When we talk about wellness, the first thing that comes to mind is physical wellness. While your physical condition is an important aspect of your overall health, it is not the only determining factor of your general well-being. To be totally healthy, other factors should also be taken into consideration. One of them is your emotional health.
Emotional Wellness
What is emotional wellness? Emotional wellness is an awareness and understanding of one’s feelings. It also encompasses the ability to face and conquer life’s challenges.
Your feelings are important because they affect your ability to carry out your day to day activities. When you feel great, it leads to increased productivity. In addition, it also affects your social wellness and how you deal with other people. Individuals who are emotionally healthy treat others well.
Being emotionally well does not necessarily mean that you always have to be happy. Everyone has to go through problems and challenges in life. To be happy all the time is impossible. Rather, it is more about how you deal with problems that come your way. It is about how you deal with pain, how you handle emotions and how you cope with stress. Your emotional wellness dictates your ability to get through the low points in your life.
Are You Emotionally Well?
So, are you emotionally well? Determine the state of your emotional well-being by self-reflecting on the following questions:
- Are you constantly worried about the future?
- Do you still worry about what happened in the past?
- Do your family and friends support you?
- Have you had a traumatic experience that has greatly affected you?
- Do you feel so alone despite the presence of family and friends around you?
- Do you beat yourself up over mistakes that you have committed?
- Are you satisfied with yourself and your accomplishments?
- Do you keep everything to yourself?
- Do you always blame others for your feelings?
- Can you still remember the wrongdoing that was done to you in detail despite the fact that it happened years ago? Do you hold grudges?
- Do you always lament on what is missing from your life?
- Are you easily irritated? Do you get all worked up over small meaningless things?
- Do you have low self-esteem?
- Are you skeptical? Do you have a hard time believing in people?
- Do you hide yourself from social situations?
- Is it difficult for you to laugh at life’s absurdities? Do you not have a sense of humor?
- Do you let your mood affect your decision-making and the way you communicate with other people?
- Are you doing things that mean a lot to you?
- Do you no longer enjoy activities that you usually enjoy?
- Do you feel tired and weak these days?
If you answered YES to more than ten questions, then that is a sign that you are emotionally exhausted. It is possible that you are going through a rough patch in life. These are also warning signs that you need to take some time off to heal your emotional wounds. Remember that you are strong. Stay positive. Start a gratitude journal. Believe in yourself. It is the only way for you to rise above the storm. You will be emotionally well in due time.
Edited Version. First published in Pinoy Smart Living on 06.30.2019 No human being is exactly the same. Even identical twins differ not just physically but emotionally and mentally. These attributes together with our thoughts and experiences result in different values, beliefs and point of views. Thus, it is normal for people to agree or disagree. That is why people sometimes argue. Arguing is a natural form of human interaction. As long as we live and communicate with other people, it is possible to argue once in a while. However, disagreements especially with your loved ones are very uncomfortable and stressful. For this reason, it is best to avoid arguments. If it still arises, there are ways to resolve an argument or differences. Sometimes, disagreements get heated. If this happens, we normally end up saying things that we don’t mean to hurt the other person. By apologizing, you help the other person feel better. You are re-establishing their dignity that you have crushed. It is a way of showing respect and empathy to the other person. That is why you should know when and how to apologize properly. Apologizing does not always mean you are wrong, it just means that you value your relationships more than your ego. Many arguments start because of miscommunications. Making assumptions on what you think the other person is trying to say can lead to a full blown argument. To avoid misunderstandings and to ensure that you are on the same page, always ask questions for clarification. It is not the answer that enlightens but the question. Take deep breathes during an argument. When we argue, our body is in the fight or flight response. Our breathing becomes shallow, our heart rate increases and our blood pressure shoots up.. By breathing deeply, we are restoring blood flow into our system. It also sends signals to our brain that it is time to calm down and relax. Just by breathing deeply on your anger, you will calm it. You may not feel like it but it is better to always end an argument on a positive note. Wrap up the argument by saying something nice like “thank you for your thoughts” or “I will think about it”. It is hard to shake off negative emotions but it is even harder to mend broken relationships. You know you are right but the other person can’t seem to understand, so what do you do? When this happens, it is a signal that it is time to stop. If you know the other person well, you should be able to know when to stop. Getting stuck in a long unproductive argument is stressful. No good is going to come out of it. Learn to develop the skill of knowing when to prove your point and when to detect when the argument is getting out of hand. In life, it is important to know when to stop arguing with people and let them simply be wrong. When you have a different opinion with another person, do you listen while the other person is talking or were you simply just preparing for what you are going to say next? To resolve an argument, we