mental attitude

Jul

2022

Your Mindset Affects the Direction of Your Life

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Your mindset affects the direction of your life. It determines your future. Your mental attitude and disposition will lead the way to either your success or failure in life.

Growth Mindset vs Fixed Mindset

A growth mindset is an underlying belief that you are in control of your destiny. Thus, the power to change things is in your hands. On the contrary, a fixed mindset just accepts what is given. It focuses on what you do not have.

Remember the story of the tortoise and the hare? The hare was so sure that he would win that he slept during the race. The tortoise on the other hand, believed that if he worked hard, there is a chance that he could win the race. Despite the odds against him, he was not afraid of failure and tried his best to win the race. Do you remember who won in the end? Was it the tortoise or the hare?

Youtube video by Pinkfong

The hare and tortoise exemplified the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset respectively. Their mindsets ultimately determine their success and failure.

Carol Dweck, a psychologist and researcher at Stanford University, stated that the two mindsets lead to different behaviour and thus different results. In reacting to setbacks for example, a growth mindset sees failure as a way to improve while a fixed mindset will be discourage and ultimately give up.

For example, as a student if you are not good in Math, a fixed mindset will just accept that Math skills are an inborn talent. It is either you are good at it or you are not. A growth mindset believes that the brain can be developed. Thus, even though you are not a Math person, you will try your best to develop your skills. As a result, persons with a growth mindset are more likely to maximise their potential.

A growth mindset is an integral part of a success of an individual.

Scarcity Mindset vs Abundance Mindset

Stephen Covey, in his best-selling book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, defined scarcity mindset as a belief that there is simply not enough for everyone. People with scarcity mindset “see life as having only so much, as though there were only one pie out there. And if someone were to get a big piece of the pie, it would mean less for everybody else.“

One indicator that you have a scarcity mindset is if you are sad or jealous if a co-worker gets a pay raise and you did not. It is like a feeling that somebody else got the raise and there is nothing left for you.

If you spend the whole of your pay cheque as soon as you receive it to buy stuffs you don’t even need or to spend it on partying, travelling or any kind of entertainment even though you don’t have enough money is another example of a scarcity mindset. Moreso, if you justify your spending, saying that “if I will not enjoy my life now when I am still young, I will never have a chance later on.” This kind of mindset focuses on short term decisions.

An abundance mindset on the other hand focuses on the long-term. It is a deeper understanding that not having something now does not necessarily mean that you won’t have it in the future. As Steven Covey said, “it is the paradigm that there is plenty out there and enough to spare for everybody. It results in sharing of prestige, of recognition, of profits, of decision making.

With an abundance mindset, instead of spending all your earnings now, you would rather invest first and spend later on.

Poverty Mindset vs Millionaire Mindset

A fixed mindset and scarcity mindset are both indicators of a poverty mindset. In the same way, a person who has a millionaire mindset has a growth and abundance mindset.

Your mindset is very important. Your future is dependent on what mindset you have right now. It is crucial in ordinary times, mores when you are faced with challenges. Having the proper mindset especially during a crisis will greatly influence the direction of your life.

What kind of mindset do you have right now? If you want to have a better life, your first step is to change your mindset.

First published in Pinoy Smart Living on 12.28.2018

Feauture Image by John Hain from Pixabay

Jun

2021

How to Create Your Safe Space

Reading Time: 5 minutes

Have you ever wondered how to create your safe space? Many of us are so used to the rush of our everyday lives that we have forgotten to consider our own sacred space.

A safe space can be defined in many ways. Basically, it is a place where we can feel safe, free from judgment and where we can do whatever we love doing. It is a place where we can hold open dialogues with those who are most important to us, or even with ourselves. In this safe space, we can feel free to express our innermost thoughts, hopes and dreams. It is also where we can vent out our negative emotions if necessary, without fear of the consequences. Your safe space is your very own magic shop.

Each one of us needs to create our own safe space to help us create balance in our lives. As we go about our daily lives; we move through spaces and places where we need to follow rules and restrictions. We are able to live in this environment because of our personas. But what about our creative, shadow selves? Ideally, our safe space is where we can come home, let go of stress and find comfort in the things we love.

1. Create a Space of Inner Safety

Feeling safe starts from within. Learning how to face the storms of life calmly is a rare trait but one we must learn. Before we can successfully challenge anything outside of ourselves, we need to calm our own hearts and minds. Create your own safe space for inner safety to start feeling calm and assured in your daily life.

Learn to practice meditation to calm your thoughts at the start of the day. Then, throughout the day; try practicing mindfulness. Knowing yourself first and what triggers your positive and negative emotions gives you more control of your reactions to certain situations. Make ritual of your self-care routine. A gratitude journal also helps you to appreciate the positive things in your life.

Another important factor to consider for inner calmness is how you talk to yourself. Smile at yourself in the mirror instead of frowning. This way, you are more encouraged to say something positive about the morning or yourself. Talk to yourself and learn to appreciate what’s positive or good about you. Let your good side shine through by freely expressing your good feelings towards other people as well.

2. Organize Your Physical Safe Space

The next space where you can create safety is in your home. Usually, your bedroom is the first place that comes to mind but you can make your whole home feel safe too. Just like how meditation helps you calm down your chattering mind; you need to create a tranquil atmosphere in your home. This is also where you can display your vision board.

The first step is to declutter your space. Start with your room. Make your bed as soon as you wake up. Inspect your cabinets and drawers and organize what’s inside. Get rid of things you don’t use anymore and give them to someone else or to recycling centers. Keep only the things you love and use. Then, clean your whole room or clean your whole house too. Afterwards, put your cabinets, drawers and desk in order. This is the time where you can decorate or redecorate. Finally, cleanse and refresh the energy of your space by doing an energy clearing routine.

Make sure there’s a place for everything in your room. Don’t forget to return things to their proper places once you’re done using them. Put out the stuffed toys or quirky pillow cases you’ve been hiding and display them on your bed or chair. Put some fresh flowers on your favorite vase or add some plants to your desk. You can even use candles or diffusers as well as warm lights and music to create the calm and comfy atmosphere that will help you relax. Here, you can read your favorite books, write in your journal, do your meditation or yoga or enjoy a restful sleep.

3. Maintain an Emotionally Safe Space

Your social relationships can be your safe space. Even the calmest individual needs their family, best buddies, mentors, team mates to support them through their ups and downs in life. Having a group of people that you can turn to for the different obstacles that you may face is an important part of your life.

These are the people who provide you with the emotional safe space where you can express your feelings without being judged. Instead, they are there to help you solve whatever challenge you are facing. They provide you with the emotional support you need just by listening to you rant about your toxic work mate or how you want to quit your job but you’re too scared to do it.

Surround yourself with people who give you the emotional space to be who you truly are. With them, you can be silly and funny. You can bicker and disagree but you can still enjoy laughing at each other’s stupid mistakes afterwards. They can get serious with you if you need them to or enjoy being spontaneous with you. They give you the truth even if it hurts but they help you wipe away your tears and nurse your wounds as well.

4. Develop Your Financial Safety Net

Our jobs are a major part of our lives. Our main reason for staying in our jobs is the salary we get in return for our services. However, many of us become unhappy in our jobs because we find that our salaries are not enough to allow us to live the life we want. This is why creating a financially safe space is important. Saving money and reducing debt and expenses should be common sense but most of us don’t do this. Many books on wealth can help you transform your mindset about money and change your life for the better.

The first thing you need to do is to track your expenses. This helps you find out where your money leaks are and where you can reduce your spending so you can save more. Next is to create a budget so you can plan exactly where your money goes. This prevents you from missing any payment deadlines as well as helps you prepare for unplanned expenses. Make sure to include “savings” and “tithe” in your budget. If you know about the Law of Attraction, you know that it is important to give back in order to receive more. Whatever you receive, make sure to pay yourself first by putting it into your savings account.

In order to feel financially safe, you should aim to have at least 3-6 months worth of your monthly income in your savings account. This way, you have expenses to cover you if you decide to leave your job and look for something new. You should also aim to pay off your loans and credit card debts. During this process, learn how to manage your credit cards wisely to enjoy their benefits. Another thing you need to learn is how to invest your money so you can grow them slowly but steadily. Investments can provide you peace of mind that you can retire comfortably in the future.

There are other aspects of your life where you can create your own safe space. The best way is to focus on doing things gradually and consistently. By creating safe spaces for yourself, you can also help other people feel safe when they are interacting with you.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Emily Rudolph on Unsplash.

Sep

2020

The Dark Mode Challenge

Reading Time: 3 minutes

All of us experience different kinds of stress in our daily lives. We often force ourselves to act as if nothing is wrong; pretending that everything is just fine. We may be feeling sick and tired emotionally or mentally. All throughout the day, we act like everything’s just normal. We make the effort to smile and be cheerful just to make sure no one notices that we’re not okay. For this scenario, the Dark Mode Challenge is a way to get through.

Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.
— Carl Jung

This is how most of us cope with challenging mental and emotional issues – we pretend that we’re just fine. We have been programmed to believe that showing our vulnerability is a weakness. We believe that it is unacceptable to indulge in or to show our negative emotions to anybody else. In the process, we are engaging in toxic positivity.

The Dark Mode Challenge

Your challenge is to indulge your dark mood, by switching on your Dark Mode. Your task is to do everything you need to do to express your feelings. Keep in mind that you should do this without harming yourself or someone else. You can do this with a friend or on your own. This process is you accepting that it’s okay to not to be okay.

You can’t control everything. Sometimes you just need to relax and have faith that things will work out. Let go a little and just let life happen.
— Kody Kiplinger

Schedule a whole day, or the weekend. Go offline, laze around and unwind. Focus on what you are feeling. It doesn’t matter if you decide to watch sad movies and cry all through it. If it takes finishing off a tub of your favorite ice cream; don’t stop yourself. Write, draw, paint, listen to music or dance your heart out. The goal is to do whatever you need to do to get the negative feelings out and truly feel them.

Everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting the associated negative experience. Any attempt to escape the negative, to avoid it or quash it or silence it, only backfires. The avoidance of suffering is a form of suffering. The avoidance of struggle is a struggle. The denial of failure is a failure. Hiding what is shameful is itself a form of shame.
— Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

Use Your Imagination

Imagine yourself as Batman, who is always on dark mode. As Batman, you are trying to engage your negative feelings. Your goals is to draw them out from within yourself. Put a name to each one of them if you can, and in the process, vanquish them. In the morning, you can switch to your light mode again.

Named must your fear be before banish it you can.
— Yoda

This doesn’t mean that you dwell in the negative state. That’s why you have to set a time limit for yourself. Have a friend remind you that your time is up. Give yourself a day or two, no more.

Toxic Positivity

We are often told to “just get over it”. Worse, this is what we tell ourselves. This overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state results in the denial, diminishment and invalidation of our emotional experience. This is toxic positivity. You are essentially denied the right to experience your emotions.

We often do this to ourselves and sometimes to other people. It is a form of self-sabotage that we have come to treat as normal. This should not be normal. You should take the time to indulge in your negative feelings.

The whole purpose of bawling your eyes out, or writing your heart out, etc.; is to get the heavy emotions and thoughts out of your system. This will help you feel a little lighter mentally and emotionally. The process will help you clarify your thoughts. This will make it easier for you to start working on how to get back up from your dark mode. You can slowly start switching to your light-hearted mode again.

Featured Image: Original Photo by Giulia Bertelli on Unsplash.

Sep

2020

Finding Joy in This Challenging Time

Reading Time: 3 minutes

It is normal to feel overwhelmed and unmotivated with all the things happening in the world right now. Yes, life is so stressful for many people nowadays. The health crisis is still there. We have not yet fully adapted to the new normal. And yet at the same time, we found ourselves trying to survive this economic crisis that was brought about by the pandemic.

It is okay to not be okay in times like this but to dwell on it for a long time is a different story. We must not fall prey into unending negative thoughts. The only way to counter this is to fill ourselves with positivity by looking at things to be grateful for in our lives. Finding joy in this challenging time is the key to staying positive amidst all of these.

The art of being happy lies in the power of extracting happiness from common things.
– Henry Ward Beecher

Finding Joy in the Small Things

As life slows down, let’s take this opportunity to be grateful and joyful for all the small things that we normally take for granted.

1.Waking Up

Did you know that about 150,000 people die each day? This is based on a research that was published in 2017. Today, that number may be higher because of Covid-19. The fact that you woke up this morning alone is already enough reason to be grateful for.

2.Family Bonding Time

We live in a fast-paced life. Most of us spend our time chasing money and growing our careers that we tend to sacrifice our relationships in the process. Then suddenly, the pandemic strikes and we found ourselves with too much spare time. If there is anything that this pandemic gave us, it is the gift of time. More than ever, we now have time for family bonding. Here is the perfect opportunity to reconnect with loved ones and create happy and lasting memories together.

3. Access to internet

A few years ago, unless you have an encyclopedia at home; if you want to learn something, you need to go to the library. Online learning and work from home are unthinkable. Nowadays, everything is just one click away. You can work, study, watch shows, movies and concerts online. You can even contact any person around the world without having to pay exorbitant long distance fees. Regardless of the speed of your internet or the model of the gadget that you are using, be thankful that you now have access to the internet.

4. Time for Self-Reflection

Did you find yourselves questioning your thoughts, beliefs, actions, career and other decisions in life lately? If you did, then congratulations! By asking yourselves important questions about who you are, where you are in your life right now and where you want to go from here is an indication of growth. It is the first step towards self-improvement. Now is the perfect time to look within yourself and find your purpose in life and unleash the genius within you.

5. Your Health

Your heart is beating. You can walk, run and do whatever you want. You are not sick. Aren’t you grateful for your health? You used to take it for granted. You party like there is no tomorrow. But now you know that health is the most important thing in life. You now find yourself, making healthy lifestyle decisions. You can experience the joys of life only because your senses allow you to see, hear, feel, taste and smell the beauty around you.

6.People Around You

Challenges are a lot easier to handle if you are surrounded by people who love you and support you. Be grateful that you have them in our life.

7. Nature

If you have experienced being locked down at home during this pandemic, you probably realized by now how important nature is to our lives. The flowers, trees, parks, mountains and oceans have become places to unwind because of their calming power. Nature has become a sanctuary in this pandemic world.

By finding joy in this challenging time, you are shifting your focus from the negative to the positive. As a result, life becomes not just bearable but fulfilling and amazing.

Feature Image by Larisa Koshkina from Pixabay Images

Aug

2020

Take Back Your Life and Have Fun Again

Reading Time: 2 minutes

A well-balanced life is important to keep us healthy and motivated to reach our goals. However, most of us have become too focused on work-related matters that life becomes just a daily grind. Why not make it a goal to take back your life and have fun again?

As adults, we have come to view stress and struggle as a normal part of life. Most of us have forgotten how it is to have fun like children do. It is important to have fun even at work. There’s a very big chance that we will just quit at whatever we’re doing if we’re not having fun. Many people have resigned from high-paying jobs just because it wasn’t fun for them anymore.

Launch Challenge

Challenge yourself daily. Ask yourself: how can I make my day more fun?

There are many ways to make your life more fun again. If you’re stuck at home, try out these 10 things to do to have fun. Fancy yourself as a sporty or athletic type? Then try out these non-contact sports you can enjoy even during quarantine. Want to find out what your special powers are? (No, we don’t mean the type that the X-Men have.) Try unleashing the genius within you.

In taking up this challenge, a very important aspect to keep in mind is to maintain a childlike attitude at all times. Not childish, but childlike. Here are some tips on how to maintain a childlike outlook or attitude as you try to take back your life and have fun again.

Slow Down

Having more fun shouldn’t feel like you’re trying to beat a deadline. Allow yourself adequate time to enjoy living life and appreciating what it has to offer. All that rushing sucks the energy and fun out of the day.

Children know how to take their sweet time. Learn to prolong your time for enjoying things instead of prolonging your agony by worrying.

Be Unpredictable

Step out of your ordinary routine and out of your comfort zone and see what happens. Life can take interesting turns if you let it unfold on its own. Learn to loosen up on the reigns once a while and see where it takes you. We sometimes have a very tight grip on everything that we end up stressed about the smallest reasons.

Be like a kid and try to go with the flow sometimes. This way, you don’t close yourself off from receiving and experiencing many of the wonderful things that life has to offer.

Break the Rules

If you want to have fun, you need to learn to break some rules. Kids often hurt themselves trying to do things they think they can do. As adults we are better equipped to judge our own limits and capacities. However, this also makes us scared to try new things, especially if they don’t follow the norm.

Be like a kid sometimes and try to break the rules. If it doesn’t hurt, go for it and enjoy the moment.

You may want to play with kids once in a while to learn how they have fun. Don’t be surprised if you learn even more valuable tips or profound lessons from interacting with them. Maybe you can ask them how you can take back your life and have fun again. I’m sure you’ll get interesting answers.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Alex Alvarez on Unsplash.

Jul

2020

3 Tips on How to Deal with Change

Reading Time: 3 minutes

There are a lot of tips and tricks on how to deal with change and they all have some things in common. All of us are undergoing change and have to deal with change at different stages and aspects of our lives. We recognize that change is necessary in order for us to evolve. We also know that most humans suck at dealing with change. Each one of us copes and adapts to change in different ways.

Here are some tips on how you can deal with change more easily instead of feeling helpless about things. This is actually a process that is very helpful to get you in the right mindset. You can tailor it to your specific situation too.

1. Anchor Yourself

It is an overwhelming experience when change sweeps over us. Change can occur so fast that we may feel things are getting out of control. This feeling of being overwhelmed by what’s happening around us can stress us out or leave us feeling helpless and frustrated.

The best thing to do is to take care of your own well-being first. Focus on how to make yourself feel better again so you can have a stable foundation to anchor you as you think your next steps through.

Here are some things you can do to anchor yourself so you don’t get swept away by the whirlwind of change.

Don’t forget to observe daily health habits.
Do something you love and do it mindfully.
Meditate and visualize the things that make you feel good.
Talk to a friend and talk about the fun times or do something fun.
Do some exercise to release tension and stress.
Write down the things you are grateful for.

2. Construct Your Strategy

Change can show us our inadequacies in a very painful way. However, it can also be an opportunity to identify what our strengths are and how we can address our weaknesses. Before that process can take place, we need to put things in perspective first.

When you’ve taken the time to anchor yourself you can now think about your next steps — you need to come up with a strategy. Think of your strategy as constructing a building from the ground up. You start by figuring out what resources you already have on hand and what else you will need for each phase of the construction. You need to see which of these are easily accessible to you right away and which ones need other requirements to obtain.

This is also the time to figure out what things you can and cannot control. One of the things you can control is your reaction to the situation. Try to be objective about it but consider other people’s feelings when you talk to them to create a strategy together. You can influence other people’s reaction so it is better to have an open mind on both the negative and positive effects of the change.

Try to accept the things that you cannot control and consider the things you can use to help improve the situation.

Think of what you can do at the present moment to make the situation better or at least to improve the future situation. Think, short-term, medium term and long-term. This way, you have a strategy for dealing with any type of hurdles that may come your way. While you aim to accomplish the long-term results, be sure that your strategy is well-defined and flexible enough to accommodate some adjustments when necessary.

3. Thread Slowly but Surely

The time of great change is also a time of uncertainty. Keep in mind that the change you are going through may continue to unfold for a long time. So focus on the present moment and take things one day at a time. Just like threading in water, don’t exhaust yourself by paddling too hard only to find out you’ve moved only a small distance. Instead of reaching the shore, you end up drowning because you are too exhausted to swim your way to shore.

Don’t be too harsh on yourself and others. Be patient as you carry out your strategy. Pace yourself and make adjustments as you need to along the way. Rest when you need to so you don’t burn out. This way, you don’t get stressed out or frustrated when things don’t go as planned.

Keep yourself anchored through self-care practices so you have the mental and physical energy to sustain you through this phase. Celebrate small victories. You may feel disheartened at times but don’t lose hope. Remind yourself that the current situation is temporary and that this too will pass.

Change can be bad or good depending on our mindset. Hopefully, these tips will help you become better on how to deal with change in your life instead of being lost in the transition.

Feature Image: Original Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay.

Jun

2020

The Moving On Challenge

Reading Time: 4 minutes

The phrase “moving on” is familiar to anyone who has ever experienced heartaches and hardships in life. You may need to move on from a romantic break-up, a job that didn’t work out, or a falling out with a friend. Any situation that requires you to let go of someone or something is hurtful. Moving on from the experience is a challenge.

We all have our own ways of moving on. Some of us bounce back quickly while others take longer to process their feelings and set themselves right again. Depending on the circumstances and the depth of the relationship between the individuals involved; moving on can shape our personalities and affect our outlook on life in a very profound way.

Example, whether it be good or bad, has a powerful influence.
— George Washington

We have relationships we have moved on from, are still moving on from, people who have moved on from us, and people we still keep with us. All have a huge impact in how we live our lives today. So it is important to look back and reflect on how these people contributed to our current outlook in life.

Challenge Yourself to Move On

Let us review our relationships. Reflect on the things we can learn from the persons who were around us back then and those who are still with us now.

Take a notebook or a sheet of paper, a pen and 2 highlighters with different colors. Make 3 columns on the page.
Label these columns as follows: Person, Negative and Positive.
In the Person column, write down at least 50 people who influenced your growth and development until now. These can include your parents and relatives, schoolmates, teachers, friends, mentors, etc. You can write more if necessary. They can include departed people as well.
On the next 2 columns, write down how each person influenced you in a negative and a positive way. There may be a relative or friend who acts selfish and complains a lot (negative). Their behavior also taught you how to be patient (positive) with others who act like them.
Using your highlighters, mark the persons you still keep in touch with until now in one color. Mark the persons you don’t want to keep in touch with anymore in another color. For the departed ones on the list; you can decide to skip them. Or you can include them if you feel that they still exert a major influence in your life until now.

In the process of making the list, think about why you chose the person. Try to remember the worst but also the best about each person. What has changed in your life for the better or for the worse after meeting them? Who did you have an easier time moving on from and who did you have a hard time letting go?

The Wind Beneath Your Wings

The people you choose to keep or let go, reflect the kind of life you have been living until now. The positive and negative traits they embody are also the same traits that you have been exhibiting and/or struggling with. They affect you mentally, emotionally, physically and greatly influence your overall quality of life.

There may be some past relationships that you have moved on from. You may realize that you are still carrying with you their negative influences. Your challenge then is to learn how to be grateful for the experience; be thankful for the lessons so you can finally let it go.

Not all relationships can be categorized as purely negative or positive. There are always shades of the other in each relationship. You may choose to stay in a relationship with a person who negatively influences you because it has positive results.

Attitude is greatly shaped by influence and association.
— Jim Rohn

For example, you may dislike your best friend’s nagging most of the time. However, you admire the fact that they are able to speak their mind openly. You appreciate that they always tell you the things that you need to hear. They don’t always agree with you when they think you’re wrong. You label them a “kill joy”. Most of the time, their actions help prevent you from doing something foolish that you may regret later on.

Or you may sometimes think of wanting to move far away from a friend who is socially awkward. It’s hard to be with them at a party. They don’t talk that much and you have to keep inserting them into the conversation. You have to keep talking to them so as not to make them feel left out. Their behavior frustrates you but you still keep in touch with them. They are always ready to lend a shoulder for you to cry on when you need it. They also listen to your woes and petty complaints without judgement. They’re also the friend who gives you the best advice.

Moving On and Moving Forward

You can consider these aspects of yourself and your relationships the wind beneath your wings. Each person is your wingman for different circumstances. Some of them help keep you afloat and rise up in tough times. Others may seem like they are dragging you down most of the time. Yet, they are still able to help you in different ways. How you balance these different aspects of your relationships with others and within yourself, will help sustain you through your life experiences.

The people you surround yourself with influence your behaviors, so choose friends who have healthy habits.
— Dan Buettner

Once you have identified these aspects that you wish to move on from and those you want to keep; then you can truly move on and move forward for the better. When you have clarity on the things you like or dislike and what you can tolerate; then you have identified the things that you value the most. This will make it easier for you to make decisions in life that are aligned with your values. This also makes it easier to choose which friends to keep.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash.

Apr

2020

What Matters Most in Life

Reading Time: 2 minutes

When we think about what matters to us the most, we often think of our goals for ourselves, for our loved ones, for our work, for our community. However, there are even more fundamental things to consider so that we can achieve these goals — and even when we don’t — and these are the things that truly matter.

In science, the common understanding in the past was that the atom was the basic building block of all matter. However, upon further investigation with more modern and more powerful instruments, we now know that the atom itself is composed of even smaller elements and these elements are composed of elements that are smaller still.

Who are You When Alone?

If we liken each individual to an atom, what are the smaller components that make up someone that enable them to succeed in living a full life in this world? This is where we should look for what matters most for each person.

“The starting point of discovering who you are, your gifts, your talents, your dreams, is being comfortable with yourself. Spend time alone. Write in a journal. Take long walks in the woods.”
— Robin S. Sharma

Have you spent time learning about yourself on your own? If you are not comfortable being by yourself, then you cannot expect other people to be as comfortable with you as you’d like them to be. This also means that you are only looking to be with other people because you cannot bear to be by yourself. Why is that so? A time of isolation is a great opportunity to get to know yourself even better. You may find out what your real goals in life are in the process.

“Loneliness is no excuse for compromise. Be comfortable with yourself before you choose to be with someone else just to avoid being alone.”
— Yadin Kaufmann

Who are you when you are by yourself? Whether you are living with your family or you living alone, try to set aside time to get to know yourself better. When you learn to like and love yourself as you are; you will find that your self-confidence will grow and you will find ways to address your own shortcomings as you get to know yourself better.

Who are You in Front of Others?

Our personalities are just the tip of the iceberg that we show other people. Who we are as individuals — our mindset, our attitude, our character and the values that we deem important — are what matters most for each person. These are the things that influence how we interact with other people and how we act and react to the trials we go through life.

“Be alone. Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone. In the midst of this you will learn about yourself. You will grow, you will figure out what inspires you, you will curve your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you are sure of yourself.”
— Bianca Sparacino

Original Photo by Jeswin Thomas from Pexels.

Apr

2020

Gratitude in Tough Times: Bringing Light in the Dark

Reading Time: 4 minutes

It is easy to be grateful if everything is doing well. However, the challenge lies during difficult times. It is hard but it is something that we need to learn. To practice gratitude during tough times is the only way to bring light in the dark.

Darkness deserves gratitude. It is the alleluia point at which we learn to understand that all growth does not take place in the sunlight.
– Joan Chittister

Pessimistic. Negative thinker. Sensitive. Prone to depression.

That’s who I was.

There were moments that I will just find myself crying. I would wake up in the middle of the night and just feel the sadness, pain, and rejection and all over me. I’d feel deep sorrow permeating inside me. I would cry and cry until I fall asleep again.

And when I am down. Gee! I was really down. And it would be difficult for me to stand up again and live my life. For weeks, my emotions would control and pull me down.

I am the type of person with a melancholic temperament. For a personality like mine, seeing the positive and being grateful is back-breaking.

I had this tough experience but to this day I am thankful. I had this super difficult boss. No matter how much effort I put into everything I do, it will not be appreciated. If I do well in my work there is no need for appreciation because I was just doing my job as expected of me. Those were his words to me. But when I make any mistake no matter how tiny and insignificant, it is easily noticed. I will be reprimanded immediately even in front of many people.

It was an arduous journey. Pessimistic as I am, if I have collected the tears I shed it would have been an ocean. Even my self-esteem went down.

But later on, I learned a very important lesson.

For you to improve the quality of your life, you must see the blessings. Then you will attract more of the things that you can be grateful for.

I am dealing with this difficult boss but I love my job.

My boss is grumpy at times but I am grateful that I can still smile and influence him to smile.

Although my boss is unappreciative but I am grateful for the people around me who support and love me.

Yes, my boss will easily reprimand me for my mistakes but I am grateful for the many opportunities for me to grow and improve.

So, instead of sulking in negativity and self-pity, I changed my perspective and saw it as a challenge. Instead of the negative, I chose to see the blessings and learned to be grateful with the blessings that I have. I chose to work smarter. By reading a lot of books and attending seminars, I began to grow. I learned from my mistake and improved the quality of my work and my disposition.

And when I decided to change myself and the quality of my thoughts, without me knowing, my boss saw my improvement. He even commended me personally and even in front of others about how I have changed and improved through the years.

Because of that experience, I became a better person. A grateful one at that.

Today, you might not have a difficult boss that you are dealing with but instead you are in a difficult situation. You might be experiencing a grueling trial in life or you might be dealing with a loved one or an officemate who is challenging to deal with. You might have problems with your family, your finances, and your health.

I do not know where you are right now. But remember unless we experience failures and hardships in life we will not truly grow. It is essential for our success so that we may bear fruit.

I assure you: Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains by itself. But if it dies, it produces a large crop.
– John 12:24

GOD suffered and died for us. He was crucified and was buried in a dark tomb. After three days, He resurrected.

There might be times in our life where we feel it was dark, hopeless, and it seems that the suffering that you are experiencing will not end. You feel buried in the darkness of hardships, trials and difficulties. However, let us remind ourselves that problems in life are temporary because victory is on the way. Easter is coming.

Let us be persons who will see the good in difficult people. Let us be the kind of persons who will see the opportunity in a challenging situation, and the kind who will appreciate what we have, even in the face of darkness.

It is easy to become grateful when life is easy but being grateful when things are difficult is hard. Let us choose to embrace gratitude to be able to get through the hardships. And in the end, we will come out victorious!

Think of one difficult moment or any problem or any challenge you are experiencing in your life right now. Write down 10 blessings that comes with that problem.

Hazel Atencio is author of the book The Gratitude Habit: How to Change Your Life by Saying Thank You Everyday.

She is a graduate of Bachelor of Science in Electronics and Communications Engineering. When she was still in college, she dreamed of entering the convent to dedicate herself serving to God as a nun. She finds her calling serving God in Bo Sanchez ministries.

Hazel’s personal life mission is to influence and add value to others by bringing out their uniqueness and greatness.

To learn more about Hazel, connect with her via her Facebook page or email her at hazel.atencio@gmail.com.

First published in Pinoy Smart Living in 11.14.2018
Feature Image by Sasin Tipchai from Pixabay Images