personal success

Dec

2021

Lessons from The Slight Edge: Your First Step Toward Success

Reading Time: 5 minutes

Are you in the midst of a crisis right now? If you are having problems, you know deep inside that you cannot stay in that state forever. Life goes on and it will not stop and wait until you are ready. Many people were able to rise above the storm. You believe deep inside that you too have what it takes to do the same. You are just not sure on where to begin. The lessons from The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson might just be your first step toward success and happiness.

There are things that you need to do in order to overcome the problem you are facing right now. First, you have to embrace your pain and take control of your emotions. Only by doing this will you be able to begin to take responsibility for your life. It would help if you have set some goals to define where you want to be in the future. Your goals need to be S.M.A.R.T in order to succeed. Remember that success always starts with a vision.

Once you have a clear idea on where you want to be and what you hope to achieve, you are now ready to take your first step. However, the road towards the attainment of your goals is not as easy as it sounds. Goals and dreams can be overwhelming. Most of the time, people get discouraged just by merely thinking about them. If you already have a clear vision, yet are still confused on how to go about it, then the book The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson is for you. The book has powerful lessons that you can use as your first step towards success.

The Slight Edge Philosophy talks about how simple everyday choices can lead to massive success and happiness. It is not about the big decisions but rather the small ones that create powerful results in all areas in life. This is the reason why diets don’t work. This is also the reason why many famous movie stars and athletes and lottery winners go broke after some time despite receiving millions of dollars.

Lessons From The Slight Edge

Here are some excerpts from the The Slight Edge that contain powerful lessons that you can use on you journey towards success:

1. You have complete control over the direction that the rest of your life takes.

You are a product of your decisions. Where you are and who you are right now is a result of all the decisions that you have made in the past. Your success is all because of you. In the same way, you are also miserable not because of anyone else but because of you. It is not the fault of your parents, partner, boss, government nor anyone else for that matter. Thus, you need to take control of your life. Your future happiness and success all depends on you alone.

2. Your philosophy creates your attitudes, which create your actions, which create your results, which create your life.

Your philosophy is how you look at life. The decisions that you make everyday are largely influenced by the way you look at things. And soon, this will manifest itself in your life. If you think the world is beautiful, then your life will also be beautiful. If you look at life negatively, then your life will be miserable. In short, what you focus on expands. So, what do you focus on?

3. Simple daily disciplines – little productive actions, repeated consistently over time – add up to the difference between failure and success.

Our success or failure is the result of simple everyday choices that seem harmless, but taken together over time will lead to failure or success in the future. For example, you go to a restaurant and you order soda instead of water. It is harmless, right? But if you do this each time you go out and you have been doing it for decades, soon you will have health problems. You don’t get sick just by drinking a can of soda, it is the accumulation of all those cans of sodas that you have been drinking for decades that made you sick. This is true not just with health but also in relationships, career, money and all other aspects in life.

4. People don’t consistently do those simple things for three reasons:

a) While they are easy to do, they are also easy not to do;

b) You don’t see any results at first;

c) They seem insignificant, like they don’t matter. But they do.

All of us are capable of doing little things to become successful but the problem is we don’t do it. It is not because it is hard but because it is easy not to do. All our daily, hourly and even minute choices, no matter how small, will all lead to our success or failure in that particular aspect in life.

So if you want to do good in one aspect of your life, think about the little things that you can do each day towards the attainment of that goal. For example, if you want your marriage to last; ask yourself, what small thing can you do for your spouse each day? It can be a kiss, a hug, a text message, help in the household chores, etc. The point is it needs to be consistent every day.

5. No genuine success in life is instant. Life is not a clickable link.

Success takes time. In this day and age, people are used to getting what they want in an instant that patience is no longer a virtue that everyone has. That is the reason why many people fall prey to ‘get-rich-quick scams’. True success involves consistent daily actions repeated over time. First you plant, then cultivate and then you harvest. That is the natural progression of things.

6. Success does not lead to happiness, it’s the other way around: more happiness creates more success.

Have you heard people saying “I’ll be happy once I’m rich” or “I’ll be happy once I’m married to that person”? What these people failed to understand is that happiness comes first. If you cannot be happy with the blessings that you have right now, you can’t be happy once you have more in the future. Why do you think many famous, powerful and rich individuals died of overdose from drugs and alcohol or committed suicide despite the fact of having it all? Happiness is not something that you chase. It is a state of mind and sense of well-being. It is the feeling of being grateful for the moment.

7. Greater success also creates a greater responsibility to share that success to others.

Your success is not just for you alone. It is for you to share your blessings with others. The more you share, the more blessings will come your way. Think about it, if you can help one person, you are sending a positive signal to the world. The person that you helped will be inspired to help another one too. This is what you call the ripple effect.

8. Greatness is not something predetermined, predestined or carved into your fate by forces beyond your control. Greatness is always in the moment of decision.

You have what it takes to succeed. All the great people out there are not great because they are destined to be great. They are great because they choose to be great. You are no exception. Make the decision to be great.

Are you ready for your metamorphosis? Read the book if you want to learn more practical lessons from the Slight Edge Philosophy, your first step towards success and happiness.

First published in Pinoy Smart Living 10.05.2019

Jul

2021

Courage Counts the Most

Reading Time: 2 minutes

As human beings, we often forget that courage counts the most. We are always in pursuit of something new. When we achieve a goal, we go on to the next goal. This means that success is not a final destination. Success is a string of victories that we celebrate as some of the highest points in our lives.

On the other hand, people who have failed to achieve success are mostly those who are afraid to fail. The fear of failing leads people to just be content with what they have currently achieved; and not ask or want for anything more. The fear of failing discourages us to take risks that might lead to greater opportunities.

Life is not about how hard of a hit you can give… it’s about how many you can take and still keep moving forward.
– Sylvester Stallone, Rocky

Successful people know that failure is part of the journey to success. It is only when we look back that we are able to connect the dots. Then we see how one failure lead to an opportunity; which lead to the right path to get to the goal.

It is not how many times you get knocked down that counts, it’s how many times you get back up.
– George A. Custer

People who have achieved success know that when faced with failure; it is the courage to get up and continue pursuing their dreams that count the most. As long as you get up and stay determined to find a way through the obstacle to your success; you will still reach your goal.

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
– Confucius

Whether you failed because of a mistake or through unforeseen circumstances; don’t give up. Learn the lesson and try again. Learn to welcome challenges. If you have the courage to fail and stand up again; you are on the right path to success.

Updated. First published on Pinoy Smart Living on 2018.10.13.
Feature Image: Original Photo by Razvan Chisu on Unsplash.

May

2021

Different Ways to Discover Your Self

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Each one of you are finding different ways to discover your self every day even if you don’t know it. Most of us think we already know ourselves inside out. We think we are what we do and we act that way. We identify with our jobs, our family’s expectations, our friends’ descriptions of us. Deep inside, we know these aspects of our selves are just a part of us. A persona we show to the world.

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
— Oliver Wendell Holmes

There is a feeling lurking within us that we are something more than what others see; what we let others see. There are things stirring in our shadow self that we want to get out into the world. A part of ourselves that we still can’t describe; potential that we both fear and admire. It may help us unleash our hidden genius or ruin our life’s work. Unless we can identify it; we won’t be able to harness this potential. If we can’t know this part of our self; we will always feel that we are not enough. Instead of being frustrated; why not actively go on a journey to discover your self?

The Process of Self-Discovery

Self-discovery is a continuous process, not a specific or final answer. The process of self-discovery is not found when you reach a destination. You come to discover more of your self through your life journey. Discovering your self is not just a one-time process. It involves discovering something new about ourselves as well as rediscovering old, forgotten parts of ourselves. There may even be instances when you uncover a part of yourself that you have kept hidden because you feel you are ready for it. Along the way, we may change in many ways. It is through this journey that we find purpose and meaning in our lives.

Be Aware of Your Current Self

Awareness is the first step to getting actively involved in your self-discovery. Get a clearer and deeper understanding of your own personal characteristics, your emotions, needs, values, strengths and weaknesses. Spend time to reflect on the parts of your personality that you already know.

Find out what gives you joy; what are your hopes and dreams; the things that you are passionate about; what things are holding you back; what negative experiences have you carried with you since childhood? These questions will leave you feeling vulnerable but they are an important step to getting to know yourself better. You can do this through journaling, talking to family and friends, or to a professional. The important thing to remember is to be honest with your self.

Experiment with A Different Self

Once you have a map of your current self; you pretty much have an idea of what your personality is. You are also able to identify some of the things you do, or want to do, that would clash with your current personality. Examining your self does not stop at knowing where things are. You also need to test how far things can go.

Your self, or your personality, is a fluid entity. Contrary to popular belief, you are not stuck with your personality. Getting stuck and getting out of it and flowing into a new one is all up to you. So make an experiment of the process. Do something that you don’t usually do and see how far you can go with it. For example, you may be a people pleaser, a “Yes man”. So try experimenting what would happen if you just said “No” to other people. Most of the time, you will find that your worries and fears don’t come true. It is only your belief that’s holding you back from accepting this part of your self, and from changing your situation.

Trust in Your Own Path to Self-Discovery

There is no one way to the journey of self-discovery. Each person has their own path and their own time for the journey. The important thing is to trust your own path. Don’t compare your self to others. Also, be kind to others and help as much as you can. Remember that everyone is on their own journey and some will have a harder time than others. Having a positive mindset and an attitude of gratitude helps a lot.

Discovering, rediscovering and uncovering more of yourself also helps to develop your trust in your self. Most people are going about their daily lives fulfilling their duties according to what others expect of them. Being actively involved in the process to discover your self means that you need to learn to trust your self rather than the world around you. It means being able to focus on what you truly want and being grateful for what you have even if the world tells you that you’re doing things wrong.

Discovering your self also means that you learn to accept difficult things about you as well as others around you. For example, you learn to trust your feelings instead of just your thoughts. You learn to love yourself more. You learn to be okay even if some things don’t go the way you wanted them to. More importantly, you learn to be comfortable with all parts of who you are; and if people don’t like it, you don’t feel bad when they walk away.

The journey to self-discovery may involve losing friends and even loved ones along the way. Know that it is not your fault. It is just that their part in your journey is over and they need to go on their own paths. There are many things that you will need to accept and lose during your journey. As you learn and develop your self; you will find that it will all be worth it.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Jackson David on Unsplash.

