personal growth

Mar

2022

Religion and Spirituality: Is There A Difference?

Reading Time: 2 minutes

What is the difference between spirituality and religion? Spirituality and religion are different concepts; but they often get confusing. We often end up describing our religious beliefs and practices when talking about our spirituality. Their purpose and practices can overlap and crossover, but they do have some basic differences.

Institutional vs Individual

Religion, by definition, is an institutionalized set of beliefs. It is practiced by a group of people; generally, in the service and worship of God or the divine. Exclusivity is also a feature of religion. When you are a member of a particular religious group; you cannot be a member of another religious group.

On the other hand, spirituality is more of a deeply personal experience. Its purpose is mainly to connect with something larger than you. This is experience is also referred to as a divine connection. Spirituality is also inclusive as it recognizes different modalities of connecting with the divine. In both cases, the experience of engaging with the divine, through worship, or personal connection, is considered sacred.

Objective vs Subjective

Religion is more of an objective experience. The external environment has a lot to do with its practice. For example, you go to a place of worship (e.g., church, temple, mosque, etc.), and you learn from a book of scriptures. There are also traditions and rituals that you observe to practice your religious beliefs.

Spirituality is more of a subjective experience. It focuses more on the internal process of developing your inner understanding and self awareness. Spirituality recognizes that individuals’ have their own pace in developing spirituality. It also accepts different ways of observing one’s spirituality. Although the focus of the practice may be different, both encourage self-reflection for the individual to grow and improve.

Judgment vs Acceptance

Another difference between religion and spirituality is the approach or the perspective in their teachings. In religious beliefs, failing to observe or practice its tenets generally results in punishment; while those devoted to the practice are rewarded. Though this may not be the intention; sadly, the concept of original sin, judgment, divine retribution and reward, encourage devotion more often based on fear.

In contrast, spirituality has a less judgment-based approach and encourages a more compassionate perspective. It recognizes that there are different world-views with the belief that they can all co-exist through understanding and compassion, acceptance and understanding, and a common desire to create a peaceful world for all. Forgiveness and letting go are encouraged more than punishment. Though this may sound too idealistic; the underlying concept is basically to act in the world with love as your guiding principle.

Spirituality is an important component in your overall wellness. Spirituality and religion are different but they also have a lot of similarities. When you are a member of a religious organization; it does not mean that you cannot be spiritual. Spirituality encompasses different ways of experiencing the divine. Religious practices are one of the many ways to develop your spirituality.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Mikhail Nilov from Pexels.

Dec

2021

The Metamorphosis Challenge

Reading Time: 5 minutes

Everyone wants to change their lives for the better. Most people fail to do so because they don’t have a vision for what they actually want. If you don’t have a vision for where you want to be in life; then you won’t know what you need to do and how to act to achieve your goals. You fail in your metamorphosis; you fail the challenge of transformation and you remain stuck where you are.

The best time to start changing your life is now. Do the Metamorphosis Challenge to help you figure out what you want in life and what you can do to start your transformation.

The challenge consists of only 3 habits that you need to integrate into your daily routine for 30 days or even more. Each habit can be used independently but they are best used together. You can also choose the order in which you do each one. The important thing is to practice them consistently.

Visualize Your Dream

Take the time to visualize your dreams. Set aside time in the morning upon waking up and/or before going to bed to visualize. This is how you create a vision for your future. Developing a meditation practice helps with this. During your meditation, imagine what your dream life will be like.

“Nothing happens unless first a dream.”
— Carl Sandburg

Pretend that you have already succeeded in your goals. Now, close your eyes and visualize what it is to live the life of your successful self. To get started, you can visualize your ideal day.

Imagine your ideal day from waking up to going back to sleep. How do you feel upon waking up? What do you have for breakfast? What activities do you do throughout the day? Who are the people you are interacting with? What do you do before going to bed?

Remember to use all your senses in your visualization. How do your clothes feel when you go to work? What is the taste and smell of the food you’re eating? How does your office smell? What is the texture of the fabric of your laptop bag? How do your bedsheets feel as you settle yourself to sleep? You can be as detailed as possible. It’s your imagination, so you don’t have to scrimp on the details.

You’re trying to craft your dream life, your successful metamorphosis, so challenge your imagination. If you are finding it hard to concentrate on your visualization, then try to relax your mind and body by immersing yourself in a pleasant activity or indulging yourself in a hobby. You can do something fun for yourself or enjoy games with the family. Then, when you’re in a better mood, sit down in a quiet place and visualize.

Put Your Dreams on Paper

Each one of us has an idea of what we want our life to be. However, we don’t take the time to document it so we end up forgetting them. Some of us want to wait for a sign from the Universe before making plans. Others want to make the perfect plan in their minds first, before writing it down on paper. Don’t wait! Arm yourself with a notebook and a pen and use them.

The Universe is always whispering to you but unless you learn how to recognize it, thru meditation for example, then you won’t recognize the signs. Sometimes, the sign is an inspiring thought or idea that just comes into your head without you consciously thinking about it. This is called “inspiration”.

You won’t see an actual “muse” and hear it speaking to you, but an idea just pops into your head and it may feel weird or you may feel good about it. It may also come from your dreams and you vaguely remember it when you wake up. Write that idea down. Don’t think too much about it. Just document it on paper. Make a list, write a paragraph, a phrase; just write it down. You will realize where it fits into your plans later on.

Don’t wait to come up with a perfect plan in your head – it will never come. The human brain is only capable of processing the facts and experiences that you have personally accumulated. One person’s brain can never account for all possibilities because no one has a monopoly on knowledge and experiences.

“A goal without a plan is just a wish.”
— Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Work on what you can control. Write down your plan, no matter how rough, of what you want and how to go about doing it, with what you have at the present moment. Your plan might not be perfect but it is a good starting point. As a human being, you are capable of adjusting to the situation if your plan encounters some road blocks or needs to be changed.

From a rough plan, you can also plan your daily activities. Then you can make a weekly, monthly, and even yearly plan of the milestones you need to accomplish so you can reach your goals. Working on your metamorphosis is a challenge that requires a lot of effort but it will be worth it.

Change One Thing at A Time

There are many factors that need to be in place in order for us to succeed in transforming our lives. We won’t be able to put everything in place at the same time but we can start changing one thing at a time.

For this challenge, there are already 2 habits that you need to make room for in your daily schedule. Instead of doing something unproductive, swap your unproductive habits and replace them with visualization and planning. Then do one more thing – make one other change to your personal habits and/ or your environment.

“Dreams don’t work unless you do.”
— John C. Maxwell

A major factor that you can immediately do something about is your environment. If you’re working in the office, declutter and clean your desk so you can be in a calm state of mind when you work. You can even try dressing differently so you can look and feel as professional as you can as you go about your job.

If you work from home, then setup your work space to optimize your productivity. You may want to clean and re-arrange your room so you wake up to an uncluttered, and organized room. Decide on what you can do to change your environment to put you in the right mindset for a productive day. Your metamorphosis starts from within but you need to transform your environment, your own cocoon, and make it conducive to your growth as well.

Another change that you can start adapting immediately is to organize your finances by creating a budget. You can also start eating healthier by planning your meals, getting more exercise, drinking more water, switching to natural ingredients in your personal hygiene products, keeping a gratitude journal, taking a sun bath in the morning, and many more.

You know your own habits so you know what’s good for you and what’s not. It shouldn’t be too hard to figure out what you need to change. The most important part of this challenge is how determined you are to change.

“A dream doesn’t become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work.”
— Colin Powell

There are so many things big and small, that you can do right now to start transforming yourself and your surroundings for the better. Your metamorphosis needs you to challenge your imagination, put in consistent effort and maintain your determination to succeed.

Focus on changing one thing, take things a step at a time, and you will find yourself transforming your life little by little. This is your metamorphosis. Take responsibility for your dreams today.

Updated: First published on 2020.08.01.
Featured Image: Original Photo by Karolina Grabowska from Pexels.

Dec

2021

Metamorphosis

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Change is always happening all around us. The seasons change without us doing anything about it. All of us are in a constant process of transforming ourselves. Have you heard of the saying that each one of us is “a work in progress”? Each one of us is undergoing our own metamorphosis. It is up to us how long it will take for the change to happen and what the end results will be.

In Greek, the word has the following meaning: meta = changing, morph = shape or form, and osis = process of (*membean). Although, it seems to mean just physical change; it can also pertain to a whole lifestyle change. In reality, metamorphosis is a big word for it means a major change in many aspects of our lives. For each individual, it is a process of becoming something or someone else.

The word “meta” also means “with, across, or after” in Greek. It denotes a change of position or condition and seeing things across a period of time. You are seeing things from a different position or perspective. You may only be thinking of your life in terms of a year. Having a meta view of things means that you are now thinking about your life in 5 or 10 years time.

The word “morphosis” refers to the way an organism changes or develops. This means that a metamorphosis is a transformation that happens over a period of time. So, it is not something that is accomplished overnight or a few weeks or months. It takes time. And it can only be done slowly.

Your Metamorphosis

The important thing in your metamorphosis is that you define what you want to become. You get to choose how you want to go about your transformation and the challenges you want to overcome. You are in full control of how you want to change yourself and your life.

What are your goals for your own metamorphosis?
What change do you want to make in your life?
How do you want to implement these changes?
What changes are going on around you right now?
How will they fit in with the kind of life you want to have?

There will be uncomfortable moments as you adjust to your metamorphosis. For example, If you want to gain muscles, you go to the gym to lift weights and get body aches the next day. So, many quit along the way. But for those who persevere, rewards will soon follow. As time goes by, your body gets used to the routine. You are able to lift heavier weights more comfortably and with less pain.

Fully embracing your metamorphosis doesn’t mean that the experience will all be pleasant. A transformation requires “growing pains”. Learn to accept them as part of the process, and they become less painful.

Are you now ready to become the better version of yourself?

Updated: First published on 2020.07.03.
Feature Image: Original Photo by Ravi Roshan on Unsplash.

Jul

2021

Courage Counts the Most

Reading Time: 2 minutes

As human beings, we often forget that courage counts the most. We are always in pursuit of something new. When we achieve a goal, we go on to the next goal. This means that success is not a final destination. Success is a string of victories that we celebrate as some of the highest points in our lives.

