self development

Aug

2021

Turn “ON” the Real You

Reading Time: 2 minutes

It’s time to turn “ON” the real you; that version of yourself that includes all aspects of yourself: your persona and your shadow; the 2 sides of one coin. Accepting all parts of who you are is the first step to transforming yourself for the better. If we cannot accept who we are right now; we won’t be able to embrace who we can become.

The wound is the place where the light enters you.
– Rumi

Nobody is perfect. Everyone is a work in progress. So don’t be afraid to accept your own flaws. It is only by recognizing your flaws that you can start to change them, heal them and turn them into a positive part of your self. Being able to love the perfect and imperfect side of yourself helps you live a more balanced life.

Sometimes, it is our fears that makes us stronger in other aspects of our lives. Accept these fears too, so that you don’t have to suffer through them alone. You may meet people who have the same fears and you can work together to live thru them or overcome them.

Everyone has their flaws; embarrassing memories, petty biases, guilty pleasures. We all have things we’d rather hide in the shadows. Unless we accept them as part of our selves, our history, our character; we will never be able to heal them. If we cannot heal, then we cannot move on.

Many people are stuck in the past, in their childhood traumas, never overcoming them. Healing is a gradual process but the first step is acceptance. Accept that you have made a mistake, that you were once a victim of people or circumstances. Accept that you have been wrong or been wronged and then forgive yourself. When you have forgiven your self for your own shortcomings; it becomes easier to forgive others.

Both light and shadow are the dance of love.
– Rumi

Turn “On” the real you so you can live a more balanced life. Accept all parts of you, the good and the bad, the genius, the fool, the beautiful and the ugly. Accept who and what you are now; all of what and who you are. Instead of looking for who or what to blame, look for ways on how to become a better version of yourself. Self-acceptance is a journey that lets you forgive and heal along the way. It takes believing in your self, courage to keep on moving forward and loving yourself to start the process. When you have fully accepted your self; you can start creating a new story.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Riccardo Annandale on Unsplash.

Nov

2020

The Impostor Challenge

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Finding out who the impostor or impostors are is the challenge in the recently popular game Among Us. There are tips to improve your chances at winning in the game that you can also use in real life.

Part of the popularity of the game maybe because it serves as a platform for participants to release strong, pent up emotions with a possibility of being rewarded. It provides an opportunity to break rules without negative consequences. After all, choosing who to sacrifice among your team mates in the game does not feel as cruel as it is in a real life scenario.

The reason that truth is stranger than fiction is that fiction has to have a rational thread running through it in order to be believable, whereas reality may be totally irrational.
— Sydney J. Harris

Although the method to survive and win in the game is cruel; real life is even more so. We have to engage with different people who may no be what we perceive them to be. While it is hard enough to figure out who are the impostors among us; some of us are suffering because we think and feel, that we are, in fact, impostors.

The Impostor Syndrome

Most people battle with having self-confidence every day. For people with impostor syndrome, the struggle is even more difficult. There are a lot of high-achievers who feel deep down that they are complete frauds. They feel that their accomplishments are mostly due to luck.

Since they believe that they are not at all talented, skilled, knowledgeable or experienced enough in their profession. They believe that they are actually inadequate, incompetent and total failures. Thus, they are in constant fear that their secret will be found out.

Many men and women experience impostor syndrome at some point in their lives. It was first identified by psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes in 1978. It applies to any person who is unable to acknowledge and own their accomplishments and success in their occupations or in other aspects of their life.

Dr. Valerie Young has categorized the different patterns of the Impostor Syndrome into five subgroups:

1. The Perfectionist

Perfectionists set excessively high goals for themselves and their group. They are usually control freaks who feel like they need to do everything themselves for things to be done right. When they fail to reach a goal; they experience major self-doubt and constantly worry about measuring up to their own goals and standards. This is definitely an impostor challenge that’s hard to overcome.

2. The Superwoman/man

These are the people who you see working over time but still come to the office the earliest. They push themselves hard at work to cover-up their insecurities of not measuring up or not being as competent as their colleagues. Vacations don’t entice them because they feel that they need to work harder instead of wasting their time on other things.

3. The Natural Genius

Some people believe that in order to succeed they need to be a natural genius. A genius to them means that they can do something easily and quickly without much effort. Just like perfectionists, they set their standards ridiculously high. When they fail to master something in a short period of time, they feel ashamed and think that they’re never going to get good at it. This impostor challenge does not value long-term effort at all.

4. The Expert

Experts believe that they need to know as much as they can before they act. Deep inside, they believe that they will never know enough. They have a constant fear of being exposed as lacking experience or knowledge. Their tendency is to procrastinate with the excuse that they need to learn more or meet all the requirements before they start on a project or apply for a job.

5. The Soloist

People who are too independent may seem cool and enjoying utmost freedom in life. Soloist believe that they have to do it by themselves and asking for help diminishes their accomplishments. If they can’t do something by themselves; they feel that they are a failure and a fraud.

The Impostor Challenge

Your challenge is to assess yourself and identify which of these subcategories you can relate to. You may have experienced an Impostor Challenge at some point in your life. Being aware of what triggered these experiences will help you avoid them in the future.

Ask yourself how did you overcome that challenge? How did you get out of that phase in your life. If you can help someone else who is suffering from Impostor Syndrome; what would you do?

Try to observe the people around you. See if they are suffering from Impostor Syndrome and what subgroup they belong to. Unlike in the game, you don’t need to vote them out. You can help them find their confidence, recognize their accomplishments and overcome their challenge instead.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Laurenz Kleinheider on Unsplash.

Jun

2020

Why You Should Start a Meditation Habit and How

Reading Time: 4 minutes

The world is a busy place and we need to keep up with this hectic pace. Most of us lack sleep from working too hard in order to live the life we want. Some of us are constantly worrying that we are not working hard enough or doing enough to achieve our goals. We are discontent about the past and scared about our future. We forget to live in the present and appreciate each moment.

The body benefits from movement, and the mind benefits from stillness.
— Sakyong Mipham

Every day we judge ourselves and disappoint ourselves because we have too many expectations. We distract ourselves from the difficulties of life by trying to do more. We crowd our daily schedules with so much. At the end of the day, we go to bed exhausted but still unable to alleviate our fears and worries. We have not even taken the time to be alone, to just be with ourselves.

What is Meditation?

Many successful people have learned the benefits of taking time out for themselves thru meditation. Each person does it their own way and may call it different things such as “me time”, “alone time”, “moment of silence”, “emptying your mind” or “calming your mind”. This time for yourself is called meditation. When you pray by yourself, softly whispering or silently, that too is a meditation.

Prayer is you speaking to God. Meditation is allowing the spirit to speak to you.
— Deepak Chopra

Simply put, meditation is the practice of calming your mind. It’s not really emptying it but focusing your mind on something else other than thinking. It is putting your mind on a break from all your usual thoughts, fears and worries.

There are different types of meditation and meditation techniques that you can explore once you have learned the habit. They all start with calming your mind and relaxing your whole body so you can get in touch with your inner self. For now, practice how to give your mind and your self a break from your daily concerns thru meditation.

Prayer is asking for guidance. Meditation is listening to it.
— Sonia Choquette

Meditation is one thing that can contribute to your overall wellness and success. Try to get a complete overview of your current level of wellness so you know which areas of wellness you need to work on.

Benefits of Meditation

There are many benefits to meditation including a calmer demeanor right after and even more energy; clearer thinking and improved concentration on tasks at hand. Long-term effects include improvement of overall health, better sleep, better communication and relationships and a more a positive outlook.

I meditate so that my mind cannot complicate my life.
— Sri Chinmoy

All this translates to self improvement and increased chances of success in many areas of life. No wonder many successful people have made meditation a habit.

Some people who have incorporated this practice into their daily routine include these celebrities:

Self-made millionaire Tony Robbins – meditates 9-10 minutes
Entrepreneur Arianna Huffington – meditates 20-30 minutes
CEO of LinkedIn and former Yahoo executive Jeff Weiner – cuts out blocks of his daily schedule for meditation and thinking time
Singer and entrepreneur Katy Perry – meditates sitting in bed for 20 minutes
Actor Clint Eastwood – practicing Transcendental meditation for over 40 years now

If you search online, there are many more names to add to this list.

How to Start a Meditation Habit

Meditation is best done in the early morning or before going to bed. You need at least 10-15 minutes of time alone, in a silent place where you can focus on meditating. You may do this sitting on a chair or on the floor or lying down. Be as comfortable as you can.

Close your eyes, put your hands on your lap and breathe deeply, inhaling thru your nose and exhaling thru your mouth. Most of the time, we breathe shallowly, only engaging the upper part of our lungs. Breathe deeply, feeling the air go all the way down to your diaphragm. Breathe slowly, focusing on your inhales and exhales. If thoughts come, just go back to focusing your attention on your breathing. This is all you need to do for 10-15 minutes.

Meditation is the ultimate mobile device; you can use it anywhere, anytime, unobstrusively.
— Sharon Salzberg

If you are doing this in an office setting, you can use headphones to reduce background noise, then play relaxing music to help calm you down. There are many meditation music available online. There are also guided meditation music to make it easier for you to meditate.

As much as possible, use music that has no lyrics as the words will just add to your thought process. Instrumental, acoustic and nature sounds are most recommended.

Do your best NOT to follow a thought for long. If you get distracted by a thought that pops up, go right back to focusing on your breathing. You may feel you have failed the first time because you did not feel as calm as you expected but just practice again the next day until you get to a calm state.

If we read the stories of the great spiritual teachers of the past, we find that they have attained spiritual realization through a great deal of meditation, solitude and practice. They did not take shortcuts.
— Rajiv Mehrotra

You may exceed the 15 minutes but that is also alright. Some people who meditate regularly do this for up to an hour a day. Others do this several times a day in 10-15 minute blocks.

Some people may find it so relaxing and end up falling asleep especially when meditating while lying down. This is alright too since you are trying to calm yourself anyway. You can just try to do it again the next day without falling asleep. A timer would help too so you don’t go over your break time at work.

Next Steps

Once you have integrated a meditation practice in your daily routine; you can decide to devote more time to it than just 15 minutes a day. Doing it twice a day or doing it several times throughout the day may be more effective for you. If you feel that you have too many things going in on your mind and you need to clear out the confusion, then take the time to meditate.

Start taking baby steps to creating a meditation practice in your daily life. Do tell us about your experience the first time you meditated or give us more tips to improve our meditation practice if you are doing this already.

Updated. First published on Pinoy Smart Living 2019.02.03.
Feature Image: Original Photo by Maik Kleinert from Pexels.

May

2020

Challenge Yourself to Show Up

Reading Time: 3 minutes

We all admire successful people. Read the life story of any man or woman you consider successful, and you will see that they all went through hardships in life. These personal struggles served as their motivation for success.

Successful people also share one trait that enabled them to overcome these struggles. They never gave up on their dreams of bettering their life and they showed it through their consistency. They consistently showed up to spend time and effort on their dream; and in the end, their efforts paid off.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.
— Woody Allen

All the greats in their fields have this trait. They show up to practice their craft even when they don’t feel like it. When there are obstacles in their path, they find a way to still do what they need to do. Finally, they get the opportunity to show off their skills and steadily, their talents and achievements gain acknowledgement.

The Show Up Challenge

Take up the same challenge for yourself. Do the Show Up Challenge by following this steps:

Pick a skill that you have neglected for a while or something new that you want to learn. Prepare everything that you need to start learning or practicing.
Make a daily schedule where you will spend at least an hour to focus on learning or practicing.
Do this for at least 30 days without missing a day. If you do miss a day, then make up for it by doubling the duration the next day.

The goal of this challenge is to encourage you to discipline yourself to be consistent in your habits. This also helps you develop a mindset for success. Even if you are just staring at a blank document on your computer screen, or a blank paper, because you can’t come up with anything to write about or draw, it’s okay. The point is to show up and to be there for the process, for the practice, for the learning.

Showing up is essential. Showing up consistently is powerful. Showing up consistently with a positive outlook is even more powerful.
— Jeff Olson

You may need to use an alarm to remind you of your schedule and that’s okay. You may need to force yourself to do it everyday by positive self-talk and that’s alright. Just do it and keep on doing it. Use your creativity to make the activity more fun and rewarding but don’t slack off. Show up consistently to do the work that needs to be done so you can succeed in your goal.

When you show up for yourself you can show up for the world more completely.
— Gabby Bernstein

Practice Makes Perfect

Success is like an iceberg. What we see is just the tip. We only see what great and successful people have already achieved. We often do not see the many struggles they had to endure to get to where they are. They spent many hours to learn and practice their craft. In short, even before they were certain that they could get to perform; they were already rehearsing.

We are all familiar with the saying, “practice makes perfect”. It sounds simple but it takes an extraordinary amount of practice to master one’s craft and perfect it.

It’s simply not enough to just show up and do your work. Superior performance is not, never has been, nor will it ever be, the by-product of ordinary efforts.
— Gary Ryan

Being successful in your field is not a matter of having innate talent either. Many talented people remain unrecognized for their talents because they did not hone it. Many people who did not have the talent, but who were willing to learn and put effort into honing their skills, have become successful in their fields.

Sometimes the bravest and most important thing you can do is just to show up.
— Brene Brown

It takes a lot of self-discipline to be successful in anything. Just like you, all the “greats” started with baby steps. The important thing is; they did not hesitate to take the first step and they kept moving forward.

Take up this challenge. Start with a small goal and keep showing up until you feel ready to take on the next step.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels