life experience

Nov

2022

Names for Emotions That Are Hard to Describe

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Don’t you sometimes wish that you have names for emotions that are hard to describe? We are more familiar with the concept of a love language as well as expressing and identifying basic emotions. But there are more complex emotions that are hard to express both physically and verbally. Luckily, we do have words for these complex emotions. So here are some that you can add to your vocabulary.

Adronitis

The emotion that you feel from the frustration with how long it takes to get to know someone, wishing instead that you could just get to know them from their deepest center and then ease into a more casual engagement from there.

Ambedo

A kind of melancholic trance where you become completely absorbed in vivid sensory details such as raindrops running down the window pane, a leaf blowing in the wind, the cream swirling in your coffee, and so on.

Anemoi

The nostalgia you feel for a time you’ve never known; you imagine stepping into that time watching everyone going about their lives, while you are breathing the same air as them even as you know that they live in a completely different world.

Catoptric Tristesse

The sadness that you feel because you will never know what other people think of you; if they think you’re good or bad or if they even have a deep impression of you at all. You realize that you will never fully know how other people actually see you.

Dead Reckoning

The emotion for when you find yourself bothered by someone’s passing more that you expected you would be; as if you assumed that they would always be a part of your life’s landscape but their passing makes you feel lost and suddenly adrift in a less familiar landscape.

Ecstatic Shock

The surge of energy that you feel upon catching a glance from someone you like; usually starting from your stomach prompting you to break out into a spontaneous smile.

Gnossienne

A moment of awareness that a person you’ve known for so long still has their own private life that you know nothing about. You realize that there is an aspect of them that you have not yet explored, which makes you want to know more about them. At the same time, you wonder if you will ever get to know that part of them so deeply.

Heartworm

The emotion for when you have a relationship or friendship that you thought faded long ago but it suddenly pops up and you can’t quite get it out of your head; and it’s bothersome because you have a knowing that it has the possibility of being rekindled.

Kairosclerosis

The emotion for that moment when you realize that you’re currently happy and you try to savor the feeling but it prompts you to analyze it and contextualize it, so the feeling slowly dissolves until it fades away.

Keyframe

A moment that seemed ordinary at the time but which ends up being the small point that sets in motion the gradual change in your life allows you to move forward seamlessly so that the exact moment is hard to pinpoint when you look back.

Liberosis

The desire to care less about things, to loosen your grip on your life, to be more carefree and playful about everything instead of spending time making sure that everything will go as planned.

Nodus Tollens

The realization that the plot of your life isn’t making sense to you anymore; you thought you we’re following the path you set but you find yourself digressing into other paths that doesn’t make sense, so you review your path only to realize that you were supposed to choose all your adventures all along.

Nighthawk

A recurring thought that crops up to bother you usually late at night; like a hawk that flies high overhead during the day and descends to peck your brain at night about an undone task or other worries about the future.

Rigor Samsa

A kind of psychological exoskeleton that protects you from pain as well as contain your anxieties; it always ends up cracking under pressure but it keeps growing back again and again until it develops a stronger, more flexible spine.

Silience

The kind of unnoticed excellence that happens and exists around you every day but is not talked about such as the hidden talents of your friends, artists selling their masterpieces on the streets or street performers displaying their talents for some spare change from passersby.

There are more words for complex emotions that we haven’t even thought of describing but these are just some that we all can relate to. Knowing these names to complex emotions will help you understand your emotional flow from moment-to-moment. It also helps you understand how other people may be feeling internally, even if they are not able to put it into words.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Khoa Võ on Pexels.

Nov

2022

The 6 Basic Emotions and Their Expressions

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Paul Ekman developed the theory of the 6 basic emotions in the 1970s. He expanded this list, to include pride, shame, embarrassment and excitement. These different types of emotions influence how we live and interact with others; even how we communicate with ourselves.

As human beings, we are like a pendulum swinging from one emotion to the next throughout the day. We can even experience a combination of different emotions at the same time. Knowing our emotions is an important component in maintaining our emotional wellness. Learning about these basic emotions can help us better understand how we are truly feeling from one moment to the next.

Basic and Complex Emotions

Our expression of basic emotions are universally recognizable. As humans, we express these emotions automatically as soon as we feel them. Basic emotions are pure emotions and can’t be deconstructed. This is similar to the concept of primary colors.

Complex emotions requires cognitive processing as their expression varies across different cultures. It is hard to recognize complex emotions as they are made up of multiple emotions. For example, hate is a complex emotion combining fear, anger and disgust.

Happiness

This is a pleasant emotional state and the emotion that people strive for the most. It elicits feelings of joy, contentment, gratification, satisfaction and well-being.

Smiling is the most common expression of happiness. Happy people are often shown with a relaxed stance. They speak in an upbeat tone of voice and in a pleasant way.

Sadness

This is a transient emotional state. It elicits feelings of disappointment, grief, hopelessness, disinterest, and a dampening of the overall mood.

Sadness is often expressed through crying. It can also be felt by a dampened mood, lethargy and quietness. People who are sad often express this by withdrawal from others and at times, sighing.

Fear

This is a primal emotion that is important for survival. It is triggered by a fight or flight response. Fear helps to ensure that you are prepared to deal with threats in your environment.

When you feel fear, you widen your eyes and pull in your chin. It can be accompanied by rapid breathing and increased heartbeat. You physically try to get away or hide from the threat.

Disgust

This is a primal emotion eliciting a sense of revulsion. It is often a result of experiences something unpleasant from taste, sight or smell. This may be the body’s way of avoiding things that may influence you negatively, or harm you in some way.

Wrinkling the nose and curling the upper lip is the most common expression of disgust. People often react to disgust by immediately turning away from the object of disgust. Vomiting or retching is also a reaction to feelings of disgust.

Anger

This is a powerful emotion where one feels hostility, agitation, frustration, and antagonism towards others. It is also an important emotion to ensure your safety, similar to fear. When people say you have a temper; it usually means you are in a state of anger.

Frowning or glaring are the most common ways to express anger. Angry people are often sweating or turning red, speaking gruffly or yelling. When you are angry, you can take a strong stance or turn away. You physically express it by hitting, kicking or throwing objects at the object of your anger.

Surprise

This is a short emotional state. It results from experiencing something unexpected. This can be a positive or negative feeling, or even neutral, depending on the experience.

Raising the brows, widening the eyes and opening the mouth are some expressions of surprise. Some people jump back or even yell, scream or gasp. It can also trigger the fight or flight response depending on the situation.

There are other theories about the different types of emotions. Some theories suggest that there are only 4 basic emotions. On the other hand, most recent studies list down up to 27 emotions.

In the end, we are complex human beings. Complex emotional reactions are part of what makes us interesting to other people. We find other people’s emotional responses interesting to observe and interact with as well.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Nathan Bingle on Unsplash.

Nov

2022

10 Signs That You Have High EQ

Reading Time: 4 minutes

IQ and EQ play significant roles in our overall success in life. Our IQ indicates our level of intelligence while our EQ shows our ability to handle and control our emotions.

There are many available standardized tests online if we want to find out our IQ score. Some of us may not get a high score but that shouldn’t make us feel small. Although having a high IQ will give one an advantage; it is not a guarantee for success. It only measures our potential for success. In fact, studies reveal that our EQ is more important than our IQ. Statistics show that about 90% of successful individuals have high emotional intelligence as compared to only 20% who have high IQ.

So, how do you know if you have high emotional intelligence? Here are signs that indicate that you have high EQ.

1. You Pause

Have you ever regretted saying some things as soon as you say them? For example, when you blurt out hurtful words when you’re angry. The ability to stop and think first before saying anything and to control your temper are easier said than done. These are skills that only high EQ individuals usually do.

2. You are Difficult to Offend

Do you know of highly sensitive individuals who get easily offended? It is difficult to be around them because it is like always walking on eggshells. You need to be careful with your words and actions at all times so as not to offend them. Well, the opposite is true with highly emotionally intelligent people. If you can handle criticism well and you understand humor and let other people make jokes about you without being offended, then that is a sign of having a high EQ.

3. You Own Up to your Mistakes

Instead of looking for excuses or blaming somebody else for their mistakes, emotionally intelligent people apologize when they are wrong. They own up to their mistakes and will be responsible in correcting them. They know when and how to apologize properly and keep their word of not doing the same thing again.

4. You have Good Social Skills

A large part of emotional intelligence is dealing well with other people. Thus, if you have a high EQ, it is only natural that you have lots of friends from diverse backgrounds. You are capable of rotating around different social circles. You have a way of connecting and dealing with others that they enjoy being with you too.

5. You are Open-Minded

Being open-minded means you are willing to listen and accept other people’s views and opinions about things. It means that you have the ability to remove your personal biases and prejudices from discussions. Open-minded individuals also know how to deal with arguments. If discussions get too heated up; you know when to “agree to disagree” and not take the disagreement too personally. You can even remain friends with the person you have the disagreement with.

6. You are Self-Aware

Self-awareness is being able to know your “self” and have a clear understanding of who you are; what your personality is, what your strengths and weaknesses are and what your thoughts and beliefs are. You understand your feelings and know how to control them. This means that you know what things can trigger you emotionally, so you are able to stay away from them or diffuse the situation, if needed.

7. You are a Good Judge of Character

You have the ability to understand other people. Your high EQ means that you can tell what they are feeling and where they are coming from. Thus, you can easily assess other people’s character and you can tell whether they are being truthful or not. In short, you can almost read others like an open book.

8. You Don’t Hold Grudges

A grudge is negative emotion resulting from a past event. A highly emotionally intelligent person knows that holding grudges will only cause undue stress. Letting go does not necessarily mean forgetting what happened. It just means not dwelling on negative emotions to help you feel better.

9. You Control Your Thoughts

Your thoughts affect your perception of reality. You might have heard of the mind-body connection which means that your thoughts even affect your physical body. Your thoughts strongly affect your emotions too. If you dwell on negative thoughts, your life will have many negative experiences too. An emotionally intelligent person knows that the mindset affects the direction of one’s life. Instead of thinking negative thoughts, they develop good habits to have a more positive mindset. This means that they will also be attracting more positive experiences into their life.

10. You Fail and Rise Again

Emotionally intelligent persons are not afraid to fail. They understand that failure is part of success. What is important is that they rise up again and again each time they fall. Individuals with high EQ understand that the journey is just as important as the destination. That’s why you should your best to enjoy each moment and have fun in your life even as you keep your focus on the end goal.

If you scored 5 and above, then that is a sign that you have a high EQ. You have what it takes to be successful in life despite all the challenges that life throws at you. If your score is low, don’t feel bad. The good news is that emotional intelligence can be developed. It is an important part of nurturing your emotional wellness. What is important is that you are now aware of your limitations and hopefully, this will lead you to increase your desire to learn and grow your emotional quotient.

Updated. First published on Pinoy Smart Living on 2019.09.04.
Featured Image: Original Photo by Hello I’m Nik on Unsplash.

Oct

2022

Frenemies and How to Deal with Them

Reading Time: 4 minutes

We’ve seen frenemies in a lot of television and movie dramas but we are not clear on how to deal with them. These are the characters who typically start out as the main character’s good friend and turn out to be their worst enemy in the end. Common sense would say that we should put them on the list of toxic people we should avoid. But in reality, they can be hard to spot from our actual friends.

What is A Frenemy?

A frenemy can be someone you count as one of your friends. They can also be a colleague or even a family member. They keep up a friendly appearance and may even pretend to be supportive of you. In secret, they are actually sad when you win and happy when you fall into a negative situation.

In truth, all our friends are both our allies and our enemies. They can support us when we need them because they know us well. But they can also be our competitors especially in situations where you are both aiming for the same goals in different areas of life. For example, you might have a friend at work in the same department but you lead different teams. Depending on both your attitudes; you could have a healthy competition or become frenemies.

Comparison among friends is a normal occurrence but we usually laugh off our insecurities and show support for our friends to reassure them and boost their confidence. However, when one friend harbors feelings of resentment, envy, jealousy, and even anger towards another; then they might become a frenemy.

How to Spot Them

Frenemies are common in social circles and it is all because of our human nature. It is natural for us to compare our own lives with that of our friends. That is why there are some people who become addicted to social media interactions. Whether we admit it or not; those likes do boost our view of ourselves even if just a little. It is up to us to take the likes and compliments, as well as the criticisms, with a grain of salt. Essentially, a person becomes a frenemy as a consequence of protecting their own ego. Instead of reflecting on themselves, they resort to blaming the object of their frustrations, which is usually the person they envy.

