life experience

Feb

2022

Are You Socially Well?

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Are you socially well? When we think of the social aspect of our life; what comes to mind are usually our family and the friends we hang out with. We consider them as the closest people to us. They often compose our inner circle. However, we have other social circles outside of this inner circle. They provide us support in various ways. Our team at work can be one of these social circles.

What is Social Wellness?

Social wellness is having and maintaining positive connections with family, friends, colleagues and others. The keyword here is “positive connections”. When you think of the people in your different social circles; they should give you a pleasant feeling. These are the people you want to talk to and be around with in different life situations. They should provide you a safe space to be yourself and express your dreams and goals.

Having a lot of friends and family around you – that’s all a part of wellness.
Stella Maxwell

It would help if you draw your different social circles on paper and put the names of the people in each circle. There may be people who are in more than one circle and that’s ok. Then, ask yourself these questions to assess if you are socially well right now.

Are you able to assert your wants or needs and express your feelings clearly when communicating with other people? (You are not being passive or aggressive.)
Are you able to balance your social and personal time?
Are you actively engaged with other people in your community? (e.g., Do you know and/or talk with your neighbors? Do you join volunteer activities?)
Are you able to adapt to different social situations?
Are you able to be your self in all situations?
Do you treat others with respect?
Do you make time for, and enjoy your solitude/private time?
Do you implement boundaries in your relationships?
Are the people in your social circles supportive of you and each other?
Do you have fun when you are with the different people in your circles?

If you answered YES to most of these questions, then you are well on your way to achieving social wellness. The areas where you answered NO are the ones that you should try to develop and improve. Remember though, that these are just general questions. If you really want a thorough assessment, then it is best to consult an expert.

Why is Social Wellness Important?

Social wellness is important because it serves as our support network in our different life challenges. Each of our social circles give us support in different ways. That is why it is important to have different social circles aside from your inner circle or close friends and family.

Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.
Helen Keller

Having a healthy social network also helps us in developing and improving our other dimensions of wellness. For example, if you have buddies who love exercising; they can encourage you to exercise and eat healthy so you can maintain your physical health. You may also have a group of friends who are good at managing their money or who are knowledgeable at investing. They can certainly help you develop your financial wellness. Your different social circles can give you advise in different ways and areas of your life.

Encourage, lift and strengthen one another. For the positive energy spread to one will be felt by us all.
Deborah Day

The good thing about having different social circles is that you are able to encourage and boost each other’s confidence. You can also use your different skill sets to help each other achieve a common goal that can benefit more people. Not only are you keeping yourself socially well; you are also able to help other people outside your social circles.

Featured Image: Original Photo by Simon Maage on Unsplash.

Jan

2022

How to Stop Playing the Blame Game

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Are you still playing the Blame Game? Many of us as children have played this game. We did it involuntarily because we didn’t want to be punished for our mistakes. As adults, we are taught to take responsibility for our mistakes so we outgrow this habit. However, we do resort to this tactic sometimes in certain situations. Some adults even do not outgrow this mindset and are still playing it in their daily lives. How do you stop playing the Blame Game?

What is The Blame Game?

The Blame Game starts when one person tries to shift the blame away from himself and towards other persons, things, or circumstances. For example, when 2 children are fighting over a toy and ends up breaking it; they tend to blame the other child when questioned by their parents. As adults, this is a dangerous game to play as it has major, even dangerous consequences.

The Blame Game is very contagious. When one person starts it; those who are blamed usually end up blaming others in an attempt to not suffer any punishment. They also blame others so that they have other people to share the punishment with. This seems very silly but this is quite a common occurrence even in the most professional workplace.

Why Do We Play The Game?

Shifting blame away from ourselves is a defense mechanism. It is a tool we use when we feel attacked and want to fight back. It is an easy game to play because we all know that people are capable of lying. So, in the heated moments, we usually end up trying to figure out who or what to blame; instead of trying to understand the core issue or the root cause of the whole situation.

Those who are always playing the Blame Game are usually people who feel like they have lost control over the situation. They do not want to be targeted as the only one responsible. It is an attempt to get justice for oneself but in a very selfish way. When you start blaming others, it shows a lack of confidence on your part and a lack of trust in others’ opinions of you as well.

Are You Playing the Game?

You may not be aware that you are playing the Blame Game. Here are some behaviors and habits that serve as symptoms that you are in this game.

Excluding Other People. Are you in a group that regularly excludes one or more members in discussions? You have the impression that this person is “weak” and need not be included. If you find yourself being excluded or you are excluding yourself voluntarily; then you are in this game.

Looking for A Target. When a situation seems to be going downhill; people tend to find a scapegoat to shift the blame on. Often, the target are usually individuals who are the least knowledgeable about the whole situation; or someone who is deemed gullible. They would not be able to identify the real culprits.

Denying Responsibility. When things don’t go as planned, people often shift blame away from themselves by denying that it was their responsibility in the first place. They might lie and find excuses by blaming other people or circumstances as the cause that prevented them from completing their tasks or duties.

Finding Fault Instead of Solutions. When the focus of a meeting becomes finding who’s at fault instead of finding a fix or a solution; then everyone is playing the Blame Game. Everyone becomes distrustful of each other and afraid that they might be targeted by everyone else.

How to Stop Playing the Blame Game

Playing the Blame Game as children is understandable. As adults, we are all capable of planning our actions ahead of time to get the most favorable results; so we shouldn’t end up playing this game. However, if you do find yourself playing this game; then you need to work on your self so you can stop playing the game.

Get to Know Yourself. If you don’t know yourself, then you won’t recognize your own faults. There are many ways to do this. One is to meditate so you can reflect on your self. Practice mindfulness so you can identify your behavior patterns, emotional triggers, etc. Learn more about your shadow side, your different personas. Write your bucket list so you can identify your goals and dreams and how you can work on them. Have a gratitude journal so you know what resources and blessings you have that you can use for your goals.

Invest in Yourself. If you do not want to be the target of blame and to become a more responsible adult; then you need to start investing more time and resources in becoming a better version of you. Read books, watch learning videos, take classes, listen to audio books. By investing in yourself; you can become more knowledgeable and skillful in your work or passion. Unleash your genius and surprise even yourself. Working on improving yourself will help you become a more responsible person and will enhance your self-confidence too.

Learn from Your Mistakes. The only way to not be scared of making mistakes is to have a learning mindset. Don’t be scared to take risks and try something new. Take each situation as an opportunity to learn instead of a setback. With a positive attitude; you will not be scared to take responsibility for your own mistakes. People who have this attitude usually attract other people who also have a responsible character and who can help you in your endeavors. These are the kind of people who will find a solution with you instead of finding blame for negative results.

Learn to Apologize Properly. Part of being a responsible individual is to know when and how to apologize properly. Being able to acknowledge your own faults and mistakes shows the strength of your character. It tells other people that you are confident and reliable enough to fix things when they don’t turn out well.

Express Your Gratitude. Don’t be shy in expressing your thanks to someone. Not only will this show your sincerity; it also means that you are confident enough to show your true self in front of others. An attitude of gratitude also enhances your trustworthiness in other people’s eyes. It may be awkward to do this at first, but practice makes perfect.

In order to stop blaming yourself and others; you need to start taking responsibility. If you can acknowledge your own faults, then you won’t be inclined to blame others. You can only do that when you know yourself better. By knowing yourself deeply; you’ll also be able to recognize what situations you can take responsibility for and which one’s you’d rather give to someone more capable. This means that you make less mistakes which also means less opportunities to play the blame game.

Watch the video and get the worksheet to get more insights.
Feature Image: Original Photo by Adi Goldstein on Unsplash.

Jan

2022

Warning Signs That You Are Losing Control of Your Life

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Do you feel as if things are getting out of your control? Are you worried that your life is not going the way you wanted it to go? If these kind of thoughts are bothering you; then it’s time to take stock of your situation. You need to check if you are just being a worry wart, or if you are losing control of your life. See if any of the warning signs apply to your circumstances.

Lack of Energy or Motivation

If you are waking up in the morning feeling like you’d rather not get out of bed for days on end; then assess your self. Is it because you just lack sleep the nights before? Then, you should start developing good sleeping habits. You should also understand how you can best manage your energy. Are you always late for work because you dread the thought of going out and doing the same thing again? Feeling this way signals a lack of motivation on your part. Maybe you’re dreading work because you’re not enjoying it anymore. Try to see how you can make working more exciting for you. Remind yourself why you are working in the first place. Or, maybe your goals have changed and your current job doesn’t support that. Your job is a major life support system. If you are losing control of your life; then this area is one of the first to be affected.

Constant Forgetfulness

People who are in control of their lives are usually those who are mindful of the things that they need to do, even if they don’t put it on their schedules. These include fully charging your celfone and other devices.; turning appliances on/off when you go out and arrive home; watering your plants, even paying bills before the due date. If you find yourself forgetting things that should be regular habits; then this maybe a warning sign that you are losing control of your life. The small things are often ignored because they don’t seem significant. However, they affect life in a major way when not attended to. A dying celfone battery might cause you to miss out on an important call that could change your life for the better. If you keep forgetting the small things; you might miss out on the big things too.

Feeling Disconnected

You know it’s a friend’s birthday but you don’t greet them even thru a message. You think they have more important friends they’d rather hear from and your greeting isn’t such a big deal. Do you keep turning down social invites (even online ones)? Is it because you feel like you’ll just be a drag to your friends or you won’t contribute anything interesting to the conversation? Then you are not only missing out on a major part of your life. You are also losing your connection with important people. You might want to have more “me time” to sort things out if you are going through a challenging period in your life. It’s okay to not be okay sometimes. But if you continue feeling disconnected with the people in your life; it could be a symptom of a bigger problem that you need to focus on to prevent worse consequences.

Negative Thoughts and Expectations

When you are constantly thinking negative thoughts, always anxious, always complaining, and always preparing for the worst in every situation; then there is definitely something wrong. Losing control of your thoughts and emotions are clear warning signs that you are losing control of your life. Being afraid to do something because things might go wrong is not a healthy mindset to be in. Always having negative thoughts and expectations could be a sign that you need the help of other people so you can wade through your doubts and fears. If you can’t love yourself enough to expect good things to happen to you; then good things won’t happen to you. You can’t expect other people to treat you better than you treat yourself. Making a sincere self-assessment will help you regain control of each area of your life.

If you want your life to change; then you need to replace what you usually do with what you haven’t done before. Taking control of your life means making small steps daily to help you reclaim control of each area of your life. Remember though that you can’t control everything in your life. You can only control your self and your own reactions. Your environment may not be under your control as well. It is not your responsibility to satisfy people’s expectations just as not everyone will agree with your thoughts and opinions. The best thing you can do is to focus on your own metamorphosis and work diligently on your own fresh start to a better life.

Watch the video and get the worksheet to guide you in your assessment.
Feature Image: Original Photo by Vesky on Unsplash.

Dec

2021

Signs It Is Time to Let Go of A Relationship

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Relationships are always difficult to let go of. Sometimes we feel deep regret for leaving behind a person because of all the memories we had with them. It also these memories that holds us back from letting go.

People change and so do their goals; so it is natural that some people drift apart. Although it feels difficult to acknowledge this situation; it is necessary for both of you to accept the situation and to part ways as pleasantly as you can. If you are in the middle of deciding whether you need to let go of a relationship or not; here are some signs to help you choose your way.

You’ve Lost Yourself

A good relationship should be where you can be yourself and act comfortably with the other person. You don’t feel the need to hold yourself back, to pretend or to hide things from them. You enjoy communicating your honest thoughts and feelings with them. If this is not the case, then you might need to reconnect with yourself first. See if this relationship is helping you grow personally too. You might have relegated yourself to supporting your partner’s goals and forgetting your own dreams. This can be a sign that it’s time to let go of a relationship and spend more time getting to know yourself better instead.

You Want Different Things

When you notice that you are not on the same page in your goals and outlook in life; then maybe it’s time to consider letting go of the relationship. People continually grow in different ways. Couples may end up focusing on different goals. Your individual history and life experience influences how you look at the future. If you and your partner’s or friend’s goals are clearly diverging from each other; then it is a sign that it’s time to let go. The separation need not be unpleasant if you can talk about it as honestly as you can. Think of it as both of you taking a different route but you may have a chance to walk the same path again in the future.

You Feel Lonely Even When Together

A healthy relationship is one where both people are happy to share their experiences with each other. If you feel lonely even when you are on a date; then it is a clear sign that there’s something wrong in your relationship. You might both be feeling the same loneliness even when you’re together. Both of you may be unwilling to let go of the familiarity that you feel from each other. You may not be understanding each other’s love language. Some of us might even mistake this feeling as a normal phase and call it contentment, or settling in to the ordinariness of daily life. But if you are not emotionally or even physically connecting anymore; it is time to take stock of why you are staying in the relationship.

You Are Finding Excuses for Bad Behavior

It might be you who is finding excuses to justify your negative behavior; or you are finding justifications for your partner’s bad behavior. If this is the case; then you will end up fighting with each other and alienating yourself from the people around you. You are blinded by the goal of keeping your relationship that you are not acknowledging the things that are not working. Although the thought of “you and me against the world” sounds romantic; it is not a pleasant situation to be in. Finding excuses to explain away bad behavior is like finding reasons to stay in the relationship when it’s clear that you’re not feeling good about being in one anymore.

You Feel Drained of Your Energy

Being in a relationship should be a pleasant experience for both parties, most of the time. There are ups and downs, but you should both be able to boost each other’s energy especially in challenging times. If maintaining the relationship is draining your energy instead; then it’s time to see if the relationship has become one-sided. Are you the only one giving your time, most of the time? Are you constantly worrying about what you can do to ensure that your partner will not leave you? Do you experience sleepless nights overthinking if your partner is cheating or not? If this is how you are feeling day in, day out; then it can be a sign that it is time to let go of this relationship.

People will have different ways to process letting go. Although it is a difficult process; we must accept that not all people who walk into our lives are here to stay. Some of them accompany us for a time to teach us a lesson. This may be by helping us discover our potential or by hurting us so we discover our own weakness and find our strength in the process. Once we accept that “letting go” is a constant challenge that we need to go through in life; it becomes less difficult to process this experience.

Being in a relationship should feel like you are at home, with the person who is most important to you. If this is not how it feels; then it is a sign that it’s time to evaluate. Remember that only by letting go, can we make space in our lives for the things we want. If we keep holding on to things that don’t serve us anymore; then we will not be able to move forward.

Watch the video and get the worksheet to get more insights.
Feature Image: Original Photo by Andrik Langfield on Unsplash.

Dec

2021

Letting Go: Clearing and Healing Your Life

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Humans are sentimental beings and because of this; most of us are very bad at the practice of “letting go”. We horde memories, mementos, items, and even relationships because of how they make us feel. Even if some of them makes us feel unpleasant and uncomfortable; we keep them because they have become familiar to us. They have become part of our comfort zone.

However, staying in our comfort zone is not what we’re made for. We have to keep learning by experiencing new things, overcoming challenges, having fun, overcoming our fears, and many more wonderful encounters. This is what our bucket list is for. We should be constantly in the process of transforming ourselves as we work for our dreams.

Why We Need to Let Go

While we acquire things that we enjoy; we also need to let go of things from time to time. Just like a computer; we have a finite space for the things we want to keep. So we need to delete some files that we don’t need or use anymore so we don’t bog down our computer and we have space for updates. Similarly, in our life; we need to let go for many reasons.

We need to clear out old clutter that are only taking up space in our minds and in our environment. This will help us clear a path and space for the things we actually want to keep and the new things we want to have.

Letting go allows us to have a clearer mind so we can focus on what we really want and avoid distractions. It also starts the healing process for old traumas. By letting go of excess mental, emotional, physical, social and environmental baggage; we feel lighter in our mind, heart and body. We get a sense of freedom because nothing is holding us back anymore; or at the very least, our burdens have been lessened.

What and How to Let Go

If you are ready to let go; then take pen and paper and start writing down the things you need and want to let go. To help you decide what things to let go of, consider these criteria:

Things that have served their purpose in your life and are just taking up space.
Things that are holding you back from what you want to do or to be.
Things that you are not aligned with anymore based on your new goals.

These criteria will surely give you a lot of ideas on what to let go. It is helpful to break things down even more by asking yourself some guide questions.

Letting Go from Head to Toe

Start thinking about the things that you need to let go by reviewing yourself from head to toe. Ask yourself some guide questions for each section.

Mind: This is about your mindset, thought patterns, limiting beliefs.

What old thought patterns do I need to let go?
What limiting beliefs do I need to let go?
What things do I need to unlearn?
What materials / media do I consume that I need to stop consuming?

Words: This is about how you talk to your self as well as how you communicate with other people.

What things do I tell my self that I need to let go?
What words should I let go from my vocabulary?
What things do I say to other people that I need to let go?
What books or materials do I read or consume that I need to let go?

Body: This is about your self-image and the feedback about your self that you get from others.

What beliefs and experiences does my body have that I need to let go?
Do I have uncomfortable sensations in my body that I want to let go?
What bad habits does my body have that I need to let go?
What do I use or put on and into my body that I need to let go?

Relationships: This is about your social attachments and the mental and emotional baggage that you are carrying from these interactions.

Do I have toxic people in my life that I need to let go?
Do I have friends who I feel I need to let go?
Do I have work or business partnerships that I need to let go?
Is there a relationship situation that I want to move on from?

Environment: This is about the external stimuli that triggers you and your environment that influences you.

Are there things in my home that have served their purpose and are just lying around taking up space?
Are there things in my space that do not serve a purpose anymore?
Are there items and fixtures in my surroundings that I have an excess off that I need to let go?
Are there spots in my space that feel suffocating or heavy that I need to clear out?

Ho’oponopono: Healing Chant

After you have written your list; take a deep breath and close your eyes for a bit to calm yourself. The next step is to acknowledge the things you are letting go and releasing them back into the Universe. To do this, you can use the Ho’oponopono. It is a forgiveness and healing prayer from Hawaii. The prayer can be long but you can use the brief version as a chant.

I’m sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you, I love you.

The prayer helps you to acknowledge and be grateful for the lessons and usefulness of the things that have served their purpose in your life. It is also a way to clear your space and your self of unpleasant and uncomfortable thoughts and feelings so you can start healing them. Finally, it helps you to accept things as they are, and to forgive yourself and others from all that has happened so you can move forward.

As you read each item on your list; say the chant for each item. Repeat the process until you have finished all the items in your list.

Releasing Your Self

Once you are done going over your list, it is time to release these old energies to complete the letting go process. A good way to do this is to burn the list and visualize all the feelings in those items being released back to the Universe. This is a signal to the Universe that you have actually let go and you are moving into a new direction in your life. As you watch the list burn, repeat the Ho’oponopono chant again until the list has turned to ashes. Take as much time as you need to bask in the freedom that you feel after this ritual.
Ideally, you should do this ritual outdoors, surrounded by nature. Think, bonfire by the beach. But if this is not possible; it could be as simple as burning your list where you have a view of the outdoors.

Watch the video and get the worksheet to guide you in this process.
Feature Image: Original Photo by Ryan Moreno on Unsplash.

Dec

2021

What To Do When You Don’t Know What You Want

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Everyone of us has had the experience or feeling of not knowing what they want to do in one area of their life, or even with the rest of their life. Young people start by trying to figure out their place in the world; but adults experience this too. We usually call this a “mid-life crisis”, or an “existential crisis”, or even an “identity crisis”. Indeed, not knowing what you want or suddenly not knowing what to do with the rest of your life is a scary experience. So, what to do when you don’t know what you want?

For young and old alike, not knowing what you want is usually due to being overwhelmed by the number of things to choose from or from a feeling of having no choice at all. In both cases, you are scared, confused and undecided. You feel helpless and uncertain about the future because you lack direction. Unfortunately, not many people will have someone beside them to point them in the right direction or to tell them what steps they should take next.

If you are in this situation, don’t lose hope. Pluck up your courage instead and do something about it. Trying to know what you want is a big, life challenge. Here are some things you can do to clear the confusion in your head and heart and reset your life.

Focus on The Now

The future is uncertain so don’t let your fears of the “what ifs” scare you. Instead, focus on what you want right now. Take a deep breath and ask yourself: “If money and time are not an issue, what do I want to do?”

There is no right or wrong answer to this question and there might not even be just one answer. So write your answers on paper and list them down as they come to you. You are creating your bucket list of goals and dreams. By creating this list, you are focusing on getting to know what you want. You are starting to clear out the uncertainty in your life and focusing on the things that you are certain about. This is your vision for your future.

For example, you might put down on your list the places you want to travel to, a business you want to start, your desire to be fit and healthy, a wish to learn to sing, your goal of financial freedom, etc. Your answers may seem broad and general, but this puts your goals in focus and they will serve as the direction to help you figure out what to do next. You might want to find a hobby or rekindle a long-forgotten passion that you had as a child thru this list. Already, you are prioritizing things in the order that you list them down but you can always order them as you want once you have your list. Consider this your fresh start.

Plan Out Your Next Steps

Once you’ve written down your list, work on the most important items first. This can be the easiest ones to accomplish or the ones that you need to work on right away. Make a plan on how you can start pursuing that goal. The plan doesn’t need to be detailed; it is just a sketch that will guide you as you go through your journey. It will help you know what you want and need to do and keep you on track with your goals.

You may have more than one thing you want to do for different aspects of your life and that’s quite normal. Your first step is important. Make sure you start small and don’t take on too much at once. Sketching out a plan on how to work on each goal in your daily life is a good start. Start with baby steps. Think of small things you can do each day to move you forward towards your goals. This will help you develop the mindset and the habits you need to succeed. You can worry about the details when you need to later on. The important thing at the moment is to have a plan to reach your goals. This is YOUR LIFE SKETCH which you will flesh out as you figure out the next steps along the way.

Act On Your Next Steps Immediately

Now that you know what you want and need to do; you can work on your first steps right away. Your plan serves as an outline or road map to reach your goals. If you need to ask help from friends or family members, colleagues or other professionals, do it. Don’t hesitate at the start of your journey. This is the time to be decisive. Yes, the future is still uncertain but you are certain of what you want right now and what you can do right now; ACT ON IT.

Once you’ve taken the first steps, the feedback you get from the people around you and from your own feelings should guide you to your next course of action. Remember that working on yourself is not an easy process. Take it one step at a time. Don’t worry too much about the future; the important thing is to start and to START RIGHT NOW.

One more important thing to keep in mind in this journey to self-discovery is to believe in yourself, keep an open mind, and an attitude of gratitude. Even when you don’t feel like it; challenge yourself to show up everyday for your goals. Even if you’re just sitting in front of your desk unable to do the work; you can still use the time to visualize your goals. Trust that things will fall into place as you keep doing your best to pursue your dreams.

Whether young and confused, or in a “mid-life crisis”, or experiencing an “existential crisis”, or going through an “identity crisis”; don’t panic. Take a deep breath, get pen and paper and start writing your “What I Want to Do” list or your Bucket List. This may seem silly at first, but it will help you know what you want and you can gain a deeper understanding about yourself. More importantly, it will serve as a light to the path you should take when you feel like you’re in a dark place in your life.

Updated. First posted on 2020.01.18.
Feature Image: Original Photo by Soroush Karimi on Unsplash.

Dec

2021

Redesign Your Life One Step at A Time

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Life is a journey with many paths to choose from. However, some people are not sure where their destination is; while some know where they want to go, but they’re not sure what path to take. Some are traversing the path they thought they wanted but have changed their mind. Whatever point you are in your journey through life; readjusting yourself to your goals is always a necessary and gradual process. This means that you will have to redesign your life one step at a time.

Proper Mindset

Change starts from within. Just like the metamorphosis of a butterfly; you only see the caterpillar and the butterfly. You don’t see what happens inside the cocoon. Your mind is similar to this cocoon. What thoughts you keep in your mind inform your actions and the results of your transformation. If you want to redesign your life; you need to first redesign your mindset.

Having a positive mindset motivates you to have a positive attitude. However, there are times when we are unaware that we are trapping ourselves in a negative mindset. It’s okay to not be okay and process your negative thoughts and emotions. But don’t dwell in that dark place. You won’t completely be rid of these thoughts and feelings. The only thing you can do is to be aware of your own thoughts and behavior and adjust your self as you need to.

Each Step Counts

Successful people know that taking the first step is a crucial factor in reaching your goal. No one can change themselves or their lives overnight. The person who conquered the highest mountain took the first step to climb it, and kept going. Small steps each day add up to hundreds, thousands, millions of steps in a year, or a lifetime.

We are often told to dream big even if we’re not sure how to get there. The only certain thing is that taking small steps will help you move forward. So don’t devalue the importance of small things. Changing one habit and mastering it will motivate you to change other things for the better. It is only when you look back, that you will be able to appreciate the major impact of taking things one step at a time.

Consistency is Key

Small steps can accumulate only if you keep doing it. Actions become a habit when done every day. Habits become a part of your lifestyle; when done consistently over a long period of time. The small things that you do consistently can define your whole life. If you want to redesign your life; then be persistent in your actions. Show up for your goals every day. Yes, you can take a break. But do the work so you feel deserving of your reward.

Doing small things that people don’t understand, consistently, may invite criticism. Challenges like this is part of changing who you are so you can reach your goals. However, when other people start seeing your results; their criticism will turn into admiration and curiosity instead. Consistent effort transforms you into that someone you’ve always wanted to be. People will value your opinions when you have succeeded because they see that you walked your talk. We all know the term “action speaks louder than words.” Your experience counts more than your words. When you accompany your declaration to change with small, consistent action; then you are on your way to success.

During this process, don’t lose patience and don’t be too hard on yourself. Major changes take time; healing takes time; success takes time. When we see a successful person, we only see the results of all their efforts. Redesigning your self won’t happen overnight. Redesigning your whole life is a life time process. The good news is; you can redesign it however you want.

Watch the video and get the worksheet to get more insights.
Feature Image: Photo by Christopher Burns on Unsplash.

Dec

2021

Metamorphosis

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Change is always happening all around us. The seasons change without us doing anything about it. All of us are in a constant process of transforming ourselves. Have you heard of the saying that each one of us is “a work in progress”? Each one of us is undergoing our own metamorphosis. It is up to us how long it will take for the change to happen and what the end results will be.

In Greek, the word has the following meaning: meta = changing, morph = shape or form, and osis = process of (*membean). Although, it seems to mean just physical change; it can also pertain to a whole lifestyle change. In reality, metamorphosis is a big word for it means a major change in many aspects of our lives. For each individual, it is a process of becoming something or someone else.

The word “meta” also means “with, across, or after” in Greek. It denotes a change of position or condition and seeing things across a period of time. You are seeing things from a different position or perspective. You may only be thinking of your life in terms of a year. Having a meta view of things means that you are now thinking about your life in 5 or 10 years time.

The word “morphosis” refers to the way an organism changes or develops. This means that a metamorphosis is a transformation that happens over a period of time. So, it is not something that is accomplished overnight or a few weeks or months. It takes time. And it can only be done slowly.

Your Metamorphosis

The important thing in your metamorphosis is that you define what you want to become. You get to choose how you want to go about your transformation and the challenges you want to overcome. You are in full control of how you want to change yourself and your life.

What are your goals for your own metamorphosis?
What change do you want to make in your life?
How do you want to implement these changes?
What changes are going on around you right now?
How will they fit in with the kind of life you want to have?

There will be uncomfortable moments as you adjust to your metamorphosis. For example, If you want to gain muscles, you go to the gym to lift weights and get body aches the next day. So, many quit along the way. But for those who persevere, rewards will soon follow. As time goes by, your body gets used to the routine. You are able to lift heavier weights more comfortably and with less pain.

Fully embracing your metamorphosis doesn’t mean that the experience will all be pleasant. A transformation requires “growing pains”. Learn to accept them as part of the process, and they become less painful.

Are you now ready to become the better version of yourself?

Updated: First published on 2020.07.03.
Feature Image: Original Photo by Ravi Roshan on Unsplash.

Nov

2021

Go, Go After Something New

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Do you want to change something in your self or in your life? Are you just feeling bored or lacking excitement in your life? Then why not try to do something new? Take the risk and go after something new.

A New Perspective

Try a new perspective or point-of-view. Do you have a sibling that keeps annoying you or a co-worker who is too noisy? Chances are, you always have a negative reaction when you encounter them or you try to avoid them. Next time, try truly listening to them and engaging them in conversation. You might find that this is actually a pleasant experience and you don’t have to avoid the situation anymore. Or you might learn a lesson in patience and how not to be a toxic person. You might change your mindset and even gain a deeper understanding of why you don’t like this particular situation or what bothers you about the person. Talking to people of a different generation than you is also a good way to understand and learn from a different perspective. Try interviewing your grand parents about their experiences.

A New Look

Tired of your usual look? Why not try out a new style? All you need is in your closet. Mix and match clothes that you’ve never tried before. Imagine yourself a super model showing off the designer’s new fashion collection. Try to look more confident while showing off your new style. Wear a smile and walk as confidently as you can. Practice in the mirror before you go out the door. This should be a fun experiment. Expect to get a lot of questioning looks and even criticism but try not to mind or just smile at them. They might say you’re crazy but you might also learn how to not give a care about other people’s opinions of you. One benefit of this is you get to wear what you really want or what you usually don’t. You might end up loving your new style or find the fun in trying out a different look each time. Just go, go after something new.

A New Feeling

If you’ve been feeling bored or sad lately, then try changing that feeling. You can do it in the comfort of your own room. Play dance music and sing to it or dance to it and see how it changes your mood. You can also try drawing, sketching, painting or writing. Put on inspirational music to set the atmosphere to start your work. Then just do it without minding about the results. You might end up feeling better or feeling worse but at least you’ve practiced how to change your mood. Or you might end up with a hobby that you want to pursue or even get to unleash your genius. The best way to do this is in your safe space. It could be your room or a small nook in your living room. If you feel that your space has become uninteresting then try rearranging your furniture to create your safe space or freshen up your work space or bedroom.

A New Experience

Give your self a chance to satisfy your curiosity. Have you always wanted to try skateboarding, camping, going on a picnic, playing mahjong, etc.? Join a group or take a class to satisfy your thirst for knowledge and try a new experience. Think: “You only live once” so try something new at least once. Do something fun just because. If you like it, try it again. If you don’t like it; at least you’ve tried it. At least you’ve confirmed what you like and don’t like. You won’t be left with “what ifs”. A new experience allows you to get to know your self better and understand other people better too. A road trip is definitely an experience you should try. Traveling to new destinations will give you a new appreciation of the beauty around you. You will surely appreciate the sight of a clear sky at night when you are away from the city lights. Go, go after something new and enjoy the experience.

Start Small

To change something, it is good to start with the small details and consistently practice. The first thing you need to do is to decide that you want to change and commit to that decision. Then, take small steps towards that change and try to practice it consistently until it becomes a habit. You will just wake up one day and find that you have changed yourself; that you have found the “real you”. You will feel grateful for deciding to just go, go after something new.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Jared Sluyter on Unsplash.

Nov

2021

Why Money Can’t Buy Love

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Money makes the world go round, but why is it that money can’t buy love? “Money makes the world go round,” is a familiar saying that we often hear. It means that if you have money; you can have anything you want in the world. Well, almost everything because we know that there are some things money can’t buy.

Memories

We know that money can buy a lot of material things. There are many material things that can make us feel happy. The act of giving and receiving gifts is one of them. Being able to acquire material possessions that let us live comfortably also makes us feel happy. Having limited edition items around us can also make us feel wealthy and even proud of ourselves.

A house and lot or an apartment unit, nice furniture and appliances, the latest gadgets, a car, and being able to spend for a vacation are things we want and need. Cooking a meal or making DIY gifts for our loved ones are priceless memories to us. All these material possessions require money to buy and maintain. The memories that we create with these things around us, can never be bought with money.

Relationships

One of the things that money can’t buy is genuine relationships. You can’t buy yourself a family who will love and support you. You can’t buy yourself friends. Your buddies and you have stuck together over the years because of your appreciation and acceptance of each other. This means that you all enjoyed the good times together but you still stuck with each other during the bad times.

Relationships are built through time and effort, respect and understanding, and constant communication. It will take money to go out for dinner and road trips with your friends. But you can’t buy respect, acceptance, understanding and the appreciation you get from those who have learned to value you for who you are.

Experiences

You can buy a good bed and mattress; but you can’t buy a good night’s sleep. You can enroll in a class, get a coach or mentor, buy a book or listen to audiobooks to learn from people’s experiences. These kinds of learning materials can be bought with money. However, most of us never really learn valuable life lessons unless we get to experience them ourselves. Even in travel adventures; we always long to go to the travel destinations ourselves instead of just admiring them in pictures.

Through personal experiences, we are able to learn how to face our fears, overcome challenges, process our hurts and move on from grief. We also learn how to transform ourselves and our mindsets to become better people. Each person has their own path in life. Money can’t buy you the courage and belief in yourself that you need to move forward in your journey.

Love

All our memories, relationships and experiences are precious to us because of the feelings we had during those events and with those people. Happy or sad, peaceful or confused, angry or joyful, are emotions we associate with many of our memories, experiences and the people in our life. Most of the things we consider beautiful don’t need to be bought. Falling in love is one of the riskiest things we can be involved in. Yet, we dive into it willingly even if the chance of getting hurt is always there.

If we think about it carefully, we can simplify things by looking at emotions as stemming from love or the lack of it. We feel loved by the people around us, or by the Universe, that’s why we feel happy, joyful and even peaceful. On the other hand, we feel unloved when people ignore us, reject us, or don’t want to be around us. Our environment feels sad and gloomy and not like a safe space at all when we are not surrounded by the things we love. Just think how giving someone a plushie has become a universally accepted token of friendship and love.

Money Can’t Buy Love

There is no love bank anywhere in the world. We cannot deposit or withdraw love as we do with money. It is not possible to purchase love directly from any store either. But we can purchase things for other people to show them we love them whatever their love language may be.

Fortunately, no love bank is needed. We can generate love on our own. If you want to increase love in your life; just do things that make you feel loved or show others your love for them. When you experience a decrease in love or a lack of it; then do the things you need to do to increase feelings of love in your life again.

During negative situations, take a breather and try to see the bright side of things. Ask yourself: Where can love be shown and increased in this situation or with this person’s circumstances? Being positive does not solve all situations. After all, we are human. It is perfectly okay to not be okay and walk away to heal ourselves first by loving ourselves.

There may also be times when we need to walk away from a person we truly love and let them go. We often call this “hard love” because it is indeed very hard to do. Our tendency is to cling on for fear of losing that person’s love for us. We do not lose love in such situations. Love is energy and it does not disappear. It only transforms into something else. All the love we give eventually comes back to us; sometimes in even more wonderful ways. Now that is the kind of interest rate that no amount of money saved up or invested can match or guarantee. That is why, money can’t buy love.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Laura Ockel on Unsplash.