community

Jan

2022

Are You A Product of Your Environment?

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Are you a product of your environment?

You wake up in the morning. You look outside your window and you see dark clouds looming in the sky. By the glimpse of it, you know right away that it is going to be a long gloomy day. You check the news and you see the number of COVID cases rising, you feel scared and sad. On your way to work, someone recklessly cut in front of your car on the road. You got furious and you spent the rest of the day in a bad mood.

In a different scenario, your sports team has just won the championship. As a result, you feel ecstatic the whole week. How about when your crush complimented your new hair? For sure, you will be on cloud nine for days.

Reactive People

These scenarios are examples of how people become products of their environment. You may not like the idea but if you can relate to any of the situations, then you have been influenced by your environment. Although the degree of effect differs from one person to another; our thoughts, actions, behaviors, beliefs, emotions, feelings and habits are all dictated and influenced by external events. Eternal events are events that we do not have control over.

“I can’t do that”
“If only I have more money”
“I don’t have the time”
“It’s because the economy is not good”
“If only my boss is a little bit understanding”
“If only I have a better job”
“My parents forced me to take this course”

Sounds familiar? You will normally hear these statements from reactive people. Reactive people are people that allow external events to control their lives. By being reactive to situations, we become victims of our environment. We absolve ourselves from responsibility. Instead, what we do is we let the outside situation control the direction of our lives.

Aside from external events, the people around you also have the power to influence your thoughts, beliefs and decisions. Successful author and motivation speaker Jim Rohn stated that you are the average of the five people you spend most of your time with.

Whether you like it or not, your peer group, normally the five people closest to you, are the people that influence you the most – from the food that you eat, to the clothes that you wear, even to the major decisions in your life. Peer pressure is not just true for teenagers, it is something that everyone can experience regardless of age. If your peer group has a negative mindset, chances are you also have a negative mindset. How you look at things is important because your mindset affects the direction of your life.

Proactive People

Instead of worrying about things that you cannot control, focus on things that you can control to change your situation. This is what proactive people do. Stephen Covey, author of the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People defined proactive people as persons who take responsibility for their lives. They are not mere products of their environment, instead they consciously choose to control their own lives. Proactive people choose happiness and success. They choose to have a positive attitude .

Your Choice

If you don’t wish to become a mere product of your environment, you can choose to become stronger and be highly selective on what you will allow yourself to be influenced with. You can choose to be sad, angry and frustrated or you can opt to become happy and grateful instead. In the same way, you can choose to wallow in self-pity and remain a victim all your life or you can do something to change your situation.

It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.
-Epictetus

You can control your life better and reach your goals easier if only you can become a little choosy with the people you spend most of your time with. It needs to be a conscious decision on your part to hang out more with positive minded individuals. This does not mean dumping your old friends and family. They will forever have a special place in your heart but devote most of your time to positive individuals.

Don’t be just a mere product of your environment. Stop playing the victim. Take responsibility for your life. Choose to be happy and successful.

Click here to get a copy of the Take Control of Your Life worksheet.

Click here to watch the video.

First published in Pinoy Smart Living on 07.12.2019

Feature Photo by Spencer Selover from Pexels

Oct

2020

How a Crisis Brings Out the Best in People

Reading Time: 5 minutes

Have you ever wondered how a crisis brings out the best in people? We know a challenging situation can also bring out the worst in people. Compare that to how many people you know who successfully overcame difficult circumstances. Most of these people even came out of the experience in better shape than before they encountered their challenge.

Our personal challenges helps us grow individually. A crisis that affects a whole community of people can bring out both the worst and best in people. The media mostly highlights the negative, so let’s focus instead on the bright side – how a crisis brings out the best in people.

Awakening Compassion

Most of us may see people, even ourselves, as essentially selfish and cruel. Then we find ourselves sharing and giving aid to other people who are in need. We even do so without asking anything in return. This seems to be a conflicting picture. This is even more noticeable in times of crisis.

Disasters overhaul our negative assumptions about human nature. Deep down, we know that human beings are compassionate and can be selfish when they choose to be. We tend to suppress this compassionate nature and develop an instinct for selfishness to survive instead. The world is harsh and people can be cruel after all. We protect ourselves from these elements by being harsh and cruel ourselves.

A crisis unmasks in us all these layers of protection that we have put on through the years. Disasters have brought about so many acts of kindness and self-sacrifice. Through the suffering of other people, we are shown a reflection of our own vulnerability and our own need for some one, other than ourselves, to help us and protect us.

Seeing other people struggling because of things that are not under their control makes us realize that this can also happen to us. We resonate even deeper with their situation if we have gone through a similar experience. This is how a crisis unlocks our sense of compassion and brings out the best in people. Even if the disaster is in another country, the human struggle we know is happening beyond the news, still tugs heavily at our hearts.

Realizing Fellowship

A crisis shows us our vulnerability as humans. It also shows us the weakness of other human beings. We expect people to fend for themselves when a natural calamity strikes. More often, the opposite is what actually happens.

There are many stories of people following instructions calmly instead of panicking as they go out a burning building. They calmly file out instead of shoving each other forward. They let the elderly, children and women go out first instead of running ahead themselves.

Stories of unsung heroes who carried injured fellows on their backs to help them survive a natural disaster abound. Complete strangers taking care of others who are injured in a cave-in always brings tears and pride in our hearts. The disaster almost cost them their lives but it also taught them a lesson in kindness and caring. They end up being lifelong friends because of overcoming a shared challenge together.

We are often told when we were young to be our brother’s keeper. To take care of our fellow humans. We often don’t take these words too seriously. Disasters make us realize the value of these words. It gives us clarity on what’s most important in the moment. The value of another person’s life takes on even greater significance. The value of more lives takes on greater importance than our own life. This is where the capacity to sacrifice for others comes from. This is how heroes are born, both known and unknown.

Community Solidarity

The news is almost always filled with the negative side of a crisis. We see acts of violence and selfishness, panic and fear. Some of these scenarios are true but there is a bright side to all of this. Amidst all the desperation, there are moments of joy.

A crisis usually results in a surge in solidarity among people of different backgrounds. We see people supporting campaigns to help the affected community. Some offer financial help, some are there to help physically and some provide support by providing supplies in kind. Everyone comes together in their intention to alleviate the condition of other people in difficulty. There is a sense of collaboration that is created when everyone is willing to listen to everyone else. Each one is only interested in how they can help. Most importantly, they offer their help without complaint and without expecting anything in return.

Even organizations take the initiative to show support. Sometimes it’s because the disaster is within their area or is of interest to them. In most cases, simply because they genuinely want to help.

The affected group of people themselves become even more solid in their sense of community. They take care of each other in various ways. Family members tend to prioritize the children and the elderly when distributing basic needs such as food and shelter. Those physically able take in extra effort to provide and help those who are weak and injured. The youth who are usually complaining at the small discomforts exert effort to work together to entertain or to help their community. Everyone acts as though they are a member of one community. There is solidarity to work towards a single cause.

Genuine Gratitude

The giver and the receiver benefits during a disaster. The giver is able to practice and express their kindness. The receiver is able to express their gratitude for the helping hand.

The giver also experiences gratitude in these trying times. They realize that they are lucky compared to the other. The giver becomes grateful for their luck. They see that they have more than the other. Their act of sharing is also an expression of gratitude for the good opportunities they have.

Everyone wants to give and share what they can in a disaster. The recipients are genuinely grateful. They too realize that they are lucky to survive the situation. Lucky enough to be able to receive help and to express back their thanks.

Both sides realize the things that they have to be grateful for. Both parties give each other hope in different ways. The disaster may have resulted in huge losses for one party. As a result, two parties end up gaining more in life experience and hopefully, in wisdom.

A lot of what is most beautiful about the world arises from struggle.
– Malcolm Gladwell

A disaster makes us realize that humans are deeply kind and compassionate. That strangers are actually caring and nurturing. That a community can act as one for a common goal.

A crisis can be life-altering. It shows us the ugly side of life and the worst side of people. It can also be enlightening and beautiful. A crisis is an opportunity to act and care for others. It helps us recognize that we need others but also that others need us. A crisis allows us to remember the things that we should be grateful for. It reminds us that there is hope and joy to be found even in the darkest times, and that we can be the source of both. This is how a crisis brings out the best in people and in groups of people.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Dan Meyers on Unsplash.

Jun

2020

The Moving On Challenge

Reading Time: 4 minutes

The phrase “moving on” is familiar to anyone who has ever experienced heartaches and hardships in life. You may need to move on from a romantic break-up, a job that didn’t work out, or a falling out with a friend. Any situation that requires you to let go of someone or something is hurtful. Moving on from the experience is a challenge.

We all have our own ways of moving on. Some of us bounce back quickly while others take longer to process their feelings and set themselves right again. Depending on the circumstances and the depth of the relationship between the individuals involved; moving on can shape our personalities and affect our outlook on life in a very profound way.

Example, whether it be good or bad, has a powerful influence.
— George Washington

We have relationships we have moved on from, are still moving on from, people who have moved on from us, and people we still keep with us. All have a huge impact in how we live our lives today. So it is important to look back and reflect on how these people contributed to our current outlook in life.

Challenge Yourself to Move On

Let us review our relationships. Reflect on the things we can learn from the persons who were around us back then and those who are still with us now.

Take a notebook or a sheet of paper, a pen and 2 highlighters with different colors. Make 3 columns on the page.
Label these columns as follows: Person, Negative and Positive.
In the Person column, write down at least 50 people who influenced your growth and development until now. These can include your parents and relatives, schoolmates, teachers, friends, mentors, etc. You can write more if necessary. They can include departed people as well.
On the next 2 columns, write down how each person influenced you in a negative and a positive way. There may be a relative or friend who acts selfish and complains a lot (negative). Their behavior also taught you how to be patient (positive) with others who act like them.
Using your highlighters, mark the persons you still keep in touch with until now in one color. Mark the persons you don’t want to keep in touch with anymore in another color. For the departed ones on the list; you can decide to skip them. Or you can include them if you feel that they still exert a major influence in your life until now.

In the process of making the list, think about why you chose the person. Try to remember the worst but also the best about each person. What has changed in your life for the better or for the worse after meeting them? Who did you have an easier time moving on from and who did you have a hard time letting go?

The Wind Beneath Your Wings

The people you choose to keep or let go, reflect the kind of life you have been living until now. The positive and negative traits they embody are also the same traits that you have been exhibiting and/or struggling with. They affect you mentally, emotionally, physically and greatly influence your overall quality of life.

There may be some past relationships that you have moved on from. You may realize that you are still carrying with you their negative influences. Your challenge then is to learn how to be grateful for the experience; be thankful for the lessons so you can finally let it go.

Not all relationships can be categorized as purely negative or positive. There are always shades of the other in each relationship. You may choose to stay in a relationship with a person who negatively influences you because it has positive results.

Attitude is greatly shaped by influence and association.
— Jim Rohn

For example, you may dislike your best friend’s nagging most of the time. However, you admire the fact that they are able to speak their mind openly. You appreciate that they always tell you the things that you need to hear. They don’t always agree with you when they think you’re wrong. You label them a “kill joy”. Most of the time, their actions help prevent you from doing something foolish that you may regret later on.

Or you may sometimes think of wanting to move far away from a friend who is socially awkward. It’s hard to be with them at a party. They don’t talk that much and you have to keep inserting them into the conversation. You have to keep talking to them so as not to make them feel left out. Their behavior frustrates you but you still keep in touch with them. They are always ready to lend a shoulder for you to cry on when you need it. They also listen to your woes and petty complaints without judgement. They’re also the friend who gives you the best advice.

Moving On and Moving Forward

You can consider these aspects of yourself and your relationships the wind beneath your wings. Each person is your wingman for different circumstances. Some of them help keep you afloat and rise up in tough times. Others may seem like they are dragging you down most of the time. Yet, they are still able to help you in different ways. How you balance these different aspects of your relationships with others and within yourself, will help sustain you through your life experiences.

The people you surround yourself with influence your behaviors, so choose friends who have healthy habits.
— Dan Buettner

Once you have identified these aspects that you wish to move on from and those you want to keep; then you can truly move on and move forward for the better. When you have clarity on the things you like or dislike and what you can tolerate; then you have identified the things that you value the most. This will make it easier for you to make decisions in life that are aligned with your values. This also makes it easier to choose which friends to keep.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash.

