self reflection

Feb

2023

5 Ways to Get Closer to Your Authentic Self

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Being true to ourselves is the foundation for getting closer to living as our authentic self. By knowing who we are; we can understand and connect more deeply with the people around us. However, in a world where perfection is seen as the ideal; this is a hard process to do. But if you want to live your best life; then the transformation is worth it. Here are 5 things you can do to get closer to being your authentic self.

1. Observe Your Self

This may sound a bit awkward or creepy even but this is one little step that will truly help you learn more about yourself. You have to allocate time to observe yourself. Who are you when you are alone and who are you when in the presence of others? You need to be able to differentiate the ‘you’ when you’re alone and your persona; the ‘you’ when you’re around others. You may even have different personas to interact with different groups of people in your social circle.

The only way to find out is to observe your own thoughts, actions and behavior in these different interactions. Of course, in order to get the best data so to speak; you need to be present in the moment. By being mindful of each moment and experiencing them to the fullest; you can gain the utmost satisfaction from each interaction and recall these experiences better too. That’s what will make you a better observe of your own actions.

2. Explore Your Strengths and Weaknesses

One thing you can do to get to know yourself better is to find out your own strengths and weaknesses. Do a SWOT analysis so you can better figure out these things about your self. This is an opportunity for self-reflection. Be honest in writing down your list. Take your time to contemplate on these aspects of your self.

Aside from just you, get the opinion of people around you. Other people will surely have different thoughts on this matter. So go around and ask everyone what they think of your strengths and weaknesses. If you have many different social circles; then you may get different answers or maybe consistent ones. Welcome all their feedback as it is a chance to see if there is a gap between your opinion of your self and other people’s impressions of you. Then you can better understand how far or close you are to your authentic self.

3. Name Your Emotions

Most of us are trained and have perfected the persona of looking and acting like we are strong in the face of challenges even when we really just want to cry. But because of this reaction, we often forget to fully feel our own emotions before we move on to damage control mode. So this time around, don’t just rush out of it.

Instead, take the time to feel your emotions in your body as they come until they pass or fade away. In the meantime, you may or may not need to cry. But as you are in this state of being, try to put a name to your emotions. Are you sad or frustrated, angry or just agitated? Don’t act on your emotions as they come, just feel them. This is best done when you are alone of course, but this process also helps you to calm down and gain better clarity on what action you need to take or not take, towards the situation.

4. Evaluate Your Values

Sometimes, we put ourselves in uncomfortable situations because we want to please the people around us, our loved ones included. Maybe you wanted to become a writer but your parents are pushing you to be an engineer instead. So now, you are trying your best to not get a failing grade in a course that you didn’t really want for your self. Maybe your passion lies in one of your hobbies and not in your job.

Evaluate your own values. You and your parents are from different generations and there maybe some values that you will both cherish and some in which you will differ. If you can identify what these are and why they are important to you, you will have an easier time making your loved ones understand why you need to follow the path you want to take. Everyone has their own journey to take. If we can honor our own path; then it will be easier for others to honor that part of ourselves as well. This will take us closer to living our authentic self.

5. Be Kind to Yourself

We are often told to be kind to others as everyone is going through their own struggles. So don’t forget to be kind to yourself as well. Don’t beat yourself up if you think you are going too slow. Sometimes, it takes a step back to see the road ahead with greater clarity. Just focus on taking each step consistently and love yourself each step of the way.

Being kind to yourself also means being able to accept your own shortcomings and weaknesses. It also means accepting your unique quirks and embracing all parts of you, even your shadow self. Although we are all striving for perfection; remember that we are all a work in progress and it is our imperfections that make us the interesting souls that we are. So pat yourself on the bag for the small victories and soothe yourself with hopeful thoughts whenever you fail at a challenge. Then, take a rest and try again.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Caroline Veronez on Unsplash.

Mar

2022

Religion and Spirituality: Is There A Difference?

Reading Time: 2 minutes

What is the difference between spirituality and religion? Spirituality and religion are different concepts; but they often get confusing. We often end up describing our religious beliefs and practices when talking about our spirituality. Their purpose and practices can overlap and crossover, but they do have some basic differences.

Institutional vs Individual

Religion, by definition, is an institutionalized set of beliefs. It is practiced by a group of people; generally, in the service and worship of God or the divine. Exclusivity is also a feature of religion. When you are a member of a particular religious group; you cannot be a member of another religious group.

On the other hand, spirituality is more of a deeply personal experience. Its purpose is mainly to connect with something larger than you. This is experience is also referred to as a divine connection. Spirituality is also inclusive as it recognizes different modalities of connecting with the divine. In both cases, the experience of engaging with the divine, through worship, or personal connection, is considered sacred.

Objective vs Subjective

Religion is more of an objective experience. The external environment has a lot to do with its practice. For example, you go to a place of worship (e.g., church, temple, mosque, etc.), and you learn from a book of scriptures. There are also traditions and rituals that you observe to practice your religious beliefs.

Spirituality is more of a subjective experience. It focuses more on the internal process of developing your inner understanding and self awareness. Spirituality recognizes that individuals’ have their own pace in developing spirituality. It also accepts different ways of observing one’s spirituality. Although the focus of the practice may be different, both encourage self-reflection for the individual to grow and improve.

Judgment vs Acceptance

Another difference between religion and spirituality is the approach or the perspective in their teachings. In religious beliefs, failing to observe or practice its tenets generally results in punishment; while those devoted to the practice are rewarded. Though this may not be the intention; sadly, the concept of original sin, judgment, divine retribution and reward, encourage devotion more often based on fear.

In contrast, spirituality has a less judgment-based approach and encourages a more compassionate perspective. It recognizes that there are different world-views with the belief that they can all co-exist through understanding and compassion, acceptance and understanding, and a common desire to create a peaceful world for all. Forgiveness and letting go are encouraged more than punishment. Though this may sound too idealistic; the underlying concept is basically to act in the world with love as your guiding principle.

Spirituality is an important component in your overall wellness. Spirituality and religion are different but they also have a lot of similarities. When you are a member of a religious organization; it does not mean that you cannot be spiritual. Spirituality encompasses different ways of experiencing the divine. Religious practices are one of the many ways to develop your spirituality.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Mikhail Nilov from Pexels.

Aug

2021

Turn “ON” the Real You

Reading Time: 2 minutes

It’s time to turn “ON” the real you; that version of yourself that includes all aspects of yourself: your persona and your shadow; the 2 sides of one coin. Accepting all parts of who you are is the first step to transforming yourself for the better. If we cannot accept who we are right now; we won’t be able to embrace who we can become.

The wound is the place where the light enters you.
– Rumi

Nobody is perfect. Everyone is a work in progress. So don’t be afraid to accept your own flaws. It is only by recognizing your flaws that you can start to change them, heal them and turn them into a positive part of your self. Being able to love the perfect and imperfect side of yourself helps you live a more balanced life.

Sometimes, it is our fears that makes us stronger in other aspects of our lives. Accept these fears too, so that you don’t have to suffer through them alone. You may meet people who have the same fears and you can work together to live thru them or overcome them.

Everyone has their flaws; embarrassing memories, petty biases, guilty pleasures. We all have things we’d rather hide in the shadows. Unless we accept them as part of our selves, our history, our character; we will never be able to heal them. If we cannot heal, then we cannot move on.

Many people are stuck in the past, in their childhood traumas, never overcoming them. Healing is a gradual process but the first step is acceptance. Accept that you have made a mistake, that you were once a victim of people or circumstances. Accept that you have been wrong or been wronged and then forgive yourself. When you have forgiven your self for your own shortcomings; it becomes easier to forgive others.

Both light and shadow are the dance of love.
– Rumi

Turn “On” the real you so you can live a more balanced life. Accept all parts of you, the good and the bad, the genius, the fool, the beautiful and the ugly. Accept who and what you are now; all of what and who you are. Instead of looking for who or what to blame, look for ways on how to become a better version of yourself. Self-acceptance is a journey that lets you forgive and heal along the way. It takes believing in your self, courage to keep on moving forward and loving yourself to start the process. When you have fully accepted your self; you can start creating a new story.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Riccardo Annandale on Unsplash.

Jun

2021

The Magic Shop

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Did you know that you can find your dreams in the magic shop? It is where you can be whatever you want to be. It’s a magical place where you can create the you that you want to become; the reality that you want to live. However, it is not a physical place; there is no address to look up. But it is always accessible to those who believe in its magic.

The Magical Mind

We all know the power of the human mind. It has sparked many inventions that greatly benefited humanity. Most of us however don’t believe in the abilities of our own minds. We are always in awe at the great minds who made great innovations but we seldom look to our own accomplishments. Most of the time, we use our mind to focus on the mistakes of our past instead of imagining what we want for our future.

Sometimes you change your mind… Sometimes your mind changes you.
Binyomin Scheiman

When we control what our mind focuses on, we can change our life. There is a mind-body connection technique that athletes use to practice. They imagine what they would do to win their game through visualization. You too can do that. Imagine yourself achieving your goal. How does success look and feel? What sounds do you hear when you realize your goal? Use all your senses in your visualization so you can teach your mind to focus on this version of reality that you want.

The Mysterious Heart

Emotions are at the core of our life experiences. It is often our emotions that lead us to make certain decisions even if they don’t make sense to our mind. When we follow these sudden urges and impulses, especially if they’re negative emotions, we often regret them afterwards. The good news is, just like our mind, we can learn to control our emotions and become better at how we process them. We can also control how we express our emotions towards other people.

Your intellect maybe confused, but your emotions never lie to you.
Roger Ebert

Our heart is considered to be the place where our emotions come from. Have you ever experienced a conflict between what your mind tells you and what you truly feel? This is because our emotions reflect our truest intentions. It also gives us hints of other people’s intentions towards us. We often refer to this as a “gut feeling” or intuition. In the end, our intuition turns out to be right. The sad fact is, not everyone trusts their own gut feeling or intuition. Learning to trust our feelings is an important step in changing our life. It helps us believe in our self and in our own abilities to reach our goals.

The Power of The Magic Shop

The magic shop is a therapeutic technique used in psychology to help individuals heal their inner wounds. Some people may be in a negative state of mind or are feeling confused and overwhelmed. The magic shop is where they can process such issues safely with the help of a therapist.

The psychological wares of the Shop are created out of real experience and brought about through fantasy, wishes, desire, faith, and hope. The products that people seek are custom-made. It is extremely important that each person get something that fits uniquely, or gets rid of something distasteful or modifies it constructively.
Earl Koile*

The magic shop is a place where you can imagine whatever you want, however you want. Here, you can express your truest intentions without fear of judgment from others. You can always go into the magic shop whenever you want because it is a space that you always carry with you. All you need is to close your eyes, open your heart and focus on creating what you want. It is a place where you can transform things into something better.

There are not many basic rules except that people pay for things they want to get or things they want to get rid of.
Earl Koile*

When you go into the magic shop, you do not only go to create what you want. You also need to give up what you don’t want in exchange. This process helps you to clarify what you truly want and don’t want. Your feelings will guide you in making your choices as you go through your creation or transformation process.

The Magic is Within You

Although this technique is used by therapists; it can also be useful to us in our daily lives. The magic shop is a place we can always go to when we are feeling down and want to cheer up. We can open the shop to take time to process our feelings and set our intentions for the future. We can use it to discover more of our selves. The most important part of this process is to keep an open mind and an open heart.

The magic in the shop is the magic within you. It is only waiting for you to use it. How powerful your magic is depends on how much you can believe and what your true intentions are. Once you go out of the magic shop, remember to use the compassion, kindness and understanding you extended to yourself in the shop towards others. This is one of the most effective ways to help you manifest the magic from the shop into your reality.

If you already have a meditation practice, then going into the magic shop would be easier for you. Before you go in, ask your self: What do I wish to acquire in the magic shop? What would I trade for it? How do I want to transform my life? What would I do to achieve it? Good luck and may the magic of the shop create miracles for your life.

*Quotes from The Magic Shop: The Therapist Masquerades as A Shopkeeper
Featured Image: Original Photo by Almos Bechtold on Unsplash.

May

2021

The Shadow Self: Learn to Love Your Dark Side

Reading Time: 3 minutes

The Shadow Self is the opposite of your Persona; and it is important to learn to love your dark side in order to live a fully balanced life. Ask yourself: Who am I when I am alone?

Each person is born with both The shadow and the persona. Growing up, we learn to differentiate between what society accepts as good and bad, light and dark. The good parts of ourselves is what we show to the world, the desirable Persona. The bad parts are what we hide, fear and suppress, the Shadow Self.

Both of these aspects of ourselves are a part of our whole self. Unless we are able to learn to love our dark side, we will always feel that something is missing in our lives. We will always feel like we are inadequate in some aspect; or that we are merely posers. Since our dark side is that part of us that we deem unacceptable; we will forever be in fear of that part of ourselves being discovered.

The Shadow Self is Not Bad

The Persona and the Shadow Self can be seen as 2 sides of the same coin, or the Yin and Yang of each person. Without the other, the person is not complete. The Persona that we show to the world is the part of us that we have already “processed” and accepted. The parts of us that we have not processed yet is the Shadow Self. These are the instincts, impulses, weaknesses, desires, perversions, and fears that we try to hide. Our denial of our addictions or our fear of failure and other bad habits that we are embarrassed about are some examples.

When we repress or deny things; they do not disappear. They only grow stronger and they creep up on us without our awareness. One example of this is thru projection; where we associate what we dislike about ourselves in other people. We end up constantly blaming other people for our own behavior that we cannot accept. This can affect our self-esteem, our relationships and even our perspective of the world. In some cases, they can manifest as difficult psychological or behavioral issues such as not being perfect enough.

Our dark side resides in our unconscious. If we do not process them and accept them as part of ourselves; they will eventually manifest themselves beyond our control. Despite being the dark side of ourselves; the Shadow Self is not actually bad or evil. In fact, it is a strong source of creative energy and self-healing.

