self image

Aug

2021

Turn “ON” the Real You

Reading Time: 2 minutes

It’s time to turn “ON” the real you; that version of yourself that includes all aspects of yourself: your persona and your shadow; the 2 sides of one coin. Accepting all parts of who you are is the first step to transforming yourself for the better. If we cannot accept who we are right now; we won’t be able to embrace who we can become.

The wound is the place where the light enters you.
– Rumi

Nobody is perfect. Everyone is a work in progress. So don’t be afraid to accept your own flaws. It is only by recognizing your flaws that you can start to change them, heal them and turn them into a positive part of your self. Being able to love the perfect and imperfect side of yourself helps you live a more balanced life.

Sometimes, it is our fears that makes us stronger in other aspects of our lives. Accept these fears too, so that you don’t have to suffer through them alone. You may meet people who have the same fears and you can work together to live thru them or overcome them.

Everyone has their flaws; embarrassing memories, petty biases, guilty pleasures. We all have things we’d rather hide in the shadows. Unless we accept them as part of our selves, our history, our character; we will never be able to heal them. If we cannot heal, then we cannot move on.

Many people are stuck in the past, in their childhood traumas, never overcoming them. Healing is a gradual process but the first step is acceptance. Accept that you have made a mistake, that you were once a victim of people or circumstances. Accept that you have been wrong or been wronged and then forgive yourself. When you have forgiven your self for your own shortcomings; it becomes easier to forgive others.

Both light and shadow are the dance of love.
– Rumi

Turn “On” the real you so you can live a more balanced life. Accept all parts of you, the good and the bad, the genius, the fool, the beautiful and the ugly. Accept who and what you are now; all of what and who you are. Instead of looking for who or what to blame, look for ways on how to become a better version of yourself. Self-acceptance is a journey that lets you forgive and heal along the way. It takes believing in your self, courage to keep on moving forward and loving yourself to start the process. When you have fully accepted your self; you can start creating a new story.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Riccardo Annandale on Unsplash.

Jun

2021

The Magic Shop

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Did you know that you can find your dreams in the magic shop? It is where you can be whatever you want to be. It’s a magical place where you can create the you that you want to become; the reality that you want to live. However, it is not a physical place; there is no address to look up. But it is always accessible to those who believe in its magic.

The Magical Mind

We all know the power of the human mind. It has sparked many inventions that greatly benefited humanity. Most of us however don’t believe in the abilities of our own minds. We are always in awe at the great minds who made great innovations but we seldom look to our own accomplishments. Most of the time, we use our mind to focus on the mistakes of our past instead of imagining what we want for our future.

Sometimes you change your mind… Sometimes your mind changes you.
Binyomin Scheiman

When we control what our mind focuses on, we can change our life. There is a mind-body connection technique that athletes use to practice. They imagine what they would do to win their game through visualization. You too can do that. Imagine yourself achieving your goal. How does success look and feel? What sounds do you hear when you realize your goal? Use all your senses in your visualization so you can teach your mind to focus on this version of reality that you want.

The Mysterious Heart

Emotions are at the core of our life experiences. It is often our emotions that lead us to make certain decisions even if they don’t make sense to our mind. When we follow these sudden urges and impulses, especially if they’re negative emotions, we often regret them afterwards. The good news is, just like our mind, we can learn to control our emotions and become better at how we process them. We can also control how we express our emotions towards other people.

Your intellect maybe confused, but your emotions never lie to you.
Roger Ebert

Our heart is considered to be the place where our emotions come from. Have you ever experienced a conflict between what your mind tells you and what you truly feel? This is because our emotions reflect our truest intentions. It also gives us hints of other people’s intentions towards us. We often refer to this as a “gut feeling” or intuition. In the end, our intuition turns out to be right. The sad fact is, not everyone trusts their own gut feeling or intuition. Learning to trust our feelings is an important step in changing our life. It helps us believe in our self and in our own abilities to reach our goals.