Here are some signs that you are around a frenemy:

Show signs of jealousy for your achievements like avoiding to compliment you or they blame you for their failures.
Find underhanded ways to hurt you such as delivering hurtful remarks that they claim to be a joke or praise others instead of you.
Talk behind your back or give negative feedback about you that they claim are from other persons talking about you behind your back.
Ask you lots of questions but don’t actually give back supportive advice or they give you useless or even harmful advice.
Sabotaging you through passive-aggressive behavior such as making deliberate mistakes that damage your reputation or hurt your feelings.
They might say nice words to you but their body language show just the opposite.

They Are Around You

It is hard to spot a frenemy among one’s friends. Frenemies usually develop in our social circles where everyone is of almost similar level in life. That is because, they are the people who can beat your or the ones you can beat in your work environment or even in pursuing your other life goals.
One of the telltale signs of a frenemy is that they have an ambivalent relationship with you. In different situations, friends can show their support or their clear disapproval of your actions or experience. In the case of frenemies, you will have a nagging feeling that they are often ambivalent in their reactions towards you. You don’t really feel their clear support or disapproval on anything relating to you and your circumstances. Or they might do just the opposite. Showing their support or disapproval in an overly enthusiastic way so you won’t discover that they’re just pretending.

What To Do

The best way to deal with a frenemy is to make them your friends. Usually they are intimidated and envious of your success. Don’t rub your success in their faces; bring them along with you and show them you support them too. Build them up in front of your other friends. For example, you can introduce them to another friend who can help them with their passion project. Or ask them to volunteer with your for a cause you both are passionate about.

If you are finding it difficult to deal with a frenemy, then the best way is to slowly lessen interaction with them. This is similar to how you would manage toxic relatives. You need to be more proactive in defending and protection yourself If it is clear that your frenemy is out to destroy you.

The good news is that frenemies often change overtime. When they achieve their own success or realize that the object of their jealousy is actually a supportive friend; they do become real friends. Reflect on yourself too. There may be times in your life when you were secretly someone’s frenemy as well. Take note that we will encounter different frenemies at different stages in life. So they will come and go and we might not even notice them. We should always try our best to be understanding of those around us and reflect on our own actions and reactions. This way, we can lessen the risk of becoming someone’s frenemy.

Feature Image: Photo by Obie Fernandez on Unsplash.

Oct

2022

5 Advantages of Virtual Meetings

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Working from home is now a large part of the new normal. In-person office meetings have now been replaced with virtual meetings using various platforms. Friends and relatives who are in different parts of the world now get connected through virtual hangouts. This concept of remote togetherness is now a normal part of our day-to-day lives and it has several advantages.

1. Saves Time and Money

We all know the hassle and stress of having to travel to and from work; not to mention its impact on our monthly budget. With almost everyone working from home; virtual meetings are now the norm. Now, we are not pressured to setup early morning alarms; to wake-up on time to get to work on time. We also save money because we don’t need to commute anymore. Now, we can have leisurely mornings and actually have more energy for work.

2. More Productivity, Less Anxiety

Our mornings affect our mood and energy for the rest of the day. We usually waken up anxious about getting to work on time. With virtual meetings; we can calmly prepare beforehand. No need to be anxious anymore. No need to be in such a hurry to get to the conference room. By being able to begin our day in a more relaxed way; we are also able to become more focused and productive at work.

3. Enhance Creativity and Collaboration

With less concern on our attires; we can be more focused on the important conversations. Of course we also exchange pleasantries and chat like we usually do before the actual meeting. But because everyone is at home, the atmosphere in virtual meetings is usually more relaxed and even fun. This means members feel more confident to speak up and share their ideas and views. This in turn, encourages more creativity and better collaboration among workmates.

4. Easier to Say “No

One of the most noticeable things in virtual meetings is that it makes it easier to decline an offer or a suggestion. Perhaps, it is because we are not next to the person we are saying “No” to; so it is much easier to refuse them. It may also be due to the fact that we all recognize that we have shifted our priorities. Now that we are always at home; we all understand that our home life and our mental health is what’s most important. Have you noticed this phenomenon too?

