self confidence

Feb

2023

5 Ways to Get Closer to Your Authentic Self

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Being true to ourselves is the foundation for getting closer to living as our authentic self. By knowing who we are; we can understand and connect more deeply with the people around us. However, in a world where perfection is seen as the ideal; this is a hard process to do. But if you want to live your best life; then the transformation is worth it. Here are 5 things you can do to get closer to being your authentic self.

1. Observe Your Self

This may sound a bit awkward or creepy even but this is one little step that will truly help you learn more about yourself. You have to allocate time to observe yourself. Who are you when you are alone and who are you when in the presence of others? You need to be able to differentiate the ‘you’ when you’re alone and your persona; the ‘you’ when you’re around others. You may even have different personas to interact with different groups of people in your social circle.

The only way to find out is to observe your own thoughts, actions and behavior in these different interactions. Of course, in order to get the best data so to speak; you need to be present in the moment. By being mindful of each moment and experiencing them to the fullest; you can gain the utmost satisfaction from each interaction and recall these experiences better too. That’s what will make you a better observe of your own actions.

2. Explore Your Strengths and Weaknesses

One thing you can do to get to know yourself better is to find out your own strengths and weaknesses. Do a SWOT analysis so you can better figure out these things about your self. This is an opportunity for self-reflection. Be honest in writing down your list. Take your time to contemplate on these aspects of your self.

Aside from just you, get the opinion of people around you. Other people will surely have different thoughts on this matter. So go around and ask everyone what they think of your strengths and weaknesses. If you have many different social circles; then you may get different answers or maybe consistent ones. Welcome all their feedback as it is a chance to see if there is a gap between your opinion of your self and other people’s impressions of you. Then you can better understand how far or close you are to your authentic self.

3. Name Your Emotions

Most of us are trained and have perfected the persona of looking and acting like we are strong in the face of challenges even when we really just want to cry. But because of this reaction, we often forget to fully feel our own emotions before we move on to damage control mode. So this time around, don’t just rush out of it.

Instead, take the time to feel your emotions in your body as they come until they pass or fade away. In the meantime, you may or may not need to cry. But as you are in this state of being, try to put a name to your emotions. Are you sad or frustrated, angry or just agitated? Don’t act on your emotions as they come, just feel them. This is best done when you are alone of course, but this process also helps you to calm down and gain better clarity on what action you need to take or not take, towards the situation.

4. Evaluate Your Values

Sometimes, we put ourselves in uncomfortable situations because we want to please the people around us, our loved ones included. Maybe you wanted to become a writer but your parents are pushing you to be an engineer instead. So now, you are trying your best to not get a failing grade in a course that you didn’t really want for your self. Maybe your passion lies in one of your hobbies and not in your job.

Evaluate your own values. You and your parents are from different generations and there maybe some values that you will both cherish and some in which you will differ. If you can identify what these are and why they are important to you, you will have an easier time making your loved ones understand why you need to follow the path you want to take. Everyone has their own journey to take. If we can honor our own path; then it will be easier for others to honor that part of ourselves as well. This will take us closer to living our authentic self.

5. Be Kind to Yourself

We are often told to be kind to others as everyone is going through their own struggles. So don’t forget to be kind to yourself as well. Don’t beat yourself up if you think you are going too slow. Sometimes, it takes a step back to see the road ahead with greater clarity. Just focus on taking each step consistently and love yourself each step of the way.

Being kind to yourself also means being able to accept your own shortcomings and weaknesses. It also means accepting your unique quirks and embracing all parts of you, even your shadow self. Although we are all striving for perfection; remember that we are all a work in progress and it is our imperfections that make us the interesting souls that we are. So pat yourself on the bag for the small victories and soothe yourself with hopeful thoughts whenever you fail at a challenge. Then, take a rest and try again.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Caroline Veronez on Unsplash.

Nov

2021

Self-Confidence Begins at Home

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Are you a confident person? Did you know that your self-confidence begins at home? How we see ourselves today is a product of how we were brought up as children. Our self-esteem is shaped by how much we felt loved and adored as a child by our parents.

Building Self-Confidence in the Early Years

Look back into your childhood. Did you feel unconditional love and acceptance from your parents or from the people who brought you up? Were your accomplishments praised? On the contrary, have you ever felt that you were not good enough?

Studies reveal that a person’s confidence level was developed during childhood. Even as a young child, a person with a high sense of self-esteem is happy, proud, secure and feels accepted. On the other hand, an insecure person feels incompetent and lacking even at such a young age. They are self-critical and always doubt themselves. Thus, this means that the love, encouragement and attention that you received as a child molded your sense of self-worth.

Hidden Messages of Water

Dr. Masaro Emoto is a bestselling author and internationally renowned Japanese scientist. He discovered that water molecules when exposed to positive words and intentions creates a beautiful molecular formation. However, negative words create the opposite.

For example, the image above is the formation of molecules as viewed on a microscope. The water was exposed to the words or music indicated. In relation to this, the human body is made up of 60% water. So, this means that the words that you have been hearing since young which you now believed to be the truth have greatly impacted your being. Hearing “I love you” or “you are not good enough” has a contrasting effect on the individual.

Believe in Yourself

Thus, it is difficult to believe in yourself if you have been hearing the opposite all these years. And this is what self-confidence does – the trust and belief in one’s abilities and judgement. Without it, it is hard to keep up with life’s challenges, much more to handle setbacks and failures in life. We cannot undo the past but we can change this negative belief about one’s self by loving yourself.

If you are a parent, the greatest gift that you can give your child is to make them believe in themselves.

Image Photo by Monstera from Pexels

May

2021

Keeping Up with the Joneses

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Are you keeping up with the Joneses? Wait, what? Who are the Joneses? Well, keeping up with the Joneses is an English idiomatic expression which means comparing oneself to others. It is trying to maintain the same lifestyle or having the same material possessions to that of one’s neighbors or peers. For example, your neighbor buys a new car. In order to keep up with them, you will buy a new car also regardless of whether you need it or not. It also does not put into consideration whether you can afford it or not. Simply put, it is a feeling of not falling behind other people in terms of material possessions. That’s keeping up with the Joneses.

FOMO

With the onset of technology, keeping up with the Joneses has taken a new form. Now known as Fear of Missing Out, the feeling or insecurity has been magnified. We see people traveling, going places, eating delicious foods at fancy restaurants and buying the latest trends. It is human nature to not want to be left behind.

With social media, you get a constant view of the best parts of other people’s lives. You see the meals at fancy restaurants, the designer clothes, and the luxurious vacations. And if you follow any celebrities or influencers, you’ll see those types of posts all the time. It’s natural to feel a bit jealous and to want the same for yourself.
The Motley Fool

Why is it Bad?

We live in a highly competitive world. Most of the time, competitions are healthy because it propels us to develop and improve ourselves. However, in this fast-paced capitalist world, it is hard to keep up with everyone else. And besides, it is never a good idea to compare yourself with others. For one, it takes your focus off your goals. Second, in this vast world, learn to accept the fact that there will always be somebody who is more wealthy and successful than you.

The material possessions that others own are all part of their person a. What you are seeing is just the tip of the iceberg. You don’t know the whole story behind it. For all you know, the Joneses are in a track load of debt. It is not something that you want to get yourself into. And even if they can afford it, it does not mean that you can too. Every household has different management strategies. Your net worth is not the same as that of your neighbors.

Social Signaling

In psychology, this phenomenon is part of social signaling. Deep inside you have an inferiority complex or is quite insecure. Having a new car, branded clothes or latest cellphones all send “signals” to others that you are special. It is a way of getting an extra boost of self-worth from the material possessions that you own.

What’s ironic is that the truly wealthy do not act like that at all. Instead, they use what is called the counter signaling. Counter signaling means showing off by not showing off. Based on the analysis done by Dr. Tomas Stanley and Dr. William Danko of 292 millionaires, they found out that millionaires act quite the opposite. This was published in their book The Millionaire Next Door. Actual millionaires do not necessarily signal their success to others. In fact, they keep it low key. True, they buy expensive stuff but only because of their quality and not to show off. The most luxurious items in the world do not have big logos or emblems in their designs.

So, the next time you see your neighbor bragging or walking with their branded ensemble with large monogram logos, think again.

Love Yourself

All of us have our own journey in life. We will never be happy if we will forever be comparing ourselves to others. The key to happiness is to love yourself first. Know your self-worth. You are special. There is a genius within you. All you need to do is to believe in yourself. No amount of wealth, fame and fortune can contribute to your self-worth for it comes from within.

Feature Photo by Inga Seliverstova from Pexels

Apr

2021

5 Ways You Can Suffer from Social Media Addiction

Reading Time: 5 minutes

There are many ways you can suffer from social media addiction. In today’s world, it is almost impossible to not be a part of social media in some way. There are many social media platforms to chose from. Most people have at least 2 to 3 social media accounts on different platforms.

The use of social media has become so ingrained in our daily routine. We don’t often notice the harm it can cause. Just like any addiction, social media can become a habit that is hard to let go. Today, not having a social media account makes you seem anti-social. However, becoming anti-social is actually one of the negative effects of being addicted to social media.

With the rise of more affordable mobile devices, the use of social media is also on the rise. This also means that more people are experiencing the negative effects of being addicted to the use of social media.

1. FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) + Unhealthy Sleep Patterns

People who can’t stop checking their social media accounts so frequently do so because of a fear of missing out. This is one of the reasons why people develop social media addiction. Be it on the latest trends in fashion, entertainment or news; they don’t want to miss out on the latest happenings. Nobody wants to be criticized for being old fashioned or late to the news by their “friends” on social media. As a result, they spend their time late into the night, following recommended links and discussing these with their group.

This is especially true if you join a social media group which focuses on a particular topic. You need to be very active in the group conversations in order to be noticed. This is why you need to keep yourself updated on the topic/s so your comment gets more attention. In this cycle of events, you feel that you are getting more friends even as you lose more sleep.

This type of environment makes you feel like you belong to a group. In turn, this makes you feel the need to contribute to the group and make your presence felt. The problem is that this group is a virtual group; so you don’t really know the actual members. Spending too much time in this online group may lead to you developing anti-social tendencies in your personal relationships.

2. Developing Anti-Social Tendencies

You may have more than 500 friends or followers on your social media profile. Question is, do you really know each of them personally? You may be a part of a popular social media group, but do the members know each other at all?

Social media groups and group chats are useful for learning new things. They also allow you to get to know new people with similar interests as you. Spending time with your online friends is enjoyable but it also deprives you of quality time with your friends in the physical world.

Being immersed in just one group for too long will also encourage “group think”. This mindset makes you less open to exploring new ideas and concepts. You might reject an excellent suggestion about a particular topic just because it isn’t aligned with your group’s opinion. When you are limiting yourself to group think, you end up with more arguments instead of meaningful and productive discussions.

If you always spend time online and/or always argue with your friends and loved ones offline; eventually, you will develop anti-social behavior which could lead to more serious relationship issues and mental health issues later on.

3. Getting a Negative Self-Image

Social media posts are generally about good things or bad things in a particular person’s life experience. If you are always stalking your favorite social media influencer because you want to imitate their “perfect” life; then you are in for trouble. No one can have the perfect body unless they’ve been digitally enhanced. Life is only perfect in still pictures. People in social media tend to highlight only the good stuff. This is especially so in ads or thru celebrity endorsements.

Comparing yourself to the perfect lifestyle of celebrities is a negative habit. Doing it regularly will only make you develop a negative self-image. Instead of encouraging you to accept and love yourself; it may even give you a more negative view of the world in general.

As you stalk your favorite social media personality’s profile; you pine away at the things you don’t have in your life yet. With this habit, you are also negatively impacting your physical and mental health. Lingering on your social media feed will lower your self-esteem even more. There is a higher chance of this happening if you don’t have a healthy measure of self-confidence to begin with.

4. Setting Unrealistic Expectations

We all know the saying: “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” Based on your online friends, what type of person will you become or have you become that person already?

Being constantly on social media may give you unrealistic expectations of the real world. Relationships on social media are very different from relationships in real life. How people behave on social media is not how real people behave in the physical world. Relationship stress in the real world are very different from online ones. Constantly comparing your own situation to that of your social media idols and friends will result in many disappointing experiences.

It is even more harmful if you have experienced cyber-bullying in your social media group/s. This is similar to experiencing peer pressure in real life. It is just as harmful online because your attackers may be more than you can handle. Since you don’t know each other personally, any way you defend yourself will be useless. But since they are speaking as a group, then their opinions will come off as valid and believable. You may end up following their advise even if you’re not really sure about it. This is another negative effect of “group think”.

5. Feeling Depression and Anxiety

Aside from news channels, how many people have you seen online venting their frustrations and personal issues on their profiles? If you’ve started doing the same, then you might also be exhibiting the symptoms of depression.

Some people use social media to vent out their frustrations. This is actually alright if you are sharing such matters to just a select group of intimate friends and/or relatives. But if you are venting publicly, then you may invite unwanted attention and unsolicited advise as well as criticism.

If you are ranting on your social media group, you may receive both helpful comments as well as criticism. However, if you can’t manage the comments wisely, then you will only end up getting stressed and anxious. You may even end up depressed from one negative remark which might trigger a host of other negative emotions.

Depression is not something to make light off. Most people are not even aware that they are depressed. Do you find yourself constantly looking for validation online, instead of asking help from your actual friends and family? You may be more anxious or depressed than you think.

Next time you pick your phone or check your social media profile, try to set a time limit. This way, you don’t miss out on the more important things you need to pay attention to.

Do you know people who have experienced any of these ways that you can suffer from social media addiction? Have you experienced any of these yourself? The first step to solving the problem is awareness. Just like money, you should spend more on experiences that you will remember later on, with the people you love, instead of meaningless chatter online. Manage your time online wisely so you don’t miss out on the wonderful experiences real life has to offer.

Updated. First published on Pinoy Smart Living on 2019.10.15.
Feature Image: Original Photo by ROMAN ODINTSOV from Pexels.

Mar

2021

How to Look Expensive on a Budget

Reading Time: 5 minutes

Did you know that how you dress influences how you perform in life? Numerous studies show that how you dress affect your physical and mental well-being. If you look good, you feel good. If you dress well, you will exude confidence and this will simply affect how others perceive you. Whether you like it or not, appearances do matter. Thus, if you want to become successful, you need to dress the part. You need to learn how to dress for success. The good news is that you don’t need to actually wear expensive clothes to look expensive. Here are some secrets on how to look expensive even on a budget.

1.Wear Black

If you have been to Paris, London, Milan, New York and other fashion capitals of the world, you will be surprised that most people in those cities prefer to wear black. Black has been the symbol of power, elegance, luxury, and fashion.

Black is a neutral color. It blends perfectly well with any other color of clothing or accessories because it is very versatile. It will look good on anybody regardless of skin color or body shape.

Black is the most slimming of all colors. It is the most flattering. You can wear black at any time. You can wear it at any age and you can wear it for almost any occasion.
– Christian Dior

Black is simple and modern. You can experiment on different fabrics and styles without hurting your budget. The black pieces that you purchased more than a decade ago can still look good until today. You can wear it 24 hours a day. It works perfectly in the morning as well as the evening. You can never go wrong with black.

2. Wear White

If black is not your thing, then wear white. The color white is the color of perfection. It is pure and it looks clean. A white on white ensemble is simple yet it is chic. You can wear it on the street or you can wear it on the beach. You can match it with any other color. A white shirt or blouse paired with a pair of jeans still looks elegant despite its simplicity. Just add any accessories and you are good to go but don’t forget to wear nude or white underwear.

3. Use a Structured Bag

A bag is very useful. It is not only functional, it also completes an outfit. If you can spare a few bucks and do your budgeting responsibly, a designer handbag can be a form of investment too as long as you stick to the classics. If you visit some designer outlets in some parts of the world, you might get lucky and find your investment bag in outlets at a discounted rate.

On a budget? Fret not. It is possible to find a stylish bag that looks expensive without actually splurging. Forget about those knockoff designer handbags with big logos. Instead, opt for a structured bag. They are chic and timeless. The simple lines and hardware gives the added poise and polish that will complete your look. Use the structured top handle bag in the office and use the cross-body strap for a more casual look on the weekend.

4. Wear Pointed Shoes

Wearing pointed heels or shoes create an elongated effect. It instantly makes your legs longer making you look taller, slimmer and more graceful. They give a sleek, sophisticated and expensive look. It is also easier to dress it up or tone it down. A black pointed heel is a must have in every closet.

Pointed shoes can be paired in almost everything. If you are a woman and you are not fond of wearing heels, fancy flat pointed shoes on formal occasions will do the trick. If you are wearing casual clothing and you want to dress it up a little, pointed shoes will also do the trick.

5.Wear Clothes That Fit You

Fit is the most important aspect of dressing. Well-fitting clothes will complement your body. If you wear something too tight, not only will it make you uncomfortable, it will also make you appear fatter. On the contrary, if you wear something too big or oversized, you tend to be more relaxed. Although it will cover your true body shape, you will end up exhibiting a poor posture. You will come off as sloppy.

Unfortunately, most people buy clothes that don’t fit them, especially if the clothes are on sale. If in case you end up buying one, make sure to visit the tailor first and have it adjusted to your size before you even consider wearing it.

6. Don’t Wear Wrinkled Clothes

Going out looking like you slept in your clothes is a big no, no. If you want to look nice and expensive, you have to make sure that your clothes are properly steamed or pressed. Wearing wrinkled, dirty and sloppy looking clothes gives the impression that you don’t care or you don’t put importance to people that you are meeting. Put it this way, it will turn off prospective clients, your boss or even your date.

Well ironed clothes make them look more expensive than they actually are. Pressing your clothes before going out makes a lot of difference in your overall look.

7.Have a Signature Scent

Have you ever met someone that you are drawn to because they look so elegant and lovely because of their scent? A signature scent is a fragrance of a person that lingers in your memory that it becomes a part of that person’s very essence. Your task is to look for your very own signature scent. The scent need not be expensive. It can be a perfume, a cologne or an eau de toilette. The important thing is that it has to be scent that suits you. It has to be something that you like that will make you feel confident about yourself.

8.Choose the Right Materials

When it comes to clothing materials, choose the ones that are made of natural fabrics like cashmere, cotton, leather, linen, silk and suede. Unfortunately, not all can afford these materials because most of them come with a price tag to match. The good news is that there are some affordable clothing materials out there that look expensive. All you need to do is to look for these fabrics the next time you shop.

9.Add a Statement Piece

A statement piece always works in improving an outfit. You can use a scarf, a belt, necklaces, bracelets or other jewelries. If you have extra cash invest on vintage accessories or a luxury watch. Just choose something that will accentuate your outfit and bring it to life. Just remember not to overdo it.

10. Pay Attention to Small Details

Little things do matter. It is the finishing touches of an outfit that help complete your look. Here are some small details that you should pay attention to that people normally overlook:

Lining should be invisible.
Zippers should not be exposed.
Clothes should be correctly buttoned.
No loose threads on hems.
Threads should be the same colour as fabric.

First Published in Pinoy Smart Living on 01.28.2019.

Feature Image by Pixabay Images

Mar

2021

How to Define Your Personal Style

Reading Time: 3 minutes

What is your personal style? Each person has his or her own distinct characteristic or appearance that is unique to that person alone. And this is what personal style is all about. It pertains to the way a person expresses himself or herself. It encompasses everyone, not just the fashion conscious. Thus, it is important to know how to define your personal style.

Psychology of Dressing

Have you heard of the saying that your outfit is self-expression? Although it does not define who you are as a person, a study reveals that your clothes give passersby a glimpse of your personal psychology. Termed as “enclothed cognition”, it states that clothes have direct influence on the person’s psychological state.

In a book published by clinical psychologist Dr. Jennifer Baumgartner entitled “What You Wear: What Your Clothes Reveal About You“, the author reveals that simple activities such as shopping and putting together some outfits reveal our personalities, our feelings and even how we think about ourselves. So, more often than not, we are subconsciously giving other people hints on our current emotional state.

The good news is that we can use dressing to our advantage. Did you know that you can dress for success? If you want to become highly successful, you need to learn how to dress the part.

Steps on How to Define Your Personal Style

In the meantime, if you have not defined your personal style yet, here are some steps on how to define your personal style.

1.Stay True to Yourself

There is no right or wrong when it comes to defining your personal style. The key here is knowing yourself, who you are and what your positive traits are when it comes to your body. A stylish individual may or may not follow trends. It is not about being fashionable or trendy but rather it is all about developing your sense of self.

