friendship

Dec

2021

Christmas Gift Ideas for Less

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Need Christmas gift ideas for less? Just a short time before Christmas day is upon us. If you’re still not done with your gift list, you might be stressing out. But all is not lost yet. There are still some gifts that you can make for your loved ones and friends without having to splurge. Some of them you can make at home too.

Your gift doesn’t have to be expensive for it to be appreciated. Personalized gifts are always much appreciated. It gives the gift a sentimental value that commercial items cannot convey no matter how pricey. Here are some gift ideas for less that you can create at home for your loved ones.

Recipe Jars

This is a nice gift for friends and loved ones who love their pancake, waffle or brownies. Just pick a recipe, measure all the dry ingredients and place them in layers into the glass jar. Try to alternate the ingredients in such a way that the colors make an interesting pattern.

Print out the recipe on sticker paper and paste unto the side of the jar. Or print it on cardboard paper and tie to the neck of the jar as a gift tag. You can also use this for chocolate drink mixes or coffee blends.

DIY Kits

Got a family member who loves drawing and coloring? Gather different coloring and drawing materials; a sketchpad, pencils, erasers, a ruler and sharpener. Put everything in a handy file folder that they can conveniently carry with them.

For a friend who loves making her own jewelry, gift them with more beads and trinkets for their jewelry-making collection. You can get them the special beads, or a tool that they’ve been wanting to buy; but just can’t get their hands on. This is one of the Christmas gift ideas for less that’s always appreciated by young students. They are the ones who are passionate about their hobby but can’t afford all the materials.

You can also gift friends with a kit for getting rid of negative energy in their homes and work places. This gift does not only benefit them personally but the people in their space too.

Personal Coupons

If you’re broke but really want to make the effort; then gift your family members and friends with your time and energy instead. This is one of the Christmas gift ideas for less that doesn’t even cost you anything.

Design your own personal coupon stating a service that you will offer for a certain duration of time. For example, you can give your mom several coupons for a neck and shoulder massage for 20 minutes. You can give your dad coupons for washing the car and so on. Give the gift of a memorable experience that you will all recall with a smile later on.

For friends, you can give coupons for accompanying them to shopping errands. They can then claim these coupons any time of the year. Make sure that you state in the terms and conditions that they have to schedule these events with you first.

Use Your Talents

If you’re good at crocheting or knitting; make a scarf, or a beanie, or a pair of mittens, for a good friend or loved one. If you’re good at sketching, drawing or painting, then gift one of your creations to a valued friend.

Got a talent for writing poems? Create one for a special friend and print or write by hand on special paper. It would be great to present this gift by reading it to them aloud. Preparing this kind of gift is a fun process too. Plus, the result can be a very memorable experience.

Are you good with a camera? Take candid photos of your friend, select the best ones and display in a special picture frame. You can also put these in a scrapbook. Label each photo to tell a story about your friendship. Or just showcase your friend’s endearing character or unique personality. You get the idea, so go ahead and start planning for your next creative gift.

Use Available Resources

If you’re not too confident about your talents yet; then the next best thing that you can do is to use your resources to create a personalized gift. Get on your computer and go online.

For a friend who loves their tunes, download them a collection of their favorite songs. Transfer to a USB so they can load it on their laptops and mobile phones. Got a friend or relative who is too busy to take care of putting together a business card? Get your design skills to work and gift them with a simple calling card. Now, they don’t have to write their contact details on a piece of paper whenever they meet clients.

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

You know the saying that one man’s trash can be another man’s treasure? If you’ve got stuff just lying around and gathering dust; think of who these might be of more use to and give that item to that person as a gift. Not only will you reduce your clutter, you get to reuse stuff and recycle them for a purpose.

You might have a friend who’s been pining to have a jacket or bag just like what you have. If you’re planning to buy a new one anyway, why not give your old jacket or bag to this friend? You might have a friend who loves your sense of style. If you’ve got a top that you already have several iterations of; why not give away the one you don’t use most often to your friend?

Got an old lamp that you’ve never even used? Check if the bulb still works and replace if necessary. Give to a friend who has just moved into a new house; or who has been wanting to make-over their bedroom. This is another one of the Christmas gift ideas for less that will definitely be appreciated by the receiver.

Give with Love, Receive with Gratitude

These are just examples of what you can do with your skills and talents. Some creative thinking is needed to make a personalized gift that your loved ones and close friends can appreciate. But before rushing for supplies; set aside some time to do some writing. Make a list of what gifts you can create or find in your own home. Think of what gift would suit the tastes and personalities of certain friends and loved ones.

As a last note, some of your friends and relatives might be giving you these kinds of gifts too. Remember to be grateful and appreciative of all their efforts. After all, it’s the thought that counts. Bonus! You can add gift-planning to the list of things you can do for fun.

DIY gifts take time and effort. Because of this, they truly communicate your appreciation for the person you are giving them to. So go ahead and give these DIY gift ideas a try.

Updated. Republished 2020.12.03. First published on Pinoy Smart Living on 2018.12.17.
Featured Image: Original Photo by Kira auf der Heide on Unsplash.

Sep

2021

Friends You Will Meet in Life

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Did you have a so-called “best friend” that used you and betrayed you? How about a friend that you always hang out with because you have the same hobbies and interests yet you are not really comfortable sharing your secrets with? And then there is the third kind, the rarest kind, a friend whom you hardly see yet you know will always be there for you no matter what? These are just some of the different types of friends you will meet in life.

Ancient Greek Philosopher, Aristotle, in his Book VIII on Nichomachean Ethics, stated that there are three kinds of friends that you will encounter in life. For Aristotle, friendship is a partnership, a mutual feeling of goodwill between two people. While there are three kinds of friendships, only one kind is the perfect kind. Two kinds are imperfect, one is based on utility while the other is based on pleasure.

Aristotle further stated that the two imperfect kinds are not necessarily bad. Time is needed to completely know and love a person. Thus, the two kinds after a long period of time, can actually lead to the third kind. You will always have all three kinds of friendships present at any given point in time in your life.

Friendships of Utility

Friendships of Utility is a kind of friendship wherein two people consider each other friends mainly because of the benefits that they get from one another. It is not normally based on affection. You may or may not like the other person but that person is important to you because you get something from the friendship. Unfortunately, this kind of friendship is temporary. Once the benefit ends, so does the friendship. An example of this kind of friendship is the relationship between business partners or co-workers.

There is nothing wrong with this kind of friendship because it is needed for society to function. Normally, both parties are aware of the kind of relationship that they have, especially if the relationship is on a professional level.

Problems arise when one person treats the other as a genuine friend while the other thinks otherwise. Imagine having a long time friend, not somebody whom you just met. And you realized that you have been used all these years. Think about it, do you have somebody in your life who only calls you when they need something? In your heart, you expect a deeper connection. Unfortunately, for that person; you are simply a friendship of utility. It is painful and hard to accept that somebody whom you have known for so long has only been using you. But that’s just how life is.

If something like this ever happens to you, just accept the fact that the relationship that you have had with that friend is simply just that – a friend of utility. As Paolo Coelho, on The Alchemist said, it is time to close that chapter in your life, no matter how painful it can be. Your journey together has ended.

Friendships of Pleasure

The second type of friendship is purely based on pleasure. Often, these are friends whom you do things with – the people whom you go to the gym with, who you go shopping with, who you play golf with, your so-called activity buddies. You love spending time with them and you are happy when you are with them. But for some reason, you can’t seem to show them the other side of you. You are not comfortable opening up to them. Rather, you would keep your problems to yourself.

This type of friendship is imperfect because the only reason why you spend time with them is because you want to have a good time. Like the friendships of utility, this kind is short-lived. The thing that connects you both is simply external. Once your preference changes, the feeling of mutual enjoyment will no longer be there. For example, you used to love playing golf until you discovered that you enjoy playing soccer more. Because of this, you no longer spend so much time hanging out with your golf buddies because your preference has changed.

Friendships of the Good

This kind of friendship is the perfect kind. It goes beyond utility and pleasure. It is based on respect, goodness, sincerity and mutual trust. You are not trying to get anything out of it. You share each other’s pain and happiness. You don’t have to worry about putting your best self forward. They will accept you for who you are despite your flaws. They will not tell you what you want to hear but rather they will tell you what you need to hear. They always have your best interests at heart. Neither time nor distance can break you apart. It doesn’t matter even if you don’t see each other often, what matters is that you know they are always there for you no matter what.

This kind of friendship is hard to find but once you do find it, you need to learn to treasure it. If you value it, it can last for a lifetime.

First published in Pinoy Smart Living on 01.09.2019

Feature Photo by Ramil Ugot from Pexels

May

2021

How To Know If a Person is Sincere

Reading Time: 3 minutes

You will meet a lot of people in your life. Some will have a deep and long-lasting relationship with you while others will simply come and go. Most of them will be nice at first but only a few will remain with you in this journey called life. Sadly, there will be some who will only be nice in the beginning. Once they are already comfortable, or worse if they get what they want from you; then, you will notice the change in their behavior. Actually, there was really no change. What you thought was a change of attitude is actually showing their true selves. What you saw at first was only their person a. That is the reason why to avoid getting hurt, it helps if you have the ability to figure out a person’s true self early into the relationship. But the real challenge is how to know if a person is sincere?

You don’t lose friends, because real friends can never be lost. You lose people masquerading as friends, and you’re better for it.
– Mandy Hale

1. Actions Speak Louder Than Words

The first thing to do is to observe the person. Sometimes people tend to say one thing yet do another. If a person is sending mixed signals, then rather than their words, it is best to listen to their actions instead. After all, it is easier to lie with words. Actions are different. It is difficult to sustain an action without sincerity. By observing a person’s actions, it will be easy to figure out whether that person is being sincere or not.

2. Consistency Over Time

Consistency is sincerity. In a relationship, consistency means commitment. It means doing things on a regular basis even for a long time. If a person treat you the same way he/she treats you from the very first time you met that person, then that is a clear sign that the person is sincere.

3. Eyes Are The Windows to the Soul

In many cultures, giving eye contact is a form of respect. It also shows sincerity and honesty. In this modern world, it is so common to see people looking at their cellular phones even in the middle of conversations. Showing respect to another person is giving them your full and undivided attention.

To know if a person is being sincere, look into their eyes. The eyes will reflect a person’s true emotional state. You will know a person’s true feelings towards you because the truth is reflected in a person’s eyes.

4.Giving Without Expecting Anything in Return

Many people do things or favors to others but expect to benefit each time. If you encounter such persons, then be aware that these kinds of persons just want to benefit from the relationship. They might not express it right away but if you sense that they are keeping mental tabs, it is a sign that you should be cautious around such persons.

A sincere person will gladly help or do something for you without expecting anything in return. The true art of giving should not have any strings attached.

5. Treating Everyone Fairly and Equally

Do you notice some people who are extra nice to people who are wealthy or in power? Those kinds of people are your typical examples of hypocritical people. If you know such persons, it is best to stay away from them. A genuine person will treat everyone fairly and equally regardless of race, gender, social status, religion and age.

But always remember if you want to be treated sincerely by other people; you must begin with yourself first. If you treat others sincerely, you will attract the same kind of people in your life for you are the average of five persons you spend the most time with.

Feature Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels

Apr

2021

5 Ways You Can Suffer from Social Media Addiction

Reading Time: 5 minutes

There are many ways you can suffer from social media addiction. In today’s world, it is almost impossible to not be a part of social media in some way. There are many social media platforms to chose from. Most people have at least 2 to 3 social media accounts on different platforms.

The use of social media has become so ingrained in our daily routine. We don’t often notice the harm it can cause. Just like any addiction, social media can become a habit that is hard to let go. Today, not having a social media account makes you seem anti-social. However, becoming anti-social is actually one of the negative effects of being addicted to social media.

With the rise of more affordable mobile devices, the use of social media is also on the rise. This also means that more people are experiencing the negative effects of being addicted to the use of social media.

1. FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) + Unhealthy Sleep Patterns

People who can’t stop checking their social media accounts so frequently do so because of a fear of missing out. This is one of the reasons why people develop social media addiction. Be it on the latest trends in fashion, entertainment or news; they don’t want to miss out on the latest happenings. Nobody wants to be criticized for being old fashioned or late to the news by their “friends” on social media. As a result, they spend their time late into the night, following recommended links and discussing these with their group.

This is especially true if you join a social media group which focuses on a particular topic. You need to be very active in the group conversations in order to be noticed. This is why you need to keep yourself updated on the topic/s so your comment gets more attention. In this cycle of events, you feel that you are getting more friends even as you lose more sleep.

This type of environment makes you feel like you belong to a group. In turn, this makes you feel the need to contribute to the group and make your presence felt. The problem is that this group is a virtual group; so you don’t really know the actual members. Spending too much time in this online group may lead to you developing anti-social tendencies in your personal relationships.

2. Developing Anti-Social Tendencies

You may have more than 500 friends or followers on your social media profile. Question is, do you really know each of them personally? You may be a part of a popular social media group, but do the members know each other at all?

Social media groups and group chats are useful for learning new things. They also allow you to get to know new people with similar interests as you. Spending time with your online friends is enjoyable but it also deprives you of quality time with your friends in the physical world.

Being immersed in just one group for too long will also encourage “group think”. This mindset makes you less open to exploring new ideas and concepts. You might reject an excellent suggestion about a particular topic just because it isn’t aligned with your group’s opinion. When you are limiting yourself to group think, you end up with more arguments instead of meaningful and productive discussions.

If you always spend time online and/or always argue with your friends and loved ones offline; eventually, you will develop anti-social behavior which could lead to more serious relationship issues and mental health issues later on.

3. Getting a Negative Self-Image

Social media posts are generally about good things or bad things in a particular person’s life experience. If you are always stalking your favorite social media influencer because you want to imitate their “perfect” life; then you are in for trouble. No one can have the perfect body unless they’ve been digitally enhanced. Life is only perfect in still pictures. People in social media tend to highlight only the good stuff. This is especially so in ads or thru celebrity endorsements.

Comparing yourself to the perfect lifestyle of celebrities is a negative habit. Doing it regularly will only make you develop a negative self-image. Instead of encouraging you to accept and love yourself; it may even give you a more negative view of the world in general.

As you stalk your favorite social media personality’s profile; you pine away at the things you don’t have in your life yet. With this habit, you are also negatively impacting your physical and mental health. Lingering on your social media feed will lower your self-esteem even more. There is a higher chance of this happening if you don’t have a healthy measure of self-confidence to begin with.

4. Setting Unrealistic Expectations

We all know the saying: “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” Based on your online friends, what type of person will you become or have you become that person already?

Being constantly on social media may give you unrealistic expectations of the real world. Relationships on social media are very different from relationships in real life. How people behave on social media is not how real people behave in the physical world. Relationship stress in the real world are very different from online ones. Constantly comparing your own situation to that of your social media idols and friends will result in many disappointing experiences.