5. Eco-Friendly and Healthier

With virtual meetings, we take public transport less and we drive our vehicles less. This means less gas emissions, less noise and air pollution, less traffic stress and less mental anxiety. It is not only eco-friendly, it also allows us to spend more time on the good habits that help us maintain our overall wellness. Now, we don’t have to worry about an ongoing road construction on our route to work. We can still be in touch without having to step out of our safe space.

We are all aware of the benefits of social media. Virtual meetings allows us to engage with each other on a deeper level. Whether for work or just to have a virtual hangout with friends and loved ones; virtual meetings are a great way to stay connected anytime, anywhere. In fact, families have been using it to celebrate together during holidays like Christmas. It is a good tool that should we should maximize to maintain our social wellness.

Feature Image: Photo Photo by Surface on Unsplash.

Oct

2022

4 Benefits of Using Social Media

Reading Time: 2 minutes

We are all aware that social media can be addictive. Sadly, some people are not even aware that they are suffering from social media addiction. A lot of people have also experienced how social media can ruin relationships. Despite its widespread, negative effects; social media actually has its benefits if used correctly.

1. Staying Connected

The most basic feature of social media channels is to keep people in touch with each other even when they are physically far away. Of course, this has now been used to grow an influencer’s audience and for celebrities to interact with their fans. For families, it is still a useful tool to stay connected with loved ones and friends. A lot of romantic relationships also thrive with it even when they live on opposites sides of the globe. Many organizations also use it to stay in touch with their members and supporters and inform them of activities and projects to serve a good cause.

2. Sharing Your Knowledge

As they say, “sharing is caring” but this is only true if you are sharing something of value. You can use social media to share your expertise on a specific field or your skills. Yes, you are essentially promoting yourself in the process. But you are also informing people who might need your expertise or skills to help them with their own projects. Or you might be sharing some information that is the answer to somebody’s question. You don’t know who can benefit from your own unique knowledge and experience. The important thing is to be honest about your intentions so you can manage your audience’s expectations of what you are offering.

3. Learning From Others

Just as you can share your own expertise on social media and teach others, you can learn from others too. One of the benefits of being on social media is that you can learn from experts anytime you want. You don’t have to feel embarrassed or nervous or be awkward around them like when meeting them personally. You can learn from them to turn your hobby into your dream job or online business. If you are brave enough, you can even ask them questions in the comments or in a private message. Who knows, they might actually have the time to reply with an answer.

4. Growing Your Network

Have you heard the saying that “your network is your net worth“? You might think that this does not apply to social media relationships since you can have such a large number of friends and followers. However, there are still people on your online channels who you constantly interact with aside from your family members. They are the ones who make up your network. Of course, there will also be friends you will meet in life in your online social circles. But, just like in real life, you also have to be selective of who you actually keep in your online social circle.

As long as used correctly and for good intent; social media has a lot of benefits. Just make sure to be disciplined enough to have a set time for checking your feed so you still stay productive. Memes abound in social media as well as a lot of fake news. So if you are going to share; make sure you are sharing something worthwhile. Think before you click and try to keep a positive vibe on your interactions with other people whenever you’re online.

Feature Image: Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash.

Sep

2022

Top 5 Things to Save Up for That Are Totally Worth It

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Saving money can sometimes be difficult if you don’t have a specific financial goal in mind. Aside from building your emergency fund, here are 5 top things to save up for that are totally worth the effort.

1. Retirement Fund

We often forget that we need to save up for our retirement. This is because our regular expenses make up most of our budget. However, we need to keep in mind that we eventually need to get out of the rat race and retire from work. So saving for our retirement fund is a long-term savings plan that gives us peace of mind that we can still live comfortably even after our working years. This can be in the form of an insurance fund that pays for your pension, as well as a pension plan from a government social security program that you pay regularly in your time as an employee.

2. Property

Having your own place to rest, indulge in your hobbies and spend time with your loved ones is always a good goal to save up for. Usually, you save up for the downpayment first, then for the monthly mortgage. This could be a condo unit that makes it more convenient to go to work in the city; or a piece of real estate, land that you will eventually build a house on for your family to settle in. If you can’t afford or it is not practical to have property at the moment; then saving up for a long-term rental is also a good plan. Eventually, you will save up for property that you will earn from by having other people rent it.

