negative

Oct

2021

Stay Away From Negative People

Reading Time: 2 minutes

There are a million and one reasons why you should stay away from negative people. For one, it is hard to be grateful and happy when you are around them because they always see the bad side of things. Being with them is always stressful. They drain your energy. Negative people are also highly contagious. They influence your thoughts, behaviors and feelings. And worse, before you know it; you too have become a negative person.

Stay away from negative people. They have a problem for every solution.
– Albert Einstein

It takes lots of courage to accept the fact that you need saving. The words ‘save me‘ are not something that are easily uttered by just anyone. However, it is just the first step.

The second step is equally important. It involves the people around you. The people and environment plays a crucial role in turning your life for the better.

Your Environment Matters

For example, you have been failing in your exams. And you have finally decided that enough is enough. But you have been hanging out with friends who would rather skip class than go to school. Your goal will be easier to achieve if you spend more time with people who actually study.

This is true with almost anything in life. You want to quit smoking? Then, stop spending time with people who smoke. Do you want to have good health? Then start hanging out with people who take care of their bodies.

To become a positive person, it is important to be wary of the people around you. What kind of people do you normally hang out with? Do they make you a better person? Do they lift you up or do they pull you down? You see, people have the tendency to become the average of the five people they spend the most time with. So if you want to become happy and successful in life; spend more time with happy, grateful and proactive persons.

Spend time with people who know how to use their days well. Just as iron sharpens iron, positive people will inspire you to be positive.
-Rihanna

Update version. First published in Pinoy Smart Living on 01.16.2019.

Feature Image by CreativeMagic from Pixabay

Nov

2020

Are You a Toxic Person?

Reading Time: 5 minutes

You have successfully stayed away from negative people in your life. You have blocked, unfriended and unfollowed all of them in your social media account. But how come, you feel there are still more of them out there? Before you start blocking people again, did you ever stop and wonder that maybe you are also a toxic person to them? However, most of the time, people are unaware that they are already being a toxic person to others. So, are you a toxic person?

Toxic people are people who are not emotionally well. These people are carrying emotional burdens. They are broken individuals. It is like this, have you ever dealt with a sick person? Have you noticed that sick persons are easily irritable? It is not because they have something against you but because they are in physical pain. That is the reason why they are short-tempered and irritated at times. The same is true with emotionally sick individuals. They become toxic to others whether they do it consciously or subconsciously.

Here are signs that you should always be aware of so that you will know if you are already being a toxic person to others:

1. You criticize people a lot.

At some point in our lives, we all have to give criticisms especially if the other person badly needs the feedback or advice. However, there is a thin line between a constructive and a harmful criticism. It all boils down to the perception of the person receiving the feedback.

Before you criticize, ask yourself, is the other person asking for your opinion? If not, what do you hope to achieve by giving the criticism? Are you offering a solution to the problem? If your answer is no, then you are better off keeping your mouth shut.

Happy individuals do not feel the need to bring other people down.

2. You are good only when you need something.

Do you treat people equally? Are you nice and friendly most of the time? Are you only nice to those people whom you can benefit from and can offer you something? Other people can tell if you are nice to them only when you need something. They will feel used. Be a good person. Be good to everyone regardless of whether you can benefit from them or not. Stay consistent in how you treat others. Be sincere. Sincerity is important because it leads to trust. It is the key in building any relationship.

3. You like to gossip.

Do you like to gossip? Do you always talk about other people behind their backs? It does not matter whether your stories are true or not, what matters is that the personal affairs of others are private. You have no right to give unconstrained and derogatory remarks about them.

Instead, learn to respect other people.

4. You blame everyone else for your problems.

Do you have problems at work? Are you buried in debt? Do you always argue with your partner?. When misfortunes come your way, who do you blame? Do you blame the government, your boss, your spouse or the circumstance? If you blame it on everything and everyone else but yourself, then that’s a sign the you are a toxic person.

Rather than blaming others for your problems and misfortunes, try taking responsibility for your life instead. You need to take responsibility of all the bad things that is happening to you. You played a big role on whatever it is that is happening in your life right now. There is no one to blame but yourself. The sooner you begin to understand that you are the driver of your own life, the sooner will your life turn for the better. Begin to take control of your life.

It is always easy to blame others. You can spend your entire life blaming the world, but your successes or failures are entirely your own.
-Paulo Coelho

5. You take more than you give.

Are you a giver or a taker? Givers look for ways on how to be helpful to others. Takers put their self-interests first before others. If you are the type of person who always ask for favors or have never ending requests from others, then you are a taker. Takers are toxic persons. Before long, people will stop responding from your favors and you will be left with no one beside you. To avoid that from happening, try to balance yourself. Help as much people as you can. Happiness comes from serving others.

The purpose of human life is to serve, and to show compassion and the will to help others.
– Albert Schweitzer

6. Your life is full of drama.

If you are overly emotional about things that are happening to your life, no matter how small or menial they are; then, your life is full of drama. Come on, no one will want to listen to you going on and on about the misfortunes in your life. It is emotionally draining. Don’t be a drama king or queen.

7. You can’t let go of the past.

You were hurt by someone you loved or you were once on top of the world but you lost everything. Whatever painful experience that you have had before, it is now time to move forward. Don’t let the past imprisoned you. Stop obsessing about it. Let go of the pain and move on. Learn the lesson. Remember that failure is part of success. No one wants to be around people who are living in the past.

8. You see the negative in all situations.

A negative mind always see the worst in any situation.

I can’t afford that.
No one really cares about me.
I have no money.
I am always sick.
My boss will never appreciate me.
I am not my parents’ favorite child.

Negative thinking is not only bad for your health. It is bad for your life. Period. If you understand the law of attraction, you know that negative thoughts attract negative things. It will ultimately affect your future because your mindset affects the direction of your life . No one would hang out with you if you are always negative.

Always stay positive. Practice being grateful. Happy people are grateful people.

9. You dominate the conversation.

Have your ever been in a gathering wherein only one person is doing all the talking? Everyone hates it when one person dominates the conversation. No one wants to listen to listen to you, your interests and your opinion the whole night. If other people can’t get a word in, don’t be surprised if you will no longer be invited to the next get-together. You need to learn to listen to others.

One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.
– Bryant H. McGill

10. You think you are always right.

It is impossible to be always right. Even if you are the smartest, richest and most successful person in the room; there will always be someone who knows better than you in certain issues. You cannot force your opinions on others. You need to learn to respect other people’s views. Otherwise, others will find it frustrating to even talk to you.

If you find yourself relating to at least one of the descriptions above, unfortunately, you are considered a toxic person by others. The good news is that there is still room for change especially now that you are aware of your shortcoming.

Good luck!

First published in Pinoy Smart Living 08.02.2019.

Photo by Khoa Võ from Pexels

Nov

2020

10 Toxic People That You Should Avoid

Reading Time: 5 minutes

Toxins are everywhere – from the food that we eat to the things that we use. They are even in the air that we breathe and the water that we drink. Just like in the food, air and water; they can also be found in the people around you. Daily exposure to toxins is poisonous, harmful and dangerous to the body. It leads to sickness, diseases and even death if not flushed out from the body. In the same way, that too much exposure with toxic people can affect your overall health, happiness and success. We may not be able to totally avoid it but we can reduce our toxic exposures by doing things like not eating canned goods, avoiding plastic water bottles and going organic. Likewise, we should also avoid exposures to toxic people. But how to identify the toxic people? Here are 10 toxic people that you should avoid.

Generally, toxic people spread negativity. They are highly contagious. They drain your energy. You are better off avoiding them at all cost since they can create chaos around you. If you spend too much time with them, you might even end up like them. Remember, you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with .

Toxic people will pollute everything around them. Don’t hesitate. Fumigate.
– Mandy Hale

1.The Arrogant

Arrogant persons are people who act superior than others. They think of themselves as more important, thus, they disrespect and put others down. They think that their thoughts, beliefs and experiences are way better than others. Some people become arrogant because of the success that they have accomplished in life. They want others to appreciate them to boost their self-worth. On the other hand, for some people, their arrogance is actually a self-defense mechanism to hide their insecurities and inferiority complex.

An arrogant person considers himself perfect. This is the chief harm of arrogance. It interferes with a person’s main task in life – becoming a better person.
-Leo Tolstoy

2. The Complainer

Complainers are people who think that the world is out to get them. They perceive themselves as perpetual victims. They don’t see themselves as negative people, instead they see the whole world in a negative light and they are merely voicing out their annoyance to all the unfortunate events happening around them. Complainers are people who are looking for understanding, sympathy and emotional validation.

When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation or accept it, all else is. madness.
– Eckhart Tolle

3. The Critic

Critics are people who are skeptical about things. They often criticize and oppose everything and everyone around them. They will sabotage any new ideas and they will keep you from achieving your highest potential. Critics are actually people who have a lot of fears in their lives. They don’t have the courage to take risks. Their statements are actually projections of their own fears and worries.

Don’t let someone who gave up on their dreams talk you out of going after yours.
– Zig Ziglar

4. The Envious

All persons experience an occasional feeling of envy. We are after all humans. This emotion arises when we see someone who is better than us whether it be their beauty, intelligence, wealth or success. Envious people however, take their jealousy to the next level. They let their feelings control them to the point that they begin to hate the other person. On extreme cases, they even harm the person they are envious of. This stems from their inferiority complex. They feel worthless deep inside that they subconsciously developed the habit of comparing themselves to others.

Envy is the art of counting the other fellow’s blessings instead of your own.
– Harold Coffin

5. The Gossipmonger

People who like to gossip derive pleasure in the misfortunes of others. It might be fun and entertaining at first but spreading confidential information and offensive judgements eventually gets tiring and uncomfortable. You will only end up hurting other people. Gossipmongers are persons who are unhappy, envious and attention-seekers. They want to feel superior and better about themselves by highlighting the problems of others.

Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.
– Eleanor Roosevelt

6. The Liar

Liars are people who lie all the time. They believe that they are smarter than everyone else and that their lies will never be found out. It is hard to trust these people because you never know what to believe. Doubt and mistrust will always be present in the relationship. Remember that they never keep their promises. If they lie to you about themselves and about others, there is a big probability that they will lie to others about you too.

When someone lies to you, it’s because they don’t respect you enough to be honest, and they think you’re too stupid to know the difference.
– Unknown

7. The Narcissist

Have you ever had a conversation with somebody whom you can’t get a word in? Narcissist people love to talk about themselves. They think the world revolves around them. They are not concerned about anything else. Narcissists don’t ask questions nor will they ask you how you are doing. Even if they do, they won’t wait for your responses. Professionals argued that a narcissistic personality is linked to a parent-child relationship. They are people who either have narcissistic parents or they received excessive pampering as a child.

The narcissist doesn’t question himself. He never wonders if he is at fault. Why? Because in his mind he is never wrong. You are.
– unknown

8. The Party Animal

It is all right to party, have fun and go out occasionally. The body needs to unwind every now and then to relieve some stress. However, doing it excessively can be disastrous not only for your wallet but also for your health, productivity and overall well-being. Party animals are sad and depressed individuals. They try to escape the reality of their lives and seek temporary comfort through heavy partying.

IF you want to become a party animal, you have to learn to love in the jungle.
– Kelly LeBrock

9. The Puppeteer

Puppeteers are expert manipulators. They deliberately exploit the other person for their own benefit. Be careful, puppeteers are disguise as good friends. They are the friendliest, most accommodating and they will flatter you with words that you want to hear. Unfortunately, they are only nice to you because they want something in return. You will be taken advantage of over and over again as long as you let them control you. They are self-centered individuals whose words and actions are intended to seduce and impress you so they can achieve their aim.

People who feel the need to control others, don’t have control over themselves.
– Unknown

10. The Temperamental

Temperamental persons are persons whose moods change very quickly. One minute everything seems perfectly normal, the next thing that you know that person can turn into a monster. They are very hot-headed and irritable. They are also bad-tempered and moody. Controlling their own emotions is not their forte. Being with them will make you the receiving end of their negative emotions. They can even embarrass you in public or worse, they can hurt you. As a result, you will forever be walking on egg shells being around these people.

You don’t ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life. It doesn’t matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend or new acquaintance – you don’t have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. It’s one thing if a person owes up to their behavior and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries or continues to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go.
– Daniell Koepke

Updated version. First published in Pinoy Smart Living on 19.09.2018.

Feature Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay Images.