self knowing

Aug

2021

Turn “ON” the Real You

Reading Time: 2 minutes

It’s time to turn “ON” the real you; that version of yourself that includes all aspects of yourself: your persona and your shadow; the 2 sides of one coin. Accepting all parts of who you are is the first step to transforming yourself for the better. If we cannot accept who we are right now; we won’t be able to embrace who we can become.

The wound is the place where the light enters you.
– Rumi

Nobody is perfect. Everyone is a work in progress. So don’t be afraid to accept your own flaws. It is only by recognizing your flaws that you can start to change them, heal them and turn them into a positive part of your self. Being able to love the perfect and imperfect side of yourself helps you live a more balanced life.

Sometimes, it is our fears that makes us stronger in other aspects of our lives. Accept these fears too, so that you don’t have to suffer through them alone. You may meet people who have the same fears and you can work together to live thru them or overcome them.

Everyone has their flaws; embarrassing memories, petty biases, guilty pleasures. We all have things we’d rather hide in the shadows. Unless we accept them as part of our selves, our history, our character; we will never be able to heal them. If we cannot heal, then we cannot move on.

Many people are stuck in the past, in their childhood traumas, never overcoming them. Healing is a gradual process but the first step is acceptance. Accept that you have made a mistake, that you were once a victim of people or circumstances. Accept that you have been wrong or been wronged and then forgive yourself. When you have forgiven your self for your own shortcomings; it becomes easier to forgive others.

Both light and shadow are the dance of love.
– Rumi

Turn “On” the real you so you can live a more balanced life. Accept all parts of you, the good and the bad, the genius, the fool, the beautiful and the ugly. Accept who and what you are now; all of what and who you are. Instead of looking for who or what to blame, look for ways on how to become a better version of yourself. Self-acceptance is a journey that lets you forgive and heal along the way. It takes believing in your self, courage to keep on moving forward and loving yourself to start the process. When you have fully accepted your self; you can start creating a new story.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Riccardo Annandale on Unsplash.

Nov

2020

The Impostor Challenge

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Finding out who the impostor or impostors are is the challenge in the recently popular game Among Us. There are tips to improve your chances at winning in the game that you can also use in real life.

Part of the popularity of the game maybe because it serves as a platform for participants to release strong, pent up emotions with a possibility of being rewarded. It provides an opportunity to break rules without negative consequences. After all, choosing who to sacrifice among your team mates in the game does not feel as cruel as it is in a real life scenario.

The reason that truth is stranger than fiction is that fiction has to have a rational thread running through it in order to be believable, whereas reality may be totally irrational.
— Sydney J. Harris

Although the method to survive and win in the game is cruel; real life is even more so. We have to engage with different people who may no be what we perceive them to be. While it is hard enough to figure out who are the impostors among us; some of us are suffering because we think and feel, that we are, in fact, impostors.

The Impostor Syndrome

Most people battle with having self-confidence every day. For people with impostor syndrome, the struggle is even more difficult. There are a lot of high-achievers who feel deep down that they are complete frauds. They feel that their accomplishments are mostly due to luck.

Since they believe that they are not at all talented, skilled, knowledgeable or experienced enough in their profession. They believe that they are actually inadequate, incompetent and total failures. Thus, they are in constant fear that their secret will be found out.

Many men and women experience impostor syndrome at some point in their lives. It was first identified by psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes in 1978. It applies to any person who is unable to acknowledge and own their accomplishments and success in their occupations or in other aspects of their life.

Dr. Valerie Young has categorized the different patterns of the Impostor Syndrome into five subgroups:

1. The Perfectionist

Perfectionists set excessively high goals for themselves and their group. They are usually control freaks who feel like they need to do everything themselves for things to be done right. When they fail to reach a goal; they experience major self-doubt and constantly worry about measuring up to their own goals and standards. This is definitely an impostor challenge that’s hard to overcome.

2. The Superwoman/man

These are the people who you see working over time but still come to the office the earliest. They push themselves hard at work to cover-up their insecurities of not measuring up or not being as competent as their colleagues. Vacations don’t entice them because they feel that they need to work harder instead of wasting their time on other things.

3. The Natural Genius

Some people believe that in order to succeed they need to be a natural genius. A genius to them means that they can do something easily and quickly without much effort. Just like perfectionists, they set their standards ridiculously high. When they fail to master something in a short period of time, they feel ashamed and think that they’re never going to get good at it. This impostor challenge does not value long-term effort at all.

4. The Expert

Experts believe that they need to know as much as they can before they act. Deep inside, they believe that they will never know enough. They have a constant fear of being exposed as lacking experience or knowledge. Their tendency is to procrastinate with the excuse that they need to learn more or meet all the requirements before they start on a project or apply for a job.

5. The Soloist

People who are too independent may seem cool and enjoying utmost freedom in life. Soloist believe that they have to do it by themselves and asking for help diminishes their accomplishments. If they can’t do something by themselves; they feel that they are a failure and a fraud.

The Impostor Challenge

Your challenge is to assess yourself and identify which of these subcategories you can relate to. You may have experienced an Impostor Challenge at some point in your life. Being aware of what triggered these experiences will help you avoid them in the future.

Ask yourself how did you overcome that challenge? How did you get out of that phase in your life. If you can help someone else who is suffering from Impostor Syndrome; what would you do?

Try to observe the people around you. See if they are suffering from Impostor Syndrome and what subgroup they belong to. Unlike in the game, you don’t need to vote them out. You can help them find their confidence, recognize their accomplishments and overcome their challenge instead.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Laurenz Kleinheider on Unsplash.

Apr

2020

The Problem Set Challenge

Reading Time: 3 minutes

An eagle rises above the storm by soaring above them. Similarly, we need to find a way to go beyond the storm that we are experiencing in our life. We need to let our minds soar to greater heights and figure out what we need to do to get there.

Little minds are tamed and subdued by misfortune; but great minds rise above them.
— Washington Irving

Instead of focusing on the worries, let us try to think above and beyond the challenges that we are facing. Seeing the bigger picture will help us take a clearer perspective of what we need to have and do in order to rise above the storm of life’s trials.

However, in order for us to soar above a challenge, we need to identify first if our wings are strong enough to withstand the storm. Ask yourself, “Do I have the qualities necessary to solve my current problem/s?” To answer this question, take the Problem Set Challenge.

The Problem Set Challenge

Get a pen and paper and divide it into 5 columns. Name the first column Challenge, the second column Solutions, the third column, Internal Resources, the fourth column Actions and the last column External Resources.

Challenge

On the Challenge column, write down 1 or 3 major challenges that you are facing at the moment. Try to be specific and be sure to number them accordingly. Don’t think too hard on the order; just follow your gut.

Solutions

On the Solutions column, write down the solution that is necessary to solve the problem. Try to be specific on this as well. If you have more than one solution to a problem, number them accordingly.

Internal Resources

On the Internal Resources column, write down the resources that you will need to implement each solution. These are not material resources but the qualities that you will need to help you implement the solution. For example, if you’re problem is that you need to save money and one solution is exercise; one quality you will definitely need is self-discipline. Each resource may be repeated for each solution.

Action

On the Action column, write down how you will specifically implement each solution using the resources you have identified.

External Resources

At this point, you may add other items in the External Resources column as part of the requirements to implement the solution.

If you find that some Internal Resources are lacking, then that means that you need to develop these qualities in yourself. You may need to list this down as a problem that you need to solve first before the current problem you listed.

Revise your list accordingly until you are able to specify which problems need to be addressed first and the specific solutions to them. You may need to revise several times but try to come up with just 3 specific problems that you will focus on for the time being. Consider these 3 challenges and their solutions as your current problem set.

Whenever your preparations for the sea are poor; the sea worms its way in and finds the problems.
— Francis Stokes

This exercise helps you determine patterns of thought or habits that you may already have, or not have, that you will need to help you solve specific problems, not just at this moment in your life but also in the future.

Remember, before you can rise above the storm, you will need to ensure that you have the qualities it takes to brave the strong winds and endure whatever the storm brings you until you can go beyond it. But going above it is not your only goal. You also need to make sure that you have a plan on how to keep staying above it.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Dani Mota from Pexels.

Apr

2020

What Matters Most in Life

Reading Time: 2 minutes

When we think about what matters to us the most, we often think of our goals for ourselves, for our loved ones, for our work, for our community. However, there are even more fundamental things to consider so that we can achieve these goals — and even when we don’t — and these are the things that truly matter.

In science, the common understanding in the past was that the atom was the basic building block of all matter. However, upon further investigation with more modern and more powerful instruments, we now know that the atom itself is composed of even smaller elements and these elements are composed of elements that are smaller still.

Who are You When Alone?

If we liken each individual to an atom, what are the smaller components that make up someone that enable them to succeed in living a full life in this world? This is where we should look for what matters most for each person.

“The starting point of discovering who you are, your gifts, your talents, your dreams, is being comfortable with yourself. Spend time alone. Write in a journal. Take long walks in the woods.”
— Robin S. Sharma

Have you spent time learning about yourself on your own? If you are not comfortable being by yourself, then you cannot expect other people to be as comfortable with you as you’d like them to be. This also means that you are only looking to be with other people because you cannot bear to be by yourself. Why is that so? A time of isolation is a great opportunity to get to know yourself even better. You may find out what your real goals in life are in the process.

“Loneliness is no excuse for compromise. Be comfortable with yourself before you choose to be with someone else just to avoid being alone.”
— Yadin Kaufmann

Who are you when you are by yourself? Whether you are living with your family or you living alone, try to set aside time to get to know yourself better. When you learn to like and love yourself as you are; you will find that your self-confidence will grow and you will find ways to address your own shortcomings as you get to know yourself better.

Who are You in Front of Others?

Our personalities are just the tip of the iceberg that we show other people. Who we are as individuals — our mindset, our attitude, our character and the values that we deem important — are what matters most for each person. These are the things that influence how we interact with other people and how we act and react to the trials we go through life.

“Be alone. Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone. In the midst of this you will learn about yourself. You will grow, you will figure out what inspires you, you will curve your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you are sure of yourself.”
— Bianca Sparacino

Original Photo by Jeswin Thomas from Pexels.