shadow self

Apr

2023

10 Spiritual Wellness Terms That You Should Know

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Are you spiritually well? It is difficult to achieve true happiness and fulfillment without being spiritually well. Contrary to popular belief, spirituality is different from being religious. You can be religious but not spiritual. In the same way, you can be spiritual without being religious. A spiritual life means living a purposeful life. In order to achieve spiritual wellness, you must first understand some key concepts on spirituality. For starters, here are 10 spiritual wellness terms that you should know:

1.Purpose

Your purpose is your WHY, your reason for doing something or your reason for being. It is the main motivation of your life. What is the reason why you wake up in the morning? Your purpose gives you a sense of direction in life. It helps you create goals and make decisions. It influences your behavior in life. Without a sense of purpose, you are just like a puppet like Pinocchio aimlessly going through the motions in life without a sense of direction.

2.Love

Love is a feeling of tenderness, affection and attachment towards someone. Without love. you will feel empty. No matter how wealthy or successful you will become in life; everything will be fruitless if you have no one to share it with. A study done by Harvard University on what makes a good life confirms this. That love and relationships are the most important factors in achieving true happiness.

Love here does not only pertain to love for others. It is also about loving one’s self. Self love is all about acceptance of one’s self, not just the good traits but also the negative traits. It is treating oneself with kindness and respect. It is impossible to truly love another person if you don’t love yourself first.

3. Prosperity

The common definition of prosperity is the state of being successful, especially in terms of economic well-being. But Richard Rudd, founder of the Gene Keys defines prosperity not just in economic terms but something that pertains to all aspects of life flow. It is a state where all dimensions of wellness are in harmony in one’s life including health and relationships.

4. Authenticity

Each one of us are born unique. We all have certain gifts and talents that are uniquely ours. Our role is supposed to be to share these gifts and talents in service to others. But how many of us are actually sharing our uniqueness to the world? More often than not, hide their true selves for fear of being rejected. The real self is hidden behind a social mask. As a result, we forgot who we really are.

5. Acceptance

In any situation, the only way to move forward is through acceptance. Accept what happened. Accept your role in what happened. It is about taking responsibility for the mistakes that you have committed. Get out of your victim pattern. Stop playing the blame game. It is only through acceptance will you be able to move on from your grief, pain and problems. Staying in a state of denial will hinder your growth.

The same is true with one’s self. We are all human beings. No one is perfect. As humans, we all have negative and positive traits. We need to learn to accept all our attributes including our flaws. Just remember that behind that shadow self is a gift.

6. Awareness

Sometimes, it is not that we don’t accept who we are; it is just that we are clueless on who we really are. Self-awareness is about learning to focus on oneself – your thoughts, words and actions. It also includes knowing what your feelings, values and beliefs are. If you are still not sure, ask people who are closest to you, the ones who can be really honest with you. It is only by having an accurate sense of who you are will you be able to know what areas you need to improve on.

7. Persona

Your persona is that side of you that you show to the world. It is your social mask or the image that you show to the public. Are you being authentic? Who are you in front of other people? Do you act the same way when you are alone?

8. Shadow

Your shadow self is the negative part of yourself. Since it is negative, sometimes, it is hard to accept it. Are you lazy, greedy, proud, weak, bitter, highly emotional, selfish etc? These are just some examples of shadow self. Each individual has different shadow selves. Part of achieving spiritual wellness is not just about acceptance and awareness of our shadow selves. We also need to embrace that negative trait of ours because it is part of who we are as individuals. It is only through this process will we know what to do each time our shadow selves creep in and shows itself. So, learn to embrace your shadow self.

9. Human Design

Introduced by Ra Uru Hu, human design is a tool that you use to help you find yourself – your gifts, talents, personality and even your purpose in life. It is based on a mixture of several disciplines including Astrology, I’ching, Kabbalah, Quantum Physics and the Chakra System. It is very helpful if you want to understand yourself better. Knowing your design will also help you make decisions in life.

10. Karma

Karma is a Hindu belief that every thought or action that we put out there in the world, whether intentional or not, has its consequences. It will go back to you in time. Karma does not only pertain to negative things, it can also be positive. Thus, karma is neutral. It all depends on what you put out there.

Karma is similar to the law of attraction. In the law of attraction, everything is energy. You attract what you focus on. You think, speak and do positive things, you will attract positive things, people and events in your life. Similarly, if you have negative thoughts and do bad things, you will attract negative things in your life. So, it is important to be aware of what you focus on.

Feature Image by Tep Ro from Pixabay

May

2021

How To Embrace Your Shadow Self

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Have you heard of the dark side? Each person has a dark side. In psychology, it is called the shadow self. Every society has norms or certain regulations that people follow. These rules define what behaviors are considered good or bad. Because of this, humans learn to act in accordance with these morally accepted behaviors. In consequence, this created a world of personas wherein people project an image of their better selves. Social masks became predominant to the point that it is getting harder to know if a person is being sincere or not. Norms are good because they keep society in order. However, because of this, people hide or suppress a part of themselves that they think will not be accepted by society. If repressed for so long, sooner or later, it can create havoc or even violence. Thus, it is important to learn how to embrace your shadow self.

Your shadow self grows each time you repress it. Once it sets itself free, it may lead to broken relationships. Sometimes, it even leads to physical illnesses. Rather than hide, the dark side is meant to be acknowledged. It is important for humans to be aware of their dark side because it is part of who they are as persons.

So how to embrace your shadow? To embrace your shadow, you need to practice shadow work. Shadow work is a spiritual journey. Your shadow is a part of your wounded self. Thus, practicing shadow work will make you whole again. Here are the steps on how to embrace your shadow self:

1.Begin with Self-Love

Begin your shadow work with self-love. It will be difficult to explore your negative side without belief in yourself. Believe that you can do it and that you are worthy of receiving love and blessing in our life.

2. Get to Know Your Shadow Self

The next thing to do is learn to identify what your shadows are and how they are manifesting themselves. You see, when we deny an aspect of ourselves, it does not disappear. Instead, it stays within us. Sooner or later, our dark side is going to push its way out. So, how to spot them? Well, your shadow self is literally your dark side, the negative aspects of your personality such as:

anger
jealousy
fear / phobia
pride
greed
addiction
victim mentality
insecurity
people pleaser
imposter
selfishness
prejudice

How did you feel while reading the list above? If there is any word that makes you feel uncomfortable, then that is your shadow. Unfortunately, you cannot ignore it.

Projection Of Shadow Self

Now, let’s dig deeper. Ask yourself, what qualities of other people annoy you the most? Whatever negative qualities that we have yet hide deep within ourselves, we see in others. You will not be bothered at all unless you yourself is like that. In psychology, you call this projection.

Unless we do conscious work on it, the shadow is almost always projected: that is, it is neatly laid on someone or something else so we do not have to take responsibility for it.
– Robert Johnson

So the next time you get irritated by someone, ask yourself why are you bothered? Then know that it is your shadow talking to you.

Patterns

Do you feel that you are a stuck in an aspect in your life? It is like the same problems kept on repeating over and over again. That is what you call patterns in life. Patterns happen because you have not yet learned the lesson associated with it.

Now ask yourself, what are the patterns in your life? They give clues to your shadow.

3. Face Your Emotions

Once you have identified your shadow, the next thing to do is pay attention to your feelings. Ask yourself what are you feeling and why are you feeling that way? There are always reasons why you feel a certain way.

Facing your emotions can be tough especially if you have learned to mute them or disassociate yourselves from them but it is something that you must do in order to heal yourself. For example, if a person hurt you in the past, it is time to forgive that person. You can never be truly happy if you continue to hold grudges. Face your emotions and own them.

4. Express Your Shadow

Instead of suppressing them, you can actually use certain therapeutic ways to express them. Psychologists normally refer to them as art therapy. These activities include:

Composing Music
Journaling
Meditating
Painting
Writing / Blogging

Are you up to the challenge?

Feature Image by Pexels

May

2021

Different Ways to Discover Your Self

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Each one of you are finding different ways to discover your self every day even if you don’t know it. Most of us think we already know ourselves inside out. We think we are what we do and we act that way. We identify with our jobs, our family’s expectations, our friends’ descriptions of us. Deep inside, we know these aspects of our selves are just a part of us. A persona we show to the world.