must listen to understand, not listen to pick a fight or prove a point. Listening is important because it is the key to effective communication. One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say. Too often, we go to a person when we are very angry about something. However, before you confront a person, it is best to analyze the situation first and look for solutions. Don’t just present a problem, find a solution on how to address the problem. By doing so, you are giving yourself time to calm down thus avoiding a heated argument. Always be in the problem-solving state. Look for solutions, not problems. Don’t go to sleep angry. It is better to resolve an argument before you go to bed. The day may not have gone well but when the clock strikes zero o’clock, you can always look forward to a better day. Feature Photo by Vera Arsic from Pexels Toxins are everywhere – from the food that we eat to the things that we use. They are even in the air that we breathe and the water that we drink. Just like in the food, air and water; they can also be found in the people around you. Daily exposure to toxins is poisonous, harmful and dangerous to the body. It leads to sickness, diseases and even death if not flushed out from the body. In the same way, that too much exposure with toxic people can affect your overall health, happiness and success. We may not be able to totally avoid it but we can reduce our toxic exposures by doing things like not eating canned goods, avoiding plastic water bottles and going organic. Likewise, we should also avoid exposures to toxic people. But how to identify the toxic people? Here are 10 toxic people that you should avoid. Generally, toxic people spread negativity. They are highly contagious. They drain your energy. You are better off avoiding them at all cost since they can create chaos around you. If you spend too much time with them, you might even end up like them. Remember, you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Toxic people will pollute everything around them. Don’t hesitate. Fumigate. Arrogant persons are people who act superior than others. They think of themselves as more important, thus, they disrespect and put others down. They think that their thoughts, beliefs and experiences are way better than others. Some people become arrogant because of the success that they have accomplished in life. They want others to appreciate them to boost their self-worth. On the other hand, for some people, their arrogance is actually a self-defense mechanism to hide their insecurities and inferiority complex. An arrogant person considers himself perfect. This is the chief harm of arrogance. It interferes with a person’s main task in life – becoming a better person. Complainers are people who think that the world is out to get them. They perceive themselves as perpetual victims. They don’t see themselves as negative people, instead they see the whole world in a negative light and they are merely voicing out their annoyance to all the unfortunate events happening around them. Complainers are people who are looking for understanding, sympathy and emotional validation. When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation or accept it, all else is. madness. Critics are people who are skeptical about things. They often criticize and oppose everything and everyone around them. They will sabotage any new ideas and they will keep you from achieving your highest potential. Critics are actually people who have a lot of fears in their lives. They don’t have the courage to take risks. Their statements are actually projections of their own fears and worries. Don’t let someone who gave up on their dreams talk you out of going after yours. All persons experience an occasional feeling of envy. We are after all humans. This emotion arises when we see someone who is better than us whether it be their beauty, intelligence, wealth or success. Envious people however, take their jealousy to the next level. They let their feelings control them to the point that they begin to hate the other person. On extreme cases, they even harm the person they are envious of. This stems from their inferiority complex. They feel worthless deep inside that they subconsciously developed the habit of comparing themselves to others. Envy is the art of counting the other fellow’s blessings instead of your own. People who like to gossip derive pleasure in the misfortunes of others. It might be fun and entertaining at first but spreading confidential information and offensive judgements eventually gets tiring and uncomfortable. You will only end up hurting other people. Gossipmongers are persons who are unhappy, envious and attention-seekers. They want to feel superior and better about themselves by highlighting the problems of others. Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people. Liars are people who lie all the time. They believe that they are smarter than everyone else and that their lies will never be found out. It is hard to trust these people because you never know what to believe. Doubt and mistrust will always be present in the relationship. Remember that they never keep their promises. If they lie to you about themselves and about others, there is a big probability that they will lie to others about you too. When someone lies to you, it’s because they don’t respect you enough to be honest, and they think you’re too stupid to know the difference. Have you ever had a conversation with somebody whom you can’t get a word in? Narcissist people love to talk about themselves. They think the world revolves around them. They are not concerned about anything else. Narcissists don’t ask questions nor will they ask you how you are doing. Even if they do, they won’t wait for your responses. Professionals argued that a narcissistic personality is linked to a parent-child relationship. They are people who either have narcissistic parents or they received excessive pampering as a child. The narcissist doesn’t question himself. He never wonders if he is at fault. Why? Because in his mind he is never wrong. You are. It is all right to party, have fun and go out occasionally. The body needs to unwind every now and then to relieve some stress. However, doing it excessively can be disastrous not only for your wallet but also for your health, productivity and overall well-being. Party animals are sad and depressed individuals. They try to escape the reality of their lives and seek temporary comfort through heavy partying. IF you want to become a party animal, you have to learn to love in the jungle. Puppeteers are expert manipulators. They deliberately exploit the other person for their own benefit. Be careful, puppeteers are disguise as good friends. They are the friendliest, most accommodating and they will flatter you with words that you want to hear. Unfortunately, they are only nice to you because they want something in return. You will be taken advantage of over and over again as long as you let them control you. They are self-centered individuals whose words and actions are intended to seduce and impress you so they can achieve their aim. People who feel the need to control others, don’t have control over themselves. Temperamental persons are persons whose moods change very quickly. One minute everything seems perfectly normal, the next thing that you know that person can turn into a monster. They are very hot-headed and irritable. They are also bad-tempered and moody. Controlling their own emotions is not their forte. Being with them will make you the receiving end of their negative emotions. They can even embarrass you in public or worse, they can hurt you. As a result, you will forever be walking on egg shells being around these people. You don’t ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life. It doesn’t matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend or new acquaintance – you don’t have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. It’s one thing if a person owes up to their behavior and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries or continues to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go. Updated version. First published in Pinoy Smart Living on 19.09.2018. Feature Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay Images. The world is a busy place and we need to keep up with this hectic pace. Most of us lack sleep from working too hard in order to live the life we want. Some of us are constantly worrying that we are not working hard enough or doing enough to achieve our goals. We are discontent about the past and scared about our future. We forget to live in the present and appreciate each moment. The body benefits from movement, and the mind benefits from stillness. Every day we judge ourselves and disappoint ourselves because we have too many expectations. We distract ourselves from the difficulties of life by trying to do more. We crowd our daily schedules with so much. At the end of the day, we go to bed exhausted but still unable to alleviate our fears and worries. We have not even taken the time to be alone, to just be with ourselves. Many successful people have learned the benefits of taking time out for themselves thru meditation. Each person does it their own way and may call it different things such as “me time”, “alone time”, “moment of silence”, “emptying your mind” or “calming your mind”. This time for yourself is called meditation. When you pray by yourself, softly whispering or silently, that too is a meditation. Prayer is you speaking to God. Meditation is allowing the spirit to speak to you. Simply put, meditation is the practice of calming your mind. It’s not really emptying it but focusing your mind on something else other than thinking. It is putting your mind on a break from all your usual thoughts, fears and worries. There are different types of meditation and meditation techniques that you can explore once you have learned the habit. They all start with calming your mind and relaxing your whole body so you can get in touch with your inner self. For now, practice how to give your mind and your self a break from your daily concerns thru meditation. Prayer is asking for guidance. Meditation is listening to it. Meditation is one thing that can contribute to your overall wellness and success. Try to get a complete overview of your current level of wellness so you know which areas of wellness you need to work on. There are many benefits to meditation including a calmer demeanor right after and even more energy; clearer thinking and improved concentration on tasks at hand. Long-term effects include improvement of overall health, better sleep, better communication and relationships and a more a positive outlook. I meditate so that my mind cannot complicate my life. All this translates to self improvement and increased chances of success in many areas of life. No wonder many successful people have made meditation a habit. Some people who have incorporated this practice into their daily routine include these celebrities: If you search online, there are many more names to add to this list. Meditation is best done in the early morning or before going to bed. You need at least 10-15 minutes of time alone, in a silent place where you can focus on meditating. You may do this sitting on a chair or on the floor or lying down. Be as comfortable as you can. Close your eyes, put your hands on your lap and breathe deeply, inhaling thru your nose and exhaling thru your mouth. Most of the time, we breathe shallowly, only engaging the upper part of our lungs. Breathe deeply, feeling the air go all the way down to your diaphragm. Breathe slowly, focusing on your inhales and exhales. If thoughts come, just go back to focusing your attention on your breathing. This is all you need to do for 10-15 minutes. Meditation is the ultimate mobile device; you can use it anywhere, anytime, unobstrusively. If you are doing this in an office setting, you can use headphones to reduce background noise, then play relaxing music to help calm you down. There are many meditation music available online. There are also guided meditation music to make it easier for you to meditate. As much as possible, use music that has no lyrics as the words will just add to your thought process. Instrumental, acoustic and nature sounds are most recommended. Do your best NOT to follow a thought for long. If you get distracted by a thought that pops up, go right back to focusing on your breathing. You may feel you have failed the first time because you did not feel as calm as you expected but just practice again the next day until you get to a calm state. If we read the stories of the great spiritual teachers of the past, we find that they have attained spiritual realization through a great deal of meditation, solitude and practice. They did not take shortcuts. You may exceed the 15 minutes but that is also alright. Some people who meditate regularly do this for up to an hour a day. Others do this several times a day in 10-15 minute blocks. Some people may find it so relaxing and end up falling asleep especially when meditating while lying down. This is alright too since you are trying to calm yourself anyway. You can just try to do it again the next day without falling asleep. A timer would help too so you don’t go over your break time at work. Once you have integrated a meditation practice in your daily routine; you can decide to devote more time to it than just 15 minutes a day. Doing it twice a day or doing it several times throughout the day may be more effective for you. If you feel that you have too many things going in on your mind and you need to clear out the confusion, then take the time to meditate. Start taking baby steps to creating a meditation practice in your daily life. Do tell us about your experience the first time you meditated or give us more tips to improve our meditation practice if you are doing this already. Updated. First published on Pinoy Smart Living 2019.02.03. Emotional health is not always easy to measure as people generally go through a range of different emotions from moment to moment. No one can maintain being cheerful all day or being sad all day. There will always be a break in the cycle. However, we can describe our general mood for the day. But is there a way to keep tabs on our thoughts and emotions and process them without stressing ourselves out? There is a way to do this through the practice of mindfulness and its benefits. Mindfulness is an innate human ability to be fully present and aware in the moment and not be overwhelmed or be too reactive by the things happening around us. Mindfulness is a state where you can focus on what is going on in your thoughts, your physical sensations, etc. without judging what you observe. In this way, mindfulness is a meditation method and sadly, we don’t do much of it in our daily lives. Mindfulness is awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgementaly. And then I sometimes add, in the service of self-understanding and wisdom. Mindfulness is a quality that each of us possess. Thus, we should learn how to make use of it in our daily lives so we can experience the benefits. There are benefits in our mental, emotional, and physical states and even in our relationships and finances. Mindfulness meditation provides us a time to suspend judgement. Instead, it gives us time to analyze how we think and feel, why we think in a particular way and why we feel the way we do. Mindfulness allows us to observe our experiences without judging them and instead look at them with kindness and understanding. This approach to understanding ourselves and our daily experiences has many health benefits. Not judging yourself and extending understanding and kindness towards the self greatly reduces mental and physical stress. Too often, we punish ourselves for the things that we think we did wrong or did not accomplish. We rarely sit back and try to see why we acted in a certain way. When we observe ourselves without judgement, we learn to accept and appreciate our flaws and weaknesses as part of who we are and we can more easily decide on how to change them to better improve ourselves. This also means, that we will be able to easily accept and even forgive not just ourselves but also the people around us. Being mindful and learning about our own inner workings helps us to better understand other people and through regular practise, we also learn to let things be instead of judging them in the moment. This means that we are still able to interact with negative people or still behave normally even in a toxic environment without being overwhelmed or being overly reactive. Practicing mindfulness also enhances our awareness and insight not just of ourselves but of other people’s mental and emotional states as well so we can help them better in the way that they need most. When we have a better understanding of how we think and act, we are also able to easily adjust our own patterns of thinking and our actions to align with our goals in the different areas of our life. Practice mindfulness in your daily activities and experience the benefits in all areas of your life. Mindfulness meditation is a practice that you can easily start doing. Find a quiet place to be alone with your thoughts and focus on them without judging them. You can also do the same type of observation in daily situations like during eating. Instead of just gulping down food, by being mindful of how you eat, you are able to appreciate the whole eating experience and appreciate its benefits. Try practicing being mindful of your daily habits today. Edited version. First published in Pinoy Smart Living 08.07.2019. Living a happy life seems like a simple goal but in reality, the journey is quite complicated. Depending on where you are in life; you will have a different set of rules that you follow to you can achieve your goals. Everyone has their own path to happiness but these 7 rules to a happy life can help you along the way. Whatever life brings you, it pays to be grateful. Recognize that each experience, each situation that you are put in and each person that you encounter pushes you to the right direction. It may be in the form of support for what you need to pursue your goals or by teaching you a life lesson that you need in order for you to progress to your next step. A positive experience is just as important as a negative experience to enable you to grow and prepare you for the next stage of your life. Sometimes, we forget our own goals and dreams because we are programmed to conform to what other people’s standards have of us. We compare ourselves with others and want to imitate their kind of success; forgetting that each person has their own form of happiness, their own measure of success. There is no one path to happiness or success. Stop comparing yourself to other people’s standards and stay true to yourself. Do what you feel is right to fulfill your own definition of happiness or success. “Adulting” is a popular term that we throw around to describe our daily struggles as grown ups. We feel overwhelmed with adult responsibilities that we don’t make time to “play” as it is not an adult thing to do. However, neglecting time for play depletes us of our creativity and may cause us to burn out at work. Make time to indulge your playful inner child. Give in to your curiosity; ask about something you are curious about instead of suppressing it so you don’t annoy someone. From time to time, try out new things just because it’s exciting or fun and not because you need it for work. If you have a passion project that involves harnessing your creative side, pursue it and make time for it even if it doesn’t contribute to your current job. You will be surprised how nurturing your inner child can help you grow as an adult. Have you stopped and smelled the flowers lately? Have you gone out of your way to just stare at a beautiful sunset until it vanishes from view? If not, then now is a good time to start learning how to appreciate the moment. Appreciating the moment helps you become more observant of the things around you and being grateful for them. It also makes it easier to notice the good things in any situation, place, thing or even person. This means that you shouldn’t hold yourself back from appreciating someone else and be honest about your praise or admiration. If you have the urge to just bask in the sunshine in the middle of your walk to your office building, give in and enjoy the feeling of warmth revitalizing your whole body. Just remember to look for a safe spot first and don’t suddenly do it in the middle of the street. When you share your blessings you are blessed in return. Blessings don’t have to be just financial in form. Giving someone your time and effort is a form of sharing. Listening to someone vent out their issues is a form of sharing as well. Financially, you may not have a big amount in your budget for this but the important thing is to share what you are able. So make sure that you include a “Give” or “Gifting” or “Tithe” portion in your budget. Small acts like giving a tip to a restaurant or a salon staff goes a long way. We see drama all the time on TV and in films that we have grown to expect the same situations in real life. We hear different kind of real-life dramas from the news and even from friends and relatives but we all know that these situations are never pleasant and don’t usually have a happy ending. So how do you avoid all the drama? Focusing on the positive side of things and being grateful will be helpful in these situations. Staying away from people who bring drama into your life is one of the best ways to keep your good vibes all the time. Of course, if you can’t help but be involved in drama, don’t forget to take a deep breathe and try to keep a level head and analyze the situation from a practical point of view instead of just reacting to your emotions. This way, you can focus on solutions instead of drowning in all the negative details. In order to make it easier for you to follow the rules outlined above, you must learn to forgive. Forgiving yourself first is the first step to accepting yourself and self-acceptance enables you to move on to the next step to become better. Forgive yourself for your flaws and wrong decisions in the past. Forgive yourself for breaking a promise or indulging in that food treat that’s not supposed to be part of your diet. The important thing is to pick-up yourself again and continue where you left of or start over if needed. It also important to learn to forgive others. If you carry grudges with you, it will be hard to be grateful. You won’t be able to appreciate the moment or other people; you won’t be able to indulge in fun times and you certainly won’t feel inclined to share your blessings whole heartedly. Carrying grudges around certainly puts you in a situation that attracts constant drama and negative vibes. So learn to forgive others. Look at what you can learn from the situation or the person and move on from what happened. Forgiving others does not mean that you need to act like nothing bad happened but it is an opportunity to not dwell on the drama anymore and move forward. Original photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash
Feature Image by Posted by A.L. Jonas in Emotional, 0 comments
Ways to Resolve an Argument
1.Apologize
2.Ask
3. Breathe
4. End on a Positive Note
5. Know When to Stop
6. Listen
7.Look for Solutions
10 Toxic People That You Should Avoid
1.The Arrogant
2. The Complainer
3. The Critic
4. The Envious
5. The Gossipmonger
6. The Liar
7. The Narcissist
8. The Party Animal
9. The Puppeteer
10. The Temperamental
Why You Should Start a Meditation Habit and How
What is Meditation?
Benefits of Meditation
How to Start a Meditation Habit
Next Steps
Feature Image: Original Photo by Maik Kleinert from Pexels.
The Practice of Mindfulness and Its Benefits
What is Mindfulness?
Benefits of Mindfulness
Reduce Stress
Encourage Acceptance
Enhances Deeper Understanding
Increase Awareness
Enhance Performance
Feature Image: Original Photo by Erriko Boccia on Unsplash.
Rules to A Happy Life
1. Be Grateful
2. Stay True to Yourself
3. Don’t Lose Your Inner Child
4. Appreciate the Moment
5. Share Your Blessings
6. Avoid the Drama
7. Learn to Forgive