On the other hand, people who have failed to achieve success are mostly those who are afraid to fail. The fear of failing leads people to just be content with what they have currently achieved; and not ask or want for anything more. The fear of failing discourages us to take risks that might lead to greater opportunities.

Life is not about how hard of a hit you can give… it’s about how many you can take and still keep moving forward.
– Sylvester Stallone, Rocky

Successful people know that failure is part of the journey to success. It is only when we look back that we are able to connect the dots. Then we see how one failure lead to an opportunity; which lead to the right path to get to the goal.

It is not how many times you get knocked down that counts, it’s how many times you get back up.
– George A. Custer

People who have achieved success know that when faced with failure; it is the courage to get up and continue pursuing their dreams that count the most. As long as you get up and stay determined to find a way through the obstacle to your success; you will still reach your goal.

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
– Confucius

Whether you failed because of a mistake or through unforeseen circumstances; don’t give up. Learn the lesson and try again. Learn to welcome challenges. If you have the courage to fail and stand up again; you are on the right path to success.

Updated. First published on Pinoy Smart Living on 2018.10.13.
Feature Image: Original Photo by Razvan Chisu on Unsplash.

May

2021

Different Ways to Discover Your Self

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Each one of you are finding different ways to discover your self every day even if you don’t know it. Most of us think we already know ourselves inside out. We think we are what we do and we act that way. We identify with our jobs, our family’s expectations, our friends’ descriptions of us. Deep inside, we know these aspects of our selves are just a part of us. A persona we show to the world.

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
— Oliver Wendell Holmes

There is a feeling lurking within us that we are something more than what others see; what we let others see. There are things stirring in our shadow self that we want to get out into the world. A part of ourselves that we still can’t describe; potential that we both fear and admire. It may help us unleash our hidden genius or ruin our life’s work. Unless we can identify it; we won’t be able to harness this potential. If we can’t know this part of our self; we will always feel that we are not enough. Instead of being frustrated; why not actively go on a journey to discover your self?

The Process of Self-Discovery

Self-discovery is a continuous process, not a specific or final answer. The process of self-discovery is not found when you reach a destination. You come to discover more of your self through your life journey. Discovering your self is not just a one-time process. It involves discovering something new about ourselves as well as rediscovering old, forgotten parts of ourselves. There may even be instances when you uncover a part of yourself that you have kept hidden because you feel you are ready for it. Along the way, we may change in many ways. It is through this journey that we find purpose and meaning in our lives.

Be Aware of Your Current Self

Awareness is the first step to getting actively involved in your self-discovery. Get a clearer and deeper understanding of your own personal characteristics, your emotions, needs, values, strengths and weaknesses. Spend time to reflect on the parts of your personality that you already know.

Find out what gives you joy; what are your hopes and dreams; the things that you are passionate about; what things are holding you back; what negative experiences have you carried with you since childhood? These questions will leave you feeling vulnerable but they are an important step to getting to know yourself better. You can do this through journaling, talking to family and friends, or to a professional. The important thing to remember is to be honest with your self.

Experiment with A Different Self

Once you have a map of your current self; you pretty much have an idea of what your personality is. You are also able to identify some of the things you do, or want to do, that would clash with your current personality. Examining your self does not stop at knowing where things are. You also need to test how far things can go.

Your self, or your personality, is a fluid entity. Contrary to popular belief, you are not stuck with your personality. Getting stuck and getting out of it and flowing into a new one is all up to you. So make an experiment of the process. Do something that you don’t usually do and see how far you can go with it. For example, you may be a people pleaser, a “Yes man”. So try experimenting what would happen if you just said “No” to other people. Most of the time, you will find that your worries and fears don’t come true. It is only your belief that’s holding you back from accepting this part of your self, and from changing your situation.

Trust in Your Own Path to Self-Discovery

There is no one way to the journey of self-discovery. Each person has their own path and their own time for the journey. The important thing is to trust your own path. Don’t compare your self to others. Also, be kind to others and help as much as you can. Remember that everyone is on their own journey and some will have a harder time than others. Having a positive mindset and an attitude of gratitude helps a lot.

Discovering, rediscovering and uncovering more of yourself also helps to develop your trust in your self. Most people are going about their daily lives fulfilling their duties according to what others expect of them. Being actively involved in the process to discover your self means that you need to learn to trust your self rather than the world around you. It means being able to focus on what you truly want and being grateful for what you have even if the world tells you that you’re doing things wrong.

Discovering your self also means that you learn to accept difficult things about you as well as others around you. For example, you learn to trust your feelings instead of just your thoughts. You learn to love yourself more. You learn to be okay even if some things don’t go the way you wanted them to. More importantly, you learn to be comfortable with all parts of who you are; and if people don’t like it, you don’t feel bad when they walk away.

The journey to self-discovery may involve losing friends and even loved ones along the way. Know that it is not your fault. It is just that their part in your journey is over and they need to go on their own paths. There are many things that you will need to accept and lose during your journey. As you learn and develop your self; you will find that it will all be worth it.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Jackson David on Unsplash.

May

2021

The Shadow Self: Learn to Love Your Dark Side

Reading Time: 3 minutes

The Shadow Self is the opposite of your Persona; and it is important to learn to love your dark side in order to live a fully balanced life. Ask yourself: Who am I when I am alone?

Each person is born with both The shadow and the persona. Growing up, we learn to differentiate between what society accepts as good and bad, light and dark. The good parts of ourselves is what we show to the world, the desirable Persona. The bad parts are what we hide, fear and suppress, the Shadow Self.

Both of these aspects of ourselves are a part of our whole self. Unless we are able to learn to love our dark side, we will always feel that something is missing in our lives. We will always feel like we are inadequate in some aspect; or that we are merely posers. Since our dark side is that part of us that we deem unacceptable; we will forever be in fear of that part of ourselves being discovered.

The Shadow Self is Not Bad

The Persona and the Shadow Self can be seen as 2 sides of the same coin, or the Yin and Yang of each person. Without the other, the person is not complete. The Persona that we show to the world is the part of us that we have already “processed” and accepted. The parts of us that we have not processed yet is the Shadow Self. These are the instincts, impulses, weaknesses, desires, perversions, and fears that we try to hide. Our denial of our addictions or our fear of failure and other bad habits that we are embarrassed about are some examples.

When we repress or deny things; they do not disappear. They only grow stronger and they creep up on us without our awareness. One example of this is thru projection; where we associate what we dislike about ourselves in other people. We end up constantly blaming other people for our own behavior that we cannot accept. This can affect our self-esteem, our relationships and even our perspective of the world. In some cases, they can manifest as difficult psychological or behavioral issues such as not being perfect enough.

Our dark side resides in our unconscious. If we do not process them and accept them as part of ourselves; they will eventually manifest themselves beyond our control. Despite being the dark side of ourselves; the Shadow Self is not actually bad or evil. In fact, it is a strong source of creative energy and self-healing.

Embrace The Whole You

The process of accepting our Shadow Self and embracing it as part of our whole personality is called “integration”, sometimes called shadow work. When we have integrated the dark parts of ourselves; we also heal ourselves and our relationships. There is no specific technique that can be taught on how to do the integration process. Each person has to do on their own and at their own pace. The trick is to do it gradually instead of constantly denying it. However, the first step is always awareness.

Become aware of what other people do or what situations trigger your reactions negatively. Your reaction to such behaviors and situations will give you a clue to your dark side. Next thing you can do is to acknowledge it as part of your self. For example, if you usually hide your aggressive impulses; it can come in handy when you need to defend yourself from being verbally or physically abused by someone else. By accepting it as a normal part of you; you don’t have to hide it or feel guilty for acting out. People who are important to you will also come to accept it as part of your personality. This also means that you can practice your self-control instead of bursting out uncontrollably because you can’t take it anymore.

Since our dark side hides many parts of us that we deem unacceptable; this is also the place where we hide our unique talents and abilities, for example. While the Persona is our orderly self; the Shadow Self is the place of chaos, of potential and possibilities. Many innovations have been born because of people’s dark experiences. A lot of people achieved success only after their lives went into turmoil. By learning to love your Shadow Self; you can live a fully balance life and operate at your highest potential.

The process of integration is a long and arduous process. This is why sometimes, external help is needed if the repressed memories and emotions are too traumatic for the person to deal with by themselves. In our every day lives; let us be more mindful of our experiences so that we can better see the clues that our Shadow Self is giving us. This is also an important aspect of self-love.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Sammy Williams on Unsplash.

May

2021

What Do You Think is Your Travel Personality?

Reading Time: 4 minutes

What do you think is your travel personality? Do you notice any difference in your personality when you travel alone or with a group? Remember that we all have our personas. We may be a different person when we travel by ourselves or when we travel with other people. Our personality may also depend on the personalities of the other individuals in our travel group.

Our travel personality may also depend on our goals for traveling. What kind of experiences do you usually imagine for your travels?

Thrill Seeker

Are you looking for thrilling experiences when you travel? Do you see yourself swimming with sharks or camping in the wild to get a glimpse of wild animals? Does excitement fill you at the thought of bungee jumping, sky diving and the like? If this is you, then you definitely have the travel personality of a thrill seeker. If you seek even more extreme thrills, you may even call yourself a danger junkie.

As a thrill seeker, you want to get close to the wild side of nature. You crave the death-defying stunts other people have experienced before; and you want to feel the same adrenalin rush for yourself. Sometimes, even if you fear it, you still go for it. It takes courage to travel out of your comfort zone. This is something you actually crave.

Of course, you don’t go into these adventures unprepared. If you need to learn a new set of skills to participate in an adventure; you take the time to do so. You spend time learning and training as though you were preparing for the Olympics. Thrill-seeking is like a sport to you. You actually enjoy the whole process. You’re not really competing against anyone though. For you, the thrill and the adrenaline rush are all worth it.

Adventurer

Do you picture yourself exploring new dive spots, swimming with whales, climbing mountains or trekking through the dessert? Do you enjoy road trips? If so, then you have the travel personality of an adventurer.

You’re the type of person who relishes unique adventures. You are always open to new types of experiences. To try something once is your motto and that’s what makes traveling with you so much more fun. Whether you travel alone or with buddies; you always enjoy your self. The least adventurous around you also get to have their fun even when they’re just watching you.

You are always interested in what unique experiences your destination has to offer. Spontaneity is the name of your game. Your travel buddies are swept along with your enthusiasm to try out new things. However, you always keep everyone’s safety in mind first.

Sightseer

Would you describe your travel plans as calming, laidback, easygoing, casual and free? If this is you, then you’re a sightseer. For you, travel is a time to relax, walk around at your leisure and just enjoy the scenery as you pass by it, or as it passes you by.

This doesn’t mean that you don’t make plans. You enjoy the freedom but you do have an agenda of the places you want to go to; the food you want to try and other activities you want to watch or even participate in. Wandering around and getting lost in exploring the interesting nooks and crannies of the place is a normal part of the experience for you.

Your travel plan might include going on a tour group but you also make sure to have free time to explore on your own. Leisure is your travel game plan. A structured plan on where to go and what to do is a convenient way for you to get acquainted with a place quickly. This is also an opportunity to take note of interesting places or things to do. Then you take your own leisurely time to go back and enjoy them on your own or with your group. You usually take lots of pictures or videos.

Learner

Do you travel because you are interested in the place’s culture and/or history? You may be curious about something specific such as the cuisine or the arts. Maybe you like going to places like libraries, or museums; or you enjoy hanging out at historical sites? Do you like visiting old buildings or spending time inside old churches? If this is you, then your travel personality is that of a learner.

Your travels often have a structured plan to it. You know which places you want to go to and which ones you might want to see if you have time left. A guided tour is usually on your list. You may get a local guide that you can consult when you need to. Afterwards, you go straight to what you really came for. You spend most of your travel time in the specific places you have on your list. Going early is part of your habits; because having the church or museum all to yourself is such a pleasure.

Your itinerary may also include taking a class such as pottery or weaving. You take lots of pictures or illustrations, or notes. Sitting on a bench and just people watching is also a leisurely time for you. When you go back to rest; you usually review your pictures and/or notes.

Your Travel Personality

Does your travel personality fit any of these? If not, which are you closest to? Your travel personality may be a combination of any of these as well. Or you might have started out as a sightseer and now you are more of an adventurer. You may also be a learner and now you aspire to be a sightseer and enjoy the sites around you more.

The more important thing is how your travel goals have helped you develop as a person. Traveling helps us get to know our selves better even as we get to know more of the world outside our home towns. For some people, travel is a way to sort through their life issues. It also provides us with more inspiration for what we want to be and where we want to be in the future.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Felix Rostig on Unsplash.

May

2021

Black Swan: When Being Perfect is Not Enough

Reading Time: 8 minutes

Are you a White Swan or a Black Swan? What would you do when being perfect is not enough? A lot of people have an unhealthy obsession with being perfect. This is especially true in industries where individuals need to look and be perfect both in front of the camera and in real life. We all have a side to us that idealize being perfect. We manifest this by idolizing other people who we think are like that; or by controlling the various aspects of our own lives in order to be perfect.

Many individuals have lost themselves in the pursuit of perfection in their careers. Some of them self-destructed at the peak of their popularity. Others committed suicide and shocked the world as to the reason why. In both cases; their surprising behavior is a result of losing themselves in pursuit of perfection.

Black Swan the Movie: The Pursuit of Perfection

The 2010 movie Black Swan gives us a grim picture of how losing your self to perfection looks like. There are many layers to the story that you can relate to your own real-life experiences, or lack thereof.

The story is about the ballerina Nina (Natalie Portman) who’s childhood dream is to play the main role in Swan Lake. Nina’s passion for ballet rules every aspect of her life. When they need a prima ballerina for Swan Lake; she takes the opportunity to get the role for herself. Lily, a rival ballerina, gets the role. Nina eventually convinces the director to give it to her. Nina sees Lily as a rival but at the same time befriends her. Once she got the role, Nina struggles to not only play the White Swan perfectly. She struggles even more to become the perfect Black Swan.

Uncannily, Nina’s journey also parallels the actual story of Swan Lake.

We all know the story. Virginal girl, pure and sweet, trapped in the body of a swan. She desires freedom, but only true love can break the spell. Her wish is nearly granted in the form of a prince. But before he can declare his love, her lustful twin, the Black Swan, tricks and seduces him. Devastated, the White Swan leaps off a click, killing herself and in death finds freedom.
Thomas Leroy

In the end, despite a major setback during the performance, Nina is able to play both roles to perfection. She receives the admiration of her co-ballerinas, her art director, her mother and the audience. It is her best performance. In her own words, it was perfect, she was perfect. It was also her last performance.

The White Swan: Faking Perfection

Nina is the perfect White Swan, pure and innocent. She still talks like a child even when she had the courage to ask the director to give the main role to her. Her mother, a former ballerina, who gave up her dancing dreams to raise Nina; is both a caring figure as well as a controlling one. She has stunted Nina’s growth into maturity. Nina does not have friends as her only focus is on making her dream come true. In a way, her mother is living her own dancing dreams through Nina’s own journey as a ballerina.