May

2021

What Do You Think is Your Travel Personality?

Reading Time: 4 minutes

What do you think is your travel personality? Do you notice any difference in your personality when you travel alone or with a group? Remember that we all have our personas. We may be a different person when we travel by ourselves or when we travel with other people. Our personality may also depend on the personalities of the other individuals in our travel group.

Our travel personality may also depend on our goals for traveling. What kind of experiences do you usually imagine for your travels?

Thrill Seeker

Are you looking for thrilling experiences when you travel? Do you see yourself swimming with sharks or camping in the wild to get a glimpse of wild animals? Does excitement fill you at the thought of bungee jumping, sky diving and the like? If this is you, then you definitely have the travel personality of a thrill seeker. If you seek even more extreme thrills, you may even call yourself a danger junkie.

As a thrill seeker, you want to get close to the wild side of nature. You crave the death-defying stunts other people have experienced before; and you want to feel the same adrenalin rush for yourself. Sometimes, even if you fear it, you still go for it. It takes courage to travel out of your comfort zone. This is something you actually crave.

Of course, you don’t go into these adventures unprepared. If you need to learn a new set of skills to participate in an adventure; you take the time to do so. You spend time learning and training as though you were preparing for the Olympics. Thrill-seeking is like a sport to you. You actually enjoy the whole process. You’re not really competing against anyone though. For you, the thrill and the adrenaline rush are all worth it.

Adventurer

Do you picture yourself exploring new dive spots, swimming with whales, climbing mountains or trekking through the dessert? Do you enjoy road trips? If so, then you have the travel personality of an adventurer.

You’re the type of person who relishes unique adventures. You are always open to new types of experiences. To try something once is your motto and that’s what makes traveling with you so much more fun. Whether you travel alone or with buddies; you always enjoy your self. The least adventurous around you also get to have their fun even when they’re just watching you.

You are always interested in what unique experiences your destination has to offer. Spontaneity is the name of your game. Your travel buddies are swept along with your enthusiasm to try out new things. However, you always keep everyone’s safety in mind first.

Sightseer

Would you describe your travel plans as calming, laidback, easygoing, casual and free? If this is you, then you’re a sightseer. For you, travel is a time to relax, walk around at your leisure and just enjoy the scenery as you pass by it, or as it passes you by.

This doesn’t mean that you don’t make plans. You enjoy the freedom but you do have an agenda of the places you want to go to; the food you want to try and other activities you want to watch or even participate in. Wandering around and getting lost in exploring the interesting nooks and crannies of the place is a normal part of the experience for you.

Your travel plan might include going on a tour group but you also make sure to have free time to explore on your own. Leisure is your travel game plan. A structured plan on where to go and what to do is a convenient way for you to get acquainted with a place quickly. This is also an opportunity to take note of interesting places or things to do. Then you take your own leisurely time to go back and enjoy them on your own or with your group. You usually take lots of pictures or videos.

Learner

Do you travel because you are interested in the place’s culture and/or history? You may be curious about something specific such as the cuisine or the arts. Maybe you like going to places like libraries, or museums; or you enjoy hanging out at historical sites? Do you like visiting old buildings or spending time inside old churches? If this is you, then your travel personality is that of a learner.

Your travels often have a structured plan to it. You know which places you want to go to and which ones you might want to see if you have time left. A guided tour is usually on your list. You may get a local guide that you can consult when you need to. Afterwards, you go straight to what you really came for. You spend most of your travel time in the specific places you have on your list. Going early is part of your habits; because having the church or museum all to yourself is such a pleasure.

Your itinerary may also include taking a class such as pottery or weaving. You take lots of pictures or illustrations, or notes. Sitting on a bench and just people watching is also a leisurely time for you. When you go back to rest; you usually review your pictures and/or notes.

Your Travel Personality

Does your travel personality fit any of these? If not, which are you closest to? Your travel personality may be a combination of any of these as well. Or you might have started out as a sightseer and now you are more of an adventurer. You may also be a learner and now you aspire to be a sightseer and enjoy the sites around you more.

The more important thing is how your travel goals have helped you develop as a person. Traveling helps us get to know our selves better even as we get to know more of the world outside our home towns. For some people, travel is a way to sort through their life issues. It also provides us with more inspiration for what we want to be and where we want to be in the future.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Felix Rostig on Unsplash.

May

2021

10 Power Dressing Must-Haves In a Woman’s Closet

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Clothes are an important part of projecting an image of confidence, power and success. It influences how others see you. Although we should not judge a person based on appearances, it is a fact that people always have and will always judge a person by his or her appearance. That’s the psychology of dressing. That’s why if we want to become more successful, we must start with projecting a powerful persona. If you think that money is an issue in power dressing, think again. You can actually achieve that power dressing fashion style even when you are on a budget as long as you have the basics. All you need are these 10 Power Dressing Must-Haves in a Woman’s Closet.

With power dressing, you can strengthen your image. You can also boost your confidence level. When you look good, you feel good. This will ultimately lead to better performance. Yes, studies have shown that you can actually dress yourself up for success .

