moving on

Apr

2023

Set Yourself Free Through Forgiveness

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Is something bothering you? Are you in pain? Do you have a hard time moving on from bad experiences from the past? Is there someone that harmed you that you need to forgive? Are you having a hard time letting go? If you answered yes to all of these, then it means that you are in a state wherein you are overwhelmed by feelings of bitterness, pain, anger or even revenge. If this is how you feel right now, then it is time to set yourself free through forgiveness.

What is Forgiveness

Psychologists define forgiveness as a deliberate effort to release negative feelings of resentment or anger to someone who has harmed you in the past. The act of forgiveness is not about the other person but it’s about you. To forgive someone means you are releasing yourself from the pain of the past and letting go. A person cannot harm you unless you allow it. Through forgiveness, you are no longer letting the other person have power over you. So, you are freeing yourself from the chains that bind you together. You are also releasing any karmic connection with that person.

Forgive But Never Forget

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting what happened. It just means that you no longer allow the pain to control your life. You are setting yourself free from all the negative emotions that you kept bottled up inside you. It is a way of loving yourself more. But it does not mean that you will allow the same thing to happen again. Thus, you are not to forget what happened. Forgetting means you who have not learned your lesson. If you don’t learn your lesson, life has a way of allowing the same event to repeat itself. And before you know it, the same person will hurt you again and again.

What Forgiveness Will Do To You

Forgiveness can contribute to your overall wellness in more ways than one.

You can now move on and start anew. You won’t be bringing in the pain from the past to your new relationships. Thus, you will be opening yourself to healthier and happier relationships moving forward.
Being so wrapped up in the pain will stop you from enjoying the now and your life in general. Happiness is all about finding joy in the little things in life.
As stated earlier, through forgiveness, you are no longer allowing the other person to have power over you. Thus, you are setting yourself free from the pain and from that person.

What If The Other Person Does Not Change

Forgiveness is never about the other person. It is all about you. Whether the other person changed or not is not your concern. You are forgiving someone because you love yourself and you want to free yourself from the bondage of negative emotions and connections.

What If I Can’t Forgive

Forgiveness is never an easy thing to do. Just know that forgiveness is a process. It is not a one time thing. The important thing is that you are willing to forgive. Again, keep in mind that you forgive not for the other person but for yourself. Also, forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation. It is always a case to case basis. Sometimes, reconciliation might not be appropriate.

Love yourself. Set yourself free through forgiveness.

Feature Image by NoName_13 from Pixabay

Feb

2021

Spring Day

Reading Time: < 1 minute

Spring is the season of new beginnings. It is in spring that flowers bloom, animals awake and birds start to chirp. No wonder spring has always been associated with hope. The signs of new life popping in every corner is proof that the dreary cold and winter days are finally over. In the same way that hope can actively transport an individual from darkness to light. Hope gives the promise that someday, circumstances will get better. That is why people look forward to that first spring day.

Passing by the edge of the cold winter, until the days of spring, until the days of flower blossoms. Please stay, please stay there a little longer.
– BTS, Spring Day

In times like this, when everything seems to be gloomy; more than ever we need to hold on to the power of hope in our lives. Don’t give up. Believe that one day, all this will be over. Soon, spring will come. Someday, we are all going to look back to this day and maybe understand why we had to go through such difficulty in our lives. Thus, is it important to learn the lessons and move on in life. Understand that life goes on. Hopefully, we can all come out of this as better, happier, healthier and wealthier human beings.

So, turn your focus from the negative to the positive. Visualize what your spring day is going to be like. What do you want your future to be like?

That is one good thing about this world…There are always sure to be more springs.
– L.M. Montgomery

Feature Image by Pixabay.

Jun

2020

The Moving On Challenge

Reading Time: 4 minutes

The phrase “moving on” is familiar to anyone who has ever experienced heartaches and hardships in life. You may need to move on from a romantic break-up, a job that didn’t work out, or a falling out with a friend. Any situation that requires you to let go of someone or something is hurtful. Moving on from the experience is a challenge.

We all have our own ways of moving on. Some of us bounce back quickly while others take longer to process their feelings and set themselves right again. Depending on the circumstances and the depth of the relationship between the individuals involved; moving on can shape our personalities and affect our outlook on life in a very profound way.

Example, whether it be good or bad, has a powerful influence.
— George Washington

We have relationships we have moved on from, are still moving on from, people who have moved on from us, and people we still keep with us. All have a huge impact in how we live our lives today. So it is important to look back and reflect on how these people contributed to our current outlook in life.

Challenge Yourself to Move On

Let us review our relationships. Reflect on the things we can learn from the persons who were around us back then and those who are still with us now.

Take a notebook or a sheet of paper, a pen and 2 highlighters with different colors. Make 3 columns on the page.
Label these columns as follows: Person, Negative and Positive.
In the Person column, write down at least 50 people who influenced your growth and development until now. These can include your parents and relatives, schoolmates, teachers, friends, mentors, etc. You can write more if necessary. They can include departed people as well.
On the next 2 columns, write down how each person influenced you in a negative and a positive way. There may be a relative or friend who acts selfish and complains a lot (negative). Their behavior also taught you how to be patient (positive) with others who act like them.
Using your highlighters, mark the persons you still keep in touch with until now in one color. Mark the persons you don’t want to keep in touch with anymore in another color. For the departed ones on the list; you can decide to skip them. Or you can include them if you feel that they still exert a major influence in your life until now.

In the process of making the list, think about why you chose the person. Try to remember the worst but also the best about each person. What has changed in your life for the better or for the worse after meeting them? Who did you have an easier time moving on from and who did you have a hard time letting go?

The Wind Beneath Your Wings

The people you choose to keep or let go, reflect the kind of life you have been living until now. The positive and negative traits they embody are also the same traits that you have been exhibiting and/or struggling with. They affect you mentally, emotionally, physically and greatly influence your overall quality of life.

There may be some past relationships that you have moved on from. You may realize that you are still carrying with you their negative influences. Your challenge then is to learn how to be grateful for the experience; be thankful for the lessons so you can finally let it go.

Not all relationships can be categorized as purely negative or positive. There are always shades of the other in each relationship. You may choose to stay in a relationship with a person who negatively influences you because it has positive results.

Attitude is greatly shaped by influence and association.
— Jim Rohn

For example, you may dislike your best friend’s nagging most of the time. However, you admire the fact that they are able to speak their mind openly. You appreciate that they always tell you the things that you need to hear. They don’t always agree with you when they think you’re wrong. You label them a “kill joy”. Most of the time, their actions help prevent you from doing something foolish that you may regret later on.

Or you may sometimes think of wanting to move far away from a friend who is socially awkward. It’s hard to be with them at a party. They don’t talk that much and you have to keep inserting them into the conversation. You have to keep talking to them so as not to make them feel left out. Their behavior frustrates you but you still keep in touch with them. They are always ready to lend a shoulder for you to cry on when you need it. They also listen to your woes and petty complaints without judgement. They’re also the friend who gives you the best advice.

Moving On and Moving Forward

You can consider these aspects of yourself and your relationships the wind beneath your wings. Each person is your wingman for different circumstances. Some of them help keep you afloat and rise up in tough times. Others may seem like they are dragging you down most of the time. Yet, they are still able to help you in different ways. How you balance these different aspects of your relationships with others and within yourself, will help sustain you through your life experiences.

The people you surround yourself with influence your behaviors, so choose friends who have healthy habits.
— Dan Buettner

Once you have identified these aspects that you wish to move on from and those you want to keep; then you can truly move on and move forward for the better. When you have clarity on the things you like or dislike and what you can tolerate; then you have identified the things that you value the most. This will make it easier for you to make decisions in life that are aligned with your values. This also makes it easier to choose which friends to keep.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash.