help

Oct

2021

How To Ask Someone For Help

Reading Time: 3 minutes

It is difficult to ask other people for help. People tend to want to be able to do things their way. Asking for help from other people means acknowledging that we alone are not capable of doing something. It takes a lot of humility to accept that. In a way, we are also surrendering control of the situation and allowing others to take over. That’s why for most of us, we tend to put off asking for assistance unless we already feel hopeless and we need saving. When this happens, another concern comes up and that is how receptive will the other person be. Just imagine how devastating it could be after gathering the courage to finally ask others for help only to be rejected in the end. So, what are the ways on how to ask someone for help to make sure that we can get it?

1. Ask with Sincerity and Humility

Asking with sincerity and humility makes you vulnerable. This in turn will trigger the other person’s instinct and desire to help someone in need. It is hard to empathize with someone who is acting extremely proud.

2. Be Polite

To be polite means being respectful and considerate to other people. If you are polite, you are more likely to achieve your goals. Use words such as:

Please
Do you mind if…?
May I …?
Would it be possible to …?
Could you give me a hand?
Could you do me a favour?

3. Get the Proper Timing

People are busy most of the time. To avoid being rejected, it helps to ask at the correct time. Don’t just call a friend or family and ask directly, ask them first when is the best time to call them or talk to them. In this way, you can be sure that you are not disrupting anything important that they are doing.

Timing not only pertains to the time but also the mood of the person you are asking too. Don’t ask someone who is in a bad mood. This will only increase your chance of being rejected.

4. Give Them Time to Think About It

If you are going to ask for help, it is proper that you give them time to think about your request. Don’t be offended if they cannot answer you right away. By giving them time, they might be able to come up with something that can help you in the best way that they can.

5. Refrain from Reminding Them That They Owe You One

So you have helped your friend before. And now the tables are turned. You need your friend’s help this time. If you are going to ask that person for help, refrain from reminding them that they owe you one. By doing that, is will sound like you are controlling them. It is like you are asking them to pay back the good deed that you have done before. If are going to help somebody, that’s it. There should be no strings attached. Helping others and expecting them to return the favor later is not helping at all. If there is a need for a payback, then that is considered a loan not a helping hand. Don’t make things awkward. Just ask sincerely.

6. Never Give Up

And lastly, don’t expect them to give you the answer that you are looking for. They might not be able to help you. Sometimes, they might say some things that you don’t want to hear. Be prepared for this. If this happens, it’s okay. Don’t give up just yet. Successful persons like Colonel Sanders and Walt Disney never gave up. You can always ask another person instead.

Feature Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Oct

2021

Signs That Someone Needs Help

Reading Time: 3 minutes

The past year has been hard for a lot of people. The pandemic has affected not just the physical health of millions; but its devastating effect has reached even the social, mental, emotional and even financial well-being of the people. Kudos to those who are able to overcome the challenges that these past few months had brought. Unfortunately, not everyone was able to turn their pain into success. Others are still navigating their way out while a few might really be having a hard time. How to spot those who are still struggling? For all you know that are just around you and waiting for you to save them. Here are signs that someone needs help:

1.Emotional Outbursts

You are having a conversation with somebody. Everything was normal until he started getting angry and started shouting. This kind of rapid change of behavior characterized with strong uncontrolled emotional and exaggerated feelings are what you call emotional outbursts. A normal person generally can control and regulate intense emotions especially if in front of many people. If the emotional outbursts become frequent, it is a sign that that person is struggling.

2.Insomnia

Insomnia is having trouble sleeping at night. It is also considered insomnia if one wakes up several times at night. Although there are times wherein insomnia is caused by an underlying illness or as a side effect of medications, more often than not, insomnia is due to stress. If the insomnia has been going on for weeks to the point that it is already interfering with daytime activities; then it is a sign that it is already a cause for concern.

3. Lost of Interest in Activities

A common symptom of depression and mental illness is anhedonia. Anhedonia is the inability to feel pleasure especially even after doing things that the person used to enjoy. It is a state where nothing feels good anymore. If you know someone who lost interest in things that they used to enjoy a lot, chances are that person is struggling.

4. Persistent Feeling of Sadness

It is normal to feel sad every now and then. After all, we are all humans. Thus, it’s okay to not be okay. The problem lies when the feeling of sadness becomes a mainstay. That is already not okay. If you know someone who is like this, that is a clear sign that that someone needs help. The same is true with persistent and excessive feelings of fear or worry.

5.Physical Changes

Do you know of people who stopped taking care of their personal appearances? A decline in personal grooming and hygiene are symptoms of a person struggling. If you know someone who exhibits these symptoms, please be aware that that person may be struggling.

6. Social Withdrawal

Social withdrawal is avoiding people or social gatherings. There are individuals whose personalities are really introverted and shy. So, it is normal for these persons to not socialize a lot unless really needed. What is alarming if social withdrawal happens to those people who were not like that before. The change of behavior is normally a sign that that person is going through a lot mentally and emotionally.

7. Unexplained Sickness

Do you know of someone who always complains of body aches and pain yet the doctor can’t seem to find an underlying illness behind it. Actually, one of the manifestations of depression is physical pain without an obvious cause. It is not because “they are all in your head” but rather depression and other mental suffering can really cause the pain.

8.Weight Changes

Food and mood normally are associated with one another. The food that you eat affects your mood. In the same way, if people are depressed they have the tendency to overeat because food provides a sense of comfort while others won’t have the appetite to eat at all. Either way, weight changes.

Be observant to the people around you. They may need you now more than ever. If you notice these signs recurring over and over again, then it may be an indication that professional help is needed.

Feature Photo by SHVETS production from Pexels

Oct

2021

Save Me

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Have you been feeling down lately? Are you so sad to the point that you have given up all hope? It is normal to feel depressed at times especially when we lose someone dear to us, when we are struggling to make ends meet or when everything seems to be going against us. Do find consolation that you are not alone. Everyone had to go through such an experience in life. It is okay to not be okay. What is important is how you lift yourself from your lowest point in life. But what if it is too hard? How to not allow yourself to give up? When this happens, it is a sign that you need help. Take courage. Ask someone, “save me”.

Give me your hand, save me, save me. I need your love before I fall.
– BTS

Asking others for help is difficult because it is often perceived as weakness. It crushes our pride. The truth is there is no shame in asking for help. On the contrary rather than weakness; it is a sign of strength. The lack of humility hinders success. Successful people know this. That is why many successful people acknowledge the fact that they don’t know everything. Thus, they surround themselves with valuable people who can help them in different situations.

True knowledge exists in knowing that you know nothing. And in knowing that you know nothing, that makes you the smartest of all.
– Socrates

In order to overcome struggles in life, you need to surround yourself with people who will support and help you. There is a power in doing things together rather than alone.

But don’t just ask for help from anybody. Seek the help of a friend or loved one who had gone through the same experience as yours who managed to overcome it successfully. It is important though that these people are positive individuals. Avoid toxic persons for they will only lead you to feeling more depressed. In some cases, it is better to seek the help of experts

Remember, no man is an island. Don’t ever think that you are alone. Now, more than ever; it is better to overcome challenges together.

Feature Photo by SHVETS production from Pexels

Aug

2021

Ways to Help Others During This Pandemic

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Nowadays, it is so difficult not to absorb all the negativities happening around. It is easy to feel sad, scared and lonely. How to stay sane during this pandemic? Change your focus. What you focus on determines your reality. Instead of focusing on yourself and what you have lost because of the pandemic, shift your energy on how you can help others. Helping others is not just for the benefit of other people, it is all about you too. It gives you a sense of purpose. It improves your mood. In addition, It builds self-confidence and increases feelings of competence and satisfaction. At the end of the day, it makes you a happier, healthier and better person. So, what are the ways to help others during this pandemic?

1.Follow Protocols for the New Normal

Let’s face it, we now live in a new world. In the new normal, cleanliness is the new cool. It is easy to become infected and at the same time infect others if we will not adhere to the etiquette rules for the new normal. Remember to always wash your hands. Wear your face masks. Practice social and physical distancing. Stay at home if you are not feeling well. Learn to protect yourself and others.

2. Donate

If you are one of those fortunate few who have more than enough money in your pockets, do provide financial assistance to those in need. Many people are dying. Millions lost their means of livelihood. Millions more are dying of hunger. Your financial contribution will greatly help a lot of people in need.

3. Volunteer

Depending on your skills, you can volunteer to help those in need. For example, if you have medical expertise, you can help in the vaccination drive. If you are good at counseling, you can volunteer to become a crisis counsellor.

4. Spread Positivity

Are you the type of person who loves forwarding messages and news to friends? Before you do that, ask yourself first; what kind of information are you spreading? Did you verify the source? Verify if it is not fake news. What will be the effect of this piece of information to others? I suggest you do the Four-Way Test of Rotary Clubs.

Is it the TRUTH?
Is it FAIR to all concerned?
Will it build GOODWILL and better friendships?
Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned?

