Its Okay to Not Be Okay

Sep

2020

The Dark Mode Challenge

Reading Time: 3 minutes

All of us experience different kinds of stress in our daily lives. We often force ourselves to act as if nothing is wrong; pretending that everything is just fine. We may be feeling sick and tired emotionally or mentally. All throughout the day, we act like everything’s just normal. We make the effort to smile and be cheerful just to make sure no one notices that we’re not okay. For this scenario, the Dark Mode Challenge is a way to get through.

Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.
— Carl Jung

This is how most of us cope with challenging mental and emotional issues – we pretend that we’re just fine. We have been programmed to believe that showing our vulnerability is a weakness. We believe that it is unacceptable to indulge in or to show our negative emotions to anybody else. In the process, we are engaging in toxic positivity.

The Dark Mode Challenge

Your challenge is to indulge your dark mood, by switching on your Dark Mode. Your task is to do everything you need to do to express your feelings. Keep in mind that you should do this without harming yourself or someone else. You can do this with a friend or on your own. This process is you accepting that it’s okay to not to be okay.

You can’t control everything. Sometimes you just need to relax and have faith that things will work out. Let go a little and just let life happen.
— Kody Kiplinger

Schedule a whole day, or the weekend. Go offline, laze around and unwind. Focus on what you are feeling. It doesn’t matter if you decide to watch sad movies and cry all through it. If it takes finishing off a tub of your favorite ice cream; don’t stop yourself. Write, draw, paint, listen to music or dance your heart out. The goal is to do whatever you need to do to get the negative feelings out and truly feel them.

Everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting the associated negative experience. Any attempt to escape the negative, to avoid it or quash it or silence it, only backfires. The avoidance of suffering is a form of suffering. The avoidance of struggle is a struggle. The denial of failure is a failure. Hiding what is shameful is itself a form of shame.
— Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

Use Your Imagination

Imagine yourself as Batman, who is always on dark mode. As Batman, you are trying to engage your negative feelings. Your goals is to draw them out from within yourself. Put a name to each one of them if you can, and in the process, vanquish them. In the morning, you can switch to your light mode again.

Named must your fear be before banish it you can.
— Yoda

This doesn’t mean that you dwell in the negative state. That’s why you have to set a time limit for yourself. Have a friend remind you that your time is up. Give yourself a day or two, no more.

Toxic Positivity

We are often told to “just get over it”. Worse, this is what we tell ourselves. This overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state results in the denial, diminishment and invalidation of our emotional experience. This is toxic positivity. You are essentially denied the right to experience your emotions.

We often do this to ourselves and sometimes to other people. It is a form of self-sabotage that we have come to treat as normal. This should not be normal. You should take the time to indulge in your negative feelings.

The whole purpose of bawling your eyes out, or writing your heart out, etc.; is to get the heavy emotions and thoughts out of your system. This will help you feel a little lighter mentally and emotionally. The process will help you clarify your thoughts. This will make it easier for you to start working on how to get back up from your dark mode. You can slowly start switching to your light-hearted mode again.

Featured Image: Original Photo by Giulia Bertelli on Unsplash.

Sep

2020

How to Help the Elderly Cope up with the Pandemic

Reading Time: 3 minutes

The Covid-19 pandemic has affected the global population in more ways than one. Those who got infected have different reactions. The effect can be as normal as a regular cough and colds for some. Others don’t even manifest any symptoms. But it can also be lethal especially to those who have underlying illnesses. The chance of getting severe illness from the viruses increases with age. This means seniors are more at risk if infected. Thus, in order to flatten the curve, many countries resorted to protecting the vulnerable especially the seniors by keeping them in isolation. Although such tactic is effective, it leads to a devastating effect on the mental health of seniors. Studies indicate that social isolation of more than 10 days can lead to depression and anxiety. But this can be prevented through the help of family and close friends. it is important to learn how to help the elderly cope up with the pandemic to ensure that they remain mentally and emotionally healthy during this time.

The chance of getting severe illness from Covid-19 increases with age.
mage Credit: CDC

Putting seniors in isolation increases loneliness. Loneliness in turn can lead to physical and mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, dementia, high blood pressure and other health risks. In order to prevent this, the first step is to know if your elders are suffering from loneliness. Symptoms include:

Sadness
Loss of interest in hobbies
Feeling always tired
Unexplained aches and pains on body
Tendency to binge-watch
Sleep problems
Spending too much time on social media
Gaining weight

What You Can Do To Help Seniors Cope Up with the Pandemic

If you are seeing these symptoms, it’s a definite sign that the pandemic is already affecting the elder’s mental health. Here are some ways on how you can help the elderly cope up with the pandemic.

1. Teach Seniors to Use Technology

It’s never too late to learn something new. Technology is the key to living in the new normal. Their life will improve immensely if they can discover the world of technology. In order to teach them the use of technology, do remember to be patient. Explain the value of technology and what it has to offer. Do bear in mind that most words that are common to us like internet, wifi, app, facebook, facetime, twitter, youtube, skype and all similar words do not mean anything to them. So you have to take it slow. Avoid information overload. Don’t be too harsh if they cannot get it the first time. Again, the key here is patience.