3. Education

Learning should be a life-long goal and it should be something that you need to invest in. Education is vital for personal growth. If you do not challenge yourself, you will not grow. Saving up for education includes subscriptions to gym memberships and/or a nutritionist or meal delivery service to keep yourself healthy. It could also be tuition or subscription to online courses to improve your knowledge and skills in your field of work. Or you may save up for learning more about your hobby and buying the materials for it so you can start a side hustle and eventually turn it into a business.

4. Used Car

Your own transportation is always a useful goal to save up for. It not only makes going around convenient; it also means you can spend more time with your family members, even if it is on the road. A used car is a practical choice as it is less expensive than a new one. Just make sure that it is still fit enough for use for a long time and that the papers are all in order. Of course, if you are able to save up for a new car, then do so. The feeling of having to spend on a luxury item through your own hard work is always a priceless experience.

5. Experiences

As we work hard for our family and loved ones, we must not forget to enjoy life in the process. That is why we need to save up for experiences or allocate fun money in our monthly budget. This is a short-term savings plan that allows us to reward ourselves for our hard work. It is also an opportunity to enjoy time with the people who we are working hard for. This can be as simple as dinner with friends or loved ones, a road trip or a relaxing weekend getaway; or even a week-long vacation to rest and recharge. Making good memories with your favorite people is always a rewarding experience.

These are some of the things you can save up for; for both long-term and short-term goals. You can have other goals on your list too. The only requirement is that they will contribute to making your life better and your future brighter.

Feature Image: Original Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.

Sep

2022

Your EQ is More Important Than Your IQ

Reading Time: 5 minutes

Education is one of the important things that parents strive to be able to provide for their children. Schools reward children with praise and awards when they get high grades in their subjects. They are envied for their intelligence.

Intelligence is also highly valued in job applications. In fact, most job application exams have some form of an IQ (intelligence quotient) test. Because of the predominant value of having a high IQ, we often forget another important factor to our success in life: our EQ (emotional quotient) or emotional intelligence.

IQ is recognized as an important component of success especially in terms of academic achievement. The classroom and society as a whole puts a high premium on children with high IQ or intelligence. These children usually continue to do well in school and are expected to get higher pay in their jobs. Thus, they are able to live healthier lifestyles and remain respected by their peers throughout their lives.

IQ Isn’t Everything

Having high IQ is only half the story. Since intelligence is praised and rewarded even since they’re young; these intelligent children also develop their self-esteem and confidence much more quickly. This, in turn affects their motivation to do well both in school and outside it. But, having a high IQ is not a guarantee of success in life.

Note that self-esteem and confidence are signs of a well-developed EQ. In short, the value placed on their IQ has helped them to develop their EQ. This is because of the favorable responses that they get from the people around them.

Your IQ can open doors to a lot of opportunities in your career. Your EQ is a major factor in how you will succeed or fail in your career, and in life in general.

What is EQ?

EQ or emotional quotient or emotional intelligence refers to an individual’s ability to feel or perceive emotions. It also refers to the ability to evaluate, control and express emotions. There are some people with high IQ who have awkward social skills. This usually deprives them the opportunity for leadership positions. Thus, EQ is an important component of success. Unfortunately, our education system focuses more on IQ and less on developing emotional and social skills. The food news is that, it is now recognized that there are different types of intelligence including those that involve emotional intelligence.

Testing IQ and EQ

We are all familiar with the IQ test where we have to figure out the next number or image in a sequence as well as some standard mathematical and reasoning problems to solve. This is one of the exams we usually take when applying for our first job. Based on the results of this standardized test, you get a number that measures your IQ.

On the other hand, there are no standardized tests to measure EQ. Few schools, if any include emotional and social skills as part of their curriculum. This has resulted in developing highly intelligent but socially awkward teens and even adults.

Five Categories of EQ

A person’s EQ is manifested in these five aspects which affect their personality and how they relate to others.

Self-Awareness

People who are aware of their own emotions are more successful at controlling them. This means that they can also choose which emotions to tune in to so that they feel better and become better at what they do. This also informs how they compare and view other people’s emotions.

Self-Regulation

Being aware of your emotions allows you to control yourself so that you do not become stuck in a volatile and stressful situation. For example, in the workplace, you do not become aggressively competitive with your colleagues but you are able to develop a sense of healthy competition. In your personal relationships, you are able to soothe your anger so you can talk about issues instead of getting mad and resorting to physical attacks to vent your emotion.

Motivation

Being able to boost your own confidence and contributing to boosting the morale of your team is a great skill in any career. Motivated individuals are more likely to succeed in any endeavor as they are always seeking out ways to improve themselves, their service and their organization.

Consider the Marshmallow Test. Your self motivation to pursue a more satisfactory result for your goals will help you to stay on track with your plans and delay gratification for small things that may distract you along the way. Being able to delay gratification is a good indicator of future success.

Empathy

Empathy is when you are aware of how people feel and how your actions affect them emotionally. This allows you to understand other people’s feelings and in a team setup, this provides you with different ways to approach a hot topic with as minimal emotional stress as possible.

With empathy, you are able to help other people soothe their fears, calm their nervousness and re-channel their anger, among other things.

Social Skills

An important factor in life is having good social skills which also includes how well you communicate with others. How you communicate can make a situation better or worse. Developing good communication skills is important in all aspects of life.

Developing your EQ is a large part of the 8 dimensions of wellness that will help you become a well-rounded and healthy person. An emotionally-balanced individual is better equipped to react and act on whatever obstacles and situations life throws at them.

Your IQ can be a source of pride but your EQ is what will help you sail through life with your pride and your values intact or transformed for the better.

EQ and Success

Being emotionally aware can have a great impact on your success in all aspects of your life. It informs the decisions you make in choosing a career over another; in choosing what to do about your financial situation and how to change it, even in choosing which people to keep as friends and which ones to stay away from.

It is helpful to you in sorting out your emotional stress. When you are new to a group, it guides you on what to do to relate to the group dynamics instead of alienating yourself. Your EQ enables you to successfully diffuse an otherwise heated argument at home or in the office. It will guide you in the best way to convince your crying niece that she should wait for the cake at the next store instead of buying candy at the first store.

Together with your IQ, your EQ serves as your internal guidance system in making the right decisions for every situation. Rather than being on auto-pilot, use your EQ to help you make good decisions and go thru the necessary changes that will improve your life.

How to Develop EQ

If you feel you are lacking in certain aspects of your emotional skills, here is what you can do to improve. Start by being observant of your emotions. Ask yourself where they are coming from; from fears or from positive intentions?

Observe how your words and actions affect other people. By being aware of how your emotions impact you and the people around you, you can have a better understanding of how to control them, how to motivate yourself and how you can better relate to others. Better yet, evaluate your emotional wellness and work on improving yourself from there.

Updated. First published on Pinoy Smart Living on 2019.04.19.
Feature Image: Original Photo by ROMAN ODINTSOV on Pexels.

Jul

2022

Signs You Are in A Toxic Work Place

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Are you thinking of quitting your job? If you are, you must be experiencing any of the signs that you are in a toxic work environment. If you see any instances of these in your work place; then it is time to rethink your career strategy. Being in a toxic work place for too long will definitely affect your occupational wellness.

Using Fear to Manipulate

Bullying, threatening and other manipulative behavior is a definite sign of a toxic work place. You may find a coworker or even a supervisor using fear to control you or a coworker. If this happens, be sure to document such incidents and report to higher authority.

One way fear is used to manipulate employees is when they are required to achieve almost impossible tasks or quotas. If they fail to meet said requirement, they will lose their job. This is especially prevalent in sales jobs where you are required to reach certain sales amounts or quotas. However, these tasks should be given ample time to be accomplished. Training and other learning methods should also be provided to the employee to do a better job. A healthy work place should provide you with the opportunity to learn and grow.

Discrimination Through Cliques

Naturally, there will always be coworkers who work better together or a team who prefer to work with each other. If teams discriminate against new colleagues or other coworkers from other departments; then it contributes to an unhealthy work environment.

It is okay to form teams that bond together so they can work more effectively as a team. Not being open to working with others or excluding new employees from your team; has a negative effect on the whole company culture. Different teams contribute to the health of the whole company in different ways. Everyone’s contribution is important. New colleagues can also contribute new ideas or new ways of doing things.