If one item is not satisfied, don’t bother sharing it with others. Remember that many people are scared, sad and fearful. Don’t be a source of more negative feelings for others.

5. Check on Other People

Call your family, friends and neighbors. Check on them. Ask them how they are doing. Be a source of inspiration or simply listen to what they have to say. What is important is making other people feel that you are there for them.

6. Take Care of Yourself

Self-care is important now more than ever. And it is not just about physical wellness but emotional wellness as well. Love yourself. Only by truly loving yourself and taking care of yourself will you be able to truly love and help others. You will not be a toxic person to others if you yourself is healthy and happy.

Feature Image by Sasin Tipchai from Pixabay

Aug

2020

Unleash the Genius Within You

Reading Time: 3 minutes

It is human nature to be jealous of others. However, before you even begin comparing yourself with others, think again. We all have different talents and gifts. Each of us is destined to be great. You may not be good in math but you can be an excellent artist. You may be poor in communication skills but you may be a good athlete. Just because you got bad grades in school, it does not mean that you will fail in life. You are more than your report card. You are talented. All you need to do is to find and unleash the genius within you.

Unfortunately, instead of finding our own path, majority of us opt to follow the dictates of society. We let our parents choose our path. We follow what’s popular. Instead of creating our own definition of success, we chose to adhere to how society defines success. We were programmed by society to think in a certain way. As a result, we lose ourselves in the process.

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree it will live its whole life thinking it is stupid.
– Albert Einstein

Instead, we should all learn from Santiago, the lead character from The Alchemist who followed his heart and intuition to look for his treasure.

Zone of Genius

The good news is that, it is not yet too late. We can still find what Gay Hendricks, psychologist and author of the The Big Leap, call the Zone of Genius. The genius zone is that particular area in our life where we are taking advantage of our natural gifts and talents and at the same actually enjoy what we are doing. It pertains to the zone wherein we capitalize on our innate abilities.

Psychologist Mihály Csíkszentmihályi call this at “in flow”. This is because, at this zone, you are “in flow” and are completely immersed in what you are doing that you have lost all sense of time. In addition, you get never-ending inspiration with what you are doing. Every second is fun and meaningful for you. You always feel happy and energized while working. All highly successful people are in this zone. They are fortunate enough to use their passion as the key to success.

Zone of Excellence

However, please take note that there is another zone, the zone of excellence. Be careful not to confuse the two. In the zone of excellence, just like in the zone of genius, you are also doing something that you are good at. Your skills and expertise are also top-notched in this level. The only difference is that in the zone of genius, you not only excel but you also enjoy every minute of what you are doing.

Test yourself. Do you dread going to work every Monday despite the fact that you are good in what you are doing? Are you always looking forward to weekends so that you can recharge? If you feel that way, then you are in the zone of excellence. Remember that you lost track of time in the zone of genius because you are having fun every second of the day. That is reason why some people in the zone of excellence who have already achieved so much still feel that something is lacking in their life. It is because they are in the wrong zone.

Unleash The Genius Within You

Launch Challenge

To unleash the genius within you, you first need to find your zone of genius. How to find your zone of genius? There are two components to get to your genius zone. First, you need to find your genius. The second one is you need to find your purpose.

Finding your Genius

To find your genius, you need to sit at a quiet place and meditate. Listening to calming music can help. Then close your eyes and ask yourself.

What is one thing that you are exceptional at? No one else does it better than you.
When do you feel most energized?
What moment in your life did you feel that you shine the most? What were you doing then?
When do you get the most compliment from other people?
What is one thing that you can do for hours and hours and not get bored with it?
Why and what do people normally ask you for advice?

If you can answer the questions above honestly, then congratulations! You have just identified your genius.

Finding your Purpose

The question now is what do you do with your genius? This is now your purpose. Your purpose is the meaning of your very existence. All of us are born with a purpose in life. Generally, our purpose is to love and serve others. Individually, it is all about serving others using our genius.

Continue your meditation. Then just ask yourself one question.

How can I be of service to others using my genius?

If you can search within yourself the answer to this question, then congratulations! You have now found your purpose in life.

So, what are you waiting for? Work at what you are good at. Follow your passion. Don’t give up. Unleash the genius within you!

Edited Version. First Published in Pinoy Smart Living on 10.05.2018

Feature Image by pasja1000 from Pixabay Images.

Jun

2020

Things to Consider in Finding a Good Mentor

Reading Time: 3 minutes

You need a mentor to fast track your way to success. However, finding a good mentor is not that easy. You cannot just choose anybody that you like. There are some things that you need to consider first in finding a good mentor.

1. Define your Goals

First, ask yourself, what is it that you want? What do you want to achieve in life? Do you want to be successful in a specific field? Are you aiming for a healthy and sexy body? Do you want to be wealthy? What are your goals in life?

Your choice of mentor is highly dependent on what your goals are. Just because somebody is successful does not necessarily mean that that person is the best person to be your mentor. Your mentor’s achievements should be in line with what you want to achieve in life.

2. Be Specific

Once you have defined your goals, you should now look for someone who already achieved whatever it is that you want to achieve. Ask yourself, is there somebody whom you aspire to be like? Who is your role model?

You should not limit yourself to just one mentor. You can have as many as you deem necessary. For example, your wealth mentor may not necessarily be your health mentor. That’s why you need to be specific not just in identifying what you want but in identifying the people whom you think had achieved success in that particular aspect in their lives.

3. Look into Expertise

One of the things that you need to consider in finding a good mentor is his/her level of expertise on the subject. If you want to grow your finances, you need to look for people who know how to handle and grow their money. If you want to have a perfect body, you need to look for people who have perfect body themselves. You want to have a healthy relationship with your partner, you need to look for people who have been in a happy relationship for years. The point is, your mentor should be an expert in that particular field.

There are people who asked money advice from people who are in financial situations worst than them. In the same way, that there are people who asked relationship and marital advice from their single friends.

It is like this, if you want to learn how to play tennis, will you ask a person who doesn’t know how to play tennis to teach you? Of course not! You are going to look for a couch who is an expert in playing tennis. This should also be the case when it comes to finding mentors. Look for someone who has been that road before.

4. Build Authentic Relationships

The best place to look for a mentor is around you. Are there people around you whom you respect and admire? Are there people whom you look up to?

Once you have identified these people, make an effort to build authentic relationships with them. Attend social gatherings. Connect with these people. Keep in touch. These small interactions can help you build a genuine relationship with them. You cannot just simply approach a stranger to be your mentor. It is best that you establish a good personal relationship with them first.

5. Read

Although a personal relationship with a mentor is always better, books about and written by people whom you admire can also be a form of mentorship. Just like a real person, books also have the power to change your thinking and beliefs. Many people succeeded in changing the way they look at things simply by reading books. For instance, if you want to be successful and wealthy, read books about wealth and success.

This is especially useful if there are no people around you who are experts in that particular field that you want to excel to. There are tons of information available out there even in the internet about famous and successful people. Read about them. Learn from their stories and apply the lessons in your life.

If you are not the reading type of person, you can still watch videos of interviews or you can listen to podcasts. The point is the information is available out there.

Good luck in finding a good mentor!

Updated Version. First Published in Pinoy Smart Living in 06.28.2019.

Feature Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay Images.

Jun

2020

Why You Need a Mentor for Success

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Life is exciting. We all want to create and accomplish something that we can call our own – something that we can be proud of. However, the reality is it is not always easy. Life is hard. There will be many obstacles along the way. True, we can just try to navigate it on our own and learn from the process. That is one way of doing it. But, what if there is a shortcut?

Let’s look at it this way. Both the billionaire and the average worker have 24 hours a day. Do you think the billionaire works harder than the average worker? More than simply working hard, what differentiates the two is that the billionaire has learned to work smarter. That is why you need a mentor for success.

You see, there is that long road to success but there is a better way. It is shorter but it entails you to learn from someone else, someone who has already been there. Someone who is smarter than you and someone who can teach you everything you need to know in order to succeed. This someone is what you call a mentor.

Every great achiever is inspired by a great mentor.
– Lailah Gifty Akita

By definition, a mentor is an experienced and trusted adviser. A mentor is someone who can inspire you and guide you and is an expert in that particular field. A mentor can also help you go think through challenges in life. Having the guidance and support of a mentor will do wonders to your professional and personal life.

However, it is not that easy to receive advise from others. It is difficult to follow especially if we have our own ideas and ways in doing things. That is why in order to receive coaching, you must first be open to learning. You need to accept the fact that you don’t know everything. You need a mentor for success if you want your path to be easier and faster.

The only True Wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.
– Socrates

You need other people in order to succeed. Their expertise and resources will help you achieve your goals faster. Get help, support and feedback from mentors. That is how you become great.

If I have seen further than others, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.
– Isaac Newton

First published in Pinoy Smart Living on 06142019

Image Credit Tumisu from Pixabay Images