In an ideal world, you will have tons of suit ensembles and gorgeous outfits from great brands. However, for most of us, starting our day thinking of what to wear to work had become a part of our daily stressful lives. Here’s a short list of power dressing must haves that every woman should have in their closet:

1. Well Made Blazer

A well made blazer is good for topping off your shirts, dresses and pullovers. Every woman must have one that is flattering to the silhouette of your body.

2. Button Up Shirt

Definitely own a white button up shirt and a few other shades that compliment your skin tone. They never go out of style.

3. Crew Neck Top

In replacement to your button ups, this shirt cut makes you look smart. Yes, even a crew neck t-shirt will do. Just throw on your favorite blazer.

4. Little Black Dress

One of the legacies of Coco Chanel, the little black dress is one an essential part in a woman’s closet. Ideally, it should be in a decent knee length. It comes in handy when you are on a rush and cannot think of what to put together. You can wear it for a day in the office to a night out with friends. It is so versatile that you can never go wrong with a little black dress.

5. Pencil Skirt

A pencil skirt is another piece of clothing that never goes out of style. You can pair this with almost anything.

6. Cigarette Pants

Definitely, not skinny! It should be one that falls just above your ankle. They’re more flattering than the usual office / suit slacks.

7. Pumps

Every woman should have a black or nude pumps. They give a sharper look and elongate the legs. Wear something with about 2.5 to 3 inches heels to let you move around all day. You can also opt for a blocked heel for added comfort, unless of course you can do with the towering ones.

8. Tote Bag

When you are always on the go, find yourself a chic and roomy tote bag that would fit your work and personal essentials.

9. Scarf

To give your outfit a different look, throw over a scarf. Wrap it around your neck or tie it onto your tote.

10. Jewelry

A stud earring in diamond or pearl, a necklace with a pendant or a simple dress watch can be use to complete the look. Keep it simple and elegant.

Tip: Stick to clothes in Plain and Basic colors. They’re less noticeable when you use them on repeat.

MIX MATCHING IS THE KEY!

Fashion Advise given by Elisa Antonnette B. Locsin. Ms. Locsin is a wardrobe / fashion stylist for Filipino celebrities. She has been putting outfits for celebrities for their appearances on print ads, television, movies, concerts and other public appearances for 11 years now. She is also in-charge of putting together a particular look or theme for specific projects based on the celebrities’ roles or characters being played on television or movies.

First Published in Pinoy Smart Living on 09.03.2018.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

May

2021

Black Swan: When Being Perfect is Not Enough

Reading Time: 8 minutes

Are you a White Swan or a Black Swan? What would you do when being perfect is not enough? A lot of people have an unhealthy obsession with being perfect. This is especially true in industries where individuals need to look and be perfect both in front of the camera and in real life. We all have a side to us that idealize being perfect. We manifest this by idolizing other people who we think are like that; or by controlling the various aspects of our own lives in order to be perfect.

Many individuals have lost themselves in the pursuit of perfection in their careers. Some of them self-destructed at the peak of their popularity. Others committed suicide and shocked the world as to the reason why. In both cases; their surprising behavior is a result of losing themselves in pursuit of perfection.

Black Swan the Movie: The Pursuit of Perfection

The 2010 movie Black Swan gives us a grim picture of how losing your self to perfection looks like. There are many layers to the story that you can relate to your own real-life experiences, or lack thereof.

The story is about the ballerina Nina (Natalie Portman) who’s childhood dream is to play the main role in Swan Lake. Nina’s passion for ballet rules every aspect of her life. When they need a prima ballerina for Swan Lake; she takes the opportunity to get the role for herself. Lily, a rival ballerina, gets the role. Nina eventually convinces the director to give it to her. Nina sees Lily as a rival but at the same time befriends her. Once she got the role, Nina struggles to not only play the White Swan perfectly. She struggles even more to become the perfect Black Swan.

Uncannily, Nina’s journey also parallels the actual story of Swan Lake.

We all know the story. Virginal girl, pure and sweet, trapped in the body of a swan. She desires freedom, but only true love can break the spell. Her wish is nearly granted in the form of a prince. But before he can declare his love, her lustful twin, the Black Swan, tricks and seduces him. Devastated, the White Swan leaps off a click, killing herself and in death finds freedom.
Thomas Leroy

In the end, despite a major setback during the performance, Nina is able to play both roles to perfection. She receives the admiration of her co-ballerinas, her art director, her mother and the audience. It is her best performance. In her own words, it was perfect, she was perfect. It was also her last performance.

The White Swan: Faking Perfection

Nina is the perfect White Swan, pure and innocent. She still talks like a child even when she had the courage to ask the director to give the main role to her. Her mother, a former ballerina, who gave up her dancing dreams to raise Nina; is both a caring figure as well as a controlling one. She has stunted Nina’s growth into maturity. Nina does not have friends as her only focus is on making her dream come true. In a way, her mother is living her own dancing dreams through Nina’s own journey as a ballerina.

This is why, when Nina asks the director for the main role, he tells Nina:

Well, the truth is, when I look at you, all I see is the White Swan. Yes, you’re beautiful, fearful, fragile. Ideal casting. But the Black Swan, it’s a hard fucking job to dance both…
In four years, every time you dance, I see you obsessed, getting each and every move perfectly right. But I never see you lose yourself. Ever. All the discipline, for what?