Encouraging Unhealthy Competition

One of the side effects of having unhealthy cliques in the work place is unhealthy competition. Teams from the same department who have the same goal may engage in healthy competition. This brings out the best in every member. This also makes everyone feel good in doing their best to achieve their individual as well as team goals.

In a toxic work place; teams may resort to hiding information from other teams. They may even sabotage other teams’ efforts in order to achieve their own goals. This usually results from fear of losing their jobs if they don’t achieve their targets. Such an environment is not only stressful for everyone but for the whole company in the long term. This fosters aggression and even encourages fear tactics and the creation of toxic cliques. A healthy company should foster a culture of unity and helping each other.

Indecisive Leaders or Management

Higher ups usually approve certain processes and decisions in a team. In a healthy system, the process of approving proposals, requests, and other documents and processes, should not take too long. This shows a smooth flow of communication between managers and subordinates. It is a sign of a healthy system in place in the work place.

When the process of getting anything approved by higher management takes too long, or requires too many signatures, or even takes a lot of meetings to decide on; it may be a sign of a toxic work environment. Having indecisive leaders or a complicated management communication process ends up delaying projects. It also makes the tasks of employees frustrating. Employees usually end up feeling that they can’t get anything done. Because of this, they may also end up not trying to make good proposals or suggestions since they won’t get a timely or favorable feedback anyway.

If any of these signs are in your work place, then it is time to review your options. Unless you are in a leadership position that allows you to make major changes in the work place, it may be time to find another job. You might also consider finally pursuing your passion and starting your own business. In the meantime, be sure to take care of your mental and emotional health. Don’t let you toxic work place or toxic colleagues get to you and ruin your day or your future prospects.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Tim Gouw on Unsplash.

Jun

2022

Choose the Things That Feel Good

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Have you ever had to choose between the things that feel good and those that are right? Have you experienced having to feel bad for doing something you didn’t want over something you’d rather be doing? These are quite normal dilemmas for us as adults. Sometimes, we have to do what needs to be done instead of what we truly want to do. However, everything should be in moderation. Sometimes we want to have fun too. Sometimes we need to indulge ourselves in what we truly want to do.

The things that make us feel good are the things that we’d rather be doing but we don’t always have the time for them. They are seldom in our priority list because there are always more important things to do first. We also don’t really prioritize them because we feel that we are selfish and we don’t want to feel guilty about it. So this is the challenge: prioritize choosing the things that feel good.

Self-Acceptance

The first step to this challenge is to accept that you have things that you want to do and that they are important too. These may be the things that you used to do as a child. People around you might consider your activity as doing nothing or being lazy. It doesn’t matter; accept that this is what you want and you want to make time to indulge in it. Recognize where you are in your journey and that you have personal needs and wants that you have to attend to. Right now, this is part of who you are and it helps you shape who you want to be.

Choose Yourself First

We are always obliged to look after other people’s needs of us first, sometimes to the detriment of our own needs. We have been taught to be kind, compassionate and not selfish. But if being unselfish is becoming a burden, then you are not honoring your own needs. You cannot pour from an empty cup. So be sure to make time to choose yourself over others too, especially when you know you really need to recharge and you’d rather just sleep at home. Sometimes saying yes to yourself, means saying no to others. Learn to set boundaries.

Feel Good to Attract More Good

One of the important things we learn about the Law of Attraction is that your feelings are a major part of your reality. You attract what you feel. So if you already don’t feel good about going to a party; then learn to say no and take your rest instead. Trust your intuition or gut instinct more than the urging of your friends. They might feel bad about it for a while but if they are really good friends, they will understand. You won’t only feel good when you get enough sleep; you also save yourself from extra expense and maybe some regret.

If I’m not saying ‘Hell Yeah!’ to something, then I say no.
– Derek Sivers

If you’re friends tell you that you missed out on all the fun; don’t give in to the FOMO. There will be a better opportunity waiting. Just trust in the process. Don’t forget to try something new from time to time. It is how you learn and grow. But be sure to listen to your gut and sometimes, if not most of the time, choose the things that feel good.

It’s really important that you feel good. Because this feeling good is what goes out into the Universe and starts to attract more of itself to you.
– Joe Vitale

Feature Image: Original Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash.