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I Cut You Choose Rule in Relationships

I Cut You Choose Rule in Relationships

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Fairness is very important in protecting relationships whether it be family, work or in the community. It is about respecting, recognising and giving importance to the other person. It enables cooperation between individuals and fosters a positive and genuine relationship with others. On the contrary, when we feel that something is unfair, it can stir unwanted emotions like sadness, anger, frustration and sometimes even vengeance. The I Cut You Choose Rule ensures fairness thus following the rules protects relationships.

To be fair means to be impartial. We must always treat people equally regardless of social class, race, gender or age. Unfortunately, to practice fairness is easier said than done. It is always a challenge because fairness is often based on perceptions not intentions. 

I Cut You Choose Rule

The good news is that there is one life rule that we can use as guide when it comes to fair division – the I Cut, You Choose Rule. The rule simply states that if you have to divide a resource equally between two parties; the  cutter will receive the last piece.

Let’s take for example, your children are fighting over their toys. Instead of reprimanding both of them, what you do is assign one child to divide the toys into two piles while the other child gets to choose first. In this case, both parties win. In addition, you are teaching your children the principle of fairness.  You can use this strategy in your everyday lives.

This strategy is widely use when it comes to business dealings because it gives power to both parties. It ensures equality. The one assigned to divide the resource will always make sure that the division was done fairly. This strategy protects not just yourself but your business partner as well. It shows respect to the other person.

If you want to see the true measure of a man, watch how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.

J.K. Rowling

The I Cut You Choose Principle was first introduced in the bible in the Book of Genesis from the Old Testament. Abram journeyed out of Egypt with his wife and his nephew, Lot. Both Abram and Lot were wealthy men with abundant supply of gold, silver and livestock. However, their servants kept on arguing. To avoid further strife among their servants, the two decided to separate. Abram was the one who divided the land into the western and eastern parts but he allowed Lot to choose which part he wanted first. 

Although there are instances wherein it is impossible to to divide something perfectly equal, it is still up to the individuals involved if they think something is fair or not. An example of this is an inheritance issue where heirs need to divide properties such as artworks, antiques and jewelries.

Fairness does not mean everyone gets the same. Fairness means everyone gets what they need. –

Rick Riordan

This is also true when it comes to business relationships. In business, it is very difficult to measure fairness because partners don’t usually contribute the same thing. Some partners contribute money while others contribute their time and effort. That is why, it is very hard to evaluate. By using this principle, partners would be very careful to ensure that the division of resources is as fair as possible. At the end of it all, it’s not about a mathematical formula or something; what is important is how the other party felt during the division.


Feature Image by Ria Algra from Pixabay Images

Posted by A.L. Jonas in Social, 1 comment
When and How to Apologize Properly

When and How to Apologize Properly

Reading Time: 3 minutes

When a word or phrase is said and heard over and over again, it’s meaning gradually fades away. A prime example is the phrase “I am sorry” or “I’m sorry”. Whenever we do something that we think might offend or inconvenience another person, we quickly blurt out these words. But when the situation is not so simple and feelings and even persons are physically hurt, saying the same phrase is often ineffective. So, when and how to apologize properly?

There is a better and proper way to apologize so that the sincerity of your words are conveyed and we should practice these steps more often. Knowing when. and how to apologize properly is one life rule that everyone should know and practice.

An apology should contain 2 components: it should show remorse for your actions and acknowledge the hurt that you caused the other person because of your actions. The main goal of an apology is to rebuild the trust that was temporarily lost due to your actions while mending the hurt in the process.

So how do you apologize properly?

1.Express Your Remorse

You always start with “I’m sorry” or “I apologize” as these words express remorse over your actions. However, don’t end it there. Follow that with an honest assessment of how you feel to convey your sincerity. For example, you can say: “I apologize for shouting at you so suddenly. I feel embarrassed by how I acted just now.

Make sure to apologize as soon as you realize your actions; otherwise your apology will loose its sincerity.

2. Admit Your Responsibility

Acknowledge what you did and admit responsibility for your actions or behavior. Don’t make assumptions about the other person’s feelings but try to empathize with them by putting yourself in their shoes and express how that might have felt for them.

For example, you can say: I know that I hurt your feelings when I shouted at you and I’m sure that it embarrassed you since everyone was there. It was wrong of me to do that to you.

3. Make Your Amends

Making amends means taking action to correct your mistake to make things right. Offer to do something for the person to make them feel better and to correct the situation. Be sure not to make empty promises though as this will only worsen the situation.

You can offer to make up for the situation by saying: “If there’s anything I can do to make this up to you, please ask.” Or offer more specific action such as: “I realize that I am in the wrong so please provide us more details about your suggestion earlier.”

4. Promise Not To Do It Again

The last step in your apology is to make a promise not to repeat the action or your behavior. This step is important as it gives the other person the reassurance that they can trust you again and repair your relationship with them.

For example: “I promise I’ll listen to what you have to say first before I draw conclusions. You can also call me out on this if I do it again.”

In order to make an effective apology, remember that you need to be honest with yourself. Try to see the situation from the other person’s perspective and don’t offer excuses. Don’t expect immediate forgiveness either but continue showing your sincerity through your actions.

Try these steps next time you need to apologize. As long as you’re sincere about it, you should be able to regain the trust of your friend and improve your relationship with them.


Minor edits in this version. First published in Pinoy Smart Living on 05.30.2019
Original image by freestocks-photos from Pixabay

Posted by H.J. Rangas in Social, 1 comment