It is even more harmful if you have experienced cyber-bullying in your social media group/s. This is similar to experiencing peer pressure in real life. It is just as harmful online because your attackers may be more than you can handle. Since you don’t know each other personally, any way you defend yourself will be useless. But since they are speaking as a group, then their opinions will come off as valid and believable. You may end up following their advise even if you’re not really sure about it. This is another negative effect of “group think”.

5. Feeling Depression and Anxiety

Aside from news channels, how many people have you seen online venting their frustrations and personal issues on their profiles? If you’ve started doing the same, then you might also be exhibiting the symptoms of depression.

Some people use social media to vent out their frustrations. This is actually alright if you are sharing such matters to just a select group of intimate friends and/or relatives. But if you are venting publicly, then you may invite unwanted attention and unsolicited advise as well as criticism.

If you are ranting on your social media group, you may receive both helpful comments as well as criticism. However, if you can’t manage the comments wisely, then you will only end up getting stressed and anxious. You may even end up depressed from one negative remark which might trigger a host of other negative emotions.

Depression is not something to make light off. Most people are not even aware that they are depressed. Do you find yourself constantly looking for validation online, instead of asking help from your actual friends and family? You may be more anxious or depressed than you think.

Next time you pick your phone or check your social media profile, try to set a time limit. This way, you don’t miss out on the more important things you need to pay attention to.

Do you know people who have experienced any of these ways that you can suffer from social media addiction? Have you experienced any of these yourself? The first step to solving the problem is awareness. Just like money, you should spend more on experiences that you will remember later on, with the people you love, instead of meaningless chatter online. Manage your time online wisely so you don’t miss out on the wonderful experiences real life has to offer.

Updated. First published on Pinoy Smart Living on 2019.10.15.
Feature Image: Original Photo by ROMAN ODINTSOV from Pexels.

Apr

2021

Little Things That Destroy Relationships

Reading Time: 4 minutes

The little things that destroy relationships are often not always clear to the parties involved. Couples, friends or family members end up angry and confused; not knowing what actually happened. Sometimes after the relationship has ended or become stagnant; we still don’t know exactly why the situation became worse. We still wonder how things could have ended up better.

The specific details of maintaining a relationship always depends on the personalities involved. Just like in setting any goal; it’s the little things that accumulate over time, that create or results in success or failure. In relationships, little things and annoyances can add up subtly without us being aware of them. These can destroy a relationship if not addressed in time.

Taking people for granted

We are usually extra caring and act extra nice to the people who are most important to us. It sounds selfish to say but we expect them to reciprocate in the same way too. What they do for us becomes part of our daily routine. We become so familiar with what they keep doing for us that we end up taking their actions for granted. We forget to acknowledge their efforts.

The other person then ends up feeling being taken for granted and unloved. This is one of the little things that destroy a lot of relationships. From being in love; the couple break up or end up filing for legal separation because one person didn’t feel loved enough in the relationship. So don’t forget to appreciate the other person’s efforts as much as you can. Make efforts of your own to show them you care too.

Not having a life of your own

Being the center of someone’s universe sounds romantic. In reality, this situation is actually suffocating to both individuals involved. Some people even disappear from their friends and family’s lives when they are in a romantic relationship. They have turned their focus solely on their special someone. People sometimes grow out of love because the person they fell in love with has changed. The bright and interesting person became clingy, dependent on them, too possessive of them, even jealous of other people in their partner’s life.

Remember that your friends and family were there before this person ever showed up in your life. These are the people who can actually help you decide if you are indeed falling in love, or not. So don’t forget about them and make time to enjoy their company too. Any relationship you have should be a part of your universe, your life. Cultivating your relationships with other people in your lives help both of you to grow as individuals which benefits your romantic relationship. This is one annoying little thing that destroy relationships that most people often take for granted.

Being disrespectful to other people

Respect is the foundation of any relationship. It builds trust and provides individuals with assurance that you have their support and vice versa. Part of showing respect is to be tactful when in public. Whining about your partner’s habits to your other friends or family members; embarrassing them or making jokes about them in front of other people are some of the worst ways to disrespect your partner. Being disrespectful of the other person is one of the little things that destroy many relationships in a very short period of time.

This applies to non-romantic relationships as well. Dissing a colleague in front of the boss is a big no-no if you want a happy work place. This will just make your colleagues think that you are a toxic person. Respecting each other’s personal space is also showing respect to the other person. Saying sorry when you know you need to, shows respect. Not touching other people’s belongings and asking permission to borrow stuff and giving them back is showing respect too.

Not communicating honestly and regularly

Most relationships end up in a bad way because both parties don’t communicate honestly and regularly. Communication is the best way to understand each other. Regular, honest communication ensures that you know what both of you expect in the relationship. It helps you get to understand each other better. You learn how to make the other person feel appreciated by learning what their love language is, for example. It’s easier to recognize when they make special effort to do something for you because you know their personality well enough. You will know how best to make them feel special too.

Lack of communication is a major cause why people destroy their relationships. Communication helps both of you to avoid the drama that you see on most TV and movie relationships. You don’t have to always get into a bad argument, pile on negative emotions, hold grudges, doubt the other person, or play the blame game when issues come up. If you can talk with each other honestly and regularly; you can sort things out more peacefully. Plus, it is fun to plan quality time with each other just to do stuff you’re both interested in and to talk about anything you want.