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
— Oliver Wendell Holmes

There is a feeling lurking within us that we are something more than what others see; what we let others see. There are things stirring in our shadow self that we want to get out into the world. A part of ourselves that we still can’t describe; potential that we both fear and admire. It may help us unleash our hidden genius or ruin our life’s work. Unless we can identify it; we won’t be able to harness this potential. If we can’t know this part of our self; we will always feel that we are not enough. Instead of being frustrated; why not actively go on a journey to discover your self?

The Process of Self-Discovery

Self-discovery is a continuous process, not a specific or final answer. The process of self-discovery is not found when you reach a destination. You come to discover more of your self through your life journey. Discovering your self is not just a one-time process. It involves discovering something new about ourselves as well as rediscovering old, forgotten parts of ourselves. There may even be instances when you uncover a part of yourself that you have kept hidden because you feel you are ready for it. Along the way, we may change in many ways. It is through this journey that we find purpose and meaning in our lives.

Be Aware of Your Current Self

Awareness is the first step to getting actively involved in your self-discovery. Get a clearer and deeper understanding of your own personal characteristics, your emotions, needs, values, strengths and weaknesses. Spend time to reflect on the parts of your personality that you already know.

Find out what gives you joy; what are your hopes and dreams; the things that you are passionate about; what things are holding you back; what negative experiences have you carried with you since childhood? These questions will leave you feeling vulnerable but they are an important step to getting to know yourself better. You can do this through journaling, talking to family and friends, or to a professional. The important thing to remember is to be honest with your self.

Experiment with A Different Self

Once you have a map of your current self; you pretty much have an idea of what your personality is. You are also able to identify some of the things you do, or want to do, that would clash with your current personality. Examining your self does not stop at knowing where things are. You also need to test how far things can go.

Your self, or your personality, is a fluid entity. Contrary to popular belief, you are not stuck with your personality. Getting stuck and getting out of it and flowing into a new one is all up to you. So make an experiment of the process. Do something that you don’t usually do and see how far you can go with it. For example, you may be a people pleaser, a “Yes man”. So try experimenting what would happen if you just said “No” to other people. Most of the time, you will find that your worries and fears don’t come true. It is only your belief that’s holding you back from accepting this part of your self, and from changing your situation.

Trust in Your Own Path to Self-Discovery

There is no one way to the journey of self-discovery. Each person has their own path and their own time for the journey. The important thing is to trust your own path. Don’t compare your self to others. Also, be kind to others and help as much as you can. Remember that everyone is on their own journey and some will have a harder time than others. Having a positive mindset and an attitude of gratitude helps a lot.

Discovering, rediscovering and uncovering more of yourself also helps to develop your trust in your self. Most people are going about their daily lives fulfilling their duties according to what others expect of them. Being actively involved in the process to discover your self means that you need to learn to trust your self rather than the world around you. It means being able to focus on what you truly want and being grateful for what you have even if the world tells you that you’re doing things wrong.

Discovering your self also means that you learn to accept difficult things about you as well as others around you. For example, you learn to trust your feelings instead of just your thoughts. You learn to love yourself more. You learn to be okay even if some things don’t go the way you wanted them to. More importantly, you learn to be comfortable with all parts of who you are; and if people don’t like it, you don’t feel bad when they walk away.

The journey to self-discovery may involve losing friends and even loved ones along the way. Know that it is not your fault. It is just that their part in your journey is over and they need to go on their own paths. There are many things that you will need to accept and lose during your journey. As you learn and develop your self; you will find that it will all be worth it.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Jackson David on Unsplash.

May

2021

The Shadow Self: Learn to Love Your Dark Side

Reading Time: 3 minutes

The Shadow Self is the opposite of your Persona; and it is important to learn to love your dark side in order to live a fully balanced life. Ask yourself: Who am I when I am alone?

Each person is born with both The shadow and the persona. Growing up, we learn to differentiate between what society accepts as good and bad, light and dark. The good parts of ourselves is what we show to the world, the desirable Persona. The bad parts are what we hide, fear and suppress, the Shadow Self.

Both of these aspects of ourselves are a part of our whole self. Unless we are able to learn to love our dark side, we will always feel that something is missing in our lives. We will always feel like we are inadequate in some aspect; or that we are merely posers. Since our dark side is that part of us that we deem unacceptable; we will forever be in fear of that part of ourselves being discovered.

The Shadow Self is Not Bad

The Persona and the Shadow Self can be seen as 2 sides of the same coin, or the Yin and Yang of each person. Without the other, the person is not complete. The Persona that we show to the world is the part of us that we have already “processed” and accepted. The parts of us that we have not processed yet is the Shadow Self. These are the instincts, impulses, weaknesses, desires, perversions, and fears that we try to hide. Our denial of our addictions or our fear of failure and other bad habits that we are embarrassed about are some examples.

When we repress or deny things; they do not disappear. They only grow stronger and they creep up on us without our awareness. One example of this is thru projection; where we associate what we dislike about ourselves in other people. We end up constantly blaming other people for our own behavior that we cannot accept. This can affect our self-esteem, our relationships and even our perspective of the world. In some cases, they can manifest as difficult psychological or behavioral issues such as not being perfect enough.

Our dark side resides in our unconscious. If we do not process them and accept them as part of ourselves; they will eventually manifest themselves beyond our control. Despite being the dark side of ourselves; the Shadow Self is not actually bad or evil. In fact, it is a strong source of creative energy and self-healing.

Embrace The Whole You

The process of accepting our Shadow Self and embracing it as part of our whole personality is called “integration”, sometimes called shadow work. When we have integrated the dark parts of ourselves; we also heal ourselves and our relationships. There is no specific technique that can be taught on how to do the integration process. Each person has to do on their own and at their own pace. The trick is to do it gradually instead of constantly denying it. However, the first step is always awareness.

Become aware of what other people do or what situations trigger your reactions negatively. Your reaction to such behaviors and situations will give you a clue to your dark side. Next thing you can do is to acknowledge it as part of your self. For example, if you usually hide your aggressive impulses; it can come in handy when you need to defend yourself from being verbally or physically abused by someone else. By accepting it as a normal part of you; you don’t have to hide it or feel guilty for acting out. People who are important to you will also come to accept it as part of your personality. This also means that you can practice your self-control instead of bursting out uncontrollably because you can’t take it anymore.

Since our dark side hides many parts of us that we deem unacceptable; this is also the place where we hide our unique talents and abilities, for example. While the Persona is our orderly self; the Shadow Self is the place of chaos, of potential and possibilities. Many innovations have been born because of people’s dark experiences. A lot of people achieved success only after their lives went into turmoil. By learning to love your Shadow Self; you can live a fully balance life and operate at your highest potential.

The process of integration is a long and arduous process. This is why sometimes, external help is needed if the repressed memories and emotions are too traumatic for the person to deal with by themselves. In our every day lives; let us be more mindful of our experiences so that we can better see the clues that our Shadow Self is giving us. This is also an important aspect of self-love.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Sammy Williams on Unsplash.

May

2021

Black Swan: When Being Perfect is Not Enough

Reading Time: 8 minutes

Are you a White Swan or a Black Swan? What would you do when being perfect is not enough? A lot of people have an unhealthy obsession with being perfect. This is especially true in industries where individuals need to look and be perfect both in front of the camera and in real life. We all have a side to us that idealize being perfect. We manifest this by idolizing other people who we think are like that; or by controlling the various aspects of our own lives in order to be perfect.

Many individuals have lost themselves in the pursuit of perfection in their careers. Some of them self-destructed at the peak of their popularity. Others committed suicide and shocked the world as to the reason why. In both cases; their surprising behavior is a result of losing themselves in pursuit of perfection.

Black Swan the Movie: The Pursuit of Perfection

The 2010 movie Black Swan gives us a grim picture of how losing your self to perfection looks like. There are many layers to the story that you can relate to your own real-life experiences, or lack thereof.

The story is about the ballerina Nina (Natalie Portman) who’s childhood dream is to play the main role in Swan Lake. Nina’s passion for ballet rules every aspect of her life. When they need a prima ballerina for Swan Lake; she takes the opportunity to get the role for herself. Lily, a rival ballerina, gets the role. Nina eventually convinces the director to give it to her. Nina sees Lily as a rival but at the same time befriends her. Once she got the role, Nina struggles to not only play the White Swan perfectly. She struggles even more to become the perfect Black Swan.

Uncannily, Nina’s journey also parallels the actual story of Swan Lake.

We all know the story. Virginal girl, pure and sweet, trapped in the body of a swan. She desires freedom, but only true love can break the spell. Her wish is nearly granted in the form of a prince. But before he can declare his love, her lustful twin, the Black Swan, tricks and seduces him. Devastated, the White Swan leaps off a click, killing herself and in death finds freedom.
Thomas Leroy

In the end, despite a major setback during the performance, Nina is able to play both roles to perfection. She receives the admiration of her co-ballerinas, her art director, her mother and the audience. It is her best performance. In her own words, it was perfect, she was perfect. It was also her last performance.

The White Swan: Faking Perfection

Nina is the perfect White Swan, pure and innocent. She still talks like a child even when she had the courage to ask the director to give the main role to her. Her mother, a former ballerina, who gave up her dancing dreams to raise Nina; is both a caring figure as well as a controlling one. She has stunted Nina’s growth into maturity. Nina does not have friends as her only focus is on making her dream come true. In a way, her mother is living her own dancing dreams through Nina’s own journey as a ballerina.

This is why, when Nina asks the director for the main role, he tells Nina:

Well, the truth is, when I look at you, all I see is the White Swan. Yes, you’re beautiful, fearful, fragile. Ideal casting. But the Black Swan, it’s a hard fucking job to dance both…
In four years, every time you dance, I see you obsessed, getting each and every move perfectly right. But I never see you lose yourself. Ever. All the discipline, for what?

Nina answers that she wants to be perfect. She is too focused on being in control of her own performance. But the director tells her that: “Perfection is not just about control. It’s also about letting go. Surprise yourself so you can surprise your audience. Transcendence. And very few have it in them.”

Ironically, it is her perfect persona that hinders her from playing the Black Swan. The director tells her further: “The real work will be your metamorphosis into her evil twin and I know I saw a flash of her yesterday. So get ready to give me more of that bite.”

During rehearsals, Nina starts to break down as she deals with toxic coworkers, her rivalry with Lily who she also idolizes, and pressure from her mom and her company to perform her best. Her goal of a perfect life starts to break down. She blames herself for everything that goes wrong during practice. The pressure from perfecting her performance for both roles manifests in her delusions. In her delusion, she is bleeding in different parts of her body. She is physically, emotionally and mentally breaking down.

The Black Swan: Destroying Perfection

In the story, the White Swan has to conquer the Black Swan in order to get back her prince. In real life, Nina needs to grow up, fast in order to perfectly play the Black Swan. The director tells Nina that Lily was his first choice because she can play the Black Swan. In this way, Nina thinks of Lily as her rival but also admires her.

Lily was the first one to reach out to her and attempt to befriend her. She takes Nina to dinner and there, Nina realizes that Lily is not afraid of exposing her imperfect self. Lily is also not afraid to express her self as she openly flirts with the waiter. Nina ends up torn between hating her rival and admiring her for being unafraid to do as she pleases.

The director gives Nina harsh guidance by comparing her directly to Lily. He hints that Nina’s perfection is fake. As they watch Lily perform, he tells Nina: “Watch the way she moves. Imprecise but effortless. She’s not faking it.” The director also describes to Nina why Beth, the former ballerina who played the main role, was so entertaining to watch.

Because everything Beth does comes from within, from some dark impulse. I guess that’s what makes her so thrilling to watch. So dangerous. Even perfect at times. But also so damned destructive.

During rehearsal, the director shouts at Nina: “Forget about control, Nina! I want to see passion! Come on! Reach! Board, you’re stiff! Still like a dead corpse! Let it go! Let it go! And, again.”

Both the director and Lily personify the harsh reality of the world that one confronts when growing up. They also serves as a wake-up call to Nina. Both are telling and showing Nina to let go of her desire to be perfect; to let her passion for dance take over her performance instead. To not be cooped up in her own imperfections but to accept them as part of her.

In a way, both are encouraging Nina to break down her walls and let her flaws show through. But Nina refuses to do this and sticks to her desire for a perfect performance. She can’t reconcile how to maintain her perfect persona while at the same time wanting to be like her rival Lily, the perfect Black Swan.

From White to Black: Losing Yourself to Perfection

Playing the main role for Swan Lake requires the ballerina to embody both the pure, innocent, White Swan as well as the dark, evil, Black Swan. Nina is able to play the White Swan to perfection. However, in the last part of the performance, when she is about to transform into the Black Swan, she makes a major mistake on stage. Luckily, her partner picks her up and continues the performance.

During this time, her major breakdown starts but she also starts to break out from her perfect persona, except in a destructive way. Instead of blaming herself, she blames her partner for the mistake. When she goes to her dressing room, she finds Lily in the Black Swan costume. In her delusion, Lily tells her that it’s her turn to play as the Black Swan. Nina fights back and ends up stabbing Lily. She quickly hides Lily’s body and changes into the Black Swan costume. This signals her perfect transition to becoming the Black Swan.

Back on stage, Nina finally let’s go and loses her self in the performance as the director advised her to. She even gets a standing ovation. She is so engrossed in her character that she actually kisses the director as she takes a break from the dance. Her old, innocent self would have been too shy and embarrassed to do that.

She returns to her dressing room to change her costume to that of the White Swan again for the final part of the show. By this time, she is almost in tears but she still goes on with the show. She receives a standing ovation and her director and other dancers congratulate her. We see Lily as one of the dancers and she is the one who notices that Nina is bleeding. It was Nina’s delusion that she stabbed her rival but she actually stabbed herself.

In order to become perfect to play the Black Swan, Nina embraced her dark side completely. She needed to make the transition fast. The only way she thought of doing that was to kill her innocent, child-like self. To play the Black Swan, she had to get rid of the White Swan.

The Danger of Perfection

Nina’s stunted growth made her miss out on many life experiences. These experiences could have helped her to thrive in her career without sacrificing her relationships to her self and to others. Most of all, she missed the biggest lesson in life; that nobody is perfect, and you don’t need to be. This is not just Nina’s fault though. Her mother also contributed greatly to how Nina views the world. When Nina finally found the courage to speak up for what she wants; it was already too late.
In her perfect world, she only needs to perfectly perform and her life would be perfect. She had to confront her inner demons on her own. Until the end, she held on to her idea of perfection. When she is able to perfectly perform her childhood role; she declares that she was perfect.

Symbolically, because she has attained the perfection that she wanted; her life’s goal was complete. She did everything she could to make her performance perfect. Even to the extent of killing a part of her self. She has successfully transformed herself into the perfect Black Swan. Thus, Nina’s perfect performance was both her best performance and also her last. After all, in Nina’s perspective, once you have achieved perfection; what other goal could you have?

Self-Acceptance is A Process

There are times in our life when being perfect is not enough. We need to utilize our flaws or weakness to transform ourselves into someone better. The major lesson in this movie is not only that we should accept our flaws and so-called “guilty pleasures”. We also need to learn to do so gradually. Self-acceptance is a process that takes time. Discovering our shadow and shedding parts of our persona does not happen over night. It crops up at different points in our life. It is during this process that you learn how to handle bigger challenges in your journey through life. Each time this happens; we gain more knowledge on how to manage our inner and external demons. We learn how to make us of both our strengths and our weakness. This is the missing part in Nina’s journey.

Her lack of personal relationships stunted her personal growth. That’s why all she sees are her own flaws. No one is there to appreciate and show her the beautiful side of her. She only sees her shadows and is unable to appreciate the other parts of her. She fails to realize that she does not need to be perfect to play the White Swan and the Black Swan. Nina never considered that both the White Swan and the Black Swan can co-exist. She has never even learned how to love her self.

Another lesson to learn is to develop various goals and different interests. This way, when you experience a setback in one of your goals; you have other goals to inspire you. Nina had only been focusing on one goal her entire life. When this one goal was threatened; she did everything to make things perfect again. It was the only thing that she lived for. She had many chances to change her perspective but by then it was too late. Her unhealthy obsession lead to her own destruction.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Stefano Pollio on Unsplash.