2.Take Them to Adventures Online

Once you feel that they are already familiar and comfortable using their gadget, send them to online adventures. Teach them how to discover videos, how to keep in touch with friends, how to learn online, read books, watch concerts and more. If you live together, make it a shared experience. You can talk about what she discovered. You can also watch videos with them.

3. Allot Regular Time Each Day.

Allot a specific time everyday with your elders. Make the time exactly the same each day. For example, you can have tea with them every 4 o’clock in the afternoon. You can play chess, watch movies or simply talk. If you don’t live in the same house, you can call them at at the exact time everyday. Doing this on a regular basis makes them anticipate this ‘together’ time with you. This will give them something to look forward to each day.

4. Make Them Listen to Music

Music therapy is one of the treatments used by clinical psychologists for mental conditions. Music addresses the cognitive, physical, emotional and social needs of individuals. Some certain sound frequencies help the body relax and put the mind in a state of calmness. It is said to remove insomnia, anxiety, depression and other ailments.

5. Practice Social Distancing Not Isolation

if you are living with them, always bear in mind that you need to protect them. The only way that you can do that is to keep yourself well and do every precautions to keep yourself well like boosting your immune system, wearing or masks when you go outside and getting the habit of regularly washing your hands. If you have been going outside, make sure to practice social distancing at home. Social distancing is not isolation. Give your elder freedom to walk around the house as he/she normally does but protect and respect her space. Don’t lock your elder in one room. it’s keeping them safe but not making them feel imprisoned or deprived.

6. Give Them a Project to Work On

Keep them busy. Give them a project to work on. It can be organizing old photos or writing down or her/his signature recipes. It can even be writing a journal to document his/her life.

Feature Image by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

Sep

2020

Korean Dramas to Cry Your Heart Out

Reading Time: 6 minutes

Are you having difficulties in your life right now? Is something weighing you down? It is normal for everyone to go through problems in life. That’s just how life is. Challenges are necessary for growth and success. What is important is how we react to these challenges. In order to rise above your difficulties, the first step is to embrace your pain. Embracing your pain means feeling your pain. Yes, it’s okay to not be okay for awhile. Give yourself time to grieve, to be angry, to be sad and to be frustrated. You can also cry your heart out to be mentally strong. Remove all that pent-up emotions. That’s the only way forward. If tying to make yourself cry is a little bit difficult for you despite your heavy burden, try watching some Korean dramas to cry your heart out.

Here are 10 Korean Dramas that can make you cry your heart out:

1. Angel Eyes (2014)

Park-Dong Joo fell in love with a blind and neglected girl, Yoon Soo-wan. They were forced to separate because of a painful family circumstance. They met again after twelve years. This time, Park-Dong Joo is already a successful surgeon while Yoon Soo-wan is now a paramedic after a successful eye transplant surgery.

2. Autumn in My Heart (2000)

Two baby girls were swapped at birth. One baby, Eun-Su grew up in a loving family with a brother, Jun-Suh. The other grew up in poverty raised by a single mother. The swapped was discovered when they were teens because of an accident. Because of this, the girls were returned back to the their original places. Jun-Suh was deeply saddened with what happened. They lost touched when Jun-Suh’s family migrated abroad. Years later, Eun-Su met Jun-Suh again. They reconnected and resumed their sibling relationship but ended up falling in love with one another. Autumn in My Heart is a tale of love and loss.

3. Contract Marriage (2016)

Kang Hye-Soo is a single mother who struggle to make ends meet. She is being chased by a loan shark for the debts incurred by her diseased husband. To make matters worse, she was diagnosed with a brain tumor. To make sure that her daughter has enough money to sustain her livelihood towards adulthood when she passed away; Hye-Soo agreed to enter into a contract marriage with Han Ji-Hoon . Ji-Hoon will give Hye-Soo enough money in exchange for her liver, which he needs in order to save his mother who desperately. needs a liver transplant. It is drama about family, hope and love.

Video Credit: dimsum entertainment

4. Hi Bye, Mama! (2020)

Hi Bye, Mama! is a story of a ghost, Cha Yu-ri who refused to leave the earth because of her attachment to her husband and newborn child. She died 5 years ago in a tragic accident and now given a second chance in life. She must reclaim her place back into her family’s life before the 49 days is over or else she will die again and this time, for good. The only problem is that her daughter barely knows her. Her husband on the other hand had just started to live a new life with his new wife after the going through the excruciating pain of losing her. Although the story is unrealistic, it leaves a very powerful lesson on life, regrets and the value of cherishing your loved ones while you still can.

Video Source: The Swoo n

5. Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryo (2016)

A 21st century woman got transported back to the year 941 in the Goryeo Dynasty during a total solar eclipse. She woke in the body of Hae Soo and befriended the royal princes of King Taejo. Remembering her history lesson that there is famous tyrant king who killed his brothers to get to the throne, Hae-Soo did her best to try to change history. She knew that the future king is going to be one of the princes and she did not want to see the princes killing one another for the throne. She ended up being caught in the middle of the bloody fight among the brothers.

Videe Credit: Iflix Malaysia

6. Queen for Seven Days (2017)

Based on a s true story, it is about the tragic love story between King Jung Jong of the Joseon Dynasty and Queen Dan Gyeong, who was dethroned from her position after only 7 days. Queen Dan Gyeong is known as having the shortest reign as queen in the history of Korea. It was said that the King and Queen spent the rest of their lives longing for one another.

Video Credit: KBS World

7. Road No. 1 (2010)

Road No. 1 refers to the road that connects Seoul, the capital of South Korea to Pyongyang, the capital of North Korea. In the story, Lee Jang-woo joined the military so that he can have enough money to send her childlhood sweetheart, Soo-yeon to medical school. Soo-yeon studied hard and became a doctor while she patiently waits for Jang-woo’s return but one day she received news that Jang-woo had died in battle. After some time, she then decided to put her past behind and marry officer Tae-ho Shin. However, on the eve of her wedding Jang-woo reappeared again. On June 25, 1950, the Korean war started and the two men were immediately sent to fight in the frontiers and the two became comrades in the battlefield.

8. Stairway to Heaven (2003)

Song-Joo and Jung-Seo grew up together. Their parents are close friends. They share common dreams and goals. They also both share the pain of losing one of their parents when Song-Joo’s father died in a car accident while Jung-Seo lost her mom through eye cancer. The two learned to depend on each other for emotional support. Their world crumbled when Jung-Seo’s dad remarried. When her stepmother moved in, she brought her scheming daughter, Yoo-ri with her. Yoo-ri is jealous of Jung-Seo and made her look bad to the family. She also likes Song-Joo and did everything to get his affections. The story is about how Song-Joo and Jung-Seo lost one another and the sufferings that they had to go through in life. It also tells about how they found one another again after so many years only to lose each other once again.

9. That Winter The Wind Blows (2013)

This is a story about a gambler and con-man Oh-Soo who pretended to be the long-lost brother of a sole heir of a large corporation, Oh-Young. Playboy and cold-hearted Oh-Soo has been targeting rich women, but his plans took a turn when he fell in love with the unsuspecting blind heiress, Oh-Soo. He ended up helping her fight those who have been manipulating her.

10. Uncontrollably Fond (2016)

Shin Joon-young and Noh-Eul were inseparable and very much in love when they were young. They had a painful break-up because of uncontrollable circumstances. They met again as adults when Noh-Eul, now a documentary producer was tasked to film a documentary about Shin-Joon-young, now a popular singer-actor. The drama is about the pain, frustration and struggles of living and finding the true meaning of life.

Feature Image by Photo by Karolina Grabowska from Pexels

Special thanks to Lyrie and Isabel, certified Kdrama fanatics, for making some of the recommendations.

Sep

2020

How to Rise Above Difficult Circumstances

Reading Time: 4 minutes

You are in pain. You are having a tough time. Nothing seems to be going your way. You just want everything to end. Unfortunately, no matter how miserable you are; life will go on. If it is any consolation, think that you are not alone. All of us, at several points in our lives have to go through challenges.No one is exempted even if you are the smartest and wealthiest person in the world. That’s just the way life is. The good news is that if you feel like you have already reached the lowest point in your life, then there is nowhere to go but up. Take inspiration and some lessons on how to rise above difficult circumstances in life.

Life always waits for some crisis to occur before revealing itself at its most brilliant.
– Paulo Coelho

Low points are the turning points in life. What you make out of them will define who you are and what you will become in the future.

An Inspiring Story

Here is an inspiring story of how a woman overcame her lowest point in life. She was a wife and a mother. Her day-to-day activities revolved around her family. She was financially dependent on her husband. She was also too much emotionally invested into the relationship. Her whole world crumbled when she got separated from her husband after being together for over a decade. It was not just one aspect of her life that ended, it was practically her whole life – her relationship, her dreams, her financial support and worst of all her self-worth. It was devastating.

Today, she is an investor and an entrepreneur who manages several businesses. She employs people especially women who underwent the same experience as her. Her free time is spent helping some marginalized people in society. She is also active in her spiritual community.

It is easier to just give up. Instead, this lady fought back and rose to the challenge that life has to offer. She succeeded in making her greatest crisis as the starting point in turning her life around.

How To Rise Above Difficult Circumstances

She shared with me the steps and some lessons on how to rise above difficult circumstances in life:

1. Embrace the Negative Emotions

The first step to healing is to embrace the negative emotions. Yes, it’s okay to not be okay, at least at first. Anger, frustration, fear and helplessness are all part of life. Avoiding, denying, ignoring and keeping them inside will only make matters worse. Pain demands our attention. Whether it is a loss of a love one, the end of a relationship, business failure, or whatever painful experience it is; we need to acknowledge them first before we can move on. Avoiding these emotions in the short-term will only lead to stress and long-term pain. Escaping the negative emotions through alcohol and drugs are never a solution, it will only lead to self-destruction.

2. Acceptance

Acceptance is understanding and realizing the reality of your situation. There are just some things that are beyond your control. There is no point to continue blaming yourself or other people for the things that happened. Know that things happen for a reason.Just let go. It is difficult to understand why it had to happen to you at that particular moment but later on as you look back in life, you will understand why certain events turned out that way. Just accept the fact that there are things that we need to experience in order to grow as a person.

You cannot connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that somehow the dots will connect in your future.
– Steve Jobs

3. Self-Searching

In order to get back in track, you need to start your journey towards self-discovery. Self-discovery means finding yourself again. Meditate and ask yourself, who are you? What makes you happy? Think about your hobbies and interests. Then, ask yourself, what are you good at? Look for the genius within you. It involves recalling your childhood days and remembering past events and experiences in your life that shaped you as a person. It is about knowing who you really are and what you want to accomplish in your life.

As part of your journey in figuring out who you are and who you can be, it is important to not just look into your heart but also to include God in your journey towards self-discovery. Pray. Read God’s word. Meditate. Include God in your plans. And then, surrender.

4. Set Goals

Once you have decided what you want to do in life, it is now time to set some goals. Goals are your stepping stone towards a new version of you. Having goals will give you a sense of meaning and purpose in life. You are done crying over your past. It is now time to look at the future and plan the direction of your life. In order to succeed, you need to make SMART goals.

5. Reconnect with Friends and Make New Ones

Being alone at the beginning is necessary in your journey towards self-discovery. However, long periods of isolation is no longer healthy. Once you have set your goals, it is now time to reconnect with old friends and make new ones. There are people that you need in your life . Extend your social circle. Join support groups. Attend trainings and seminars to help you meet new people in your chosen field of interest. But remember, choose the people that you hang out with. Stay away from toxic individuals. Instead, hang out with people that will motivate you to achieve your goals for you are the average of the five people you spend most of your time with.

6. Serve Others

Serving others will lead to deeper healing. When you serve others, you don’t think about our own pain. Instead, you think about other people’s situations. Once you think about the needs of others, you begin the process of healing. Thus, you end up actually helping yourself. It will also help you identify all the blessings in your life and feel grateful. The fact is even at your lowest point, there will be others who are in a worse state than you. Spending time with them will help you realize how blessed you are.

First published in Pinoy Smart Living on 10.2.2019.

Feature Image by Posted by A.L. Jonas in Emotional, 0 comments

Sep

2020

When Parental Achievement Goals Become Too Much

Reading Time: 3 minutes

It is only natural for parents to aspire for their children’s success. However, when taken to the extremes, it becomes destructive. Because of the parents’ desire, children are being pressured to excel from a very young age. When parental achievement goals become too much for the child to handle, it leads to more harm than good. This has become the biggest cause of stress among the youth today.

Parental Pride

Parental pride is human nature. Parents feel happy and proud every time their children will achieve some form of accomplishment. Just take a look at your social media accounts. How many posts have you seen of proud parents congratulating their children on their achievements? It can be as simple as a child’s first word or first art work to an adult child’s acceptance to a prominent university.

Some parents are taking it to the next level by setting up social media accounts for their newborns. Parents are now raising their children in the social media limelight. But is this parental behavior really good for the children? Studies about ‘sharenting’, a term that means the overuse of social media by parents sharing contents about their children, indicate that such behavior is doing more harm than good to the children. Aside from parents’ violating their child’s privacy, it is also putting unnecessary pressure on the child.

Parental Achievement Goals

Parents only wants the best for their children but sometimes; unintentionally, their parental achievement goals are becoming harmful. Every now and then, it is best for parents to reflect if their achievement goals are really still for the welfare of the child.

Sky Castle: Parental Achievement Goals to the Extreme

Sky Castle, a Korean drama is an excellent drama that deals with this sensitive topic on parenting. It is a story about four wealthy families who lived in a posh and exclusive village called the Sky Castle. The fathers in the four families are all equally successful. Because of the success attained by the head of each household in Sky Castle, they expect their children to follow the footsteps of their fathers. Nothing but only the best is acceptable.

To ensure that the children excel academically and get accepted in one of the top universities in Korea; the parents resorted to extraordinary lengths such as planning the children’s schedules up to the minute details and building a soundproof room for studying. The desire for their children to excel in Sky Castle has become a competitive sports that it brought immense pressure on the children. It was heartbreaking to watch the children’s lives being destroyed one by one as a result of the parents’ quest for achievement.

Although a work of fiction, Sky Castle had succeeded in hitting a nerve. It is so close to reality. Many parents nowadays put emphasis on the children’s achievements. In fact, several surveys done indicated that a great majority of parents; regardless of race, culture and social class, place their children’s achievements or performances as their top concern. Parents praised their children when they excel but blame and punish them harshly if they do not.

This satirical drama is a highly recommended show for all parents out there. As parents, you will learn a lot about the importance of parenting and hardships in raising children. At the same time, it will also give you a deeper understanding on looking at things from the point of view of your children.

Duty of Parents

It is the responsibility of the parents to make sure that their children grow up to be healthy, happy and responsible human beings. It is also the duty of the parents to program their children for success. However, success is relative. The parent’s definition of success may be different from that of the children. Instead of focusing solely on the child’s achievements, it is best that parents focus on helping children achieve their dreams by providing the child with a loving and supportive environment. Remember that not all children are the same. Children have different interests, gifts and talents. It is the role of the parents to find out what these are and unleash the genius within each child . Only be doing so will they grow up to be exceptional individuals.

Updated version. First published in Pinoy Smart Living in 23.08.2019.

Feature Image Credit JTBC of Korea.

Sep

2020

5 Daily Habits to Improve Your Emotional Health

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Our daily habits can help us improve our emotional heath or it can do the opposite. It’s just a matter of which habits we choose to keep and discard in order to start getting back on track towards our health goals and to maintain our health for the long term. Here are 5 daily habits you can develop to improve your emotional health.

If you do not feel that you are emotionally healthy, then try to get a clearer picture of your current state. You can ask yourself these questions to asses your emotional health. Remember that emotional health plays a significant factor in your success in life.

You may not always feel good but integrating these daily habits in your routine can greatly boost your emotional health.

1. Meditate

Practitioners of meditation attest to its many benefits and scientific research can be easily found proving the positive effects of meditation. Aside from calming your mind and body, it helps you take control of your thoughts and stabilize the emotions associated with these thoughts. It can even help you reframe your perspective on certain things that stress you out. Negative emotions can also manifest as illness in your body and meditation allows you to release these emotions and ease the tension that they cause in your body.

If you haven’t started yet, then learn more about meditation and how to do it. If you’d rather do it with someone guiding you; guided meditation videos are easily available online. There are different kinds of meditation for different goals. Try out some of them and see which one works for you.

2. Stay Grounded

Yes, stay humble but also be actually connected to the Earth. Grounding or Earthing is a practice that we can consider as almost lost and buried under all the trappings of technology that we surround ourselves with daily. If you remember the good feelings you had when you were a kid, after playing outside on your bare feet, then you already have an idea of the positive effects of grounding.

In the morning, before the rush of day starts, go out to the garden and stand on bare feet on the grass to ground yourself to the earth for several minutes. The longer the duration the better. Just be sure the ground is dry and it’s not raining when you do this. You can also ground yourself while meditating to save time and maximize the effects. If you can’t do this daily, then at least make sure that you spend some time with nature during your weekends or off days.

For most of us who can’t spend time with nature that much, using natural products for our personal care needs is one way to detox our bodies. Maintaining positive energy in our homes is also a good way to help us feel emotionally well.

3. Practice Self Love Daily

People learn from example and that includes how they treat you. If you cannot take good care of yourself physically and emotionally, then you can be sure that the people around you will be treating you the same way, even if it’s not their intention to do so.

Learn to love yourself more and adopt habits to show your self some love daily. You will not only feel good; you will notice that the good that you feel will multiply as you keep on showing yourself the love that you know you deserve. This is one of the most important daily habits that you can do to improve and maintain your emotional health.

4. Practice Gratitude

Another way to be and to feel emotionally healthier is to be grateful. We know the daily grind may not offer much to be thankful for, so go back to the basics. Are you able to breathe deeply? Are you able to eat 3 meals a day? Do you have a house to go home to and a bed to sleep in? Do you have people who love and value you? Is your body allowing you to do the things you need to do when you want to? Do you have a job that allows you to buy what you need in order to stay alive? Regularly experiencing feelings of gratitude is one of the daily habits that can greatly improve emotional health.

Make a daily habit of thanking the creator or the universe for the blessings you enjoy each day. Start with the basic comforts that you have. These are things that we mostly take for granted but other people lack some of these things in their lives. Gratitude can be life-changing too. Just like meditation, it can help you work through your issues of “lack” in different areas of your life, just like this inspiring story. You can incorporate this gratitude practice in your daily meditation too. You can also keep a gratitude journal and each morning or night, list down at least 3 things that you are grateful for.

5. Unplug and Disconnect

Social connections are important to each person but everyone needs some downtime throughout the day. Don’t wait for your vacation leave to unplug. At the end of each day, set a time to turn off your Internet connection and any other media device (TV, radio, etc.) and read a book, write on your gratitude journal or meditate instead. Ideally, this should be done at least an hour before you go to bed.

Unplugging lets you spend time with your own thoughts and feelings and sort them out if you need to. Reflect on the day’s events and lessons learned instead of drowning yourself on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Unplugging will keep you from being distracted from the irrelevant noise from the outside world so you can quiet your mind and get ready for a restful sleep.

Updated. First published on Pinoy Smart Living on 2019.08.06
Feature Image: Original Photo by Sarah Brown on Unsplash.

Sep

2020

Signs From the Universe That You Are on The Wrong Path

Reading Time: 4 minutes

We have all experienced ‘coincidences’ in life. They often affirm our strong belief that something was meant to be or not meant to be. How many times have you had a gut feeling that you should do or not do something? These are what we call signs from the Universe (or from God, the Divine Source, etc.). Have you also experienced getting signs from the Universe that you are on the wrong path?

The Universe is always communicating with us but sometimes we aren’t aware about it, or we don’t trust it. If you’ve ever had a good or bad feeling about a situation; that is a sign from the Universe. Sometimes, the signs are not as subtle as a ‘gut feeling’ but a long-lasting phase or mood. If you are feeling or experiencing any of these things in your life right now; then it is a sign from the Universe that something has to change.

1. You’re Always Stressed Out

The mot common sign that most of us ignore is when we always feel stressed out about something. Especially if this stress is constant, that means that you need to leave the situation. It may also mean that you need to do something you’re afraid of doing to change the situation.

Sometimes, it’s a person or a thing that stresses us out. If it’s a thing that stresses you out; like the sight of the clutter in your room, then you can easily do something about it. Clearly, it’s a sign from the Universe that you are on the wrong path. So don’t be lazy and clean your room.

If you are always stressed out when you’re around a certain person, examine why this is so. What is it that this person does that stresses you out? Is it something trivial, then maybe it’s your reaction that you can change. If it’s something that not only affects you, then maybe you can talk with that person to stop doing it. If they are unwilling, then maybe you need to stay away from that person or that group of people. Or maybe you just need to take a break from seeing them for a while. This way you can sort yourself out and be able to deal with them better next time.

2. You’ve Lost Interest

Do you feel you’ve lost interest in the things you once loved doing? Take a break from it and see if you can come back to it with renewed interest. If this is not the case, then perhaps you need to move on to something new, or to bigger things.

We sometimes feel guilty when we feel the need to move on from something that we once had a passion for. It’s almost as if we are betraying them and ourselves because we are turning our back on them. So we try to stop the process from happening. But we are only prolonging our agony (and maybe everyone else’s) as a result. This is one of the signs from the Universe that you are on the wrong path.

Whenever you have a feeling that you need to move on from something or someone, your gut is probably right. You are not betraying them or yourself. You only feel this way because you regret all the time and effort you spent with them. Moving on feels as though you invalidate all that you did before. The truth is that all your time and effort has prepared you for the next step or phase. Just be thankful for the experience and move on without regrets.

3. You’re Longing for Change

Did you suddenly wake up one day feeling or thinking that you want things to change? Then they probably need to. Most of us have a sudden realization like this; but we brush it aside and just go on our usual activities. We wait until this thought or feeling becomes a strong longing. Then we either get depressed or frustrated over it, or we do something about it.

The best way to deal with this kind of realization is to do something about it quickly. But figure out what change you want to make first, then start with the small things. Think about what you can do today to implement the change you want for the long-term. Do you wan to start exercising again? Start by doing some light, stretching exercise first or go for a walk or a short jog.

Embrace your longing for change. Do something about it every day instead of putting up with it until it becomes a stressful experience. Define what that change means for you. Set up a plan and a strategy on how you are going to do it. Then start implementing your plan. You future self will thank your old self later on for responding quickly to a nudge from the Universe.

4. You’re in Chronic Pain

We are all aware of the phrase ‘listen to your body’. The Universe also speaks to us through our bodies. If you are experiencing chronic pain that you can’t explain, then take it as a sign from the Universe. You need to do something to make that pain go away.

Have you tried exercising and eating healthy to improve your condition to no avail? Then maybe it’s one of the signs from the Universe telling you that you are on the wrong path. Maybe you need to stop self-medicating and see a doctor instead? Maybe something has to change in your environment.

Sometimes, physical pain can be a sign of other underlying conditions. You may have an emotional issue that you have not addressed. Maybe the Universe is telling you that now is the time to take action to resolve these issues.

There are always signs from the Universe that you are on the wrong path or the right path. It helps to be mindful of your body and your habits so you can easily identify these signs. Try to act on these signs as quickly as you can. That way, you can get back on the right track quickly too.

What other signs from the Universe have you experienced that helped you identify you were on the wrong path? These signs are often very personal and only we can identify them. Don’t take it negatively when things don’t go as planned. Think of it as a sign from the Universe that you are on the wrong path. It’s the Universe’ way of nudging you back into the right path so you can accomplish your goals.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels.

Sep

2020

People Who Cry a Lot are Mentally Strong

Reading Time: 2 minutes

When was the last time you cried? Growing up, were you ever told to stop crying? Sadly, many societies think that crying is a sign of weakness more so if you are a boy. Males are highly discouraged from crying and showing their emotions because for many, it lessens masculinity. There are certain behaviors associated with boys and crying is definitely not one of them, “big boys don’t cry”. Despite this popular social perception, the truth is actually quite the opposite. People who cry a lot are mentally strong.

Crying is the natural way of the body to cope up with mental stress. Negative emotions will build up if we try to hold back our tears. Thus, a good cry is beneficial to our health. Because of its health benefits, the Japanese even have “crying clubs” called Rui-Katsu. In these clubs, people come together literally to sob. They organize crying activities such as watching sad movies to encourage people to cry to release stress.

Here are ways on how crying makes us physical and mentally strong:

Detoxifies

Reflex tears, the type when get something in our eyes, clear irritants such as wind, pollen and dusts from the eyes. Emotional tears release stress hormones such as cortisol and other toxins. Cortisol, considered the primary stress hormone builds up in the body when we are stressed. Chronic and elevated levels of cortisol in the body can lead to other illnesses. Tears help upload these hormones and other harmful chemicals.

Soothes

Did you know that crying is a self-soothing behavior? A study on crying reveals that it regulates moods and reduces stress. A person’s moods improves after a good cry. When we are stressed, the body automatically goes to “fight or flight” response mode. The parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) then should come in restore the body to a calm state. Crying activates the PNS to help the body relax.

Heals

Allowing yourself to feel the pain is actually making yourself deal with your emotions. Rather than running away from it, crying helps you face your feelings. This is a necessary process to recovery. Learning to face our fears will make us more resilient. It makes us stronger individuals.

Aids Sleep

Sleep is a very important factor in our overall health. Troubles normally keep you awake at night. To get a good night sleep, it helps to cry. When you cry, the body not just simply releases stress hormones, it also releases your emotional trauma. That’s why you feel tired after sobbing. It is calming and tiring at the same time. Fatigue will lead you to sleep better.