Embrace The Whole You

The process of accepting our Shadow Self and embracing it as part of our whole personality is called “integration”, sometimes called shadow work. When we have integrated the dark parts of ourselves; we also heal ourselves and our relationships. There is no specific technique that can be taught on how to do the integration process. Each person has to do on their own and at their own pace. The trick is to do it gradually instead of constantly denying it. However, the first step is always awareness.

Become aware of what other people do or what situations trigger your reactions negatively. Your reaction to such behaviors and situations will give you a clue to your dark side. Next thing you can do is to acknowledge it as part of your self. For example, if you usually hide your aggressive impulses; it can come in handy when you need to defend yourself from being verbally or physically abused by someone else. By accepting it as a normal part of you; you don’t have to hide it or feel guilty for acting out. People who are important to you will also come to accept it as part of your personality. This also means that you can practice your self-control instead of bursting out uncontrollably because you can’t take it anymore.

Since our dark side hides many parts of us that we deem unacceptable; this is also the place where we hide our unique talents and abilities, for example. While the Persona is our orderly self; the Shadow Self is the place of chaos, of potential and possibilities. Many innovations have been born because of people’s dark experiences. A lot of people achieved success only after their lives went into turmoil. By learning to love your Shadow Self; you can live a fully balance life and operate at your highest potential.

The process of integration is a long and arduous process. This is why sometimes, external help is needed if the repressed memories and emotions are too traumatic for the person to deal with by themselves. In our every day lives; let us be more mindful of our experiences so that we can better see the clues that our Shadow Self is giving us. This is also an important aspect of self-love.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Sammy Williams on Unsplash.

Apr

2021

5 Ways You Can Suffer from Social Media Addiction

Reading Time: 5 minutes

There are many ways you can suffer from social media addiction. In today’s world, it is almost impossible to not be a part of social media in some way. There are many social media platforms to chose from. Most people have at least 2 to 3 social media accounts on different platforms.

The use of social media has become so ingrained in our daily routine. We don’t often notice the harm it can cause. Just like any addiction, social media can become a habit that is hard to let go. Today, not having a social media account makes you seem anti-social. However, becoming anti-social is actually one of the negative effects of being addicted to social media.

With the rise of more affordable mobile devices, the use of social media is also on the rise. This also means that more people are experiencing the negative effects of being addicted to the use of social media.

1. FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) + Unhealthy Sleep Patterns

People who can’t stop checking their social media accounts so frequently do so because of a fear of missing out. This is one of the reasons why people develop social media addiction. Be it on the latest trends in fashion, entertainment or news; they don’t want to miss out on the latest happenings. Nobody wants to be criticized for being old fashioned or late to the news by their “friends” on social media. As a result, they spend their time late into the night, following recommended links and discussing these with their group.

This is especially true if you join a social media group which focuses on a particular topic. You need to be very active in the group conversations in order to be noticed. This is why you need to keep yourself updated on the topic/s so your comment gets more attention. In this cycle of events, you feel that you are getting more friends even as you lose more sleep.

This type of environment makes you feel like you belong to a group. In turn, this makes you feel the need to contribute to the group and make your presence felt. The problem is that this group is a virtual group; so you don’t really know the actual members. Spending too much time in this online group may lead to you developing anti-social tendencies in your personal relationships.

2. Developing Anti-Social Tendencies

You may have more than 500 friends or followers on your social media profile. Question is, do you really know each of them personally? You may be a part of a popular social media group, but do the members know each other at all?

Social media groups and group chats are useful for learning new things. They also allow you to get to know new people with similar interests as you. Spending time with your online friends is enjoyable but it also deprives you of quality time with your friends in the physical world.

Being immersed in just one group for too long will also encourage “group think”. This mindset makes you less open to exploring new ideas and concepts. You might reject an excellent suggestion about a particular topic just because it isn’t aligned with your group’s opinion. When you are limiting yourself to group think, you end up with more arguments instead of meaningful and productive discussions.

If you always spend time online and/or always argue with your friends and loved ones offline; eventually, you will develop anti-social behavior which could lead to more serious relationship issues and mental health issues later on.

3. Getting a Negative Self-Image

Social media posts are generally about good things or bad things in a particular person’s life experience. If you are always stalking your favorite social media influencer because you want to imitate their “perfect” life; then you are in for trouble. No one can have the perfect body unless they’ve been digitally enhanced. Life is only perfect in still pictures. People in social media tend to highlight only the good stuff. This is especially so in ads or thru celebrity endorsements.

Comparing yourself to the perfect lifestyle of celebrities is a negative habit. Doing it regularly will only make you develop a negative self-image. Instead of encouraging you to accept and love yourself; it may even give you a more negative view of the world in general.