Nina answers that she wants to be perfect. She is too focused on being in control of her own performance. But the director tells her that: “Perfection is not just about control. It’s also about letting go. Surprise yourself so you can surprise your audience. Transcendence. And very few have it in them.”

Ironically, it is her perfect persona that hinders her from playing the Black Swan. The director tells her further: “The real work will be your metamorphosis into her evil twin and I know I saw a flash of her yesterday. So get ready to give me more of that bite.”

During rehearsals, Nina starts to break down as she deals with toxic coworkers, her rivalry with Lily who she also idolizes, and pressure from her mom and her company to perform her best. Her goal of a perfect life starts to break down. She blames herself for everything that goes wrong during practice. The pressure from perfecting her performance for both roles manifests in her delusions. In her delusion, she is bleeding in different parts of her body. She is physically, emotionally and mentally breaking down.

The Black Swan: Destroying Perfection

In the story, the White Swan has to conquer the Black Swan in order to get back her prince. In real life, Nina needs to grow up, fast in order to perfectly play the Black Swan. The director tells Nina that Lily was his first choice because she can play the Black Swan. In this way, Nina thinks of Lily as her rival but also admires her.

Lily was the first one to reach out to her and attempt to befriend her. She takes Nina to dinner and there, Nina realizes that Lily is not afraid of exposing her imperfect self. Lily is also not afraid to express her self as she openly flirts with the waiter. Nina ends up torn between hating her rival and admiring her for being unafraid to do as she pleases.

The director gives Nina harsh guidance by comparing her directly to Lily. He hints that Nina’s perfection is fake. As they watch Lily perform, he tells Nina: “Watch the way she moves. Imprecise but effortless. She’s not faking it.” The director also describes to Nina why Beth, the former ballerina who played the main role, was so entertaining to watch.

Because everything Beth does comes from within, from some dark impulse. I guess that’s what makes her so thrilling to watch. So dangerous. Even perfect at times. But also so damned destructive.

During rehearsal, the director shouts at Nina: “Forget about control, Nina! I want to see passion! Come on! Reach! Board, you’re stiff! Still like a dead corpse! Let it go! Let it go! And, again.”

Both the director and Lily personify the harsh reality of the world that one confronts when growing up. They also serves as a wake-up call to Nina. Both are telling and showing Nina to let go of her desire to be perfect; to let her passion for dance take over her performance instead. To not be cooped up in her own imperfections but to accept them as part of her.

In a way, both are encouraging Nina to break down her walls and let her flaws show through. But Nina refuses to do this and sticks to her desire for a perfect performance. She can’t reconcile how to maintain her perfect persona while at the same time wanting to be like her rival Lily, the perfect Black Swan.

From White to Black: Losing Yourself to Perfection

Playing the main role for Swan Lake requires the ballerina to embody both the pure, innocent, White Swan as well as the dark, evil, Black Swan. Nina is able to play the White Swan to perfection. However, in the last part of the performance, when she is about to transform into the Black Swan, she makes a major mistake on stage. Luckily, her partner picks her up and continues the performance.

During this time, her major breakdown starts but she also starts to break out from her perfect persona, except in a destructive way. Instead of blaming herself, she blames her partner for the mistake. When she goes to her dressing room, she finds Lily in the Black Swan costume. In her delusion, Lily tells her that it’s her turn to play as the Black Swan. Nina fights back and ends up stabbing Lily. She quickly hides Lily’s body and changes into the Black Swan costume. This signals her perfect transition to becoming the Black Swan.

Back on stage, Nina finally let’s go and loses her self in the performance as the director advised her to. She even gets a standing ovation. She is so engrossed in her character that she actually kisses the director as she takes a break from the dance. Her old, innocent self would have been too shy and embarrassed to do that.

She returns to her dressing room to change her costume to that of the White Swan again for the final part of the show. By this time, she is almost in tears but she still goes on with the show. She receives a standing ovation and her director and other dancers congratulate her. We see Lily as one of the dancers and she is the one who notices that Nina is bleeding. It was Nina’s delusion that she stabbed her rival but she actually stabbed herself.

In order to become perfect to play the Black Swan, Nina embraced her dark side completely. She needed to make the transition fast. The only way she thought of doing that was to kill her innocent, child-like self. To play the Black Swan, she had to get rid of the White Swan.

The Danger of Perfection

Nina’s stunted growth made her miss out on many life experiences. These experiences could have helped her to thrive in her career without sacrificing her relationships to her self and to others. Most of all, she missed the biggest lesson in life; that nobody is perfect, and you don’t need to be. This is not just Nina’s fault though. Her mother also contributed greatly to how Nina views the world. When Nina finally found the courage to speak up for what she wants; it was already too late.
In her perfect world, she only needs to perfectly perform and her life would be perfect. She had to confront her inner demons on her own. Until the end, she held on to her idea of perfection. When she is able to perfectly perform her childhood role; she declares that she was perfect.

Symbolically, because she has attained the perfection that she wanted; her life’s goal was complete. She did everything she could to make her performance perfect. Even to the extent of killing a part of her self. She has successfully transformed herself into the perfect Black Swan. Thus, Nina’s perfect performance was both her best performance and also her last. After all, in Nina’s perspective, once you have achieved perfection; what other goal could you have?

Self-Acceptance is A Process

There are times in our life when being perfect is not enough. We need to utilize our flaws or weakness to transform ourselves into someone better. The major lesson in this movie is not only that we should accept our flaws and so-called “guilty pleasures”. We also need to learn to do so gradually. Self-acceptance is a process that takes time. Discovering our shadow and shedding parts of our persona does not happen over night. It crops up at different points in our life. It is during this process that you learn how to handle bigger challenges in your journey through life. Each time this happens; we gain more knowledge on how to manage our inner and external demons. We learn how to make us of both our strengths and our weakness. This is the missing part in Nina’s journey.

Her lack of personal relationships stunted her personal growth. That’s why all she sees are her own flaws. No one is there to appreciate and show her the beautiful side of her. She only sees her shadows and is unable to appreciate the other parts of her. She fails to realize that she does not need to be perfect to play the White Swan and the Black Swan. Nina never considered that both the White Swan and the Black Swan can co-exist. She has never even learned how to love her self.

Another lesson to learn is to develop various goals and different interests. This way, when you experience a setback in one of your goals; you have other goals to inspire you. Nina had only been focusing on one goal her entire life. When this one goal was threatened; she did everything to make things perfect again. It was the only thing that she lived for. She had many chances to change her perspective but by then it was too late. Her unhealthy obsession lead to her own destruction.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Stefano Pollio on Unsplash.

Dec

2020

Give Thanks in Advance

Reading Time: 2 minutes

The end of the year can be a great opportunity to give thanks in advance for the things you want to manifest in the new year. Before we turn over a new chapter in our calendars; let’s reflect on our goals and decide what wishes we want to fulfill in the future. This is one of the ways that you can have a healthy, fresh start for the new year.

Reflect On Your Goals

The first thing to do for this challenge is to sit down and review the past year. Review the goals you had for this year. How far have you come in your current goals? Are you going to continue on with some goals? Decide which goals are still worth pursuing. Recall the lessons you learned for this year. Do you have new goals? Which areas of your life have you lacked focused on this year? Try to create goals for that area that you can work on for next year. Take your time to meditate on this topic for awhile so you can do a deep reflection.

Make Your Wish List

The next step is to list down your goals. Try to categorize them according to the different areas of your life. Essentially, you are creating a bucket list of the things that you want to accomplish in the new year. Make sure that you follow the SMART method when creating your goals. This way you can measure your progress more easily.

Give Thanks in Advance

Finally, say thanks for your goals. Write down a “Thank You” statement for each of your goals on strips of paper and store it in a jar. You can also do this on a sheet of paper or on your gratitude journal if you want. The aim of this activity is to give thanks for your wishes in advance in order to manifest them faster. Try to visualize how it feels when your wish has come true as you say your thanks. If you prefer, you can also do a vision board.

Of course, you still have to work hard for you wishes to come true. But by saying “Thank You” in advance, you are giving a signal to the Universe that you are ready to receive the manifestation of your wish. It also rewires your mindset for success. Remember the mind-body connection? If your thoughts already anticipate your wishes coming true; then you will be in the mood to physically act on your goals.

As we welcome the New Year, the real challenge starts. Try to adopt an attitude of gratitude for the blessings you receive daily even as you work hard to achieve your goals. This will help you to maintain the positive vibe that will keep you always ready to receive blessings. It will also help you to attract even more blessings.

Reflect, Say Thanks, Repeat

Keep your wish jar or wish list in a safe place at home or in your room. You can also have your family put in their wishes in one jar. At the end of the year, take out the wish jar or wish list. Read them and see which ones have come true. You will be surprised at how much you have to be grateful for. You may end up saying thanks for more than what you wished for. Then, say your thanks for your fulfilled wishes and repeat this challenge for the next year. ‘Till then, let’s keep smiling to welcome the new year and each day of the year.

Featured Image: Original Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash.

Nov

2020

The Best Options Among Us

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Have you ever wondered to yourself: who are the best options among us? Who are going to be successful in their careers, their relationships, and in life in general? Which among my family members or friends are helpful to my own life journey?

We all move around different social circles. In this way, we get to interact with different types of people. Some of us have family members that we love but are difficult to get along with. Others, have that one friend that always annoys the other members but they remain friends with that person, anyway

The People We Surround Ourselves With

The people that we surround ourselves with and the situations we put ourselves into makeup our reality. However, not everyone in our social circles are who we perceive them to be. This is not because they want to deceive others. This is only because, people present themselves in different ways to different people. Unless we have known someone more deeply; we will never be able to realize their true character. Are they a part of the best options among us?

There are many monsters among us, it’s true. But there are heroes too.
— Amie Kaufman

Even the people that you think you know deeply may surprise you sometimes. This is because people can, and do change as they grow from their life experiences. Those who do not grow or are unwilling, will be left behind as others move on to pursue new goals and nurture new relationships.

The Situations We Choose to Engage In

There are situations that we keep coming back to, even if they are unpleasant. We do it for various reasons; because we need to or because the familiarity is somehow comforting. They are not necessarily the best options among the scenarios.

We find comfort among those who agree with us and growth among those who don’t.
— Frank A. Clark

The situations you choose to put yourself in will change with time. Everyone and everything around you can change along with your personal growth. You will find that you need to leave some relationships behind that have served their purpose in your life. You realize that you will have to stay away from situations that don’t contribute to your goals.

The Best Options Among Us

In your current place in life, ask yourself – Who among us are going in the same direction in life? Who have similar goals? Which of us understand each other the most? Are there any among us in the same situation right now? Which are the best options among us right now?

We may wish to embrace everyone who comes into our lives. But who among us are truly helpful to be around with? Most of us want to engage in situations that we are comfortable in and familiar with. However, it is important that we learn to differentiate who and what benefits us and which may potentially harm us.

Just trying to get along with others is not enough. You need to be aware who among the others will your time be most productively spent with. Being aware of your surroundings is also important in creating an environment that is conducive for your personal growth and success.

Among us, who are those that can serve as role models? Who are the best options to choose? Among us, who are those that we can look up to? These are the people that we should try to learn from. From these examples, we will also learn to differentiate the persons and situations that will best help us overcome our challenges and get closer to our goals.

Feature Images: Original Photo by mauro mora on Unsplash.

Jul

2020

Passion is Your Key to Success

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Have you noticed that a lot of people are selling online right now? It seems that a great deal of people turned to online selling as a way to survive this economic crisis. Whether it is simply just a craze or it is something that is going to be part of the new normal, one thing is for sure, only a few will emerge successful after some time. If you are an online seller, do you want to know what your key to success is? Passion is your key to success.

What Not To Pursue

A craze is something that became extremely popular but for a limited period of time. The common mistake of people is that everybody wants to join the craze. They want to make it big, and they think that joining the bandwagon is the answer. However, just because your friend was successful in pursuing the craze, it does not mean you will too. Don’t just follow what everyone else is doing.

What To Pursue

While dreams, discipline, hard work, intelligence, luck and persistence may be factors to success; they are not the key ingredient. The most important factor to success is passion. Do you want to be successful in your career or your business? Find your passion. Do you want to be successful as an online seller? Then, sell something that is related to your passion. For example, if you enjoy baking, then sell baked products.

What is Passion

Passion is a strong feeling of enthusiasm for something. Several studies suggest that rich people became rich because they follow their passion. According to Thomas C. Corley, best-selling author of the book Rich Habits: The Daily Success Habits of Wealthy Individuals:

96% of the poor or average people don’t like what they are doing while
86% of the rich like what they are doing.

The point is if you love what you are doing, you will spend more time doing it. Enthusiasm is very powerful. Even if you encounter lots of obstacles ahead of you, you will still continue doing it because you love doing it. The more you do it, the more you will be better at it. The better you are at your work, the better you will get paid for it.

Malcolm Gladwell on his book Outliers: The Story of Success states that highly successful individuals spent at least 10,000 hours honing their craft. Imagine spending 10,000 hours doing something that you don’t like? That will be very difficult if not impossible. It is a totally different story if it is your passion.

In the Forbes list of billionaires, majority of them got to where they are right now by doing what they love.

Bill Gates loved computer programming since the age of 13. He excelled in Math and Science. Although he enrolled in Harvard University, he had a hard time keeping up with school work because he spend most of his time in his computer than in class. He eventually dropped out of school, pursued his passion and ended up building the world’s largest software business, Microsoft.

Elon Musk is so passionate about rockets and space exploration. He became an engineer, an industrial designer and technology entrepreneur. He is now working to revolutionize transportation both here on earth and space through his companies, Tesla and SpaceX.

Warren Buffet started investing in the stock market at a very young age. When asked in a recent interview what is the secret to his success, he answered, “I found what I love to do very early…when I was seven or eight years old I knew that his particular game really, really intrigued me.” He pursued his love for investment from then on which lead him to where he is today.

Amancio Ortega started his life in poverty. He left school to work as delivery boy at a shirt maker in their town at the age of 14. He then worked his way up to become an assistant to the tailor then later a designer. Mr. Ortega pursued his passion until he was able to buy his own factory. Today, his high street clothes Zara is world famous.

Do something you are very passionate about and don’t try to chase what is kind of the hot passion for the day.
– Jeff Bezos

The road to success is never easy. Having dreams alone is not enough. You will fail many times over before you can get it right. To make it easier, your goals should always be in line with your passion.

If your dream is to become rich for example, you will never become rich just by dreaming alone. Little steps are needed to lead you closer to your dream one step at a time. Just because a person became successful in a specific field does not necessarily mean you will also become successful in the same path. Always remember that your key to success if your passion. Do something that you love. Your passion or interests will keep you going and ultimately will lead you to your dream.

Updated version. First published in Pinoy Smart Living on 04.12.2019

Feature Image by Gloria Williams from Pixabay Images.

Jun

2020

7 Ways to Make Your Life More Fun

Reading Time: 6 minutes

Imagine yourself writing a novel and that novel is your life. You know what you want to happen in the future, but at the moment; you don’t know how to continue the story to get there. Have you experienced times like these when it feels like you are stuck in a rut?

Most people would just label you as procrastinating or being lazy but this feeling is real. More often, it’s because of exhaustion or boredom, or a lack of something that you want in your life that you can’t quite put a finger on.

From time to time, we all want to take a break from routine. We want to experience something more exciting and fun. We want to feel that our life is fun and interesting again. Having these moments does not make you weird. It is a normal phase in everyone’s life. You can call it a minor quest in the game of life, and going through it actually helps you grow.

If you’re trying to get yourself out of a funk right now, here are some things you can do to inject more fun into your life.

1. Watch the Sun Rise

If you usually snooze until 6AM, try waking up earlier so you’re up and about before the sun rises. It would be helpful if you also slept earlier the night before but you can use an alarm clock. No matter how sleepy or groggy you feel, get out of bed instead of hitting the snooze button. Drink some water and get yourself some sunshine.

You can open your window or go outdoors to watch the sun rise. Don’t look at the sun directly of course. You can close your eyes and soak up the sunshine. Or you can snap some pictures or draw the scenery or write about it on your journal. Random activities like this encourage you to appreciate life in a fun way. The point is to take some time in your day to appreciate this phenomenon that we usually take for granted. Alternatively, you can watch the sun set too.

2. Try a New Playlist

Can’t focus on work even with your go-to music playlist? Consider working with a new set of songs. Maybe dance songs can energize you more instead of your usual classical music. Or try a fusion of both – modern pop songs played by classical instruments or an orchestra. You can choose music that makes you feel happy or sad, inspired or heart broken. You already know which choice is better for you.

If there are movies who’s theme songs inspire you, search for them online and use that for a change. Or if you want something without instruments, try acapella music or listening to a podcast about a topic you’re interested in. Life shouldn’t feel too dull when you are having fun listening to something that stimulates you.

3. Reorganize Your Stuff

Sometimes boredom sets in when we want something new in our environment. Life can lose its fun when you keep seeing the same things each day. No wonder you feel bored and exhausted with your life!

Take a good, long look at your office setup and try to rearrange the furniture another way. You can also do this for other rooms in your house. Maybe move some of your favorite decorative items from one room to another. If your favorite lamp is in your bedroom, maybe using it on your work desk would improve your creativity and productivity.

Consider doing some decluttering to clear out your room or house and your mind. Maybe you need to reorganize your wardrobe. Or maybe you need to let go of things you are not using to improve the look and feel of your entire home.

4. Sweat Out Your Funk

Rearranging your furniture not enough? Maybe you need more intense activity to stimulate you. Put on your exercise clothes, put on your favorite dance music play list and start moving. Or use a dance exercise video that you like. Inject some fun into your life but doing something you love without fear of judgment.

Just focus on moving your body and don’t mind if you aren’t a good dancer. We all know that exercise can help get your good vibes going. Just don’t do it so intensely that you sprain or break something. Be sure to hydrate yourself and take a break when you need to. Observing healthy habits daily is one way to keep up your energy and avoid feeling exhausted or bored with your day.

5. Catch Up With a Friend

Exhaustion and boredom can also be caused by lack of communication or social interaction. Think of a friend or a family member who you haven’t talked to for some time and make an appointment to call them. Make sure they aren’t busy when you call.

Don’t stress yourself out on what you can talk about. Just be honest and tell them that you just want to talk to them. You can recall the fun you had at certain points in your life when you could still go out together. Most of the time, you will get a positive response. Your friend will appreciate the break in their routine too.

6. Write A Letter to Your Younger Self

Pretend that you are now the successful version of yourself. You need to write a letter to encourage your younger self to not forget to have fun in their daily life. Most importantly, you need explain to them why they shouldn’t give up on their dreams. Be honest and sincere in your letter. It doesn’t matter how long it becomes as long as you are able to put out your true feelings. This process can be therapeutic and help you loosen up some emotional stress that you may be holding on to.

Tears maybe involved as you write your letter so be sure to have a box of tissues and water with you as you do this. You can also play some background music and light some candles to enhance the ambiance. Make the experience special. You are not only going back through memory lane; you are reconnecting with yourself in the process and also creating a new and memorable experience.

7. Read Out Loud

In your younger years, wasn’t it fun to be someone else and live a different life every now and then? Recreate those fun moments again. Get your favorite book or any book that’s at hand and read out loud. Magazines and newspapers also work. You can choose how to read it. You can read it faster than you usually would.

Maybe pretend that you are a broadcaster reading the news or a journalist reporting on site. Read it like you are in a stage play, or read it in a different voice like a movie voice over or a book narrator. Or if it’s a story you’re reading, read it using different voices for each character like when you read children’s stories.

Pick helpful books and articles that are interesting and fun to read instead of those with sad or horrifying topics. Make sure not to disturb your neighbors though, so read out loud but don’t shout. This is a fun way to raise your confidence too.

Why Are You Not Having Fun?

If none of these seem to work, maybe you should ask yourself why you are not having fun in your life. Sometimes, there are more deep-seated reasons why you feel exhausted about your life and why you feel bored of living.

Ask yourself these questions to help you find out why you are feeling this way about your life. Maybe there are some things in your life that you are not addressing. These questions should help you find the reason for your feelings and also help you get to know yourself better.

There are other things you can do when you are stuck at home and feeling bored to ensure that you always have fun experiences in your life. Whatever it is that has got you stuck in your life right now, know that you’re going to be ok. Recognize that the Universe has got your back and a lot of us are cheering you on. Let us overcome this together and become better versions of ourselves from the experience.

Got other ideas on how to inject more fun into your daily routine? We would love to hear them in the comments.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Jackson David from Pexels.