These are some of the little things that are often the cause of how people destroy their relationships. The actual reasons of relationship failures are quite specific to the people involved. So stop wondering “where do broken hearts go?” Instead, start asking “what should broken hearts do?” These scenarios should help you pinpoint areas of improvement that you need to work on in your relationships.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Pixabay from Pexels.

Feb

2021

Refreshing Date Ideas for Cheap or For Free!

Reading Time: 5 minutes

Don’t have the budget for a date? No worries! Here are some refreshing date ideas for cheap or for free that you can try.

Staying indoors is always an option with these staycation ideas. Watching movies? Spend on some popcorn and drinks or on other snacks of your choice. One of you got cable? Netflix and chill is definitely a fun option.

A “cheap date” doesn’t have to be a boring or even a negative experience.

No one wants to end up just sitting opposite each other (also called the dinner date) trying to talk. No one wants a date where you end up just sitting beside each other (the inevitable movie date after the dinner). It’s definitely time to try something new. Observing proper etiquette for the new normal when going out for your date is always a must.

Date at the Park

Exploring places near your area is a good way to spend a date without spending too much. Your local park is a good place to start and there are many things you can do. Be sure to check first the park’s opening and closing hours or if they are open at all.

Feed the ducks, the swans, or the fish (whichever animals they have)
Take pictures of things you like and/or of each other
Get a good place to sit and try to sketch each other
Play a board game at any of the available tables and benches (suggestions here and here)
Rent a bike and ride together or learn from each other
Make yourself a couple of sandwiches, bring some drinks and have a picnic
Bring your favorite instruments and practice together or serenade each other
Watch an actual game (e.g., basketball, etc.) or tournament (e.g., chess, etc.) for free
People-watch and make stories of the interactions these persons may have
Watch a concert at the park (usually for free)

Spend Time with Nature

Being surrounded by nature is always a good way to loosen up and get more bonding moments together. Here are some things you can do to get closer to nature and to each other. Time in nature is one of the often taken for granted date ideas that’s cheap or even free.

**Watch the sun set together.**
Photo by Tirachard Kumtanom from Pexels

Do some gardening together (try out these indoor plants)
Go hiking or trekking at a nature trail near you
Go biking thru a trail or a nearby location
Watch the sunset together at the beach or on top of a hill
Visit a public garden and take pictures
Join a free Tai Chi class (usually held in open, public spaces)
Do a photography walk of a local nature trail
Get out a mat and attempt some yoga moves together
Walk your dogs together

Be Sporty Together

Are you both sporty or just want to flex your muscles? Try out some non-contact indoor sports or check out your local listings for some free classes or fund-raising events where participants can join for free. Or, check out your neighborhood for convenient locations where you can indulge in sports activities and learn more about each other.

**Try wall climbing with your date.**
Photo by Allan Mas from Pexels

Workout together (indoors or outdoors)
Do your yoga (indoors or outdoors)
Go walking, hiking, biking or running
Go roller skating or skateboarding
Play badminton or tennis
Go wall climbing
Learn the hula hoop
Join a zumba class (usually for free, in the park and in some malls)
Make your own kite and learn how to fly one (may not be an actual sport but offers a great workout)
Join a free Tai Chi class (outdoors)
Cheer for your local team during their practice or an actual game

Go on A Cheap Adventure

People watching is the cheapest adventure of all. All you need is someone to talk to as you watch people and the world go by. Been there and done that? Try out these other cheap thrills.

A road trip is cheap and fun. — **A road trip can be a fun date experience.**
Photo by picjumbo.com from Pexels

Volunteer for a cause (bonding moments + giving back = winner!)
Indulge in some art at the local museum (entrance fees are cheap and sometimes free)
Window shopping for the things you both like
Go to an antique store and browse around and maybe learn some history in the process
Go on a road trip with your local bus or jeepney (be sure to pay the full round trip fare) or on your car (check out these road trip tips)
Travel to the next town and pretend to be tourists
Watch a free movie or concert outdoors (check out your local listings)
Watch a free theater play at your local community
Go to a food market and enjoy some of the free taste offers
Go on a food trip of different street foods
Make a small fire outside and admire the constellations

Date at Home

The weather not permitting you to go out for a date? These are date ideas that you can enjoy indoors for cheap or even for free.

**Serenade each other for a romantic date.**
Photo by Mẫnn Quang from Pexels

Cook together (with whatever ingredients you have on hand)
Have a laugh night with YouTube videos
Draw or sketch each other
Get some crayons and/or water colors and learn how to paint
Play board games or video games (be sure to maintain the sportsman’s spirit)
Play a game of darts, pool, cards, etc.
Learn or practice your favorite instruments (and serenade each other)
Compose a poem or song together, or write a story for a play or movie
Get crafty and make DIY projects like repurposing and decorating shoe boxes
Learn crocheting or have fun with origami
Study a magic trick together
Practice a dance routine or sing-along to your fave songs
Plan a trip together (consider these under rated destinations and check out air travel in the new normal)
Make yourselves some great coffee and just have great conversation

Going out has restrictions at this time. Luckily, a virtual date can be fun. There are many online services offering virtual tours and other fun activities that you and your date can enjoy. Be sure to prepare to look your best for this virtual event.

These are just some refreshing date ideas that you can enjoy for cheap or even for free. Whatever your date plans are, be sure that you both have fun.

Updated. First published on Pinoy Smart Living on 24.10.2018.
Feature Image: Original Photo by Jonathan J. Castellon on Unsplash.

Oct

2020

Managing Relationship Stress in The New Normal

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Maintaining healthy relationships during a time of uncertainty is quite stressful. Each person is under different kinds of stress which takes its toll on relationships. So it is important that we learn our way in managing relationship stress in the new normal.

With many individuals facing unemployment and families grappling with financial instability, stress build-up is a common occurrence in this new normal. Relationships are important as they provide meaning to person’s lives. Social ties also provide individuals with a sense of hope and a circle of support during tough times.

Tips to Managing Relationship Stress in The New Normal

Here are some tips to keep in mind as you navigate through relationship stress not only in this new normal, but in the times ahead.

Understand each other’s unique needs

No two relationships are the same because each person has unique needs and expectations. Thus, there is no one method that fits all types of managing relationships.

It is more helpful to first figure out what each person’s unique character is and how you are different from them. This way, you have a better idea of how to communicate with them about challenges.

One way to look into is to figure out what love language each of you has. This way, you already have an idea of how to comfort the other person when they are stressed out.

Stay on their side when things get stressful

When you see that the other person is under great stress, cut them some slack. Give them breathing room to think and vent out. You may be feeling just as stressed but getting into a verbal fight won’t help things.

The best thing to do is to walk away from each other until both of you have calmed down and are not as emotional about the issue. Give each other some time to think things through. Giving the other person time to manage their emotions is also being kind to yourself as you don’t stress yourself even more. After all, you can’t calm someone down if you aren’t calm yourself.

Most importantly, remember that this situation is just a phase and it will also pass. So there is no need to dwell in it too long. Talk only when both of you feel that you are ready. Trust that in the end, everything will go well.

Take the time to listen to each other

Only talk when both of you feel that you are ready to sort things out and be honest when doing so. Don’t go into the conversation with the intention of winning the argument. Your main goal should be to understand the situation as a whole, which means understanding the other person’s point of view.

This means that you have to listen actively. Listening actively involves letting the person finish their thoughts instead of butting in. Asking them questions to clarify what they mean instead of explaining your own point of view. This is key to a deeper understanding of the other person’s feelings and perspective.

Take turns to listen and express your feelings and perspectives. Pause to think when you need to. Clarify when you need to by asking questions. Be honest and sincere so that the other person will do the same.

Give and respect each other’s alone time

It may seem like the wrong approach but taking some “alone time” or “me time” is important during challenging times. Even if we crave for social interaction so we can talk out our issues, alone time provides us with the breathing space to vent out and to truly understand how we feel about the situation and how we hope things will turn out.

So if someone suddenly doesn’t return your messages or calls, don’t send them an angry text or make incessant calls. Instead, send them an encouraging message and tell them that you look forward to talk with them again as soon as they have time or when they are ready.

In the same way, taking time out for yourself to process the thoughts and emotions that stress you out. This will also help with your mental health. This gives you the space to clarify things in your own head and heart so you can talk about it with honesty and sincerity.

There is no magic recipe for how to make relationships work. There is certainly no guide book in managing relationship stress in the new normal. However, maintaining healthy relationships is an important part of every person’s life. Stress caused by challenges is also a part of each person’s reality and in every relationship. It will help you grow individually and help your relationship develop even further.

It is important to give each other time and space to do what they need and maintain an attitude of understanding when conflicts and problems arise. In this way, you are able to resolve conflicts and manage stress so you can maintain your relationships.

Featured Image: Original Photo by Helena Lopes on Unsplash.

Jun

2020

The Moving On Challenge

Reading Time: 4 minutes

The phrase “moving on” is familiar to anyone who has ever experienced heartaches and hardships in life. You may need to move on from a romantic break-up, a job that didn’t work out, or a falling out with a friend. Any situation that requires you to let go of someone or something is hurtful. Moving on from the experience is a challenge.

We all have our own ways of moving on. Some of us bounce back quickly while others take longer to process their feelings and set themselves right again. Depending on the circumstances and the depth of the relationship between the individuals involved; moving on can shape our personalities and affect our outlook on life in a very profound way.

Example, whether it be good or bad, has a powerful influence.
— George Washington

We have relationships we have moved on from, are still moving on from, people who have moved on from us, and people we still keep with us. All have a huge impact in how we live our lives today. So it is important to look back and reflect on how these people contributed to our current outlook in life.

Challenge Yourself to Move On

Let us review our relationships. Reflect on the things we can learn from the persons who were around us back then and those who are still with us now.

Take a notebook or a sheet of paper, a pen and 2 highlighters with different colors. Make 3 columns on the page.
Label these columns as follows: Person, Negative and Positive.
In the Person column, write down at least 50 people who influenced your growth and development until now. These can include your parents and relatives, schoolmates, teachers, friends, mentors, etc. You can write more if necessary. They can include departed people as well.
On the next 2 columns, write down how each person influenced you in a negative and a positive way. There may be a relative or friend who acts selfish and complains a lot (negative). Their behavior also taught you how to be patient (positive) with others who act like them.
Using your highlighters, mark the persons you still keep in touch with until now in one color. Mark the persons you don’t want to keep in touch with anymore in another color. For the departed ones on the list; you can decide to skip them. Or you can include them if you feel that they still exert a major influence in your life until now.

In the process of making the list, think about why you chose the person. Try to remember the worst but also the best about each person. What has changed in your life for the better or for the worse after meeting them? Who did you have an easier time moving on from and who did you have a hard time letting go?

The Wind Beneath Your Wings

The people you choose to keep or let go, reflect the kind of life you have been living until now. The positive and negative traits they embody are also the same traits that you have been exhibiting and/or struggling with. They affect you mentally, emotionally, physically and greatly influence your overall quality of life.

There may be some past relationships that you have moved on from. You may realize that you are still carrying with you their negative influences. Your challenge then is to learn how to be grateful for the experience; be thankful for the lessons so you can finally let it go.

Not all relationships can be categorized as purely negative or positive. There are always shades of the other in each relationship. You may choose to stay in a relationship with a person who negatively influences you because it has positive results.

Attitude is greatly shaped by influence and association.
— Jim Rohn

For example, you may dislike your best friend’s nagging most of the time. However, you admire the fact that they are able to speak their mind openly. You appreciate that they always tell you the things that you need to hear. They don’t always agree with you when they think you’re wrong. You label them a “kill joy”. Most of the time, their actions help prevent you from doing something foolish that you may regret later on.

Or you may sometimes think of wanting to move far away from a friend who is socially awkward. It’s hard to be with them at a party. They don’t talk that much and you have to keep inserting them into the conversation. You have to keep talking to them so as not to make them feel left out. Their behavior frustrates you but you still keep in touch with them. They are always ready to lend a shoulder for you to cry on when you need it. They also listen to your woes and petty complaints without judgement. They’re also the friend who gives you the best advice.

Moving On and Moving Forward

You can consider these aspects of yourself and your relationships the wind beneath your wings. Each person is your wingman for different circumstances. Some of them help keep you afloat and rise up in tough times. Others may seem like they are dragging you down most of the time. Yet, they are still able to help you in different ways. How you balance these different aspects of your relationships with others and within yourself, will help sustain you through your life experiences.

The people you surround yourself with influence your behaviors, so choose friends who have healthy habits.
— Dan Buettner

Once you have identified these aspects that you wish to move on from and those you want to keep; then you can truly move on and move forward for the better. When you have clarity on the things you like or dislike and what you can tolerate; then you have identified the things that you value the most. This will make it easier for you to make decisions in life that are aligned with your values. This also makes it easier to choose which friends to keep.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash.

Jun

2020

Korean Dramas About Having a Support System

Reading Time: 5 minutes

The presence of a support group in your lives is an essential factor to success. Your support group will serve as your driving force for success. You need people who will believe in you when no else would and will stay by your side when all others left. If you are a Kdrama fan, you might want to check out some dramas about having a support group. These dramas illustrate the importance of having people around that served as the wind beneath the wings of the leads. Here are the list of Korean Dramas about having a support system for success:

1. Birth of a Beauty (2014)

Overweight and kind-hearted Sa Geum-Ran spent years being maltreated and abused by her in-laws while her husband had an affair. To make matters worse, his husband was the one who asked for a divorce. To get revenge, she underwent an extreme makeover. She worked together with Han Tae Hee as her life coach. Han Tae Hee is an heir to a large corporation who is suffering from a broken heart syndrome.

2. The Doctors (2016)

The Doctors is a medical drama about a troubled teenager Yoo Hye-jung. She changed her delinquent ways when she met her mentor, Dr. Hong Ji Hong. He is a neurosurgeon who played a major role in influencing the life of the heroine and transforming her from a troublesome youth to a compassionate and successful doctor.

3. Dr. Romantic I (2016) & II (2020)

Boo Yong-ju was once a famous doctor who gave it all up to live in a small town. There, he became Teacher Kim and served as mentors to young doctors who lost their way in their professions. He taught them skills. He also served as inspiration for them to remain righteous in their careers and not become doctors who merely aspire for fame, wealth and power.

4. I’m Not a Robot (2017)

The male lead, Kim Min-Kyu is a very rich man but lives in isolation because he has a severe allergy from human contacts. He becomes interested in a humanoid robotic project called Aji3. When the robot Aj3 malfunctioned on the scheduled demonstration, the inventor sent Jo Ji-ah to pretend and act like the robot. Through Aji3, the male lead was slowly able to overcome his mental and health issues and began trusting humans again.

5. It’s Okay, That’s Love (2014)

The drama is about two broken and flawed individuals who found each other and helped heal one another in the process. It is not your typical romantic comedy because it deals with mental health. A bestselling mystery novel writer and psychiatrist both have traumatic pasts. The story is all about their journey towards healing, love and acceptance.

6. Kill Me, Heal Me (2015)

Cha Do-Hyeon is a third generation billionaire who suffered from multiple personality disorder because of a traumatic childhood. He was able to regain control of his life, despite his seven different personalities through the help of Oh Ri-Jin, a first year psychiatric resident.

7. Protect the Boss (2011)

Protect the Boss is a workplace romantic comedy between a boss and his secretary. The boss, Cha Ji Heon, is an immature youngest son of a conglomerate. The male lead is the exact opposite of the strong, tough, independent and strong-minded female lead, Noh Eun-Sol the secretary. Trust and friendship were formed as two started working together. Because of Noh Eun-Sol’s support and belief in her boss; Cha Ji Heon finally got his act together, overcame with his fears and managed to prove himself worthy of becoming the successor of the business.

8. Reply 1988 (2016)

Reply 1988 is a story about five people who live in the same neighborhood and have been friends since childhood. It is a story of family, friendship, and dreams in life. It shows the ups and downs of their everyday lives and their journey towards happiness and success. The drama depicts the importance of having a support system around you, those people who will accept you for who you really are.

9. School 2013 (2012)

This is a teen drama that depicts the life, struggles and dilemmas of students. It is about friendship, growing up and having hope for the future. Kang Se Chan and Jung In Jae are school teachers in the story who have a class of tough teenagers. They are two teachers who greatly influenced the lives of the their students in more ways than one. They were able to help the students overcome their struggles and start dreaming of a better tomorrow.

10. The Secret Life of My Secretary (2019)

The Secret Life of My Secretary is about a cold boss who fired his overworked secretary despite her efficiency and his overly dependence on her. He ended up needing her help again when he lost his ability to recognize faces. Together, they solve the mysteries and challenges of the mobile media company and in their lives.

Feature Image by Helena Lopes from Pexels

Special thanks to Lyrie, Sher and Isabel, certified Kdrama fanatics, for making some of the recommendations.

Jun

2020

People You Need in Your Life

Reading Time: 3 minutes

No man is an island. According to the longest study on happiness, we all need healthy and fulfilling relationships with other people in order to be truly happy. However, not all relationships are the same. There are varying degrees of closeness. There are people you need in your life, those who are really close to us. These people have significant influence in our lives while there are others who are mere acquaintances.

It is important to have a clear understanding of the different levels so that you will be able to discern your relationship with each individual. In this way, it is easy to set boundaries on the friendship. After all, not everyone can be your best friend.

The Dunbar Number

According to a theory formulated by Robin Dunbar, an anthropologist and psychologist from the University of Oxford, based on the size of the human brain; an average person can have 150 persons on his/her social group. This is the maximum number of persons that we can have a relationship with. More than that would just be mere acquaintances. Out of this 150, about 50 are considered as close friends. Close friends are those who you hang out with, go to parties or dinner with. You see them often but you don’t really confide in them. Out of this 150, about 15 are your confidants. You talk about each other’s lives and you confide in them. Out of this number, only 5 serve as your support group. To put it simply, out of all your facebook friends or instagram followers, you only have a genuine relationship with 150 of them.

Now, let’s go to your support group, your top 5. Who are your type 5? Your top five plays a very important part in your life. Have you heard that you are the average of the five persons you spend most of your time with? Yes, you are the average of your support group. They have a big influence on either your success or failure in life. That is why it is important to be choosy when it comes to your support group.

Your magic five can serve as your inspiration, balance, encouragement, challenge and supporter.

The Five People You Need in Your Life

1.The Cheerleader

A cheerleader by definition is someone who supports you. This person is your biggest fan. Your cheerleader can be your parent, sibling, spouse, best friend or boss. He/she is your greatest source of encouragement, someone who lifts you up when you are down and someone who stays behind when others have left.

2.The Mentor

Everyone wants to be successful in life. Unfortunately, the road to success is not easy. It is full of challenges and hardships. Success rewards only the bravest and those who are willing to persevere. A mentor is someone who has taken that same road before. He/she is someone who is already successful in that particular field. A mentor can provide you with knowledge and information that you need in order to shorten your journey to success.

3.The Brutally Honest

Let’s face it, there are certain circumstances in life wherein you are on the wrong path and no one around you is brave enough to tell you the harsh truth. Well, that’s the reason why you need someone who is brutally honest in your inner circle. You need somebody who will tell you that truth not just people who tells you what you want to hear. It is the only way for you to remain grounded and that to ensure that you are on the correct path.

4. The Energizer

Life is full of challenges. It can be draining at times. That is why it is important to have fun to keep yourself sane. This is the role of the energizer in your life. That person is your go to friend if you want to have fun. He/she picks you up when you are down and gives you strength and energy. The energizer is full or positivity and enthusiasm about life. There is never a dull moment with the energizer around.

5. The Like-Minded

The collaborator is somebody with similar interests. The two of you shares the same passion, hobbies, food, music and other activities together. He/she is someone that serves as your companion and partner in doing things that you enjoy. You are very compatible together.

Find these five people that you need in your life to help you live a successful and fulfilling life.

Feature Image by florentiabuckingham from Pixabay Images