The Power of The Magic Shop

The magic shop is a therapeutic technique used in psychology to help individuals heal their inner wounds. Some people may be in a negative state of mind or are feeling confused and overwhelmed. The magic shop is where they can process such issues safely with the help of a therapist.

The psychological wares of the Shop are created out of real experience and brought about through fantasy, wishes, desire, faith, and hope. The products that people seek are custom-made. It is extremely important that each person get something that fits uniquely, or gets rid of something distasteful or modifies it constructively.
Earl Koile*

The magic shop is a place where you can imagine whatever you want, however you want. Here, you can express your truest intentions without fear of judgment from others. You can always go into the magic shop whenever you want because it is a space that you always carry with you. All you need is to close your eyes, open your heart and focus on creating what you want. It is a place where you can transform things into something better.

There are not many basic rules except that people pay for things they want to get or things they want to get rid of.
Earl Koile*

When you go into the magic shop, you do not only go to create what you want. You also need to give up what you don’t want in exchange. This process helps you to clarify what you truly want and don’t want. Your feelings will guide you in making your choices as you go through your creation or transformation process.

The Magic is Within You

Although this technique is used by therapists; it can also be useful to us in our daily lives. The magic shop is a place we can always go to when we are feeling down and want to cheer up. We can open the shop to take time to process our feelings and set our intentions for the future. We can use it to discover more of our selves. The most important part of this process is to keep an open mind and an open heart.

The magic in the shop is the magic within you. It is only waiting for you to use it. How powerful your magic is depends on how much you can believe and what your true intentions are. Once you go out of the magic shop, remember to use the compassion, kindness and understanding you extended to yourself in the shop towards others. This is one of the most effective ways to help you manifest the magic from the shop into your reality.

If you already have a meditation practice, then going into the magic shop would be easier for you. Before you go in, ask your self: What do I wish to acquire in the magic shop? What would I trade for it? How do I want to transform my life? What would I do to achieve it? Good luck and may the magic of the shop create miracles for your life.

*Quotes from The Magic Shop: The Therapist Masquerades as A Shopkeeper
Featured Image: Original Photo by Almos Bechtold on Unsplash.

May

2021

Persona: What is Your Social Mask?

Reading Time: 2 minutes

We all wear a social mask to hide our true personality so as to conform to social norms. Whenever we go out in public, we always project a good image that exaggerates a version of ourselves. We do this most especially in front of people that we want to impress such as someone we like or a boss. We hope that by doing so, we make a good impression on them. The character that we play in front of others is our persona. So, how will you describe your persona: what is your social mask?

Your Social Mask

Are you the cool guy or the social butterfly? Or are you the bully or the control freak? Or maybe you are the martyr or the people-pleaser? What is your social mask? Think of yourself as a character in a drama, then analyze what kind of a character you are playing. How will you describe your personality when in front of others?

We wear masks to protect ourselves and to conceal something. The new normal entails us to always wear masks to hide our nose and mouth to protect ourselves and others from the virus. The Phantom of the Opera wears a mask to conceal his hideous face. In the same way that social masking is the role that we play in different social situations in order to meet societal standards. But is that who we really are?

We all have a social mask, right? We put it on, we go out, put our best food forward, our best image. But behind that social mask is a personal truth, what we really, really believe about who we are and what we’re capable of.
– Phil McGraw

Behind the Mask

When we are alone, we tend to do the opposite. We do things that are comfortable. We act based on our emotions and impulses. That is because there is no one to impress. So, there is no need to act. We are free to do anything that we want. That is actually our true personality. It is how we behave when no one else is watching.

Have you heard of people saying that a particular person changed when that person became rich, popular or powerful. Well, the truth is that that person did not change at all. What you have been seeing is the mask that that person was wearing. Who that person is now is actually that person’s true personality.

Money and success don’t change people. They merely amplify what is already there.
– Will Smith

The Yes Man

The problem with social masking lies when we become too engrossed in our roles. We begin to identify ourselves too much with the role that we play that we lose our sense of self. When this happens, we become a ‘Yes Man’. A Yes Man is someone who agrees to everything. This is dangerous because it leads to other people’s abuses. The Yes Man ends up sacrificing himself for others simple because he does not have the courage to say no.