Improves Vision

Another kind of tear, the basal tears are the ones which are always present in your eyes. They are released continuously to lubricate the entire eye surface each time you blink. Basal tears are considered part of your immune system for they fight against bacterial infection. It also prevents your mucous membranes from drying out. When mucous membranes dry out, your vision becomes blurry. At the same time, if it is continually lubricated, your vision improves.

So, if you are faced with a difficult challenge, go ahead, cry your heart out. It’s okay to not be okay.

Sep

2020

How to Get Out of Credit Card Debt

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Credit cards can be a blessing and a curse. They allow you to spend for something even without cash on hand. However, if you don’t monitor your expenses well, you end up paying more than what you originally spent. If you don’t monitor your swiping sprees wisely, you could end up in credit card debt. I had seen this happen to several friends but I never thought it would happen to me. You then find yourself wondering how to get out of credit card debt.

Credit card debt is scary but it can be avoided and overcome.

I used my first credit card for a new cellphone and for the cellphone purchases of my 3 friends too. In the same month, we had lost our jobs (as we worked in the same company). I had no savings to back me up for the next months. I had to spend my last pay check to look for another job. In the meantime, my credit card debt was getting larger. My friends didn’t have the capacity to help with the payments at the time. What was I to do?

Are you are in the same situation? Are you trying to pay off more than one credit card? Here are some tips to keep you focused on overcoming your credit card debt.

Avoid creating more debt.

Needless to say, this is the first step you should take. Look at your current spending and find out where you can reduce your expenses. Avoid using your credit card for necessary expenses (e.g., food, utilities, etc.), use cash as much as possible.

Leave your credit card at home. This way, you don’t succumb to the temptation of whipping it out every time you are strapped for cash. If you just can’t help yourself, resort to some extreme measures. Some people actually freeze their credit cards, in the refrigerator, so they don’t have the convenience of taking it out.

Make sure to pay your credit cards on or before the due date. This is to avoid getting additional late payment fees added to your outstanding balance.

Be a smart and focused payer.

Educate yourself about your credit cards and pay your credit cards strategically. Talk to your credit card companies. Find out which credit card has the highest interest rate and total outstanding balance.

In general, you should pay off the credit card with the biggest balance or the biggest interest rate first. Aim to pay that credit card first as soon as possible. At the same time, you should still continue to pay for the other credit cards that you have. As soon as you’re finished with the first credit card, tackle the second one next. Repeat with the other credit cards remaining.

Some people choose to pay the credit card with the highest interest rate first. Others start with the credit card with the biggest outstanding balance first. Still others start with the credit card with the smallest outstanding balance. Choose the payment method that you are most comfortable with in your current financial situation.

Find out which credit card companies you can request payment arrangements with. Credit card companies offer payment plans too. You can pay a fixed amount every month until you pay off the full amount. This means that you don’t incur more debt from the monthly interest rate on top of your actual balance. The end goal of this payment arrangement is to eventually close your credit card account once you are fully paid. That’s one less credit card to worry about.

Close the gap with each payment.

As you pay for any of your credit cards, try to pay more than the minimum monthly amount required. Paying more than the required monthly minimum will help you reach your payment goals much faster.

If you are really on a tight budget, you don’t need to do this with each payment. Each time you have some extra cash on hand, pay off more than the minimum amount for your credit card. This means that you also avoid spending the money on something else. That’s hitting 2 birds with one stone.

Don’t close a credit card account that is not yet fully paid. If you are already thinking of doing this, stop immediately. Closing a credit card account that you have not fully paid will have harmful effects to you and your future.

Expect to be hounded with calls, letters and emails with threats of a court case. You might be able to endure it but your unpaid credit card debt may haunt your loan applications too.

Your unpaid credit card debt will reflect badly on your credit history. When you apply for a personal loan from a bank, they will take a look at your payment history. With your unpaid credit card, that’s definitely a red flag on your record. You may not be able to get a personal loan from any bank because of your unpaid credit card.

Also, when looking for employment, some companies do check their applicant’s background including their credit card history. Your shady credit card history may be standing in the way of your dream job.

Endure and learn your lessons.

One of the obvious ways for you to pay off your credit card debt faster is to create more income. You can use your talents to help other people and earn.

List down the things that you are good at. Write down the things that you love to do or would love to do. Be honest with yourself on this or seek the help of friends. Doing this can help you explore hidden talents. You may rediscover a passion that you have been putting on the back burner for a while.

Can you play an instrument or are you good at drawing? Offer to teach for a fee! Do you like to teach children? Be a tutor! Have you always wanted to share your passion for gardening with others? Now is your time to start sharing your knowledge and start earning!

There are many other ways to create income or additional income. You just need to have a clear focus on your goals. Be open-minded to new ideas and be brave enough to grab the opportunity.

Finally, don’t fret about the amount of your debt. By educating yourself and keeping your focus on your goal, you will eventually overcome it. Just don’t forget the lessons you learned along the journey so you can be a wiser spender in the future.

Updated. First published on Pinoy Smart Living on 2018.09.12.
Feature Image: Original Photo by Pixabay from Pexels.