As you stalk your favorite social media personality’s profile; you pine away at the things you don’t have in your life yet. With this habit, you are also negatively impacting your physical and mental health. Lingering on your social media feed will lower your self-esteem even more. There is a higher chance of this happening if you don’t have a healthy measure of self-confidence to begin with.

4. Setting Unrealistic Expectations

We all know the saying: “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” Based on your online friends, what type of person will you become or have you become that person already?

Being constantly on social media may give you unrealistic expectations of the real world. Relationships on social media are very different from relationships in real life. How people behave on social media is not how real people behave in the physical world. Relationship stress in the real world are very different from online ones. Constantly comparing your own situation to that of your social media idols and friends will result in many disappointing experiences.

It is even more harmful if you have experienced cyber-bullying in your social media group/s. This is similar to experiencing peer pressure in real life. It is just as harmful online because your attackers may be more than you can handle. Since you don’t know each other personally, any way you defend yourself will be useless. But since they are speaking as a group, then their opinions will come off as valid and believable. You may end up following their advise even if you’re not really sure about it. This is another negative effect of “group think”.

5. Feeling Depression and Anxiety

Aside from news channels, how many people have you seen online venting their frustrations and personal issues on their profiles? If you’ve started doing the same, then you might also be exhibiting the symptoms of depression.

Some people use social media to vent out their frustrations. This is actually alright if you are sharing such matters to just a select group of intimate friends and/or relatives. But if you are venting publicly, then you may invite unwanted attention and unsolicited advise as well as criticism.

If you are ranting on your social media group, you may receive both helpful comments as well as criticism. However, if you can’t manage the comments wisely, then you will only end up getting stressed and anxious. You may even end up depressed from one negative remark which might trigger a host of other negative emotions.

Depression is not something to make light off. Most people are not even aware that they are depressed. Do you find yourself constantly looking for validation online, instead of asking help from your actual friends and family? You may be more anxious or depressed than you think.

Next time you pick your phone or check your social media profile, try to set a time limit. This way, you don’t miss out on the more important things you need to pay attention to.

Do you know people who have experienced any of these ways that you can suffer from social media addiction? Have you experienced any of these yourself? The first step to solving the problem is awareness. Just like money, you should spend more on experiences that you will remember later on, with the people you love, instead of meaningless chatter online. Manage your time online wisely so you don’t miss out on the wonderful experiences real life has to offer.

Updated. First published on Pinoy Smart Living on 2019.10.15.
Feature Image: Original Photo by ROMAN ODINTSOV from Pexels.

Mar

2021

How to Define Your Personal Style

Reading Time: 3 minutes

What is your personal style? Each person has his or her own distinct characteristic or appearance that is unique to that person alone. And this is what personal style is all about. It pertains to the way a person expresses himself or herself. It encompasses everyone, not just the fashion conscious. Thus, it is important to know how to define your personal style.

Psychology of Dressing

Have you heard of the saying that your outfit is self-expression? Although it does not define who you are as a person, a study reveals that your clothes give passersby a glimpse of your personal psychology. Termed as “enclothed cognition”, it states that clothes have direct influence on the person’s psychological state.

In a book published by clinical psychologist Dr. Jennifer Baumgartner entitled “What You Wear: What Your Clothes Reveal About You“, the author reveals that simple activities such as shopping and putting together some outfits reveal our personalities, our feelings and even how we think about ourselves. So, more often than not, we are subconsciously giving other people hints on our current emotional state.

The good news is that we can use dressing to our advantage. Did you know that you can dress for success? If you want to become highly successful, you need to learn how to dress the part.

Steps on How to Define Your Personal Style

In the meantime, if you have not defined your personal style yet, here are some steps on how to define your personal style.

1.Stay True to Yourself

There is no right or wrong when it comes to defining your personal style. The key here is knowing yourself, who you are and what your positive traits are when it comes to your body. A stylish individual may or may not follow trends. It is not about being fashionable or trendy but rather it is all about developing your sense of self.

2. Identify Your Fashion Icon

Mentors are important for success. That is why, it is highly important to have one in every aspect of your life. This is also true when it comes to defining your personal style. Who is your fashion icon? As soon as you have figured out who that person is, it is time to do your research. Check out fashion magazines, blogs, interviews and photographs of that person. Take inspiration on how they put together their own personal style. And learn from them.

3. Consider Your Lifestyle

So, let’s be realistic. You can’t keep on buying formal wear just like your favorite Hollywood actor or actress wore on the red carpet if you hardly go to any formal events. You will just end up wasting a lot of money. The appropriate thing to do is to look into clothing that best fits your lifestyles. Because at the end of the day, personal style has a lot to do with practicality. What is your job? What are your everyday activities? Then, think of ways on how to incorporate your personal style preferences in your lifestyle.

4. Consider Your Body Type

It is not just your lifestyle that you need to consider, you also need to examine your body type. Let’s face it, not all of us have bodies like models. Whatever your body type is, know what works for you or not. Learn to identify the body part that you want to highlight or downpaly. Wear clothes that flutters your body and accentuates your best features but without revealing too much.

5. Build on Your Basics

The French are known for their classic and timeless fashion style. But did you know what their secret is? They stick to the basics. They build their wardrobe on basic must-have items and build their wardrobe from there. Once they have the basics on, they add a touch of their individuality through fashion accessories.

6. Stay Comfortable

Are you the type of person who is willing to sacrifice comfort just to look stylish and fashionable? If you are willing to take the extra mile, why not? But for the rest of us, comfort should always be a consideration. If you are not comfortable in an outfit, it will show.

Personal style is about having a sense of yourself and what you believe in everyday.
– Ralph Lauren

Feature Photo by Godisable Jacob from Pexels

Mar

2021

Ways to Start Your Day Right

Reading Time: 4 minutes

There are so many ways to start your day right. However, most of us start our day on autopilot as soon as we wake up. If you want to wake up from autopilot mode and have more control over the rest of your day; then you should start your day more mindfully. Start with these suggestions to start your day right.

Wake Up to The Clock

Most of us hit the snooze button instead of waking up when we hear our alarm clock. Instead, try to wake up on hearing the alarm and get up immediately. Sit on your bed for a few minutes to steady yourself and sort yourself out but don’t go back to sleep. Enjoy the sunshine for a few minutes (if you have a window). Tidy up your bed and get out of your bed room.

TIP: Get an actual alarm clock instead of using your phone. This will allow you to unplug the night before. Also, place your alarm clock away from your bed and not beside it so you will be forced to get out of bed to turn it off.

Drink Warm Water

A warm cup of water is a good way to start your day. It helps to gradually signal your body to be active again. It also helps to soothe your empty stomach. Plus, you can count it towards your quota of 8 glasses of water a day. Drinking warm water on an empty stomach is like stretching your body before vigorous exercise. This is definitely one of the ways you need to do to start your day right.

TIP: Try lemon water. Cut a few slices of lemon and put into your cup of warm water. Let sit for a few minutes before drinking. You can also drink tea or coffee if you really need to perk up your morning.

Meditate for Clarity

A time for self-reflection and clarity is best scheduled in the morning. Morning is when your mind is still calm and not buzzing with thoughts and to do’s for the day. Sit in a quiet corner and take deep, long breaths; inhale and exhale slowly. A calm mind helps you get clearer on how to plan your day for the most productivity. A meditation is one of the best ways to start your day right.

TIP: Make meditation a ritual. Light an incense or turn-on the scent diffuser. If possible, close the room. Get yourself a comfortable mat or pillow to sit on so you can meditate without any distractions.

Move Your Body

Light exercise is a great start to energize you for the day. You don’t need to do it for an hour. 10-30 minutes of exercise regularly will do wonders for both your mind and body. Be sure to start and end with some stretching routines and don’t overdo things so you don’t injure yourself. Sweating it out will help you detox and calm your mind at the same time.

TIP: Pick an exercise routine that is right for your fitness level. We all have a physical goal in mind but we need to start our fitness journey right if we want to sustain it. Don’t force yourself to do some moves if you know you’re not flexible enough. Be patient with yourself and just stay consistent.

Self Care First

Show yourself some love first before you go out the door to express your love to the world. A simple self-care routine is all you need to feel pampered just a little bit each morning and night. Enjoy your morning shower. Wash your face, put on some moisturizer and do a mini-facial by softly massaging your face. Apply your favorite lotion or essential oil and enjoy the moment. Don’t forget to smile at yourself in the mirror as you give yourself some love.

TIP: Use natural beauty products so you don’t only show love for yourself but to the environment as well. This also means less negative impact on your health and the planet. Natural products may feel like they cost more; but why shouldn’t you splurge on your self?

Read A Book

One of the ways to get out of autopilot mode is to learn new way of doing and thinking about things. There are many things that you can learn online but reading a physical book is a different experience. Not only are you learning, you gain more appreciation for the author’s and publisher’s efforts. This puts you in a grateful mood for the lessons and the people behind the book. And an attitude of gratitude is a great way to approach the day.

TIP: Read a book anytime you have free time. Not just in the morning, at night too. Some people even read a few pages during their commute. It’s a small luxury to peek into the minds of others who have already succeeded. This will get you more inspired and more motivated to work on your own goals.

Plan Your Day

The act of sitting down to plan your day is a time-saving way to lessen your day’s stress. When you plan your day, you can map out your priorities and the things that you can leave out for later. Creating a daily task schedule will help you to focus on what needs to be done so you are not constantly worrying about the gazillion things that you need to accomplish. It also gives you an idea of what you can cram into your day so you get wiser at scheduling your activities.

TIP: Get a planner or make yourself one or use an app. Use a physical planner to jot down your To Do list or use an app on your mobile phone. Most importantly, don’t forget to take your planner with you so you can track your progress.

These are just some of the ways you can start your day right. You can do them in the order that you want. You can also swap them with better habits that you want to develop. Check out the morning habits of successful people too. Another important thing to remember is to make sure that you also have a great way to end your day.

Feature Image: Photo by bruce mars on Unsplash.

Nov

2020

The Impostor Challenge

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Finding out who the impostor or impostors are is the challenge in the recently popular game Among Us. There are tips to improve your chances at winning in the game that you can also use in real life.

Part of the popularity of the game maybe because it serves as a platform for participants to release strong, pent up emotions with a possibility of being rewarded. It provides an opportunity to break rules without negative consequences. After all, choosing who to sacrifice among your team mates in the game does not feel as cruel as it is in a real life scenario.

The reason that truth is stranger than fiction is that fiction has to have a rational thread running through it in order to be believable, whereas reality may be totally irrational.
— Sydney J. Harris

Although the method to survive and win in the game is cruel; real life is even more so. We have to engage with different people who may no be what we perceive them to be. While it is hard enough to figure out who are the impostors among us; some of us are suffering because we think and feel, that we are, in fact, impostors.

The Impostor Syndrome

Most people battle with having self-confidence every day. For people with impostor syndrome, the struggle is even more difficult. There are a lot of high-achievers who feel deep down that they are complete frauds. They feel that their accomplishments are mostly due to luck.

Since they believe that they are not at all talented, skilled, knowledgeable or experienced enough in their profession. They believe that they are actually inadequate, incompetent and total failures. Thus, they are in constant fear that their secret will be found out.

Many men and women experience impostor syndrome at some point in their lives. It was first identified by psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes in 1978. It applies to any person who is unable to acknowledge and own their accomplishments and success in their occupations or in other aspects of their life.

Dr. Valerie Young has categorized the different patterns of the Impostor Syndrome into five subgroups:

1. The Perfectionist

Perfectionists set excessively high goals for themselves and their group. They are usually control freaks who feel like they need to do everything themselves for things to be done right. When they fail to reach a goal; they experience major self-doubt and constantly worry about measuring up to their own goals and standards. This is definitely an impostor challenge that’s hard to overcome.

2. The Superwoman/man

These are the people who you see working over time but still come to the office the earliest. They push themselves hard at work to cover-up their insecurities of not measuring up or not being as competent as their colleagues. Vacations don’t entice them because they feel that they need to work harder instead of wasting their time on other things.

3. The Natural Genius

Some people believe that in order to succeed they need to be a natural genius. A genius to them means that they can do something easily and quickly without much effort. Just like perfectionists, they set their standards ridiculously high. When they fail to master something in a short period of time, they feel ashamed and think that they’re never going to get good at it. This impostor challenge does not value long-term effort at all.

4. The Expert

Experts believe that they need to know as much as they can before they act. Deep inside, they believe that they will never know enough. They have a constant fear of being exposed as lacking experience or knowledge. Their tendency is to procrastinate with the excuse that they need to learn more or meet all the requirements before they start on a project or apply for a job.

5. The Soloist

People who are too independent may seem cool and enjoying utmost freedom in life. Soloist believe that they have to do it by themselves and asking for help diminishes their accomplishments. If they can’t do something by themselves; they feel that they are a failure and a fraud.

The Impostor Challenge

Your challenge is to assess yourself and identify which of these subcategories you can relate to. You may have experienced an Impostor Challenge at some point in your life. Being aware of what triggered these experiences will help you avoid them in the future.

Ask yourself how did you overcome that challenge? How did you get out of that phase in your life. If you can help someone else who is suffering from Impostor Syndrome; what would you do?

Try to observe the people around you. See if they are suffering from Impostor Syndrome and what subgroup they belong to. Unlike in the game, you don’t need to vote them out. You can help them find their confidence, recognize their accomplishments and overcome their challenge instead.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Laurenz Kleinheider on Unsplash.

Jun

2020

Why You Should Start a Meditation Habit and How

Reading Time: 4 minutes

The world is a busy place and we need to keep up with this hectic pace. Most of us lack sleep from working too hard in order to live the life we want. Some of us are constantly worrying that we are not working hard enough or doing enough to achieve our goals. We are discontent about the past and scared about our future. We forget to live in the present and appreciate each moment.

