psychology

04
Feb
2022
Are You Well? The Eight Dimensions of Wellness

Are You Well? The Eight Dimensions of Wellness

Reading Time: 6 minutes

Do you feel healthy? Do you feel well enough to engage in your daily activities most of the time? Most of us gauge a healthy diet and exercising as a measure of our health, but this is only one aspect of being totally healthy. There are actually eight dimensions of wellness.

Are you fulfilling the 8 dimensions of wellness to live a balanced life?

Not being sick is also not a sign that you are healthy. Yes, you may be healthy physically but you may not be well. Actually, wellness is a holistic experience and total wellness can only be achieved if you are fulfilling the 8 dimensions of wellness in your regular activities.

Wellness is considered a necessary component to be able to achieve your full potential as a human being. It encompasses your lifestyle including your mental and spiritual well-being. Wellness is an experience where you, the individual, consciously make decisions that propel you to achieving a successful, balanced existence.

The 8 Dimensions of Wellness

To help you achieve and maximize your full human potential, you need to make daily goals that develop each of these dimensions.

PHYSICAL

Are you physically healthy? Do you look and feel healthy? Are you sick often or almost never? Physical wellness is being able to get through your daily activities without undue fatigue or physical stress. Physical health is one of the dimensions of wellness that is mostly neglected and taken for granted. It is important to take care of yourself physically because it is the foundation for our overall wellness.

Do you take care of yourself physically?

Remember that we only have one body and we are only able to interact with each other and our environment because of our body so we should make it a priority to take care of ourselves. We should ensure that we are physically healthy so we can perform to our best each time we are physically needed to do so.

FINANCIAL

Do you track your expenses? Are you following a budget? Do you have a savings account? Do you have an emergency fund? Are you investing your money? These are just some of the things that we need to have in our financial life. Without these things in place, we won’t be able to manage our finances effectively.

Are you satisfied about your current financial situation or do you wish you could improve it?

There are many ways to start learning about finances so you can improve your skills in handling your money. There is no quick-rich magic formula to become instantly rich. The best way to improve your financial situation is to learn more about your money personality, improve your financial literacy, pick one financial area that you are comfortable learning and doing and then expand from there.

SOCIAL

Are you friendly and outgoing? Are you aloof and/or prefer to be alone? Do you have one constant set of friends or do you have multiple sets of friends? Social wellness is having and maintaining positive connections with friends, family, colleagues and others. It means that you have people around you who you can feel safe with and are comfortable enough to be with in various situations.

Do you make time to go out with your friends and family?

Having many friends does not mean that you are healthy. You may be surrounded by friends and still feel alone and lonely if you don’t have good relationships with most of them. It is the quality and value of the interactions that you have with them that enables you to achieve social wellness. Constant communication is also a key factor in achieving social wellness.

SPIRITUAL

Do you feel that you are being guided to the right opportunities and decisions? Do you believe that you are being directed towards your goal or that you are fulfilling your purpose in life? How about, do you feel connected with and do you empathize with the people and events around you? Spirituality is different from religion. Two people can be from different religions but share similar spiritual practices and beliefs.

Can you calm down your worries and feel reassured that everything will work out for the best?

Finding your purpose in life and living it is the ultimate goal of each individual. Most of us believe that when we find our purpose and start living it, then we will find happiness. In fact, if we strive to find happiness in our lives, then it will become easier for us to find what truly makes us happy which is what fulfilling our life purpose should feel like. Being spiritually well involves a combination of believing in yourself as well as faith that the Universe has our back.

EMOTIONAL

Are you happy or sad? Are you angry or constantly cheerful or feeling upset? Emotional wellness refers to how you feel inside. When you feel constantly anxious, stressed and unhappy, this will eventually take a major toll in your overall health and wellness. Negative thoughts and feelings are a sign of poor health. There are many ways to alleviate poor emotional health and each person must find a way that is tailored to their specific personalities, needs and circumstances.

Are you sad or happy? How you feel greatly affects your health.

Being well emotionally means that you are able to control or regulate your emotions as necessary and that you are also able to take the necessary steps to change your emotions so you feel better about yourself and/or a negative situation. The main goal is to attain emotional happiness and fulfillment.

INTELLECTUAL

Does your job provide you with adequate intellectual challenges? Intellectual wellness means that you experience various types of intellectual stimulation through various means and different areas in your life. Constant learning not only staves off boredom; it also opens up new opportunities to develop relationships with new people, gain new knowledge, skills and new experiences.

Do you engage in activities that stimulate you intellectually?

Try enrolling in a course, develop a reading habit or listen to audiobooks, attend seminars and conferences about a topic you are interested in or find a hobby that you want to pursue. Develop a learning habit so that you constantly stimulate your intellect and mental skills and maintain your intellectual health. This also allows you to relate to much younger people than you since they are also learning new things in life.

ENVIRONMENTAL

Do you feel safe at home? How about in your community as a whole? Are you able to keep your home clutter-free? Are you disposing your trash properly? Environmental wellness is having a pleasant and stimulating environment that supports your overall well-being. You should have many safe spaces in your environment.

Does your environment allow you to feel safe enough to do the things you want and need to do?

Having the right environment is a big factor in achieving your goals in life. This can be as basic as having a dedicated work space to improve your focus and productivity. This also includes cleaning your living space as well as clearing the energy in these spaces. It also means how safe you feel in your community when you are walking alone late at night. Your environment also includes the people you interact with, your family, friends, as well as your colleagues at work and the office culture.

OCCUPATIONAL

Do you feel excited to go to work? Are you doing what you love? Your job contributes a lot to your financial state. If you are not well in this area, then it will definitely affect your performance in the other dimensions of wellness. We know that money can’t buy love or happiness but it does allow us to engage in experiences that can make us happy and acquire the things we like.

Do you love your job or are you constantly thinking of quitting?

We spend a huge amount of time at our jobs and if we are constantly stressed by it, then it will have a negative impact on our overall health. Also, having anxieties about your financial situation can cause a lot of stress. Make sure you spend some time to think about your job and your finances and what your real situation is. It helps to list down the pros and cons and then make a plan on how you can improve the situation and alleviate your issues.

Your State of Wellness

So are you well? If you are not paying attention to any of these dimensions of wellness, then you have not truly achieved overall wellness. Working on each aspect of wellness means that you plan for activities that help you fulfill each dimension. Make sure you review often so you are also able to monitor your progress towards your goal of achieving overall wellness.

If you are not sure which dimension you should work on first, then find time to look inward and talk to yourself. Spend more time with nature and learn to be comfortable with yourself. Get to know yourself better so you can have a clearer picture of what your qualities and values are and why they are important to you. This is the starting point for you to redesign your life to achieve overall wellness in all eight dimensions.

There are many ways to do this. You can start practicing meditation and engaging in gentle exercise that require focus such as tai chi and yoga. The simple act of keeping your thoughts in a diary and writing down your feelings on paper also helps. Expressing your emotions thru drawing and painting or even thru needle work or flower arrangement area also great ways to help you get to know yourself better.

The important thing is to carve out some “me time” for yourself during your day to strengthen your awareness of self. You can gain a deeper connection to your values and beliefs and get a clearer understanding of why you choose to live the way you live and how you can change it for the better.

Updated. First published on 2020.01.20.
Feature Image: Original Photo by Yayan Sopian on Unsplash.

Posted by H.J. Rangas in Spiritual, 0 comments
29
Nov
2021
3 Hats of Parenting

3 Hats of Parenting

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Are your children happy? Are they capable, self-confident and successful? Did you know that your parenting style has a great effect on who they are, how they see themselves, what they have accomplished so far and what they will become in the future? Over parenting will cripple your children while too little will make them lose their way. That is why your type of parenting is very crucial in forming the personality of a child. According to preacher and best-selling author, Bo Sanchez; there is no one style of parenting. Instead, parenting style should evolve as the child grows up. Bo Sanchez said parenting is a journey in which the parents have to wear three kinds of hats. Parents should change hats as the child grows. He calls them the 3 hats of parenting.

There are many different styles of parenting. Parents normally employ one parenting style to all their children depending on the parents’ personalities. Sometimes, parents pattern their parenting style exactly as how they were brought up by their parents. However, did you know that parents should modify their parenting style as the child grows? Parenting roles should adapt to the changing needs of the child. One type of style may no longer be appropriate for the specific age of the child.

1.Controller’s Hat

When your children are still small, you must wear the controller’s hat. The controller’s hat of parenting simply means that you should be able to teach children and give instructions while they are still young. Equally important is that you should have the ability to control the situation and make your children follow you. In other words, as parents, you should be able to manage and discipline your children.

Children are very creative when it comes to demanding what they want. They can throw tantrums, they can cry out loud, they can stomp their feet or sit down on the floor and cry their heart out. Instead of giving in to their demands, you should be able to regulate their emotions and behavior. You can’t just buy them a toy each time they throw a tantrum in the mall. You can’t just let them eat all the junk foods that they want. You can’t allow them to play with their gadgets all day otherwise they might end up being addicted to social media, gadgets or games.

There are so many things that you can teach your child. But the bottom line is you have to teach and make them do certain things. You need to make them study. You need to teach them how to tidy their room or keep their toys after playing. Making them follow a schedule or routine is advisable including setting a bedtime.

In other words, let them feel that you are in control and not the other way around. As a parent, you should make rules and enforce these rules. You need to be able to talk it out with your child. You don’t need to punish them harshly when they don’t follow. Instead, do things like praising good behavior or setting a good example.

2.Coaching Hat

When your child becomes a teenager, whether you like it or not, you need to change hats. You have to accept the fact that your child now has a mind of their own. Trying to control them will no longer work. Instead of being helpful, wearing a controller’s hat can backfire and your teenager might end up rebelling. The best way to deal with teenagers is through coaching.

By definition, a coach teaches, trains and assists. In sports for example, a coach just sits by the bench and sends the player to play alone. A coach just watches the player. A coach gives strategies but gives the player enough freedom to decide on the details of the strategy. He does not interfere in the game but he will always be there when he is needed by the player.

Just like a coach, parents of teenagers should teach, train and assist their children. Parents should be there when the child needs them. However, the child needs to be given the freedom to do his/her own thing. Parents should learn to let go and trust their teenagers. Avoid nitpicking on every little detail.

3.Consultant’s Hat

When your child becomes an autonomous adult, the parent should again change hats from coaching to that of a consultant. An autonomous adult means someone who is already working and maybe have a family of their own.

A consultant is someone who gives advice. It is different from a coaching hat because a coach can pull his player away from the game anytime. A consultant cannot do that. A consultant gives advice only when asked. In short at this point in time, the parent’s role is just to be there when their child needs them. Parents should not interfere with the child’s  life especially if the child is already married and has a family of their own.

Changing hats is not an easy thing to do for parents but it is something that must be done if you want to have a harmonious and healthy relationship with your children. It is only by slowly letting go will your child be able to grow and mature through life.

Edited Version. First Published in Pinoy Smart Living on 21.08.2019.

Feature Image by Photo by Berendey_Ivanov / Andrey_Kobysnyn from Pexels

Posted by A.L. Jonas in Social, 0 comments
18
Nov
2021
Self-Confidence Begins at Home

Self-Confidence Begins at Home

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Are you a confident person? Did you know that your self-confidence begins at home? How we see ourselves today is a product of how we were brought up as children. Our self-esteem is shaped by how much we felt loved and adored as a child by our parents.

Building Self-Confidence in the Early Years

Look back into your childhood. Did you feel unconditional love and acceptance from your parents or from the people who brought you up? Were your accomplishments praised? On the contrary, have you ever felt that you were not good enough?

Studies reveal that a person’s confidence level was developed during childhood. Even as a young child, a person with a high sense of self-esteem is happy, proud, secure and feels accepted. On the other hand, an insecure person feels incompetent and lacking even at such a young age. They are self-critical and always doubt themselves. Thus, this means that the love, encouragement and attention that you received as a child molded your sense of self-worth.

Hidden Messages of Water

Dr. Masaro Emoto is a bestselling author and internationally renowned Japanese scientist. He discovered that water molecules when exposed to positive words and intentions creates a beautiful molecular formation. However, negative words create the opposite.

Image Credit: Zumusic.org

For example, the image above is the formation of molecules as viewed on a microscope. The water was exposed to the words or music indicated. In relation to this, the human body is made up of 60% water. So, this means that the words that you have been hearing since young which you now believed to be the truth have greatly impacted your being. Hearing “I love you” or “you are not good enough” has a contrasting effect on the individual.

Believe in Yourself

Thus, it is difficult to believe in yourself if you have been hearing the opposite all these years. And this is what self-confidence does – the trust and belief in one’s abilities and judgement. Without it, it is hard to keep up with life’s challenges, much more to handle setbacks and failures in life. We cannot undo the past but we can change this negative belief about one’s self by loving yourself.

If you are a parent, the greatest gift that you can give your child is to make them believe in themselves.

Image Photo by Monstera from Pexels

Posted by A.L. Jonas in Social, 0 comments
03
Jun
2021
The Magic Shop

The Magic Shop

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Did you know that you can find your dreams in the magic shop? It is where you can be whatever you want to be. It’s a magical place where you can create the you that you want to become; the reality that you want to live. However, it is not a physical place; there is no address to look up. But it is always accessible to those who believe in its magic.

The Magical Mind

We all know the power of the human mind. It has sparked many inventions that greatly benefited humanity. Most of us however don’t believe in the abilities of our own minds. We are always in awe at the great minds who made great innovations but we seldom look to our own accomplishments. Most of the time, we use our mind to focus on the mistakes of our past instead of imagining what we want for our future.

Sometimes you change your mind… Sometimes your mind changes you.

Binyomin Scheiman

When we control what our mind focuses on, we can change our life. There is a mind-body connection technique that athletes use to practice. They imagine what they would do to win their game through visualization. You too can do that. Imagine yourself achieving your goal. How does success look and feel? What sounds do you hear when you realize your goal? Use all your senses in your visualization so you can teach your mind to focus on this version of reality that you want.

The Mysterious Heart

Emotions are at the core of our life experiences. It is often our emotions that lead us to make certain decisions even if they don’t make sense to our mind. When we follow these sudden urges and impulses, especially if they’re negative emotions, we often regret them afterwards. The good news is, just like our mind, we can learn to control our emotions and become better at how we process them. We can also control how we express our emotions towards other people.

Your intellect maybe confused, but your emotions never lie to you.

Roger Ebert

Our heart is considered to be the place where our emotions come from. Have you ever experienced a conflict between what your mind tells you and what you truly feel? This is because our emotions reflect our truest intentions. It also gives us hints of other people’s intentions towards us. We often refer to this as a “gut feeling” or intuition. In the end, our intuition turns out to be right. The sad fact is, not everyone trusts their own gut feeling or intuition. Learning to trust our feelings is an important step in changing our life. It helps us believe in our self and in our own abilities to reach our goals.

The Power of The Magic Shop

The magic shop is a therapeutic technique used in psychology to help individuals heal their inner wounds. Some people may be in a negative state of mind or are feeling confused and overwhelmed. The magic shop is where they can process such issues safely with the help of a therapist.

The psychological wares of the Shop are created out of real experience and brought about through fantasy, wishes, desire, faith, and hope. The products that people seek are custom-made. It is extremely important that each person get something that fits uniquely, or gets rid of something distasteful or modifies it constructively.

Earl Koile*

The magic shop is a place where you can imagine whatever you want, however you want. Here, you can express your truest intentions without fear of judgment from others. You can always go into the magic shop whenever you want because it is a space that you always carry with you. All you need is to close your eyes, open your heart and focus on creating what you want. It is a place where you can transform things into something better.

There are not many basic rules except that people pay for things they want to get or things they want to get rid of.

Earl Koile*

When you go into the magic shop, you do not only go to create what you want. You also need to give up what you don’t want in exchange. This process helps you to clarify what you truly want and don’t want. Your feelings will guide you in making your choices as you go through your creation or transformation process.

The Magic is Within You

Although this technique is used by therapists; it can also be useful to us in our daily lives. The magic shop is a place we can always go to when we are feeling down and want to cheer up. We can open the shop to take time to process our feelings and set our intentions for the future. We can use it to discover more of our selves. The most important part of this process is to keep an open mind and an open heart.

The magic in the shop is the magic within you. It is only waiting for you to use it. How powerful your magic is depends on how much you can believe and what your true intentions are. Once you go out of the magic shop, remember to use the compassion, kindness and understanding you extended to yourself in the shop towards others. This is one of the most effective ways to help you manifest the magic from the shop into your reality.

If you already have a meditation practice, then going into the magic shop would be easier for you. Before you go in, ask your self: What do I wish to acquire in the magic shop? What would I trade for it? How do I want to transform my life? What would I do to achieve it? Good luck and may the magic of the shop create miracles for your life.

*Quotes from The Magic Shop: The Therapist Masquerades as A Shopkeeper
Featured Image: Original Photo by Almos Bechtold on Unsplash.

Posted by H.J. Rangas in Spiritual, 0 comments
31
May
2021
How To Embrace Your Shadow Self

How To Embrace Your Shadow Self

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Have you heard of the dark side? Each person has a dark side. In psychology, it is called the shadow self. Every society has norms or certain regulations that people follow. These rules define what behaviors are considered good or bad. Because of this, humans learn to act in accordance with these morally accepted behaviors. In consequence, this created a world of personas wherein people project an image of their better selves. Social masks became predominant to the point that it is getting harder to know if a person is being sincere or not. Norms are good because they keep society in order. However, because of this, people hide or suppress a part of themselves that they think will not be accepted by society. If repressed for so long, sooner or later, it can create havoc or even violence. Thus, it is important to learn how to embrace your shadow self.

Your shadow self grows each time you repress it. Once it sets itself free, it may lead to broken relationships. Sometimes, it even leads to physical illnesses. Rather than hide, the dark side is meant to be acknowledged. It is important for humans to be aware of their dark side because it is part of who they are as persons.

So how to embrace your shadow? To embrace your shadow, you need to practice shadow work. Shadow work is a spiritual journey. Your shadow is a part of your wounded self. Thus, practicing shadow work will make you whole again. Here are the steps on how to embrace your shadow self:

1.Begin with Self-Love

Begin your shadow work with self-love. It will be difficult to explore your negative side without belief in yourself. Believe that you can do it and that you are worthy of receiving love and blessing in our life.

2. Get to Know Your Shadow Self

The next thing to do is learn to identify what your shadows are and how they are manifesting themselves. You see, when we deny an aspect of ourselves, it does not disappear. Instead, it stays within us. Sooner or later, our dark side is going to push its way out. So, how to spot them? Well, your shadow self is literally your dark side, the negative aspects of your personality such as:

  • anger
  • jealousy
  • fear / phobia
  • pride
  • greed
  • addiction
  • victim mentality
  • insecurity
  • people pleaser
  • imposter
  • selfishness
  • prejudice

How did you feel while reading the list above? If there is any word that makes you feel uncomfortable, then that is your shadow. Unfortunately, you cannot ignore it.

Projection Of Shadow Self

Now, let’s dig deeper. Ask yourself, what qualities of other people annoy you the most? Whatever negative qualities that we have yet hide deep within ourselves, we see in others. You will not be bothered at all unless you yourself is like that. In psychology, you call this projection.

Unless we do conscious work on it, the shadow is almost always projected: that is, it is neatly laid on someone or something else so we do not have to take responsibility for it.

– Robert Johnson

So the next time you get irritated by someone, ask yourself why are you bothered? Then know that it is your shadow talking to you.

Patterns

Do you feel that you are a stuck in an aspect in your life? It is like the same problems kept on repeating over and over again. That is what you call patterns in life. Patterns happen because you have not yet learned the lesson associated with it.

Now ask yourself, what are the patterns in your life? They give clues to your shadow.

3. Face Your Emotions

Once you have identified your shadow, the next thing to do is pay attention to your feelings. Ask yourself what are you feeling and why are you feeling that way? There are always reasons why you feel a certain way.

Facing your emotions can be tough especially if you have learned to mute them or disassociate yourselves from them but it is something that you must do in order to heal yourself. For example, if a person hurt you in the past, it is time to forgive that person. You can never be truly happy if you continue to hold grudges. Face your emotions and own them.

4. Express Your Shadow

Instead of suppressing them, you can actually use certain therapeutic ways to express them. Psychologists normally refer to them as art therapy. These activities include:

  • Composing Music
  • Journaling
  • Meditating
  • Painting
  • Writing / Blogging

Are you up to the challenge?

Feature Image by Pexels

Posted by A.L. Jonas in Emotional, 0 comments
29
May
2021
Different Ways to Discover Your Self

Different Ways to Discover Your Self

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Each one of you are finding different ways to discover your self every day even if you don’t know it. Most of us think we already know ourselves inside out. We think we are what we do and we act that way. We identify with our jobs, our family’s expectations, our friends’ descriptions of us. Deep inside, we know these aspects of our selves are just a part of us. A persona we show to the world.

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

— Oliver Wendell Holmes

There is a feeling lurking within us that we are something more than what others see; what we let others see. There are things stirring in our shadow self that we want to get out into the world. A part of ourselves that we still can’t describe; potential that we both fear and admire. It may help us unleash our hidden genius or ruin our life’s work. Unless we can identify it; we won’t be able to harness this potential. If we can’t know this part of our self; we will always feel that we are not enough. Instead of being frustrated; why not actively go on a journey to discover your self?

The Process of Self-Discovery

Self-discovery is a continuous process, not a specific or final answer. The process of self-discovery is not found when you reach a destination. You come to discover more of your self through your life journey. Discovering your self is not just a one-time process. It involves discovering something new about ourselves as well as rediscovering old, forgotten parts of ourselves. There may even be instances when you uncover a part of yourself that you have kept hidden because you feel you are ready for it. Along the way, we may change in many ways. It is through this journey that we find purpose and meaning in our lives.

Be Aware of Your Current Self

Awareness is the first step to getting actively involved in your self-discovery. Get a clearer and deeper understanding of your own personal characteristics, your emotions, needs, values, strengths and weaknesses. Spend time to reflect on the parts of your personality that you already know.

Find out what gives you joy; what are your hopes and dreams; the things that you are passionate about; what things are holding you back; what negative experiences have you carried with you since childhood? These questions will leave you feeling vulnerable but they are an important step to getting to know yourself better. You can do this through journaling, talking to family and friends, or to a professional. The important thing to remember is to be honest with your self.

Experiment with A Different Self

Once you have a map of your current self; you pretty much have an idea of what your personality is. You are also able to identify some of the things you do, or want to do, that would clash with your current personality. Examining your self does not stop at knowing where things are. You also need to test how far things can go.

Your self, or your personality, is a fluid entity. Contrary to popular belief, you are not stuck with your personality. Getting stuck and getting out of it and flowing into a new one is all up to you. So make an experiment of the process. Do something that you don’t usually do and see how far you can go with it. For example, you may be a people pleaser, a “Yes man”. So try experimenting what would happen if you just said “No” to other people. Most of the time, you will find that your worries and fears don’t come true. It is only your belief that’s holding you back from accepting this part of your self, and from changing your situation.

Trust in Your Own Path to Self-Discovery

There is no one way to the journey of self-discovery. Each person has their own path and their own time for the journey. The important thing is to trust your own path. Don’t compare your self to others. Also, be kind to others and help as much as you can. Remember that everyone is on their own journey and some will have a harder time than others. Having a positive mindset and an attitude of gratitude helps a lot.

Discovering, rediscovering and uncovering more of yourself also helps to develop your trust in your self. Most people are going about their daily lives fulfilling their duties according to what others expect of them. Being actively involved in the process to discover your self means that you need to learn to trust your self rather than the world around you. It means being able to focus on what you truly want and being grateful for what you have even if the world tells you that you’re doing things wrong.

Discovering your self also means that you learn to accept difficult things about you as well as others around you. For example, you learn to trust your feelings instead of just your thoughts. You learn to love yourself more. You learn to be okay even if some things don’t go the way you wanted them to. More importantly, you learn to be comfortable with all parts of who you are; and if people don’t like it, you don’t feel bad when they walk away.

The journey to self-discovery may involve losing friends and even loved ones along the way. Know that it is not your fault. It is just that their part in your journey is over and they need to go on their own paths. There are many things that you will need to accept and lose during your journey. As you learn and develop your self; you will find that it will all be worth it.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Jackson David on Unsplash.

Posted by H.J. Rangas in Spiritual, 0 comments
24
May
2021
The Shadow Self: Learn to Love Your Dark Side

The Shadow Self: Learn to Love Your Dark Side

Reading Time: 3 minutes

The Shadow Self is the opposite of your Persona; and it is important to learn to love your dark side in order to live a fully balanced life. Ask yourself: Who am I when I am alone?

Each person is born with both The shadow and the persona. Growing up, we learn to differentiate between what society accepts as good and bad, light and dark. The good parts of ourselves is what we show to the world, the desirable Persona. The bad parts are what we hide, fear and suppress, the Shadow Self.

Both of these aspects of ourselves are a part of our whole self. Unless we are able to learn to love our dark side, we will always feel that something is missing in our lives. We will always feel like we are inadequate in some aspect; or that we are merely posers. Since our dark side is that part of us that we deem unacceptable; we will forever be in fear of that part of ourselves being discovered.

The Shadow Self is Not Bad

The Persona and the Shadow Self can be seen as 2 sides of the same coin, or the Yin and Yang of each person. Without the other, the person is not complete. The Persona that we show to the world is the part of us that we have already “processed” and accepted. The parts of us that we have not processed yet is the Shadow Self. These are the instincts, impulses, weaknesses, desires, perversions, and fears that we try to hide. Our denial of our addictions or our fear of failure and other bad habits that we are embarrassed about are some examples.

When we repress or deny things; they do not disappear. They only grow stronger and they creep up on us without our awareness. One example of this is thru projection; where we associate what we dislike about ourselves in other people. We end up constantly blaming other people for our own behavior that we cannot accept. This can affect our self-esteem, our relationships and even our perspective of the world. In some cases, they can manifest as difficult psychological or behavioral issues such as not being perfect enough.

Our dark side resides in our unconscious. If we do not process them and accept them as part of ourselves; they will eventually manifest themselves beyond our control. Despite being the dark side of ourselves; the Shadow Self is not actually bad or evil. In fact, it is a strong source of creative energy and self-healing.

Embrace The Whole You

The process of accepting our Shadow Self and embracing it as part of our whole personality is called “integration”, sometimes called shadow work. When we have integrated the dark parts of ourselves; we also heal ourselves and our relationships. There is no specific technique that can be taught on how to do the integration process. Each person has to do on their own and at their own pace. The trick is to do it gradually instead of constantly denying it. However, the first step is always awareness.