You wear a mask for so long, you forget who you were beneath it.
– Alan Moore

Balance

The key is balance. Having a persona is good for it allows us to adapt to our environment by conforming to certain standards in society. However, becoming too engrossed in our roles is no longer good because we lose sight on who we really are as persons.

Image by Pexels from Pixabay

May

2021

Black Swan

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Who is the real you? Do you find yourself hiding your innermost thoughts and feelings from others? This is a natural behavior of human beings. It is because we are afraid of how others will react. There are certain norms and societal standards that we need to adher.. Society expects us to act a certain way. There are standards for beauty, for what is good behavior and what is successful. We receive harsh judgment if we do not conform. As a result, we become experts on hiding our true selves. We project an image to society based on what we think is acceptable. This is our persona. But behind the persona lies a different side that we keep to ourselves. The black swan is a metaphor that pertains to our ‘other self’ – the self that we hide from others.

Image

What mask are you wearing? And it is not about any form of physical mask. The truth is every human being wears a mask. In fact, we even wear multiple masks. We act differently in front of family, friends, boss, colleagues, etc. Sometimes, it becomes so natural that we begin to forget who we really are as a person. This is a natural behavior but if done for a long time, unhappiness will kick in because your other self will try to set itself free. It is also draining and exhausting to maintain a facade in front of others.

Black Swan

Have you ever experienced having it all yet you still feel unhappy? Maybe you are successful in your career but for some reason, something is missing. That’s the effect of trying to suppress the other self. The unexpressed part of an individual is known as the shadow. Carl Jung, a Swiss psychoanalyst, described shadow as the unknown dark side of the personality. Sometimes, shadow manifests itself through dreams and visions.

Slowly, I open my eyes. I’m in my workroom, it’s my studio. The darkness in waves brings agony but I’ll never give up. Inside I saw myself, myself…
– Black Swan, BTS

Journey to Self-Discovery

To be able to live life to the fullest, one needs to take the journey to self-discovery. Who we are as a person is not just our persona but it’s the combination of both the persona and the shadow. instead of suppressing the shadow, it is best to embrace it. Recognize your faults, weaknesses, inferiorities, issues, anxieties and even false beliefs. That’s the only way to conquer the shadow. It is only through this do we get to understand our true self and who we really are as a person. From there, we become conscious of the unconscious mind. Moreover, we give ourselves the power to control and improve our conscious mind.

Image by Irina Kuzmina from Pixabay

Nov

2020

The Impostor Challenge

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Finding out who the impostor or impostors are is the challenge in the recently popular game Among Us. There are tips to improve your chances at winning in the game that you can also use in real life.

Part of the popularity of the game maybe because it serves as a platform for participants to release strong, pent up emotions with a possibility of being rewarded. It provides an opportunity to break rules without negative consequences. After all, choosing who to sacrifice among your team mates in the game does not feel as cruel as it is in a real life scenario.

The reason that truth is stranger than fiction is that fiction has to have a rational thread running through it in order to be believable, whereas reality may be totally irrational.
— Sydney J. Harris

Although the method to survive and win in the game is cruel; real life is even more so. We have to engage with different people who may no be what we perceive them to be. While it is hard enough to figure out who are the impostors among us; some of us are suffering because we think and feel, that we are, in fact, impostors.

The Impostor Syndrome

Most people battle with having self-confidence every day. For people with impostor syndrome, the struggle is even more difficult. There are a lot of high-achievers who feel deep down that they are complete frauds. They feel that their accomplishments are mostly due to luck.

Since they believe that they are not at all talented, skilled, knowledgeable or experienced enough in their profession. They believe that they are actually inadequate, incompetent and total failures. Thus, they are in constant fear that their secret will be found out.

Many men and women experience impostor syndrome at some point in their lives. It was first identified by psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes in 1978. It applies to any person who is unable to acknowledge and own their accomplishments and success in their occupations or in other aspects of their life.

Dr. Valerie Young has categorized the different patterns of the Impostor Syndrome into five subgroups:

1. The Perfectionist

Perfectionists set excessively high goals for themselves and their group. They are usually control freaks who feel like they need to do everything themselves for things to be done right. When they fail to reach a goal; they experience major self-doubt and constantly worry about measuring up to their own goals and standards. This is definitely an impostor challenge that’s hard to overcome.

2. The Superwoman/man

These are the people who you see working over time but still come to the office the earliest. They push themselves hard at work to cover-up their insecurities of not measuring up or not being as competent as their colleagues. Vacations don’t entice them because they feel that they need to work harder instead of wasting their time on other things.

3. The Natural Genius

Some people believe that in order to succeed they need to be a natural genius. A genius to them means that they can do something easily and quickly without much effort. Just like perfectionists, they set their standards ridiculously high. When they fail to master something in a short period of time, they feel ashamed and think that they’re never going to get good at it. This impostor challenge does not value long-term effort at all.

4. The Expert

Experts believe that they need to know as much as they can before they act. Deep inside, they believe that they will never know enough. They have a constant fear of being exposed as lacking experience or knowledge. Their tendency is to procrastinate with the excuse that they need to learn more or meet all the requirements before they start on a project or apply for a job.

5. The Soloist

People who are too independent may seem cool and enjoying utmost freedom in life. Soloist believe that they have to do it by themselves and asking for help diminishes their accomplishments. If they can’t do something by themselves; they feel that they are a failure and a fraud.

The Impostor Challenge

Your challenge is to assess yourself and identify which of these subcategories you can relate to. You may have experienced an Impostor Challenge at some point in your life. Being aware of what triggered these experiences will help you avoid them in the future.

Ask yourself how did you overcome that challenge? How did you get out of that phase in your life. If you can help someone else who is suffering from Impostor Syndrome; what would you do?

Try to observe the people around you. See if they are suffering from Impostor Syndrome and what subgroup they belong to. Unlike in the game, you don’t need to vote them out. You can help them find their confidence, recognize their accomplishments and overcome their challenge instead.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Laurenz Kleinheider on Unsplash.

Nov

2020

Believe in Yourself

Reading Time: 2 minutes

You are special. You have gifts and talents that are uniquely yours. All you need to do is to believe in yourself. Know that you are enough and that you have what it takes to be successful. Just let go of your fears and self-doubt. Be confident.

No matter how stressful the situation you are in right now, believe that you can overcome this challenge. You need to have faith in your own capabilities. Be strong!

Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle.
– Christian D. Larson

Your Goals

Start by redefining your goals. What may be working before may no longer work today. Then, do one small step a day towards your goals. Do this consistently over time.

Simple daily disciplines – little productive actions, repeated consistently over time – add up to the difference between failure and success.
– Jeff Olson, The Slight Edge

Stumbling Blocks

If you fail, it is okay. You can rise back up again. After all, failure is part of success. The most successful people persevered. They were able to rise above their circumstances. If others can do it, why can’t you? Learn the lessons and move on.

There will be people around who are going to make you doubt yourself. However, it is up to you if you are going to let them influence how you see yourself. Before letting their words and actions hurt you, it is best to ask yourself first who are these people? What are their intentions? Do they have your best interests at heart? Where are they coming from? You should learn to identify the toxic people that you should avoid. Do not allow their negative remarks to occupy your mind. Do not let them affect how you see yourself.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
– Eleanor Roosevelt

If you know your self-worth, no amount of negative words or situations can make you feel inferior. Remember, the choice is yours and yours alone. You gave the consent. You allowed them to make you feel small and miserable. Don’t let it happen again.

Love Yourself

Learn to trust and love yourself. Believe in your infinite potential. You can do it!

Edited version. First published in Pinoy Smart Living on 03.27.2019