responsibility

Apr

2021

Pied Piper

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Do you know of the tale of the Pied Piper? The Pied Piper is a fairy tale about a village in Hamelin, Germany. There was a rat infestation in the village. To drive away the rats, they hired the Pied Piper to play his magical flute. But after successfully driving away the rats through his music, the villagers refused to pay the piper. This angered the piper and as a revenge; the piper entranced the children of the village through his music. Just like the rats, the children disappeared from the village forever.

When, lo! As they reached the mountain-side, A wondrous portal opened wide, As if a cavern was suddenly hollowed; And the Piper advanced and the children followed, And when all were in to the very last, the door in the mountain-side shut fast.
– Robert Browning, The Pied Piper of Hamelin

A Delusive Enticement

The story of the Pied Piper may be fictional but the lesson imparts by the story is something deeper. In fact, the word pied piper is now defined by the Merriam-Webster as “one that offers strong but delusive enticement”. Delusive means something misleading, deceptive, false or unreal. Enticement on the other hand is something that lures, tempts or attracts us.

There are many temptations in life. In the Bible, John the Evangelist in his Epistle classified them into three:

Lust of Eyes (Materialism)
Lust of the Body (Hedonism)
Pride of Life (Egoism)

If we are not careful, just like the children, we might fall into the spell of the Pied Piper. Just like fishing, Someone who is fishing will use bait to lure the fish. The fishes then unknowingly take the bait and this will ultimately lead to their demise.

Learn When To Stop

What do we do then? Life will not be as exciting if we will indulge ourselves in some form of guilty pleasure. Well, it is okay to indulge in the little things as long as you don’t overdo it. Remember that too much of anything is bad. You can eat chocolates, sweets, fatty foods and junk foods once in a while but to make it as part of your daily diet is detrimental to your health. It is okay to splurge and reward yourself with some little things every now and then but to do it on a consistent basis despite the fact that it is ruining your budget can lead to unnecessary debt. Cellphones and the internet are invented for our convenience but to make your life revolve around will already affect your relationships with the people around you. The key is learn when to stop before it harms you.

The song Pied Piper by BTS said it all. The song gives a message to the Army, their fans, to become more self-aware about how much they indulge in BTS. It is okay to idolize them however, if it becomes too much to the point that it will affect their daily responsibilities in life, then fans need to learn to stop and control themselves.

Stop. Now stop watching and study for your test. Your parents and boss hate me. Video clips, pictures, tweets, V app, Bon Voyage. I know you can’t help what you like but stop. Interpret the music later. You have so many pictures of me in your room anyway. It’s not just one hour, but it’s a whole year that will disappear.
– RM of BTS, Pied Piper

Learn when to stop before it ruins your life.

Feature Photo by Jonathan Petersson from Pexels

Sep

2020

When Parental Achievement Goals Become Too Much

Reading Time: 3 minutes

It is only natural for parents to aspire for their children’s success. However, when taken to the extremes, it becomes destructive. Because of the parents’ desire, children are being pressured to excel from a very young age. When parental achievement goals become too much for the child to handle, it leads to more harm than good. This has become the biggest cause of stress among the youth today.

Parental Pride

Parental pride is human nature. Parents feel happy and proud every time their children will achieve some form of accomplishment. Just take a look at your social media accounts. How many posts have you seen of proud parents congratulating their children on their achievements? It can be as simple as a child’s first word or first art work to an adult child’s acceptance to a prominent university.

Some parents are taking it to the next level by setting up social media accounts for their newborns. Parents are now raising their children in the social media limelight. But is this parental behavior really good for the children? Studies about ‘sharenting’, a term that means the overuse of social media by parents sharing contents about their children, indicate that such behavior is doing more harm than good to the children. Aside from parents’ violating their child’s privacy, it is also putting unnecessary pressure on the child.

Parental Achievement Goals

Parents only wants the best for their children but sometimes; unintentionally, their parental achievement goals are becoming harmful. Every now and then, it is best for parents to reflect if their achievement goals are really still for the welfare of the child.

