It is only natural for parents to aspire for their children’s success. However, when taken to the extremes, it becomes destructive. Because of the parents’ desire, children are being pressured to excel from a very young age. When parental achievement goals become too much for the child to handle, it leads to more harm than good. This has become the biggest cause of stress among the youth today.
Parental Pride
Parental pride is human nature. Parents feel happy and proud every time their children will achieve some form of accomplishment. Just take a look at your social media accounts. How many posts have you seen of proud parents congratulating their children on their achievements? It can be as simple as a child’s first word or first art work to an adult child’s acceptance to a prominent university.
Some parents are taking it to the next level by setting up social media accounts for their newborns. Parents are now raising their children in the social media limelight. But is this parental behavior really good for the children? Studies about ‘sharenting’, a term that means the overuse of social media by parents sharing contents about their children, indicate that such behavior is doing more harm than good to the children. Aside from parents’ violating their child’s privacy, it is also putting unnecessary pressure on the child.
Parental Achievement Goals
Parents only wants the best for their children but sometimes; unintentionally, their parental achievement goals are becoming harmful. Every now and then, it is best for parents to reflect if their achievement goals are really still for the welfare of the child.
Sky Castle: Parental Achievement Goals to the Extreme
Sky Castle, a Korean drama is an excellent drama that deals with this sensitive topic on parenting. It is a story about four wealthy families who lived in a posh and exclusive village called the Sky Castle. The fathers in the four families are all equally successful. Because of the success attained by the head of each household in Sky Castle, they expect their children to follow the footsteps of their fathers. Nothing but only the best is acceptable.
To ensure that the children excel academically and get accepted in one of the top universities in Korea; the parents resorted to extraordinary lengths such as planning the children’s schedules up to the minute details and building a soundproof room for studying. The desire for their children to excel in Sky Castle has become a competitive sports that it brought immense pressure on the children. It was heartbreaking to watch the children’s lives being destroyed one by one as a result of the parents’ quest for achievement.
Although a work of fiction, Sky Castle had succeeded in hitting a nerve. It is so close to reality. Many parents nowadays put emphasis on the children’s achievements. In fact, several surveys done indicated that a great majority of parents; regardless of race, culture and social class, place their children’s achievements or performances as their top concern. Parents praised their children when they excel but blame and punish them harshly if they do not.
This satirical drama is a highly recommended show for all parents out there. As parents, you will learn a lot about the importance of parenting and hardships in raising children. At the same time, it will also give you a deeper understanding on looking at things from the point of view of your children.
Duty of Parents
It is the responsibility of the parents to make sure that their children grow up to be healthy, happy and responsible human beings. It is also the duty of the parents to program their children for success. However, success is relative. The parent’s definition of success may be different from that of the children. Instead of focusing solely on the child’s achievements, it is best that parents focus on helping children achieve their dreams by providing the child with a loving and supportive environment. Remember that not all children are the same. Children have different interests, gifts and talents. It is the role of the parents to find out what these are and unleash the genius within each child . Only be doing so will they grow up to be exceptional individuals.
Updated version. First published in Pinoy Smart Living in 23.08.2019.
Feeling lost in life? Then, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho is for you. One of the best-selling books of all time, the Alchemist is about the story of a young shepherd boy, Santiago and his quest to find treasures in the pyramids. The story is more than just your typical fiction stories. It is a philosophical book that will give you a better understanding of what life truly is all about. It is about listening to your heart, chasing your dreams and pursuing your destiny. There are so many powerful and valuable life lessons from The Alchemist that every person should read this book at least once in their life.
Here are 10 Valuable Life Lessons I’ve learned The Alchemist.
1. Life is Continuous Learning
Life is a continuous learning process. We can only grow us a person if we broaden our horizon and discover new things. Santiago knew this. Although a shepherd boy, Santiago loves to read books. He was able to dream of faraway places because he read about them.
Santiago also listens and seeks advice from people who are smarter than him. Throughout his journey, he met people along the way that served as his mentors– the king, the merchant, the Englishman and the alchemist.
Sadly, many people stopped learning after school. That is the reason why they got stuck in life. Others are too proud to ask advice from others. They think they know everything. The moment you think that you know everything is the start of your downfall.
The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.
– Socrates
Santiago also learns from experience. His quest for the treasure was not smooth sailing. He made mistakes along the way but he learned from them.
There are so many valuable lessons to be learned throughout your life’s journey. Master the lesson. If you think that you have the same problem over and over again, that is because you have not learned the lesson yet. This applies in all aspects of your life whether it be your finances, career, health and even your relationships. Learn the lesson from past events, apply it and move on.
2. Always Look at the Bright Side
Santiago always find the good things in a bad situation no matter how big or small it is. Instead of complaining about how he had to carry the weight of his jacket in the heat of the sun, he remembered how that jacket kept him warm during winter nights. Likewise, he could have wallowed in self-pity when he lost everything in Africa; but he chose to change his perspective. Instead of looking at himself as a victim, he looked at himself as an adventurer in a foreign country.
In both cases, notice that both situations can be viewed negatively. But Santiago chose to look at them differently. Instead of of the negative, he looked for the positive. It is all about themindset.
3. Follow your Dreams
Ever since Santiago was a child, he wanted to travel the world. His parents wanted him to become a priest. Rather than adhering to his parents’ wishes, he summoned enough courage to talk to his dad to tell him that he wants to do something else in life. Instead of becoming a priest, Santiago decided to become a shepherd so he can travel.
That’s the problem with most of us. We become victims of other people’s definition of success. We follow a different path because that is what our family and society expected from us. As a result, we lost track of our destiny. What used to be very clear when we were young seems to be impossible when we grow up.
The thing is no matter how successful we become with our chosen path, there will always be a feeling of emptiness. You will never be truly happy if you are not doing your purpose in life. Destiny is what you always want to accomplish. If you feel that something is lacking despite having everything, that is life’s way of telling you that you are not doing what you were born to do.
Follow your passion. Wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure. Pursue your destiny if you don’t want to spend the rest of your life with regret.
4. Give 10 Percent
Giving a tenth of your income to others is a form of gratitude to God for all the blessings that we have received. We have an obligation to share a portion of what we have. The only way for us to receive more blessings is when we learn to give first. Don’t promise to give what you don’t have yet. If it is hard for you to give when you have little, it will be harder to share when you have more. Give 10% of what you have right now.
5. The Simplest Things in Life are the Most Extraordinary
The secret to happiness is to be able to appreciate the beauty of your day to day life. It is seeing the wonders of the world and the beauty of the little things that we normally take for granted like the flowers, the scenery and the people around us.
Take pleasure in the simple things.
Happiness is never about the destination but rather it is about enjoying the journey. Each day matters. Every second counts. Learn to love everyday. Show the people around you how much you care. It’s all about mindfulness.
Towards the end of our life, the simple things like the time we spend with our family is what truly matters. True happinessboils down to the quality of our relationship with others. It is best that you cherish every moment while you still can.
6. Negative Things Happen in Life Because They Prepare our Spirit and our Will
Bad things happen to everyone, even to good people. These things happen not because we are being punished but because they are necessary for our growth. The pain that we experience in our lives actually prepares our spirit and our will in realising our destiny.
The road to the fulfilment of our dreams is never easy. There will be bumps along the way. Sometimes, we will be forced to make detours. We need to make some adjustments but the destination remains the same. The important thing is to keep on going forward. Once we have succeeded in overcoming life’s challenges, we become better persons.
You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.
– Steve Jobs
The roadblocks that we will encounter are all part of a master plan. They all happened for a reason. It is difficult to understand at the moment but everything will make sense once you have found your treasure.
7. When you Want Something, All the Universe Conspires in Helping you Achieve it
Have you heard of The Secret? The Secret is actually the Law of Attraction. It states that if you really want something and you focus your thoughts on that, the universe will give it to you.
This belief system has been mentioned several times throughout the book, that there is a force out there that guides us. Whether you call it God, the Universe or the Soul of the World; that force is always nearby especially to those who wants to realise their destinies.
We should learn to recognise the omens or the signs and follow them. Sometimes, it appears as a solution or an idea. Sometimes, it presents itself as a direct message from somebody whom you are having a conversation with. Remember, there is no such thing as coincidence. There is a reason why you bumped into an old friend or why you are reading this article right now. We have to listen to what the universe is telling us. We also need to listen inward to our intuition.
In the same way, that if you think that the world is out there to get you, negative things will start happening your way. Thus, you have to be careful of what you think and what you say. In the story, when the monk told the alchemist that his payment goes well beyond his generosity; the alchemist quickly told the monk not to say it because life is listening. What the alchemist meant was that the universe responds to thoughts; thus, the monk might receive less next time.
There were numerous times when Santiago could have just given up, when he lost everything in Africa, when he had enough money to go back to Andalusia after working for the merchant or when he met Fatima in the desert oasis; but still he persevered.
Your treasure can only be uncovered after a series of tests. The closer you get to your dreams, the harder it will become. It takes a lot of courage, patience and persistence to finally be able to achieve your destiny.
9. Success Happens Outside your Comfort Zone
Santiago was already traveling as a shepherd boy but he sold his flock of sheep to go to Africa. After a year in Africa, he already earned enough money to either stay there or to go back to Andalusia but he chose to go to the desert. While in the desert oasis, Santiago had met the love of his life and earned the respect of the community but still, he opted to continue his quest for the treasure.
In all three scenarios, Santiago was already successful and comfortable with his life but he gave them all up to continue his journey and pursue his destiny. Just what do you think would have happened in the story if he decided to stay in his comfort zone. Do you think, he would have found his treasure?
In reality, many people don’t like change or are scared of change. As much as we want to pursue our dreams, we are more scared of disappointment. We are scared that we might lose everything that we have worked for if we are going to start anew. We would rather stay in our comfort zone. This is the reason why people get stuck in life whether it is a bad relationship or a job that they don’t like. Fear is one of the biggest obstacles that is keeping us from achieving our dreams.
10. Everyone has His Own Destiny
If a person is successful in one area, it does not mean that you too will be successful in that same area. It is because each person has his own destiny to fulfil. His way is not the same as yours. So, don’t compare yourself with others.
No matter who we are, everyone has a central role to play in the history of the world. Each one of us is unique. Embrace your uniqueness. As the Englishman said, we all can’t become alchemist, otherwise, gold will lose its value.
Good luck on your journey and I hope you find your treasure!
First published in Pinoy Smart Living on 08.24.2018
Feature Image from Free Image and mbll from Pixabay Images.
Are you under too much stress? Do you feel like giving up? Are there so many things in your life to be worried about right now? Do you feel powerless? If you do, then you are obviously stressed out. Stress is not necessarily a bad thing if it can become your source of motivation to improve yourself and your life. However, too much stress can affect your health. That’s why it is important to learn how to manage stress.
What is Stress?
Everyone experience stress. It happens when you have too much pressure which is much more than you can handle. The World Health Organisation (WHO) defines stress as “the reaction people may have when presented with demands and pressures that are not matched to their knowledge and abilities and which challenge their ability to cope”.
Components
Based on the WHO definition, stress has three components:
Demands / Pressure – This means that there is an outside force that is compelling you or forcing you to do something.
Knowledge and Skills – Knowledge pertains to your understanding about a specific subject or situation. Skills are learned ability or expertise on something.
Ability to Cope – How you are able to deal with responsibilities, challenges and difficulties plays a big part on your stress level
In short, stress arises when the outside pressure is not at par with your knowledge and skills. You will be better equipped in handling the same situation if it arises again only if you have learned from that past experience and made conscious effort to improve yourself.
Take a look at the video by Ted-Ed to find out how stress affects our body.
Thus, it is important that people learn how to manage stress. Here are five techniques in managing stress.
1. Take a Break from the Stressor
A stressor is the one that causes the stress. A stressor can be a person like your boss, life changes like a death of a loved one, an everyday problem like money issues, an environmental problem like a calamity or a health crisis such as the pandemic. While it might be impossible to completely distance yourself from the stressor, you can take a break from it by doing something else that will keep your mind off things even for just 20 minutes.
2. Exercise
When you exercise, your body produces endorphins, a hormone that acts as natural painkillers and mood elevators. It also improves your ability to sleep. Thus, exercise not only benefits the physical body but the mind as well. Thus, doing regular exercise will help lower your stress levels.
3. Smile and Laugh
When you smile and laugh, your body also releases endorphins. Endorphins lower your stress hormones cortisol. Too much cortisol produces negative feelings. A good hard belly laugh can reduce tension. Even a fake smile helps reduce stress and lowers heart rate. So, if you want a quick release of tension, forced yourself to smile.
4. Get support
A co-study done by Sarah Townsend of USC Marshall School of Business, Heeding Kim of UC Santa Barbara and Batja Mesquita of University of Leuven, Belgium that sharing your stress or worries with someone else, especially if that person is undergoing the same kind of stress, helps decrease the stress. It is important to talk to someone who understands you. A support group is necessary in life.
5. Meditate
Meditation is deep state of relaxation and tranquility. Meditation controls our breathing, pulse rate and blood pressure. It is a simple technique, but if practice just for a few minutes, it will give you many benefits. It releases negative emotions and helps clear your mind of worries.
First published in Pinoy Smart Living on 01.06.2019