The body benefits from movement, and the mind benefits from stillness.
— Sakyong Mipham

Every day we judge ourselves and disappoint ourselves because we have too many expectations. We distract ourselves from the difficulties of life by trying to do more. We crowd our daily schedules with so much. At the end of the day, we go to bed exhausted but still unable to alleviate our fears and worries. We have not even taken the time to be alone, to just be with ourselves.

What is Meditation?

Many successful people have learned the benefits of taking time out for themselves thru meditation. Each person does it their own way and may call it different things such as “me time”, “alone time”, “moment of silence”, “emptying your mind” or “calming your mind”. This time for yourself is called meditation. When you pray by yourself, softly whispering or silently, that too is a meditation.

Prayer is you speaking to God. Meditation is allowing the spirit to speak to you.
— Deepak Chopra

Simply put, meditation is the practice of calming your mind. It’s not really emptying it but focusing your mind on something else other than thinking. It is putting your mind on a break from all your usual thoughts, fears and worries.

There are different types of meditation and meditation techniques that you can explore once you have learned the habit. They all start with calming your mind and relaxing your whole body so you can get in touch with your inner self. For now, practice how to give your mind and your self a break from your daily concerns thru meditation.

Prayer is asking for guidance. Meditation is listening to it.
— Sonia Choquette

Meditation is one thing that can contribute to your overall wellness and success. Try to get a complete overview of your current level of wellness so you know which areas of wellness you need to work on.

Benefits of Meditation

There are many benefits to meditation including a calmer demeanor right after and even more energy; clearer thinking and improved concentration on tasks at hand. Long-term effects include improvement of overall health, better sleep, better communication and relationships and a more a positive outlook.

I meditate so that my mind cannot complicate my life.
— Sri Chinmoy

All this translates to self improvement and increased chances of success in many areas of life. No wonder many successful people have made meditation a habit.

Some people who have incorporated this practice into their daily routine include these celebrities:

Self-made millionaire Tony Robbins – meditates 9-10 minutes
Entrepreneur Arianna Huffington – meditates 20-30 minutes
CEO of LinkedIn and former Yahoo executive Jeff Weiner – cuts out blocks of his daily schedule for meditation and thinking time
Singer and entrepreneur Katy Perry – meditates sitting in bed for 20 minutes
Actor Clint Eastwood – practicing Transcendental meditation for over 40 years now

If you search online, there are many more names to add to this list.

How to Start a Meditation Habit

Meditation is best done in the early morning or before going to bed. You need at least 10-15 minutes of time alone, in a silent place where you can focus on meditating. You may do this sitting on a chair or on the floor or lying down. Be as comfortable as you can.

Close your eyes, put your hands on your lap and breathe deeply, inhaling thru your nose and exhaling thru your mouth. Most of the time, we breathe shallowly, only engaging the upper part of our lungs. Breathe deeply, feeling the air go all the way down to your diaphragm. Breathe slowly, focusing on your inhales and exhales. If thoughts come, just go back to focusing your attention on your breathing. This is all you need to do for 10-15 minutes.

Meditation is the ultimate mobile device; you can use it anywhere, anytime, unobstrusively.
— Sharon Salzberg

If you are doing this in an office setting, you can use headphones to reduce background noise, then play relaxing music to help calm you down. There are many meditation music available online. There are also guided meditation music to make it easier for you to meditate.

As much as possible, use music that has no lyrics as the words will just add to your thought process. Instrumental, acoustic and nature sounds are most recommended.

Do your best NOT to follow a thought for long. If you get distracted by a thought that pops up, go right back to focusing on your breathing. You may feel you have failed the first time because you did not feel as calm as you expected but just practice again the next day until you get to a calm state.

If we read the stories of the great spiritual teachers of the past, we find that they have attained spiritual realization through a great deal of meditation, solitude and practice. They did not take shortcuts.
— Rajiv Mehrotra

You may exceed the 15 minutes but that is also alright. Some people who meditate regularly do this for up to an hour a day. Others do this several times a day in 10-15 minute blocks.

Some people may find it so relaxing and end up falling asleep especially when meditating while lying down. This is alright too since you are trying to calm yourself anyway. You can just try to do it again the next day without falling asleep. A timer would help too so you don’t go over your break time at work.

Next Steps

Once you have integrated a meditation practice in your daily routine; you can decide to devote more time to it than just 15 minutes a day. Doing it twice a day or doing it several times throughout the day may be more effective for you. If you feel that you have too many things going in on your mind and you need to clear out the confusion, then take the time to meditate.

Start taking baby steps to creating a meditation practice in your daily life. Do tell us about your experience the first time you meditated or give us more tips to improve our meditation practice if you are doing this already.

Updated. First published on Pinoy Smart Living 2019.02.03.
Feature Image: Original Photo by Maik Kleinert from Pexels.