Sky Castle: Parental Achievement Goals to the Extreme

Sky Castle, a Korean drama is an excellent drama that deals with this sensitive topic on parenting. It is a story about four wealthy families who lived in a posh and exclusive village called the Sky Castle. The fathers in the four families are all equally successful. Because of the success attained by the head of each household in Sky Castle, they expect their children to follow the footsteps of their fathers. Nothing but only the best is acceptable.

To ensure that the children excel academically and get accepted in one of the top universities in Korea; the parents resorted to extraordinary lengths such as planning the children’s schedules up to the minute details and building a soundproof room for studying. The desire for their children to excel in Sky Castle has become a competitive sports that it brought immense pressure on the children. It was heartbreaking to watch the children’s lives being destroyed one by one as a result of the parents’ quest for achievement.

Although a work of fiction, Sky Castle had succeeded in hitting a nerve. It is so close to reality. Many parents nowadays put emphasis on the children’s achievements. In fact, several surveys done indicated that a great majority of parents; regardless of race, culture and social class, place their children’s achievements or performances as their top concern. Parents praised their children when they excel but blame and punish them harshly if they do not.

This satirical drama is a highly recommended show for all parents out there. As parents, you will learn a lot about the importance of parenting and hardships in raising children. At the same time, it will also give you a deeper understanding on looking at things from the point of view of your children.

Duty of Parents

It is the responsibility of the parents to make sure that their children grow up to be healthy, happy and responsible human beings. It is also the duty of the parents to program their children for success. However, success is relative. The parent’s definition of success may be different from that of the children. Instead of focusing solely on the child’s achievements, it is best that parents focus on helping children achieve their dreams by providing the child with a loving and supportive environment. Remember that not all children are the same. Children have different interests, gifts and talents. It is the role of the parents to find out what these are and unleash the genius within each child . Only be doing so will they grow up to be exceptional individuals.

Updated version. First published in Pinoy Smart Living in 23.08.2019.

Feature Image Credit JTBC of Korea.

Apr

2020

How to Overcome Challenges

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Life is full of of adversities. It is all part of our journey in life. Challenges are crucial for growth and success. Without them, we will never have a chance to improve and become better persons. Conquering them is not easy but it is possible. What is important is the will to find ways on how to overcome challenges.

Adversity has the effect of drawing out strength and qualities of a man that would have laid dormant in its absence.
Herodotus

Unfortunately, not all people bounced back. There are those who got stucked in the past. These people tried to relive the pain of the past over and over again. They are not making progress in life. They are also unhappy. You don’t want to be like them.

At the other side of the fence are the champions. They are the ones who survived the adversities that came their way. The challenges that they have encountered in life became their stepping stones for success. They conquered and were able to rise above the storm. You want to belong in this group.

Being challenged in life is inevitable, being defeated is optional.
Roger Crawford

Yes, it is possible to overcome adversities. It is going to be hard. It will be painful and very difficult. You must be unshakeable. You need to persevere. Don’t be discouraged by defeat or failure. That’s the only way to survive and conquer adversities in life.

Here are some tips on how to successfully overcome adversities:

1. Take Responsibility for Your Life

Be responsible for your actions. You are where you are right now because of the decisions that you have made in the past. Acknowledge what happened. Take ownership of your past behaviours. Stop blaming others. Accept the fact that there are some things that are beyond your control. Instead, ask yourself what are the things that you can control and could have done differently. Learn the lesson and move on. The sooner you will take responsibility for your own life, the sooner you can get out of that predicament.

Don’t play the victim to circumstances you created.
Unknown

2. Focus on Your Goals

What do you want to accomplish in life? Many people have a hard time overcoming adversities because they don’t know what they want in life. It is difficult to focus when you don’t know what you want. It is like driving your car without a clear destination. So before anything else, you need to first start creating your life goals.

If you are focus on your goals, you won’t get distracted easily. You will only pay attention to things that will help you achieve your goals. No matter how hard, you will search for solutions to problems.

3. Have the Proper Mindset

Your mindset affects the direction of your life. Whether you become a success or failure in tackling life’s challenges relies heavily on your mindset.

Your mindset is your mental disposition. It includes your values, thoughts and beliefs. It determines how you response to events that happen to you. If you think you can overcome it, then you will. In the same way, that if you think the problem is too big for you to handle, then it is going to be too big for you to handle. That’s why it is very important to have the proper mindset in times of crisis.

Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.
Henry Ford

4. Practice Gratitude

You need to practice gratitude especially in tough times. Gratitude helps you feel good. It diverts your focus from the negative to the positive. You begin to look at what you have rather than what you don’t have. You will feel blessed. It will become helpful especially during times of anxiety and despair.

5. Surround Yourself with Positive People

Have you heard of the saying that “you are the average of the five people you spend most of your time with”? The people you surround yourself with has an enormous power to influence your life. They directly affect your mood, mindset, motivation and decisions.

For example, you have decided to improve your wellness. You made a promise to yourself to start eating healthy foods but every time you go out with your friends, they kept on eating fast food. Compare this in a scenario wherein all your friends eat organic and fresh produce. In which case do you think will you be achieve your goals?

The same is true if you surround yourself with positive people. Positive people will support you, encourage you and compliment you while negative people will criticize you and put you down.

6. Be One With Nature

Did you know that there is a new wellness model called Ecowellness? Ecowellness pertains to psychotherapeutic activities that involves nature. You can go to the beach or the mountains, take a walk in the park or do gardening in your backyard. In other words, it is using nature to heal and reduce stress. It is allowing yourself to experience calmness and in the process cultivate deep awareness of one’s self. Before you know it, you will that moment of clarity wherein you will know what to do with the challenges ahead.

Feature Image by Posted by A.L. Jonas in Emotional, 0 comments

Feb

2020

When and How to Apologize Properly

Reading Time: 3 minutes

When a word or phrase is said and heard over and over again, it’s meaning gradually fades away. A prime example is the phrase “I am sorry” or “I’m sorry”. Whenever we do something that we think might offend or inconvenience another person, we quickly blurt out these words. But when the situation is not so simple and feelings and even persons are physically hurt, saying the same phrase is often ineffective. So, when and how to apologize properly?

There is a better and proper way to apologize so that the sincerity of your words are conveyed and we should practice these steps more often. Knowing when. and how to apologize properly is one life rule that everyone should know and practice.

An apology should contain 2 components: it should show remorse for your actions and acknowledge the hurt that you caused the other person because of your actions. The main goal of an apology is to rebuild the trust that was temporarily lost due to your actions while mending the hurt in the process.

So how do you apologize properly?

1.Express Your Remorse

You always start with “I’m sorry” or “I apologize” as these words express remorse over your actions. However, don’t end it there. Follow that with an honest assessment of how you feel to convey your sincerity. For example, you can say: “I apologize for shouting at you so suddenly. I feel embarrassed by how I acted just now.“

Make sure to apologize as soon as you realize your actions; otherwise your apology will loose its sincerity.

2. Admit Your Responsibility

Acknowledge what you did and admit responsibility for your actions or behavior. Don’t make assumptions about the other person’s feelings but try to empathize with them by putting yourself in their shoes and express how that might have felt for them.

For example, you can say: “I know that I hurt your feelings when I shouted at you and I’m sure that it embarrassed you since everyone was there. It was wrong of me to do that to you.“

3. Make Your Amends

Making amends means taking action to correct your mistake to make things right. Offer to do something for the person to make them feel better and to correct the situation. Be sure not to make empty promises though as this will only worsen the situation.

You can offer to make up for the situation by saying: “If there’s anything I can do to make this up to you, please ask.” Or offer more specific action such as: “I realize that I am in the wrong so please provide us more details about your suggestion earlier.”

4. Promise Not To Do It Again

The last step in your apology is to make a promise not to repeat the action or your behavior. This step is important as it gives the other person the reassurance that they can trust you again and repair your relationship with them.

For example: “I promise I’ll listen to what you have to say first before I draw conclusions. You can also call me out on this if I do it again.”

In order to make an effective apology, remember that you need to be honest with yourself. Try to see the situation from the other person’s perspective and don’t offer excuses. Don’t expect immediate forgiveness either but continue showing your sincerity through your actions.

Try these steps next time you need to apologize. As long as you’re sincere about it, you should be able to regain the trust of your friend and improve your relationship with them.

Minor edits in this version. First published in Pinoy Smart Living on 05.30.2019
Original image by freestocks-photos from Pixabay