2. Identify Your Fashion Icon

Mentors are important for success. That is why, it is highly important to have one in every aspect of your life. This is also true when it comes to defining your personal style. Who is your fashion icon? As soon as you have figured out who that person is, it is time to do your research. Check out fashion magazines, blogs, interviews and photographs of that person. Take inspiration on how they put together their own personal style. And learn from them.

3. Consider Your Lifestyle

So, let’s be realistic. You can’t keep on buying formal wear just like your favorite Hollywood actor or actress wore on the red carpet if you hardly go to any formal events. You will just end up wasting a lot of money. The appropriate thing to do is to look into clothing that best fits your lifestyles. Because at the end of the day, personal style has a lot to do with practicality. What is your job? What are your everyday activities? Then, think of ways on how to incorporate your personal style preferences in your lifestyle.

4. Consider Your Body Type

It is not just your lifestyle that you need to consider, you also need to examine your body type. Let’s face it, not all of us have bodies like models. Whatever your body type is, know what works for you or not. Learn to identify the body part that you want to highlight or downpaly. Wear clothes that flutters your body and accentuates your best features but without revealing too much.

5. Build on Your Basics

The French are known for their classic and timeless fashion style. But did you know what their secret is? They stick to the basics. They build their wardrobe on basic must-have items and build their wardrobe from there. Once they have the basics on, they add a touch of their individuality through fashion accessories.

6. Stay Comfortable

Are you the type of person who is willing to sacrifice comfort just to look stylish and fashionable? If you are willing to take the extra mile, why not? But for the rest of us, comfort should always be a consideration. If you are not comfortable in an outfit, it will show.

Personal style is about having a sense of yourself and what you believe in everyday.
– Ralph Lauren

Feature Photo by Godisable Jacob from Pexels

Mar

2021

Ways to Start Your Day Right

Reading Time: 4 minutes

There are so many ways to start your day right. However, most of us start our day on autopilot as soon as we wake up. If you want to wake up from autopilot mode and have more control over the rest of your day; then you should start your day more mindfully. Start with these suggestions to start your day right.

Wake Up to The Clock

Most of us hit the snooze button instead of waking up when we hear our alarm clock. Instead, try to wake up on hearing the alarm and get up immediately. Sit on your bed for a few minutes to steady yourself and sort yourself out but don’t go back to sleep. Enjoy the sunshine for a few minutes (if you have a window). Tidy up your bed and get out of your bed room.

TIP: Get an actual alarm clock instead of using your phone. This will allow you to unplug the night before. Also, place your alarm clock away from your bed and not beside it so you will be forced to get out of bed to turn it off.

Drink Warm Water

A warm cup of water is a good way to start your day. It helps to gradually signal your body to be active again. It also helps to soothe your empty stomach. Plus, you can count it towards your quota of 8 glasses of water a day. Drinking warm water on an empty stomach is like stretching your body before vigorous exercise. This is definitely one of the ways you need to do to start your day right.

TIP: Try lemon water. Cut a few slices of lemon and put into your cup of warm water. Let sit for a few minutes before drinking. You can also drink tea or coffee if you really need to perk up your morning.

Meditate for Clarity

A time for self-reflection and clarity is best scheduled in the morning. Morning is when your mind is still calm and not buzzing with thoughts and to do’s for the day. Sit in a quiet corner and take deep, long breaths; inhale and exhale slowly. A calm mind helps you get clearer on how to plan your day for the most productivity. A meditation is one of the best ways to start your day right.

TIP: Make meditation a ritual. Light an incense or turn-on the scent diffuser. If possible, close the room. Get yourself a comfortable mat or pillow to sit on so you can meditate without any distractions.

Move Your Body

Light exercise is a great start to energize you for the day. You don’t need to do it for an hour. 10-30 minutes of exercise regularly will do wonders for both your mind and body. Be sure to start and end with some stretching routines and don’t overdo things so you don’t injure yourself. Sweating it out will help you detox and calm your mind at the same time.

TIP: Pick an exercise routine that is right for your fitness level. We all have a physical goal in mind but we need to start our fitness journey right if we want to sustain it. Don’t force yourself to do some moves if you know you’re not flexible enough. Be patient with yourself and just stay consistent.

Self Care First

Show yourself some love first before you go out the door to express your love to the world. A simple self-care routine is all you need to feel pampered just a little bit each morning and night. Enjoy your morning shower. Wash your face, put on some moisturizer and do a mini-facial by softly massaging your face. Apply your favorite lotion or essential oil and enjoy the moment. Don’t forget to smile at yourself in the mirror as you give yourself some love.

TIP: Use natural beauty products so you don’t only show love for yourself but to the environment as well. This also means less negative impact on your health and the planet. Natural products may feel like they cost more; but why shouldn’t you splurge on your self?

Read A Book

One of the ways to get out of autopilot mode is to learn new way of doing and thinking about things. There are many things that you can learn online but reading a physical book is a different experience. Not only are you learning, you gain more appreciation for the author’s and publisher’s efforts. This puts you in a grateful mood for the lessons and the people behind the book. And an attitude of gratitude is a great way to approach the day.

TIP: Read a book anytime you have free time. Not just in the morning, at night too. Some people even read a few pages during their commute. It’s a small luxury to peek into the minds of others who have already succeeded. This will get you more inspired and more motivated to work on your own goals.

Plan Your Day

The act of sitting down to plan your day is a time-saving way to lessen your day’s stress. When you plan your day, you can map out your priorities and the things that you can leave out for later. Creating a daily task schedule will help you to focus on what needs to be done so you are not constantly worrying about the gazillion things that you need to accomplish. It also gives you an idea of what you can cram into your day so you get wiser at scheduling your activities.

TIP: Get a planner or make yourself one or use an app. Use a physical planner to jot down your To Do list or use an app on your mobile phone. Most importantly, don’t forget to take your planner with you so you can track your progress.

These are just some of the ways you can start your day right. You can do them in the order that you want. You can also swap them with better habits that you want to develop. Check out the morning habits of successful people too. Another important thing to remember is to make sure that you also have a great way to end your day.

Feature Image: Photo by bruce mars on Unsplash.

Nov

2020

The Impostor Challenge

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Finding out who the impostor or impostors are is the challenge in the recently popular game Among Us. There are tips to improve your chances at winning in the game that you can also use in real life.

Part of the popularity of the game maybe because it serves as a platform for participants to release strong, pent up emotions with a possibility of being rewarded. It provides an opportunity to break rules without negative consequences. After all, choosing who to sacrifice among your team mates in the game does not feel as cruel as it is in a real life scenario.

The reason that truth is stranger than fiction is that fiction has to have a rational thread running through it in order to be believable, whereas reality may be totally irrational.
— Sydney J. Harris

Although the method to survive and win in the game is cruel; real life is even more so. We have to engage with different people who may no be what we perceive them to be. While it is hard enough to figure out who are the impostors among us; some of us are suffering because we think and feel, that we are, in fact, impostors.

The Impostor Syndrome

Most people battle with having self-confidence every day. For people with impostor syndrome, the struggle is even more difficult. There are a lot of high-achievers who feel deep down that they are complete frauds. They feel that their accomplishments are mostly due to luck.

Since they believe that they are not at all talented, skilled, knowledgeable or experienced enough in their profession. They believe that they are actually inadequate, incompetent and total failures. Thus, they are in constant fear that their secret will be found out.

Many men and women experience impostor syndrome at some point in their lives. It was first identified by psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes in 1978. It applies to any person who is unable to acknowledge and own their accomplishments and success in their occupations or in other aspects of their life.

Dr. Valerie Young has categorized the different patterns of the Impostor Syndrome into five subgroups:

1. The Perfectionist

Perfectionists set excessively high goals for themselves and their group. They are usually control freaks who feel like they need to do everything themselves for things to be done right. When they fail to reach a goal; they experience major self-doubt and constantly worry about measuring up to their own goals and standards. This is definitely an impostor challenge that’s hard to overcome.

2. The Superwoman/man

These are the people who you see working over time but still come to the office the earliest. They push themselves hard at work to cover-up their insecurities of not measuring up or not being as competent as their colleagues. Vacations don’t entice them because they feel that they need to work harder instead of wasting their time on other things.

3. The Natural Genius

Some people believe that in order to succeed they need to be a natural genius. A genius to them means that they can do something easily and quickly without much effort. Just like perfectionists, they set their standards ridiculously high. When they fail to master something in a short period of time, they feel ashamed and think that they’re never going to get good at it. This impostor challenge does not value long-term effort at all.

4. The Expert

Experts believe that they need to know as much as they can before they act. Deep inside, they believe that they will never know enough. They have a constant fear of being exposed as lacking experience or knowledge. Their tendency is to procrastinate with the excuse that they need to learn more or meet all the requirements before they start on a project or apply for a job.

5. The Soloist

People who are too independent may seem cool and enjoying utmost freedom in life. Soloist believe that they have to do it by themselves and asking for help diminishes their accomplishments. If they can’t do something by themselves; they feel that they are a failure and a fraud.

The Impostor Challenge

Your challenge is to assess yourself and identify which of these subcategories you can relate to. You may have experienced an Impostor Challenge at some point in your life. Being aware of what triggered these experiences will help you avoid them in the future.

Ask yourself how did you overcome that challenge? How did you get out of that phase in your life. If you can help someone else who is suffering from Impostor Syndrome; what would you do?

Try to observe the people around you. See if they are suffering from Impostor Syndrome and what subgroup they belong to. Unlike in the game, you don’t need to vote them out. You can help them find their confidence, recognize their accomplishments and overcome their challenge instead.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Laurenz Kleinheider on Unsplash.

Nov

2020

Believe in Yourself

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You are special. You have gifts and talents that are uniquely yours. All you need to do is to believe in yourself. Know that you are enough and that you have what it takes to be successful. Just let go of your fears and self-doubt. Be confident.

No matter how stressful the situation you are in right now, believe that you can overcome this challenge. You need to have faith in your own capabilities. Be strong!

Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle.
– Christian D. Larson

Your Goals

Start by redefining your goals. What may be working before may no longer work today. Then, do one small step a day towards your goals. Do this consistently over time.

Simple daily disciplines – little productive actions, repeated consistently over time – add up to the difference between failure and success.
– Jeff Olson, The Slight Edge

Stumbling Blocks

If you fail, it is okay. You can rise back up again. After all, failure is part of success. The most successful people persevered. They were able to rise above their circumstances. If others can do it, why can’t you? Learn the lessons and move on.

There will be people around who are going to make you doubt yourself. However, it is up to you if you are going to let them influence how you see yourself. Before letting their words and actions hurt you, it is best to ask yourself first who are these people? What are their intentions? Do they have your best interests at heart? Where are they coming from? You should learn to identify the toxic people that you should avoid. Do not allow their negative remarks to occupy your mind. Do not let them affect how you see yourself.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
– Eleanor Roosevelt

If you know your self-worth, no amount of negative words or situations can make you feel inferior. Remember, the choice is yours and yours alone. You gave the consent. You allowed them to make you feel small and miserable. Don’t let it happen again.

Love Yourself

Learn to trust and love yourself. Believe in your infinite potential. You can do it!

Edited version. First published in Pinoy Smart Living on 03.27.2019

May

2020

Your First Step

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The first step is the start of something new. It signals a fresh start or new beginning. The first step is usually the hardest but once you decide to take it, then you have advanced forward in your journey. You need to take your first step if you want to change your life for the better.

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.”
— Lao Tzu

To change Your Circumstances

We experience many setbacks in our journey through life and we need to take many kinds of first steps to change our circumstances. Taking a first step into the unknown is always a scary experience no matter how many times you do it; but it is necessary to do so in order for us to thrive and grow as individuals.

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”
— Martin Luther King Jr.

To Chase Your Dreams

Taking the first step into an uncertain future can be daunting. It takes courage and belief in our own capabilities and faith that the Universe has our back. Sometimes, it may feel that our first steps lead us to a dead end. It may even feel like the wrong path to our intended destination. However, if we keep on striving, trusting our intuition and holding steadily to our goals; no matter what path we are taken thru, we will surely get to our destination.

“To get through the hardest journey we need take only one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping.”
— Chinese proverb

To Move Forward In Life

Our journey may seem like a labyrinth sometimes and we don’t always see the way out. Our destination may sometimes become unclear, obscured by hurdles along the way. But as long as we take the first step and have the courage to keep on moving forward, then we are moving closer to success.

Together, let us take our first steps – even if they are baby steps – to get ahead on our journey.

Featured Image: Original Photo by Clemens van Lay on Unsplash.