money is the key to happiness.

If you are a moneymaker, you have probably achieved financial freedom. You have enough money in the bank to live comfortably for life. However, do realize that although money is important; relationships are far more important than money. Because you were always busy creating wealth, you might have neglected important relationships. Now is the time to slow down and reestablish a deeper relationship with your family and loved ones.

6.The Gambler

The gambler is someone who loves taking risks. They get satisfaction from the thrill of risk with the promise of high rewards. They invest in anything that they think will give them high returns. Most of the time, they don’t even do their research anymore before investing. These are also the same people who are in danger of being addicted to gambling.

If you are a gambler before you start losing all your money; it is best to first understand the rules of investing. Be strict on where you invest your money before you make big financial decisions. And avoid borrowing money just to enter an investment that you do not even understand. Learn to guard your money.

The bottom line, understand your money personality and find a way to balance the personalities in order to help you achieve your money goals.

Feature Photo by Karolina Grabowska from Pexels

Aug

2021

How to Identify Fake News

Reading Time: 4 minutes

How do you identify fake news? The convenience of social media sites have made it easier to create and spread fake news. Social media addiction is quite common nowadays. As users of these platforms, we should all be responsible enough to verify skeptical or viral news items before sharing them. Some of them are fiction, or satire, or just efforts to fool people into clicking a link, or into thinking that they’re real stories.

The creation and spread of fake news can be dangerous to the parties involved. It can also negatively affect one’s mental health in the long run. So how do you spot fake news? The International Federation of Library Associations and Institutions (IFLAI) have provided the following tips:

Consider the Source

The first thing to check out is the source of the news. Is it a reputable news organization, academic institution, information department, research body, or government agency?
These organizations usually publish relevant news that have undergone a lot of research, verification, and factual data to back them up. When a news article cites facts or quotes from an anonymous source or doesn’t even claim to have a source, then don’t click that “Share” or “Retweet” button.

Read Beyond

Headlines are designed to catch the reader’s attention so they are written to sound outrageous, sensational or urgent. Before deciding to share the article or post, make sure to read it yourself. This way, you know if it is really an important piece of information that will help people when shared, or if it is just another viral post to increase a page or website’s followers. If you identify it as fake news, then there’s no need to spread it to more people. If you’re just constantly sharing and retweeting stuff; then you need to break your social media addiction.

Check the Author

Is the author credible? Is the author even a real person? Nowadays, many social media influencers (e.g., bloggers, vloggers, authors, celebrities, etc.) have become quite popular. Sometimes, they also publish content that become viral and may look like they’re news-worthy. Make sure you’re not spreading fake news from a bogus personality. You need to check their background and their previous posts to judge for yourself if their content can be considered reliable or not. Ask yourself: Is this content even worth sharing?

Supporting Sources

There are many reputable organizations whose mission is to publish important breakthroughs and helpful information in their field or industry. Legitimate news agencies usually cite these organizations as sources for their news articles. The organizations themselves usually publish information about all their supporting data and references as well. If you encounter an article that is just a rehash of the original article; then it might be better to just share the original article instead.

Check the Date

Some sites will repost or republish an old article with a catchy headline or story just to generate more views or followers. So be sure to check the article’s date. Otherwise, you might find yourself sharing an article of a scientific breakthrough which is actually old news. It would be embarrassing if your friend tells you it happened a long time ago; or if you have to apologize to them for sharing old and fake news.

Is It a Joke?

Ever fallen victim to an April Fool’s Day prank or article? If so, then you know how important it is to make sure that the news you are sharing is not a prank; unless that’s your goal. Another embarrassing scenario is if you criticize an article harshly. Then, it turns out to be a satirical article. It just shows that you didn’t actually read through the whole thing and failed to identify fake news. Ensure that you have read and understood the purpose of the article before commenting or sharing. Many have shared a piece of financial “good news” to friends which just turned out to be investment scams.

Check Your Biases

This usually happens to fans who idolize celebrities too much. They end up defending their idol’s opinions even if they don’t understand what really happened. Other times, you may be unaware that you are supporting a particular article’s claims only because of your own biases. These may include religious beliefs, cultural traditions, family habits, etc. So check your biases first or you may end up losing friends for sharing a piece of controversial information that may turn out to be fake news. If it doesn’t sound quite right; don’t share it.

Ask the Experts

If you really want to verify whether a piece of news is fake or not, the World Wide Web can help. There are many fact-checking sites that you can consult as well as online libraries and open source information sites. You can also consult the agencies or organizations involved directly. The best way to track down the validity of a piece of news and its claims is to click the references mentioned in the article and see for yourself if they support the story.

The important thing to remember is to think before you click “Share”. Do not share if you’re not sure about the article’s source or claims. This means that you must read the article yourself and have the due diligence to conduct your own research and investigation. If you don’t have the time for this; then better not share it, especially if it is a highly controversial piece of news. A good tip to follow is: if it doesn’t make you feel good, better not share it. In a stressful society, it is important that we stay away from bad news and fake news, and be able to maintain the proper mindset especially in times of crisis.

Feature Image: Original Image by memyselfaneye from Pixabay.

Aug

2021

How to Spot Investment Scams

Reading Time: 3 minutes

The only way to grow your money is through investment. Leaving your money in a regular savings account is never enough because of the low interest rate. More often, inflation will take the value of your hard earned savings. But where do you invest your money? There are many types of investments available out there depending on your age, goal, time horizon and risk appetite. While there are legitimate ones, there are also some which are fraudulent in nature. As an investor, it is important that you know how to spot investment scams.

1. Low or No Risk, High Return

If someone offers you an investment that is low risk yet offers high returns, you are most probably getting scammed. Investing is all about risk. Whether you are buying bonds, funds, stocks, stock option, real estate, antique or any other kind of investment; there is always risk involved. The same is true when you are opening a business.

The general rule of investment is that the higher the risk, the higher the potential return. If the investment being offered to you defies this rule, then it is a scam. These kinds of investments are what you call phantom riches. It simply means that they are dangling the prospect of wealth, knowing full wealth that it is something that you want but can’t have.

Always remember, “If it is too good to be true, it is too good to be true.”

2. High Pressure Sales Tactics

Avoid being rushed. Example high pressure sales tactics include:

Limited Time Offers
Available Only to First Few investors
Invest Today and Get Credits

Although high pressure sales tactics are considered legitimate marketing strategies, scammers used this primarily as their persuasion technique. Their goal is to have you commit to the investment right away so that you will have no time to do your research or change your mind. Never entertain those that give you pressures or force you to make a quick decision.

If you are going to invest your hard earned money, you need to have ample time to think about it and do your research. It is one of the investing rules from The Richest Man in Babylon. Know what you are getting yourself into. Yes, do your research even if the one offering you is a close friend or family.

3. Unsolicited Approaches

If they just contacted you out of the blue; chances are it is a scam. How did you learn about the investment? If you learned about it through a phone call, email or text message from someone you don’t know; Some of them will even ring your doorbell. This is what you call cold calling. Their intention is to sell something or make you invest in something. Although it is not illegal, it is best to be wary of them.

If ever you receive an offer, get the following details:

Full name of the person
Company name and address
Telephone number preferably landline not a cellular number

Do not deal with them if they seem hesitant to give their information. Once you get all these details, hang up. Tell them that you think about it and that you will be the one to call them back. Then do your research. Make sure that the company is duly-registered. It is best also to check if the type of investment is regulated by the government.

4. Requirement of Getting New Participants

Multilevel marketing is a sales strategy wherein distributors are encouraged to recruit new distributors. Many big companies use this as their marketing strategy. Although it is legitimate, it is also very controversial. Many people have been scammed with pyramid schemes. How to spot the legitimate ones from not? Simple, the legitimate ones focus on product sales while the scammers focus on recruitment of new members. If the earnings are dependent on how many people you can recruit, then stay away from it. It is a pyramid scam.

Do not invest in something that you are not familiar with. Do your research first. Take your time. And soon, you will find a legitimate investment vehicle that fits your financial goals.

Feauture Photo by Anna Tarazevich from Pexels

Aug

2021

How to Conquer Your Fear

Reading Time: 3 minutes

How do you conquer your fear? Technology has brought us many conveniences in life. It has also enabled more people to be aware of more things that they can both enjoy or fear from. The types of news we often hear from our TVs or online don’t help the situation either.

Fear is a serious issue that many of us are facing today. Some people are worrying so much that they have developed anxieties, panic attacks, even depression. Some fears stem from traumatic events and have become phobias. No matter what your fears are, living with it is not the purpose of your life. Taking steps to conquer it and be free from fear eventually, is the only way you can live a more comfortable, fulfilled life.

Here are some tips on how you can start to conquer your fear, big or small.

1. Acknowledge Your Fears

Unless you first identify your fears, you won’t be able to take steps to manage it. So ask yourself: What is it that I am always worried about? What is the worst-case scenario that I fear happening? What do I keep avoiding the most? Of course, if you have already been diagnosed with a particular phobia, then you already have your answer. Sit with your fear for 2-3 minutes if you have to. Practice mindfulness so you can better identify what triggers your fears as you go about your daily life.

2. Breathe Thru Your Panic

Realizing your fears often results in you being in a state of panic or being paralyzed into inaction. Either way, the first thing to keep in mind is to breathe deeply to calm yourself down. Several things will be happening to your body, to your emotions and even your thoughts all at once. But remain focused on your breathing until you reduce the jitters and you can think and speak clearly. Try meditation so you can practice breathing to calm yourself. Learn more about having the proper mindset in times of crisis to help you manage your anxieties.

3. Visualize the Positive

One way to help you cope with your fear is to visualize the positive side of things. Fear comes from a specific part of the brain. So use a different part of your brain to cancel that signal. Use your imagination to your advantage. Visualize yourself enjoying your life without your fear. Try to use the magic shop technique. What will happen if your are free from your fear? What will you do if you do not fear xxx? A bucket list or a vision board is a helpful way to do this. These tools also help you develop a more positive mindset.

4. Use Humor and Nature as Your Therapist

We all know that laughter and being with nature can help us feel better. In the same way, putting a dose of humor to our imagined worst case scenarios somehow reduces its negative effects in our mind and even emotions. You can do this by talking to your close friends and family members or watching a funny movie together or by yourself. Spending time with nature is also a great way to keep your mind off your worries, anxieties and fears. Take a walk in nature with a close friend. You can consider nature as an extension of you safe space. Don’t think of your fears and focus on the beautiful scenery, the fresh air and the calm surroundings instead.

5. Don’t Try to Be Perfect

The best way to conquer your fear is to do it gradually. Stop trying to be perfect. Do not expect to be free from your fear after one therapy session, for example. Be gentle with your self. Be kind to your self. Freeing yourself from fear is a healing process which takes time, effort and patience on your part as well as courage to keep trying. So lean in to your fears once in a while just to test the waters. Don’t try to avoid it but have supportive people with you who can help you cope. This way, you can measure your progress and learn more about how you can manage your fear.

While you’re trying to conquer your fear one day at a time, don’t forget to love yourself, be grateful for your blessings, to have fun, to keep believing in your self, to not give up, and to keep looking for the magic in your life.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Tim Trad on Unsplash.

Aug

2021

Do You Believe in the Ghost Month?

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Do you believe in the ghost month? According to Chinese folk legend, the seventh lunar month is the ghost month. The gates of hell are supposed to be open so bad spirits roam the world of the living. So for 2021, the first lunar day falls on August 8. It will end on September 6, 2021. The Chinese Ghost Festival, which is celebrated on the 15th Lunar day, is set on August 22. 2021.

Relatives of deceased loved ones offer prayers, together with some food and drinks not just to the deceased but to the guardians of hell. Monks and priests alike offer rituals as well.

Things to Avoid During Ghost Month

Generally, believers are not supposed to put themselves at risk during the ghost month. It is considered an inauspicious period for believers for people in East and Southeast Asia especially Buddhist and Taoist devotees.

Major Decisions

Major decisions are generally not done during this time. Examples of major decisions include the following:

Getting married
Buying a house
Changing jobs
Signing contracts
Traveling
Having a major operation
Starting a business

Minor Things

It is not just the major things or decisions that believers avoid, they also refrain from doing minor things such as the following:

Roaming alone at night is also not done. It is believed that spirits will follow you back if you roam around at night.
Taking photos at night is also a no, no. You might capture images that you don’t want to see if you take photos at night.
Loitering around dark, shaded areas because spirits prefer dark corners.
Avoiding nature activities such as trekking, camping or hiking because spirits tend to roam around trees.
Ignoring strange things such as hearing unfamiliar voices calling your name or when you feel a sudden chill.
Refraining from using red or black clothing. Spirits are said to be attracted to red and black.

Just remember, if you believe it to be true, it is true. If you believe that it is not true, then it is not true.

What you believe and focus on becomes your reality.
Micheal McMillian

But whether you believe in it or not, learn to respect the culture. Do not touch or step over makeshift altars or roadside offerings if you see one. If done by accident, apologize.

Revised version. First Published in Pinoy Smart Living on 08.10.2018

Feature Image by Stefan Keller from Pixabay

Aug

2021

Turn “ON” the Real You

Reading Time: 2 minutes

It’s time to turn “ON” the real you; that version of yourself that includes all aspects of yourself: your persona and your shadow; the 2 sides of one coin. Accepting all parts of who you are is the first step to transforming yourself for the better. If we cannot accept who we are right now; we won’t be able to embrace who we can become.

The wound is the place where the light enters you.
– Rumi

Nobody is perfect. Everyone is a work in progress. So don’t be afraid to accept your own flaws. It is only by recognizing your flaws that you can start to change them, heal them and turn them into a positive part of your self. Being able to love the perfect and imperfect side of yourself helps you live a more balanced life.

Sometimes, it is our fears that makes us stronger in other aspects of our lives. Accept these fears too, so that you don’t have to suffer through them alone. You may meet people who have the same fears and you can work together to live thru them or overcome them.

Everyone has their flaws; embarrassing memories, petty biases, guilty pleasures. We all have things we’d rather hide in the shadows. Unless we accept them as part of our selves, our history, our character; we will never be able to heal them. If we cannot heal, then we cannot move on.

Many people are stuck in the past, in their childhood traumas, never overcoming them. Healing is a gradual process but the first step is acceptance. Accept that you have made a mistake, that you were once a victim of people or circumstances. Accept that you have been wrong or been wronged and then forgive yourself. When you have forgiven your self for your own shortcomings; it becomes easier to forgive others.

Both light and shadow are the dance of love.
– Rumi

Turn “On” the real you so you can live a more balanced life. Accept all parts of you, the good and the bad, the genius, the fool, the beautiful and the ugly. Accept who and what you are now; all of what and who you are. Instead of looking for who or what to blame, look for ways on how to become a better version of yourself. Self-acceptance is a journey that lets you forgive and heal along the way. It takes believing in your self, courage to keep on moving forward and loving yourself to start the process. When you have fully accepted your self; you can start creating a new story.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Riccardo Annandale on Unsplash.