This is why, when Nina asks the director for the main role, he tells Nina:

Well, the truth is, when I look at you, all I see is the White Swan. Yes, you’re beautiful, fearful, fragile. Ideal casting. But the Black Swan, it’s a hard fucking job to dance both…
In four years, every time you dance, I see you obsessed, getting each and every move perfectly right. But I never see you lose yourself. Ever. All the discipline, for what?

Nina answers that she wants to be perfect. She is too focused on being in control of her own performance. But the director tells her that: “Perfection is not just about control. It’s also about letting go. Surprise yourself so you can surprise your audience. Transcendence. And very few have it in them.”

Ironically, it is her perfect persona that hinders her from playing the Black Swan. The director tells her further: “The real work will be your metamorphosis into her evil twin and I know I saw a flash of her yesterday. So get ready to give me more of that bite.”

During rehearsals, Nina starts to break down as she deals with toxic coworkers, her rivalry with Lily who she also idolizes, and pressure from her mom and her company to perform her best. Her goal of a perfect life starts to break down. She blames herself for everything that goes wrong during practice. The pressure from perfecting her performance for both roles manifests in her delusions. In her delusion, she is bleeding in different parts of her body. She is physically, emotionally and mentally breaking down.

The Black Swan: Destroying Perfection

In the story, the White Swan has to conquer the Black Swan in order to get back her prince. In real life, Nina needs to grow up, fast in order to perfectly play the Black Swan. The director tells Nina that Lily was his first choice because she can play the Black Swan. In this way, Nina thinks of Lily as her rival but also admires her.

Lily was the first one to reach out to her and attempt to befriend her. She takes Nina to dinner and there, Nina realizes that Lily is not afraid of exposing her imperfect self. Lily is also not afraid to express her self as she openly flirts with the waiter. Nina ends up torn between hating her rival and admiring her for being unafraid to do as she pleases.

The director gives Nina harsh guidance by comparing her directly to Lily. He hints that Nina’s perfection is fake. As they watch Lily perform, he tells Nina: “Watch the way she moves. Imprecise but effortless. She’s not faking it.” The director also describes to Nina why Beth, the former ballerina who played the main role, was so entertaining to watch.

Because everything Beth does comes from within, from some dark impulse. I guess that’s what makes her so thrilling to watch. So dangerous. Even perfect at times. But also so damned destructive.

During rehearsal, the director shouts at Nina: “Forget about control, Nina! I want to see passion! Come on! Reach! Board, you’re stiff! Still like a dead corpse! Let it go! Let it go! And, again.”

Both the director and Lily personify the harsh reality of the world that one confronts when growing up. They also serves as a wake-up call to Nina. Both are telling and showing Nina to let go of her desire to be perfect; to let her passion for dance take over her performance instead. To not be cooped up in her own imperfections but to accept them as part of her.

In a way, both are encouraging Nina to break down her walls and let her flaws show through. But Nina refuses to do this and sticks to her desire for a perfect performance. She can’t reconcile how to maintain her perfect persona while at the same time wanting to be like her rival Lily, the perfect Black Swan.

From White to Black: Losing Yourself to Perfection

Playing the main role for Swan Lake requires the ballerina to embody both the pure, innocent, White Swan as well as the dark, evil, Black Swan. Nina is able to play the White Swan to perfection. However, in the last part of the performance, when she is about to transform into the Black Swan, she makes a major mistake on stage. Luckily, her partner picks her up and continues the performance.

During this time, her major breakdown starts but she also starts to break out from her perfect persona, except in a destructive way. Instead of blaming herself, she blames her partner for the mistake. When she goes to her dressing room, she finds Lily in the Black Swan costume. In her delusion, Lily tells her that it’s her turn to play as the Black Swan. Nina fights back and ends up stabbing Lily. She quickly hides Lily’s body and changes into the Black Swan costume. This signals her perfect transition to becoming the Black Swan.

Back on stage, Nina finally let’s go and loses her self in the performance as the director advised her to. She even gets a standing ovation. She is so engrossed in her character that she actually kisses the director as she takes a break from the dance. Her old, innocent self would have been too shy and embarrassed to do that.

She returns to her dressing room to change her costume to that of the White Swan again for the final part of the show. By this time, she is almost in tears but she still goes on with the show. She receives a standing ovation and her director and other dancers congratulate her. We see Lily as one of the dancers and she is the one who notices that Nina is bleeding. It was Nina’s delusion that she stabbed her rival but she actually stabbed herself.

In order to become perfect to play the Black Swan, Nina embraced her dark side completely. She needed to make the transition fast. The only way she thought of doing that was to kill her innocent, child-like self. To play the Black Swan, she had to get rid of the White Swan.

The Danger of Perfection

Nina’s stunted growth made her miss out on many life experiences. These experiences could have helped her to thrive in her career without sacrificing her relationships to her self and to others. Most of all, she missed the biggest lesson in life; that nobody is perfect, and you don’t need to be. This is not just Nina’s fault though. Her mother also contributed greatly to how Nina views the world. When Nina finally found the courage to speak up for what she wants; it was already too late.
In her perfect world, she only needs to perfectly perform and her life would be perfect. She had to confront her inner demons on her own. Until the end, she held on to her idea of perfection. When she is able to perfectly perform her childhood role; she declares that she was perfect.

Symbolically, because she has attained the perfection that she wanted; her life’s goal was complete. She did everything she could to make her performance perfect. Even to the extent of killing a part of her self. She has successfully transformed herself into the perfect Black Swan. Thus, Nina’s perfect performance was both her best performance and also her last. After all, in Nina’s perspective, once you have achieved perfection; what other goal could you have?

Self-Acceptance is A Process

There are times in our life when being perfect is not enough. We need to utilize our flaws or weakness to transform ourselves into someone better. The major lesson in this movie is not only that we should accept our flaws and so-called “guilty pleasures”. We also need to learn to do so gradually. Self-acceptance is a process that takes time. Discovering our shadow and shedding parts of our persona does not happen over night. It crops up at different points in our life. It is during this process that you learn how to handle bigger challenges in your journey through life. Each time this happens; we gain more knowledge on how to manage our inner and external demons. We learn how to make us of both our strengths and our weakness. This is the missing part in Nina’s journey.

Her lack of personal relationships stunted her personal growth. That’s why all she sees are her own flaws. No one is there to appreciate and show her the beautiful side of her. She only sees her shadows and is unable to appreciate the other parts of her. She fails to realize that she does not need to be perfect to play the White Swan and the Black Swan. Nina never considered that both the White Swan and the Black Swan can co-exist. She has never even learned how to love her self.

Another lesson to learn is to develop various goals and different interests. This way, when you experience a setback in one of your goals; you have other goals to inspire you. Nina had only been focusing on one goal her entire life. When this one goal was threatened; she did everything to make things perfect again. It was the only thing that she lived for. She had many chances to change her perspective but by then it was too late. Her unhealthy obsession lead to her own destruction.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Stefano Pollio on Unsplash.

Dec

2020

Healthy, Fresh Start for The New Year

Reading Time: 6 minutes

There’s a few more days left before the new year. Have you thought about how you can have a healthy, fresh start for the new year? We emphasize the importance of health because that is what allows us to take action towards our goals.

If you’re thinking about new year’s resolutions, here are some that you should consider.

1. Eat more healthy food

You may be tempted to binge out during the holidays so you should consider eating healthier in the new year. Make sure that you have lots of fruits and veggies in your daily meals. To ensure that you do, try to regularly do your groceries and cook meals at home too. Practice meal prepping so you always have healthy food around. Don’t rely too much on convenience foods and bring a lunch box instead. You can even try out doing your own bento box to make meal preparation more fun and creative.

2. Cut back on sugar

One way to instantly make an impact on your health is to cut back on sugary foods and beverages. Sugary food contributes to inflammation in the body which leads to many other health issues. You can go cold turkey but gradually minimizing your intake will most likely help you kick out this habit for good. Start by limiting the number of sweets you put on your plate. Maybe opt for half a cupcake or share a cake slice with a friend.

3. Drink more water

Since you will be reducing your intake of sugary beverages, you can just replace it with water. We know just plain water sounds boring so try out hot beverages like tea or lemon water. You can also put some cucumber, mint or lemon slices into your water to infuse it with the flavor of these herbs. Fruit slices are an option too. Aim to drink at least 8 glasses of water each day. This will definitely give you a healthy, fresh start for the new year.

4. Sweat and move more

Some of us may have stopped exercising due to the quarantine and also due to the cold weather. You can still move around your home instead of just sitting all day. Walk around or jog in place when you take breaks from working. Stretch your body even as you are seated. Take a walk outside to take in some sunshine and get some exercise. Dance to some music or incorporate some dance steps while you mop or sweep your floor. Just get your body moving!

5. Get better sleep

Your aim is to get better quality sleep, not necessarily more sleep. Different people of different ages require different sleep hours. Although the 8 hours of sleep is still the standard, some of us working adults might have found that we can do with just 6-7 hours of sleep. Others may require less or need 9 hours, especially if they are physically exhausted from their job. Make a ritual of sleeping so you can signal your body that it’s about to sleep and you can gradually fall asleep more easily. That would mean a healthy, fresh start to your mornings in the new year.

6. Be more grateful

One of the ways you can prep your mind and body for better sleep is to include a gratitude journal in your daily routine. Sit down and write 3 things that you are grateful for during the day. It doesn’t have to be an essay but do recall the positive feeling that you got as you write down each of what you are grateful for. Say a prayer of thanks for each blessing that came your way that day.

Another way you can show your gratitude is by expressing your thanks to others. Not only will it lift up your mood but those of other people too.

7. Do more of what you love

If you really love writing, then keep a diary. If you want to document your dreams, then have a dream journal. Love drawing or sketching? Keep a sketch pad and pen with you at all times. Is singing your passion? Sing to your plants, to your friends or join a group. Do you have a sport you really want to learn? Get lessons. Buy books to read more.

Try to do more of the things you love. You will not only have more fun in your life; you will also get to meet new people who share your interests. This is also a time for you to indulge your inner child. What did you love to do as a child that you haven’t been able to do as a grown-up? You can start with that.

8. Be present in the moment

Not too many people practice meditation but it is such a simple way to relax and quiet our mind. It also helps us stay in tune with our inner selves. If you are just starting, try doing it in the early hours of the morning when the world is still quiet. You can also do it as a way to relax when daily activities stress you out. Some people may find it hard to do at first. You can start by observing mindfulness during your meals or when folding your laundry, etc. The goal is to be focused and present in the moment and not be distracted with your own thoughts or other things around you.

9. Practice self-care

Show more love for yourself by practicing daily self-care. This requires you to schedule some “me time” during the day. This is when you can meditate as well. Your main goals is to spend more time with yourself. You can indulge in reading your favorite book, listening to music you love, giving yourself a manicure or pedicure or a DIY facial, etc.

This is also a time for you to talk to yourself; pat yourself on the back for your little victories and manage negative self-talk. Remember that your thoughts also influence your health. So it is helpful to talk to your self positively. This is the time to show love for your self. Practicing self-care ensures that you give adequate attention to your own personal needs so that you can be your best self when you are with other people.

10. Forgive more

Reconnecting with friends and family who you don’t really get along with or who you have had issues with in the past is difficult. But if you can learn to forgive yourself and these people in your heart without needing them to apologize in person; then you can let go of the bad experience you had with them. This means that you can face them with a more positive outlook and a lighter heart the next time you see each other. You can include forgiving them and yourself in your meditation. Try learning about Ho’oponopono, the Hawaiian forgiveness ritual to help you.

11. Listen to your intuition more

Have you ever had times in your life where you had a strong “gut feeling” that seems to warn you from doing something and it turns out to be right? This gut feeling is your intuition and it is your inner guidance system. When you spend more alone time, meditating, being mindful and practicing self-care, you can get more connected and in tune with your intuition. Think of it as your angels guiding you and sending you messages to keep you away from negative experiences and warning you of negative people. Try to feel for this “gut feeling” each time you are hesitant about something and trust what it tells you.

12. Be more authentic

Adulting is hard and we sometimes have to sacrifice a lot of who we are in the process. How many of us have had to let go of our childhood dreams in order to earn a living? Do you sometimes feel guilty for not saying what you really wanted to say because you didn’t want to hurt your friend’s feelings? Most of us have suppressed who we truly are in order to fulfill other people’s expectations of how we should be.

Start to honor your true self by accepting your self, flaws and all. Talk to your loved ones about what you truly want. Tell your friends what you truly think but reassure them that it is because you care that you are being honest with them. It may take some time for other people to understand you. You may lose some friends along the way but this is part of the journey. Those who accept you will stay and they are the ones who deserve your love and a place in your heart.

We hope you consider these resolutions to create a healthy, fresh start for the new year for yourself and your loved ones. Be kinder to yourself as you make these changes. In the meantime, do try your best to stay healthy this holiday season. Cheers to new beginnings!

Feature Image: Original Photo by Bart LaRue on Unsplash.

Nov

2020

The Best Options Among Us

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Have you ever wondered to yourself: who are the best options among us? Who are going to be successful in their careers, their relationships, and in life in general? Which among my family members or friends are helpful to my own life journey?

We all move around different social circles. In this way, we get to interact with different types of people. Some of us have family members that we love but are difficult to get along with. Others, have that one friend that always annoys the other members but they remain friends with that person, anyway

The People We Surround Ourselves With

The people that we surround ourselves with and the situations we put ourselves into makeup our reality. However, not everyone in our social circles are who we perceive them to be. This is not because they want to deceive others. This is only because, people present themselves in different ways to different people. Unless we have known someone more deeply; we will never be able to realize their true character. Are they a part of the best options among us?

There are many monsters among us, it’s true. But there are heroes too.
— Amie Kaufman

Even the people that you think you know deeply may surprise you sometimes. This is because people can, and do change as they grow from their life experiences. Those who do not grow or are unwilling, will be left behind as others move on to pursue new goals and nurture new relationships.

The Situations We Choose to Engage In

There are situations that we keep coming back to, even if they are unpleasant. We do it for various reasons; because we need to or because the familiarity is somehow comforting. They are not necessarily the best options among the scenarios.

We find comfort among those who agree with us and growth among those who don’t.
— Frank A. Clark

The situations you choose to put yourself in will change with time. Everyone and everything around you can change along with your personal growth. You will find that you need to leave some relationships behind that have served their purpose in your life. You realize that you will have to stay away from situations that don’t contribute to your goals.

The Best Options Among Us

In your current place in life, ask yourself – Who among us are going in the same direction in life? Who have similar goals? Which of us understand each other the most? Are there any among us in the same situation right now? Which are the best options among us right now?

We may wish to embrace everyone who comes into our lives. But who among us are truly helpful to be around with? Most of us want to engage in situations that we are comfortable in and familiar with. However, it is important that we learn to differentiate who and what benefits us and which may potentially harm us.

Just trying to get along with others is not enough. You need to be aware who among the others will your time be most productively spent with. Being aware of your surroundings is also important in creating an environment that is conducive for your personal growth and success.

Among us, who are those that can serve as role models? Who are the best options to choose? Among us, who are those that we can look up to? These are the people that we should try to learn from. From these examples, we will also learn to differentiate the persons and situations that will best help us overcome our challenges and get closer to our goals.

Feature Images: Original Photo by mauro mora on Unsplash.