Sep

2020

How to Cope with Traumatic Events

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Dealing with everyday stress has become a normal part of our daily lives. Sometimes, we are put into situations that are more stressful than what we usually encounter. How are we to cope with such traumatic events?

If you or any of your loved ones are experiencing this or have experienced this, then these tips should be helpful in your recovery.

Common Reactions to Traumatic Events

A traumatic experience commonly results in having distressing thoughts and feelings long after the event has passed. These reactions are common and may include the following:

Anxiety or fear of danger to self or loved ones
Avoiding situations or thoughts that remind you of the event
Always thinking about what happened
Anger at what happened
Feeling doubt or guilt for not being able to do something about it
Being easily startled by loud noises or sudden movements
Sudden flashbacks of the event
Physical reactions such as tense muscles, trembling, nausea, headache, tiredness, etc.
Withdrawing from the usual activities
Feelings of sadness, loss or loneliness
Sleep problems, sleep walking, nightmares
Problems with concentration or remembering things

How to Cope with Traumatic Events

Acceptance, communication and being around supportive people are important in the recovery process. Here are some tips to help you deal with your anxieties.

1. Understand that It’s Not Your Fault

Most people end up blaming themselves for causing what happened or for not being able to prevent what happened. You have to understand and realize that the only thing you have control of is your own reaction. So you can’t blame yourself for what other people did that resulted in the event.

If you think you did something wrong which resulted or aggravated the event, understand that you did the best you could in that situation. People’s reactions to your action are not under your control. You all might have misunderstood each other’s intentions and that’s how things got out of hand.

Accept that you and everyone involved did what they did because it was how they coped with the situation at that time. Realize that things are not always under your control or anyone else’s.

BONUS: It is good to remind yourself that there are things that you cannot control. Things will keep happening even without the intervention of us human beings.

2. Continue Communicating

Another common reaction is to withdraw from social interactions. It’s okay to give yourself time to calm down and rest after the situation. However, don’t completely shut yourself off from communicating with your family and friends.

It is during this time that you need the presence of other people most. They can help you get out of your head so you don’t dwell too much on thoughts and feelings of blame, shame, guilt and self-doubt. They can also help you assess whether you need to seek professional help if your trauma is negatively affecting your life and those around you.

Communicating with your inner self is also helpful during this period. Write down your thoughts and feelings throughout the day when you are feeling anxious. Try to review what you wrote when you are in a calmer state of mind. You can also review this with someone, whether a loved one or a professional, so they can help you figure out how to manage your anxious thoughts and reactions.

BONUS: Meditation is a helpful way to calm your thoughts and relax your body so you can communicate with yourself and with others more effectively.

3. Learn to Care for Yourself

We often forget that our mind and body are connected. If we are anxious and stressed out with negative thoughts, our body also suffers. Taking care of your body is an important part of your recovery. Focusing on good health is one way on how to cope with traumatic events.

Try to listen to your body. It always knows what it needs. Feed it when it feels hungry, drink to hydrate, go out and enjoy the sunshine as you walk to warm up and energize. You may even try to use your body to help improve your thoughts. For example, you may dress differently so that you feel more confident about yourself.

Part of caring for yourself is to have fun instead of dwelling on your anxious thoughts. You can do fun things at home or have some fun in your backyard. A simple activity such as writing down the things that you are grateful for can greatly help ease your negative thoughts and make you feel better.

BONUS: Practicing mindfulness is one way to become more connected and be aware of how you can care for yourself more.

4. Start Looking Forward

How are you to cope with traumatic events if you keep looking back at it? You have to accept that what happened is all in the past now and that you can move on from it. Try replacing your anxious thoughts with more pleasant ones.

Play the “what if” game with yourself or with family members and friends. Focus on pleasant scenarios such as finding your dream job, buying your dream house, getting yourself that car you’ve always wanted. What if you got your dream job? What’s the first thing that you will do? How will your life change for the better?

Try to come up with fun and positive scenarios to answer these questions. No matter how ridiculous the answers are, the point is to have fun imagining the future and to imagine a fun future instead of dwelling on the past.

BONUS: You can even create a vision board as your answer.

5. Give Yourself Time to Recover

Recovering from a trauma is a healing process and it is a long process. Just like healing from a broken arm takes time, proper care, some sacrifices (not being able to do your regular activities), and help from others for some activities; emotional traumas need a lot of time for healing too.

While it is easier to see that a broken arm is completely healed; it is hard to tell when it comes to emotional traumas. They are like hidden wounds in the body that we think are already healed and have turned into scars. But once in a while, when we think we have gone back to our normal lives, something triggers the scar to open up again.

Remember, it’s okay to not be okay. So don’t rush yourself but don’t dwell too long in the negative thoughts and feelings that may come up when your memories about a past trauma is triggered. Although your aim is to completely recover, no one can tell when this will happen. So focus on dealing with it as it comes along.

As you learn more from your experience, you will be able to identify what triggers your traumatic anxieties. This will help you to manage your thoughts and reactions when such situations come up again. Trust that one day you will wake up having completely recovered from your traumatic experience.

BONUS: During the process, you will have mastered your own thoughts and reactions to deal with regular events in your daily life so you feel less stress and anxiety.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Inzmam Khan from Pexels.