perspective

Black Swan: When Being Perfect is Not Enough

Black Swan: When Being Perfect is Not Enough

Reading Time: 8 minutes

Are you a White Swan or a Black Swan? What would you do when being perfect is not enough? A lot of people have an unhealthy obsession with being perfect. This is especially true in industries where individuals need to look and be perfect both in front of the camera and in real life. We all have a side to us that idealize being perfect. We manifest this by idolizing other people who we think are like that; or by controlling the various aspects of our own lives in order to be perfect.

Many individuals have lost themselves in the pursuit of perfection in their careers. Some of them self-destructed at the peak of their popularity. Others committed suicide and shocked the world as to the reason why. In both cases; their surprising behavior is a result of losing themselves in pursuit of perfection.

Black Swan the Movie: The Pursuit of Perfection

The 2010 movie Black Swan gives us a grim picture of how losing your self to perfection looks like. There are many layers to the story that you can relate to your own real-life experiences, or lack thereof.

The story is about the ballerina Nina (Natalie Portman) who’s childhood dream is to play the main role in Swan Lake. Nina’s passion for ballet rules every aspect of her life. When they need a prima ballerina for Swan Lake; she takes the opportunity to get the role for herself. Lily, a rival ballerina, gets the role. Nina eventually convinces the director to give it to her. Nina sees Lily as a rival but at the same time befriends her. Once she got the role, Nina struggles to not only play the White Swan perfectly. She struggles even more to become the perfect Black Swan.

Uncannily, Nina’s journey also parallels the actual story of Swan Lake.

We all know the story. Virginal girl, pure and sweet, trapped in the body of a swan. She desires freedom, but only true love can break the spell. Her wish is nearly granted in the form of a prince. But before he can declare his love, her lustful twin, the Black Swan, tricks and seduces him. Devastated, the White Swan leaps off a click, killing herself and in death finds freedom.

Thomas Leroy

In the end, despite a major setback during the performance, Nina is able to play both roles to perfection. She receives the admiration of her co-ballerinas, her art director, her mother and the audience. It is her best performance. In her own words, it was perfect, she was perfect. It was also her last performance.

The White Swan: Faking Perfection

Nina is the perfect White Swan, pure and innocent. She still talks like a child even when she had the courage to ask the director to give the main role to her. Her mother, a former ballerina, who gave up her dancing dreams to raise Nina; is both a caring figure as well as a controlling one. She has stunted Nina’s growth into maturity. Nina does not have friends as her only focus is on making her dream come true. In a way, her mother is living her own dancing dreams through Nina’s own journey as a ballerina.

This is why, when Nina asks the director for the main role, he tells Nina:

Well, the truth is, when I look at you, all I see is the White Swan. Yes, you’re beautiful, fearful, fragile. Ideal casting. But the Black Swan, it’s a hard fucking job to dance both…
In four years, every time you dance, I see you obsessed, getting each and every move perfectly right. But I never see you lose yourself. Ever. All the discipline, for what?

Nina answers that she wants to be perfect. She is too focused on being in control of her own performance. But the director tells her that: “Perfection is not just about control. It’s also about letting go. Surprise yourself so you can surprise your audience. Transcendence. And very few have it in them.”

Ironically, it is her perfect persona that hinders her from playing the Black Swan. The director tells her further: “The real work will be your metamorphosis into her evil twin and I know I saw a flash of her yesterday. So get ready to give me more of that bite.”

During rehearsals, Nina starts to break down as she deals with toxic coworkers, her rivalry with Lily who she also idolizes, and pressure from her mom and her company to perform her best. Her goal of a perfect life starts to break down. She blames herself for everything that goes wrong during practice. The pressure from perfecting her performance for both roles manifests in her delusions. In her delusion, she is bleeding in different parts of her body. She is physically, emotionally and mentally breaking down.

The Black Swan: Destroying Perfection

In the story, the White Swan has to conquer the Black Swan in order to get back her prince. In real life, Nina needs to grow up, fast in order to perfectly play the Black Swan. The director tells Nina that Lily was his first choice because she can play the Black Swan. In this way, Nina thinks of Lily as her rival but also admires her.

Lily was the first one to reach out to her and attempt to befriend her. She takes Nina to dinner and there, Nina realizes that Lily is not afraid of exposing her imperfect self. Lily is also not afraid to express her self as she openly flirts with the waiter. Nina ends up torn between hating her rival and admiring her for being unafraid to do as she pleases.

The director gives Nina harsh guidance by comparing her directly to Lily. He hints that Nina’s perfection is fake. As they watch Lily perform, he tells Nina: “Watch the way she moves. Imprecise but effortless. She’s not faking it.” The director also describes to Nina why Beth, the former ballerina who played the main role, was so entertaining to watch.

Because everything Beth does comes from within, from some dark impulse. I guess that’s what makes her so thrilling to watch. So dangerous. Even perfect at times. But also so damned destructive.

During rehearsal, the director shouts at Nina: “Forget about control, Nina! I want to see passion! Come on! Reach! Board, you’re stiff! Still like a dead corpse! Let it go! Let it go! And, again.”

Both the director and Lily personify the harsh reality of the world that one confronts when growing up. They also serves as a wake-up call to Nina. Both are telling and showing Nina to let go of her desire to be perfect; to let her passion for dance take over her performance instead. To not be cooped up in her own imperfections but to accept them as part of her.

In a way, both are encouraging Nina to break down her walls and let her flaws show through. But Nina refuses to do this and sticks to her desire for a perfect performance. She can’t reconcile how to maintain her perfect persona while at the same time wanting to be like her rival Lily, the perfect Black Swan.

From White to Black: Losing Yourself to Perfection

Playing the main role for Swan Lake requires the ballerina to embody both the pure, innocent, White Swan as well as the dark, evil, Black Swan. Nina is able to play the White Swan to perfection. However, in the last part of the performance, when she is about to transform into the Black Swan, she makes a major mistake on stage. Luckily, her partner picks her up and continues the performance.

During this time, her major breakdown starts but she also starts to break out from her perfect persona, except in a destructive way. Instead of blaming herself, she blames her partner for the mistake. When she goes to her dressing room, she finds Lily in the Black Swan costume. In her delusion, Lily tells her that it’s her turn to play as the Black Swan. Nina fights back and ends up stabbing Lily. She quickly hides Lily’s body and changes into the Black Swan costume. This signals her perfect transition to becoming the Black Swan.

Back on stage, Nina finally let’s go and loses her self in the performance as the director advised her to. She even gets a standing ovation. She is so engrossed in her character that she actually kisses the director as she takes a break from the dance. Her old, innocent self would have been too shy and embarrassed to do that.

She returns to her dressing room to change her costume to that of the White Swan again for the final part of the show. By this time, she is almost in tears but she still goes on with the show. She receives a standing ovation and her director and other dancers congratulate her. We see Lily as one of the dancers and she is the one who notices that Nina is bleeding. It was Nina’s delusion that she stabbed her rival but she actually stabbed herself.

In order to become perfect to play the Black Swan, Nina embraced her dark side completely. She needed to make the transition fast. The only way she thought of doing that was to kill her innocent, child-like self. To play the Black Swan, she had to get rid of the White Swan.

The Danger of Perfection

Nina’s stunted growth made her miss out on many life experiences. These experiences could have helped her to thrive in her career without sacrificing her relationships to her self and to others. Most of all, she missed the biggest lesson in life; that nobody is perfect, and you don’t need to be. This is not just Nina’s fault though. Her mother also contributed greatly to how Nina views the world. When Nina finally found the courage to speak up for what she wants; it was already too late.
In her perfect world, she only needs to perfectly perform and her life would be perfect. She had to confront her inner demons on her own. Until the end, she held on to her idea of perfection. When she is able to perfectly perform her childhood role; she declares that she was perfect.

Symbolically, because she has attained the perfection that she wanted; her life’s goal was complete. She did everything she could to make her performance perfect. Even to the extent of killing a part of her self. She has successfully transformed herself into the perfect Black Swan. Thus, Nina’s perfect performance was both her best performance and also her last. After all, in Nina’s perspective, once you have achieved perfection; what other goal could you have?

Self-Acceptance is A Process

There are times in our life when being perfect is not enough. We need to utilize our flaws or weakness to transform ourselves into someone better. The major lesson in this movie is not only that we should accept our flaws and so-called “guilty pleasures”. We also need to learn to do so gradually. Self-acceptance is a process that takes time. Discovering our shadow and shedding parts of our persona does not happen over night. It crops up at different points in our life. It is during this process that you learn how to handle bigger challenges in your journey through life. Each time this happens; we gain more knowledge on how to manage our inner and external demons. We learn how to make us of both our strengths and our weakness. This is the missing part in Nina’s journey.

Her lack of personal relationships stunted her personal growth. That’s why all she sees are her own flaws. No one is there to appreciate and show her the beautiful side of her. She only sees her shadows and is unable to appreciate the other parts of her. She fails to realize that she does not need to be perfect to play the White Swan and the Black Swan. Nina never considered that both the White Swan and the Black Swan can co-exist. She has never even learned how to love her self.

Another lesson to learn is to develop various goals and different interests. This way, when you experience a setback in one of your goals; you have other goals to inspire you. Nina had only been focusing on one goal her entire life. When this one goal was threatened; she did everything to make things perfect again. It was the only thing that she lived for. She had many chances to change her perspective but by then it was too late. Her unhealthy obsession lead to her own destruction.


Feature Image: Original Photo by Stefano Pollio on Unsplash.

Posted by H.J. Rangas in Emotional, 0 comments
Zero O’clock

Zero O’clock

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Did you ever wake up in the morning and feel that something is wrong? For some reason, the day feels gloomy and sad. As the day goes by, nothing seems to be going your way. You feel drained and stressed. You cannot wait for the day to be over. Why? Because you know deep inside that one bad day does not necessarily translate to a bad life. Once the clock hits zero o’clock, it is a signal for a new beginning, a new day and a new life.

You know those days, those days where you are sad for no reason, those days where your body is heavy….but this day will be over, when the minute and second hand overlap…zero o’clock.

– BTS, Zero O’clock

Zero O’clock Tiny Tans version
Video Credit: Bangtan TV

A very powerful message from a beautiful song by BTS. The lyrics were written by the group’s leader RM. When asked during an interview, RM said that “The title is Zero O’clock because no matter how tiring and exhausting our day has been, when the clock hits midnight, it is a brand new opportunity.”

Life is a wonderful thing. Wa can feel love, happiness and joy because we are alive. Unfortunately, not every day is the same. There will be days of disappointments and frustrations. There will be days that will be too difficult to handle. But the beauty of life is that life goes on. Challenges are given to us so that we can grow and become better persons. Each day is different. A bad day does not mean it is a bad life. There is always the promise of a better day.

If there is anything, zero o’clock gives us comfort that it is already another day. The bad day is finally over and It it an opportunity to start anew. The previous day might not be what you have expected it to be but you can always do something different for this brand new day. For one, you can change the way you look at things. Instead of looking at a glass as half empty, look at it as half full. And stop saying that life sucks. Instead, learn to count your blessings. Find joy in the little things. And before you know it, soon, you will be waking up in the morning with a smile on your face.

And you’re gonna be happy, and you’re gonna be happy. Turn this all around, when everything is new, zero o’clock.

– BTS

Image Photo by Karolina Grabowska from Pexels

Posted by A.L. Jonas in Spiritual, 0 comments
The Impostor Challenge

The Impostor Challenge

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Finding out who the impostor or impostors are is the challenge in the recently popular game Among Us. There are tips to improve your chances at winning in the game that you can also use in real life.

Part of the popularity of the game maybe because it serves as a platform for participants to release strong, pent up emotions with a possibility of being rewarded. It provides an opportunity to break rules without negative consequences. After all, choosing who to sacrifice among your team mates in the game does not feel as cruel as it is in a real life scenario.

The reason that truth is stranger than fiction is that fiction has to have a rational thread running through it in order to be believable, whereas reality may be totally irrational.

— Sydney J. Harris

Although the method to survive and win in the game is cruel; real life is even more so. We have to engage with different people who may no be what we perceive them to be. While it is hard enough to figure out who are the impostors among us; some of us are suffering because we think and feel, that we are, in fact, impostors.

The Impostor Syndrome

Most people battle with having self-confidence every day. For people with impostor syndrome, the struggle is even more difficult. There are a lot of high-achievers who feel deep down that they are complete frauds. They feel that their accomplishments are mostly due to luck.

Since they believe that they are not at all talented, skilled, knowledgeable or experienced enough in their profession. They believe that they are actually inadequate, incompetent and total failures. Thus, they are in constant fear that their secret will be found out.

Many men and women experience impostor syndrome at some point in their lives. It was first identified by psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes in 1978. It applies to any person who is unable to acknowledge and own their accomplishments and success in their occupations or in other aspects of their life.

Dr. Valerie Young has categorized the different patterns of the Impostor Syndrome into five subgroups:

1. The Perfectionist

Perfectionists set excessively high goals for themselves and their group. They are usually control freaks who feel like they need to do everything themselves for things to be done right. When they fail to reach a goal; they experience major self-doubt and constantly worry about measuring up to their own goals and standards. This is definitely an impostor challenge that’s hard to overcome.

2. The Superwoman/man

These are the people who you see working over time but still come to the office the earliest. They push themselves hard at work to cover-up their insecurities of not measuring up or not being as competent as their colleagues. Vacations don’t entice them because they feel that they need to work harder instead of wasting their time on other things.

3. The Natural Genius

Some people believe that in order to succeed they need to be a natural genius. A genius to them means that they can do something easily and quickly without much effort. Just like perfectionists, they set their standards ridiculously high. When they fail to master something in a short period of time, they feel ashamed and think that they’re never going to get good at it. This impostor challenge does not value long-term effort at all.

4. The Expert

Experts believe that they need to know as much as they can before they act. Deep inside, they believe that they will never know enough. They have a constant fear of being exposed as lacking experience or knowledge. Their tendency is to procrastinate with the excuse that they need to learn more or meet all the requirements before they start on a project or apply for a job.

5. The Soloist

People who are too independent may seem cool and enjoying utmost freedom in life. Soloist believe that they have to do it by themselves and asking for help diminishes their accomplishments. If they can’t do something by themselves; they feel that they are a failure and a fraud.

The Impostor Challenge

Your challenge is to assess yourself and identify which of these subcategories you can relate to. You may have experienced an Impostor Challenge at some point in your life. Being aware of what triggered these experiences will help you avoid them in the future.

Ask yourself how did you overcome that challenge? How did you get out of that phase in your life. If you can help someone else who is suffering from Impostor Syndrome; what would you do?

Try to observe the people around you. See if they are suffering from Impostor Syndrome and what subgroup they belong to. Unlike in the game, you don’t need to vote them out. You can help them find their confidence, recognize their accomplishments and overcome their challenge instead.


Feature Image: Original Photo by Laurenz Kleinheider on Unsplash.

Posted by H.J. Rangas in Spiritual, 0 comments
A Whole New World

A Whole New World

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Whether we like it or not, the world has changed. We just woke up one day in 2020 and there is a whole new world out there waiting for us. We can no longer go back to how we used to live before the pandemic. Even with the development of the vaccine, Covid-19 will not just ‘magically’ go away. It is now part of our world and our environment. And it is going to be here with us for a long time.

Point of No Return

We already came to a point where we can no longer change the environment. At this point, no amount of lockdown, no matter how long can prevent the spread of the virus. What it can do is just to help slow the spread. If we can no longer change the outside, what is left is for us is to do is to change our way of life. We need to learn to co-exist with the virus.

It will be difficult to adapt to the new normal if we continue to look at things the same way. We need to change the way we see things and try to look at it from a different angle.

If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

-Wayne Dyer

A New Fantastic Point of View

Remember Aladdin? When he took Princess Jasmine out for that magic carpet ride, he showed the princess, a whole new world. Well, technically it is still the same world. Aladdin just wanted to show Princess Jasmine to take a look at the world differently and see it from a new fantastic point of view.

With all the changes happening, you are still you. You are greater than your current situation. Trust and believe in yourself. There is a silver lining out of all this. After all, success comes if you learn to how to overcome challenges in life. You just need to start looking at things differently.

Video Credit: DisneyMusicVEVO

Are you up to the challenge?


Feature Image Photo by Johannes Plenio from Pexels

Posted by A.L. Jonas in Environmental, 0 comments
How to Help Your Children Achieve Their Dreams

How to Help Your Children Achieve Their Dreams

Reading Time: 4 minutes

What’s your dream? if you ask young children, more often than not, they will tell you exactly what they want in life. Unfortunately, as people grow older, our dreams and goals become less clear. We get caught up trying to make a living. We are also heavily influenced by society that we ended up losing ourselves in the process. A lot of people nowadays don’t even know what they want. If adults are lost, how do you expect your children, especially the teenagers, to know what they want? Thus as parents, it is important to know how to help your children achieve their dreams.

Big Dreams

While young, have you noticed that children have big dreams? Their dreams have no limitations and restrictions. For them, anything is possible, But as they grow older, their dreams tend to become more conservative and realistic. Gone were the the grand dreams. Some even forget their dreams totally. So, what happened? Where did all the big dreams go?

Role of Parents

As parents, you have great control and influence of your children’s dreams, more than you think you have. What they will believe to be attainable or not are all dependent on what you believe as parents to be possible and impossible. Parents are the children’s inspiration and motivation in life. We are their role models. If you think that your child’s dreams are unrealistic, your child will grow up believing that his/her dreams are simply unattainable. Your negative thinking will greatly influence your child’s thinking. Your mindset affects the direction of both your life and your child’s life.

Supporters

Your role as parents is to support them with their dreams. Believe in them. Everyone has a purpose in life. Everyone is a genius. Your role is to find your child’s genius.

  • When is your child happy?
  • What’s his/her talents?
  • What is he good at?
  • What activities does he/she like the most?

Observe your children’s interests. Pay attention to the skills that they are good at. Then do your homework. Research about their dreams. Maybe you can afford to enroll them in specialize classes about their interests. You can also help document their dreams. For example, it is so common for teachers in kindergarten to ask children to draw what they want to be when they grow up. Why not keep that paper and file it so that you can show it to your child when he/she grows up? There are so many little things that you can do that can help your child achieve their dreams.

Stewards

Many parents keep on forgetting that it is not about them. So, they ended up forcing their children to fulfill their unfulfilled dreams. When in fact, parents do not own their children. Parents are just stewards. Parents are entrusted with the responsibility of looking after their children until they are ready to stand on their own. Thus, parents are managers not owners. Children should have the right to choose their own future.

When you become a parent, it’s not all about you anymore.

– Carre Otis

Role Models

Since very young, children look for someone to imitate. Most of the time, the parents are the closest people that they grow up with. Subconsciously, children grow up imitating their parents. Thus, it is not enough for parents to give guidelines verbally. How a parent acts and behaves are more important than the verbal teachings. A positive role model is a powerful way to influence children in achieving their goals.

Parents must lead by example. Don’t use the cliche; do as I say and not as I do. We are our children’s first and most important role models.

– Lee Haney

No More Dream

What if the children grew up to be unmotivated, or worse, have no more dream despite the parent’s support? This can cause a lot of stress for parents. Of course, parents want their children to have big goals and dreams. Unfortunately, because of the dictates of society or several other factors such as hanging out with the wrong sets of friends; a child can grow up with no dream. If this happens, know that It’s okay. You don’t have to force it right away. it will come in time. But it doesn’t mean that you cannot do anything about it.

New Perspective

Have you heard of the gap year? Others call it the sabbatical year. It is basically a year or semester break before or after college. The purpose is for the student to learn a different perspective in life. The student can go traveling, learn something new, volunteer, get a job or do anything that is different from his/her regular routine.

If a gap year is not feasible, you can opt to make them attend a seminar, watch an inspiring video, read a book or find them a mentor. The key is to help them get a new perspective in life, a different way of looking at things. It is difficult to know what you want if you are subjected to the same routine and environment over and over again.

In a nutshell, the only way to help your children to achieve their dreams is to let them create and allow them to follow their own dreams. Respect their individuality. Refrain from enforcing your own dreams and don’t let them fall prey to society’s expectations. Trust that they can do it. Your belief in them can take them places.


Feature Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay Images

Posted by A.L. Jonas in Social, 0 comments