Become aware of what other people do or what situations trigger your reactions negatively. Your reaction to such behaviors and situations will give you a clue to your dark side. Next thing you can do is to acknowledge it as part of your self. For example, if you usually hide your aggressive impulses; it can come in handy when you need to defend yourself from being verbally or physically abused by someone else. By accepting it as a normal part of you; you don’t have to hide it or feel guilty for acting out. People who are important to you will also come to accept it as part of your personality. This also means that you can practice your self-control instead of bursting out uncontrollably because you can’t take it anymore.

Since our dark side hides many parts of us that we deem unacceptable; this is also the place where we hide our unique talents and abilities, for example. While the Persona is our orderly self; the Shadow Self is the place of chaos, of potential and possibilities. Many innovations have been born because of people’s dark experiences. A lot of people achieved success only after their lives went into turmoil. By learning to love your Shadow Self; you can live a fully balance life and operate at your highest potential.

The process of integration is a long and arduous process. This is why sometimes, external help is needed if the repressed memories and emotions are too traumatic for the person to deal with by themselves. In our every day lives; let us be more mindful of our experiences so that we can better see the clues that our Shadow Self is giving us. This is also an important aspect of self-love.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Sammy Williams on Unsplash.

Posted by H.J. Rangas in Spiritual, 0 comments
17
May
2021
Keeping Up with the Joneses

Keeping Up with the Joneses

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Are you keeping up with the Joneses? Wait, what? Who are the Joneses? Well, keeping up with the Joneses is an English idiomatic expression which means comparing oneself to others. It is trying to maintain the same lifestyle or having the same material possessions to that of one’s neighbors or peers. For example, your neighbor buys a new car. In order to keep up with them, you will buy a new car also regardless of whether you need it or not. It also does not put into consideration whether you can afford it or not. Simply put, it is a feeling of not falling behind other people in terms of material possessions. That’s keeping up with the Joneses.

FOMO

With the onset of technology, keeping up with the Joneses has taken a new form. Now known as Fear of Missing Out, the feeling or insecurity has been magnified. We see people traveling, going places, eating delicious foods at fancy restaurants and buying the latest trends. It is human nature to not want to be left behind.

With social media, you get a constant view of the best parts of other people’s lives. You see the meals at fancy restaurants, the designer clothes, and the luxurious vacations. And if you follow any celebrities or influencers, you’ll see those types of posts all the time. It’s natural to feel a bit jealous and to want the same for yourself.

The Motley Fool

Why is it Bad?

We live in a highly competitive world. Most of the time, competitions are healthy because it propels us to develop and improve ourselves. However, in this fast-paced capitalist world, it is hard to keep up with everyone else. And besides, it is never a good idea to compare yourself with others. For one, it takes your focus off your goals. Second, in this vast world, learn to accept the fact that there will always be somebody who is more wealthy and successful than you.

The material possessions that others own are all part of their persona. What you are seeing is just the tip of the iceberg. You don’t know the whole story behind it. For all you know, the Joneses are in a track load of debt. It is not something that you want to get yourself into. And even if they can afford it, it does not mean that you can too. Every household has different management strategies. Your net worth is not the same as that of your neighbors.

Social Signaling

In psychology, this phenomenon is part of social signaling. Deep inside you have an inferiority complex or is quite insecure. Having a new car, branded clothes or latest cellphones all send “signals” to others that you are special. It is a way of getting an extra boost of self-worth from the material possessions that you own.

What’s ironic is that the truly wealthy do not act like that at all. Instead, they use what is called the counter signaling. Counter signaling means showing off by not showing off. Based on the analysis done by Dr. Tomas Stanley and Dr. William Danko of 292 millionaires, they found out that millionaires act quite the opposite. This was published in their book The Millionaire Next Door. Actual millionaires do not necessarily signal their success to others. In fact, they keep it low key. True, they buy expensive stuff but only because of their quality and not to show off. The most luxurious items in the world do not have big logos or emblems in their designs.

So, the next time you see your neighbor bragging or walking with their branded ensemble with large monogram logos, think again.

Love Yourself

All of us have our own journey in life. We will never be happy if we will forever be comparing ourselves to others. The key to happiness is to love yourself first. Know your self-worth. You are special. There is a genius within you. All you need to do is to believe in yourself. No amount of wealth, fame and fortune can contribute to your self-worth for it comes from within.

Feature Photo by Inga Seliverstova from Pexels

Posted by A.L. Jonas in Social, 0 comments
10
May
2021
Black Swan: When Being Perfect is Not Enough

Black Swan: When Being Perfect is Not Enough

Reading Time: 8 minutes

Are you a White Swan or a Black Swan? What would you do when being perfect is not enough? A lot of people have an unhealthy obsession with being perfect. This is especially true in industries where individuals need to look and be perfect both in front of the camera and in real life. We all have a side to us that idealize being perfect. We manifest this by idolizing other people who we think are like that; or by controlling the various aspects of our own lives in order to be perfect.

Many individuals have lost themselves in the pursuit of perfection in their careers. Some of them self-destructed at the peak of their popularity. Others committed suicide and shocked the world as to the reason why. In both cases; their surprising behavior is a result of losing themselves in pursuit of perfection.

Black Swan the Movie: The Pursuit of Perfection

The 2010 movie Black Swan gives us a grim picture of how losing your self to perfection looks like. There are many layers to the story that you can relate to your own real-life experiences, or lack thereof.

The story is about the ballerina Nina (Natalie Portman) who’s childhood dream is to play the main role in Swan Lake. Nina’s passion for ballet rules every aspect of her life. When they need a prima ballerina for Swan Lake; she takes the opportunity to get the role for herself. Lily, a rival ballerina, gets the role. Nina eventually convinces the director to give it to her. Nina sees Lily as a rival but at the same time befriends her. Once she got the role, Nina struggles to not only play the White Swan perfectly. She struggles even more to become the perfect Black Swan.

Uncannily, Nina’s journey also parallels the actual story of Swan Lake.

We all know the story. Virginal girl, pure and sweet, trapped in the body of a swan. She desires freedom, but only true love can break the spell. Her wish is nearly granted in the form of a prince. But before he can declare his love, her lustful twin, the Black Swan, tricks and seduces him. Devastated, the White Swan leaps off a click, killing herself and in death finds freedom.

Thomas Leroy

In the end, despite a major setback during the performance, Nina is able to play both roles to perfection. She receives the admiration of her co-ballerinas, her art director, her mother and the audience. It is her best performance. In her own words, it was perfect, she was perfect. It was also her last performance.

The White Swan: Faking Perfection

Nina is the perfect White Swan, pure and innocent. She still talks like a child even when she had the courage to ask the director to give the main role to her. Her mother, a former ballerina, who gave up her dancing dreams to raise Nina; is both a caring figure as well as a controlling one. She has stunted Nina’s growth into maturity. Nina does not have friends as her only focus is on making her dream come true. In a way, her mother is living her own dancing dreams through Nina’s own journey as a ballerina.

This is why, when Nina asks the director for the main role, he tells Nina:

Well, the truth is, when I look at you, all I see is the White Swan. Yes, you’re beautiful, fearful, fragile. Ideal casting. But the Black Swan, it’s a hard fucking job to dance both…
In four years, every time you dance, I see you obsessed, getting each and every move perfectly right. But I never see you lose yourself. Ever. All the discipline, for what?

Nina answers that she wants to be perfect. She is too focused on being in control of her own performance. But the director tells her that: “Perfection is not just about control. It’s also about letting go. Surprise yourself so you can surprise your audience. Transcendence. And very few have it in them.”

Ironically, it is her perfect persona that hinders her from playing the Black Swan. The director tells her further: “The real work will be your metamorphosis into her evil twin and I know I saw a flash of her yesterday. So get ready to give me more of that bite.”

During rehearsals, Nina starts to break down as she deals with toxic coworkers, her rivalry with Lily who she also idolizes, and pressure from her mom and her company to perform her best. Her goal of a perfect life starts to break down. She blames herself for everything that goes wrong during practice. The pressure from perfecting her performance for both roles manifests in her delusions. In her delusion, she is bleeding in different parts of her body. She is physically, emotionally and mentally breaking down.

The Black Swan: Destroying Perfection

In the story, the White Swan has to conquer the Black Swan in order to get back her prince. In real life, Nina needs to grow up, fast in order to perfectly play the Black Swan. The director tells Nina that Lily was his first choice because she can play the Black Swan. In this way, Nina thinks of Lily as her rival but also admires her.

Lily was the first one to reach out to her and attempt to befriend her. She takes Nina to dinner and there, Nina realizes that Lily is not afraid of exposing her imperfect self. Lily is also not afraid to express her self as she openly flirts with the waiter. Nina ends up torn between hating her rival and admiring her for being unafraid to do as she pleases.

The director gives Nina harsh guidance by comparing her directly to Lily. He hints that Nina’s perfection is fake. As they watch Lily perform, he tells Nina: “Watch the way she moves. Imprecise but effortless. She’s not faking it.” The director also describes to Nina why Beth, the former ballerina who played the main role, was so entertaining to watch.

Because everything Beth does comes from within, from some dark impulse. I guess that’s what makes her so thrilling to watch. So dangerous. Even perfect at times. But also so damned destructive.

During rehearsal, the director shouts at Nina: “Forget about control, Nina! I want to see passion! Come on! Reach! Board, you’re stiff! Still like a dead corpse! Let it go! Let it go! And, again.”

Both the director and Lily personify the harsh reality of the world that one confronts when growing up. They also serves as a wake-up call to Nina. Both are telling and showing Nina to let go of her desire to be perfect; to let her passion for dance take over her performance instead. To not be cooped up in her own imperfections but to accept them as part of her.

In a way, both are encouraging Nina to break down her walls and let her flaws show through. But Nina refuses to do this and sticks to her desire for a perfect performance. She can’t reconcile how to maintain her perfect persona while at the same time wanting to be like her rival Lily, the perfect Black Swan.

From White to Black: Losing Yourself to Perfection

Playing the main role for Swan Lake requires the ballerina to embody both the pure, innocent, White Swan as well as the dark, evil, Black Swan. Nina is able to play the White Swan to perfection. However, in the last part of the performance, when she is about to transform into the Black Swan, she makes a major mistake on stage. Luckily, her partner picks her up and continues the performance.

During this time, her major breakdown starts but she also starts to break out from her perfect persona, except in a destructive way. Instead of blaming herself, she blames her partner for the mistake. When she goes to her dressing room, she finds Lily in the Black Swan costume. In her delusion, Lily tells her that it’s her turn to play as the Black Swan. Nina fights back and ends up stabbing Lily. She quickly hides Lily’s body and changes into the Black Swan costume. This signals her perfect transition to becoming the Black Swan.

Back on stage, Nina finally let’s go and loses her self in the performance as the director advised her to. She even gets a standing ovation. She is so engrossed in her character that she actually kisses the director as she takes a break from the dance. Her old, innocent self would have been too shy and embarrassed to do that.

She returns to her dressing room to change her costume to that of the White Swan again for the final part of the show. By this time, she is almost in tears but she still goes on with the show. She receives a standing ovation and her director and other dancers congratulate her. We see Lily as one of the dancers and she is the one who notices that Nina is bleeding. It was Nina’s delusion that she stabbed her rival but she actually stabbed herself.

In order to become perfect to play the Black Swan, Nina embraced her dark side completely. She needed to make the transition fast. The only way she thought of doing that was to kill her innocent, child-like self. To play the Black Swan, she had to get rid of the White Swan.

The Danger of Perfection

Nina’s stunted growth made her miss out on many life experiences. These experiences could have helped her to thrive in her career without sacrificing her relationships to her self and to others. Most of all, she missed the biggest lesson in life; that nobody is perfect, and you don’t need to be. This is not just Nina’s fault though. Her mother also contributed greatly to how Nina views the world. When Nina finally found the courage to speak up for what she wants; it was already too late.
In her perfect world, she only needs to perfectly perform and her life would be perfect. She had to confront her inner demons on her own. Until the end, she held on to her idea of perfection. When she is able to perfectly perform her childhood role; she declares that she was perfect.

Symbolically, because she has attained the perfection that she wanted; her life’s goal was complete. She did everything she could to make her performance perfect. Even to the extent of killing a part of her self. She has successfully transformed herself into the perfect Black Swan. Thus, Nina’s perfect performance was both her best performance and also her last. After all, in Nina’s perspective, once you have achieved perfection; what other goal could you have?

Self-Acceptance is A Process

There are times in our life when being perfect is not enough. We need to utilize our flaws or weakness to transform ourselves into someone better. The major lesson in this movie is not only that we should accept our flaws and so-called “guilty pleasures”. We also need to learn to do so gradually. Self-acceptance is a process that takes time. Discovering our shadow and shedding parts of our persona does not happen over night. It crops up at different points in our life. It is during this process that you learn how to handle bigger challenges in your journey through life. Each time this happens; we gain more knowledge on how to manage our inner and external demons. We learn how to make us of both our strengths and our weakness. This is the missing part in Nina’s journey.

Her lack of personal relationships stunted her personal growth. That’s why all she sees are her own flaws. No one is there to appreciate and show her the beautiful side of her. She only sees her shadows and is unable to appreciate the other parts of her. She fails to realize that she does not need to be perfect to play the White Swan and the Black Swan. Nina never considered that both the White Swan and the Black Swan can co-exist. She has never even learned how to love her self.

Another lesson to learn is to develop various goals and different interests. This way, when you experience a setback in one of your goals; you have other goals to inspire you. Nina had only been focusing on one goal her entire life. When this one goal was threatened; she did everything to make things perfect again. It was the only thing that she lived for. She had many chances to change her perspective but by then it was too late. Her unhealthy obsession lead to her own destruction.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Stefano Pollio on Unsplash.

Posted by H.J. Rangas in Emotional, 0 comments
07
May
2021
Persona: What is Your Social Mask?

Persona: What is Your Social Mask?

Reading Time: 2 minutes

We all wear a social mask to hide our true personality so as to conform to social norms. Whenever we go out in public, we always project a good image that exaggerates a version of ourselves. We do this most especially in front of people that we want to impress such as someone we like or a boss. We hope that by doing so, we make a good impression on them. The character that we play in front of others is our persona. So, how will you describe your persona: what is your social mask?

Your Social Mask

Are you the cool guy or the social butterfly? Or are you the bully or the control freak? Or maybe you are the martyr or the people-pleaser? What is your social mask? Think of yourself as a character in a drama, then analyze what kind of a character you are playing. How will you describe your personality when in front of others?

We wear masks to protect ourselves and to conceal something. The new normal entails us to always wear masks to hide our nose and mouth to protect ourselves and others from the virus. The Phantom of the Opera wears a mask to conceal his hideous face. In the same way that social masking is the role that we play in different social situations in order to meet societal standards. But is that who we really are?

We all have a social mask, right? We put it on, we go out, put our best food forward, our best image. But behind that social mask is a personal truth, what we really, really believe about who we are and what we’re capable of.

– Phil McGraw

Behind the Mask

When we are alone, we tend to do the opposite. We do things that are comfortable. We act based on our emotions and impulses. That is because there is no one to impress. So, there is no need to act. We are free to do anything that we want. That is actually our true personality. It is how we behave when no one else is watching.

Have you heard of people saying that a particular person changed when that person became rich, popular or powerful. Well, the truth is that that person did not change at all. What you have been seeing is the mask that that person was wearing. Who that person is now is actually that person’s true personality.

Money and success don’t change people. They merely amplify what is already there.

– Will Smith

The Yes Man

The problem with social masking lies when we become too engrossed in our roles. We begin to identify ourselves too much with the role that we play that we lose our sense of self. When this happens, we become a ‘Yes Man’. A Yes Man is someone who agrees to everything. This is dangerous because it leads to other people’s abuses. The Yes Man ends up sacrificing himself for others simple because he does not have the courage to say no.

You wear a mask for so long, you forget who you were beneath it.

– Alan Moore

Balance

The key is balance. Having a persona is good for it allows us to adapt to our environment by conforming to certain standards in society. However, becoming too engrossed in our roles is no longer good because we lose sight on who we really are as persons.

Image by Pexels from Pixabay 

Posted by A.L. Jonas in Social, 0 comments