Jan

2020

Why Taking Care of the Environment is Important

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Your physical body is important. Your surroundings are equally important for your overall well-being. That is why taking care of the environment is important as well.

Part of our regular routine before we go about the day’s work is to brush our teeth and clean our body from head to toe. We also put on fresh clothes, comb our hair and wear comfy footwear before we walk out the door. We take the effort to look pleasing to other people as well as to look pleasing to ourselves when we look at the mirror. However, most of us are in such a hurry to go about our day that we often neglect our surroundings. Taking care of the places in which we move our physical selves is equally important. It is the same as how we regularly take care of our bodies.

Your Home

When you wake up, do you tidy up your bed? Do you put your laundry neatly away? How about your dishes, do they pile up in the sink? Do you clean, organize and declutter your home often?

A clean and organized home is an important factor in keeping yourself healthy. Sure, a little mess here and there is acceptable. But if everything is disorganized, you cannot go about your daily life in a good mood. Remember that the state of your bed, is the state of your head. The state of your home is the state of your mind.

You start the day getting frustrated because you can’t find your shoes because of all the mess in your room. Then you end it with more frustration when you can’t find the remote to your TV at night. How do you think this will affect your mental state throughout the week, months and years?

TIP

Start as soon as you wake up by tidying up your bed. Try to declutter and organizing the rooms in your house each day until the clutter is gone. Your goal is to have a more spacious, clean and comfortable home.

Your Work Place

Whether you work at home or in an office, a clean and organized work environment is essential for productivity. It is also needed to boost creativity. You may not be a able to control your whole office’s cleanliness and organization. However, your own desk should be a good example to your co-employees.

TIP

Make sure to include tidying up your desk in your routine. In fact, make it the start and end or your work day. Before you work on anything, organize the materials on your desk, even your drawer. You can also organize the files on your computer. Organizing your files will prevent a cluttered desktop when you start your work and it’s easier to find your files.

Your Community

Your community is not just your immediate neighborhood but also the places that you go through as you travel to work or your destination for a vacation. Even in these places away from where you live and work, taking care of the environment is also important as it will impact your own home as well if you don’t keep it clean and healthy.

Think of a flood or a typhoon bringing back all the trash that were thrown into the river or ocean or a fire started by one uncaring camper who threw away a lit cigarette that burned a whole forest. These disastrous events could be prevented by just caring enough to keep the places we travel through and visit cleaner instead of dirtier.

TIP

Take only memories and leave nothing but footprints. Adopt the policy of taking nothing and leaving nothing behind in the places you visit for your vacation, team building, or other travel adventures. Take as many photos as you can’t but leave the animals and plants alone. Don’t leave any of your trash or camping or swimming gear either. Take them with you when you leave and dispose of them properly when you get back home.

Your Planet

There is only one planet Earth and we should be taking care of it not only for our own sake but for the sake of our future children. The climate change is an important issue and everyone should do their part in being a solution to this problem.

When the earth is sick and polluted, human health is impossible… To heal ourselves we must heal our planet, and to heal our planet we must heal ourselves.
– Bobby McLeod (Aboriginal activist and poet)

Nature has its own way of cleaning up the planet and we should let it take its own course instead of exacerbating it by our careless habits. For example, wildfires are part of Australia’s natural environment but the recent forest fires have become worse and are happening at unexpected times so that even the animals in the forest were unprepared. Many animals have died and those living are now left homeless which also means that it will be harder for the animal population and the forest to recover. At the same time, it has raised temperatures in the residential areas up to 42 degrees Celsius.

What we are doing to the forests of the world is but a mirror reflection of what we are doing to ourselves and to one another.
– Mahatma Gandhi (Indian and civil rights activist)

We can consider the drastic changes in weather patterns as the planet’s response to how we are not taking care of it properly. Plastics are polluting are oceans and killing marine life and unrecyclable (non-biodegradable) trash is multiplying with nowhere to go with landfills all filled to the brim. The summer heatwaves and delayed rainy season are just a manifestation of the worsening state of our global environment and we should do something about it before it’s too late.

TIP

There are many ways to start helping the environment. The policy to REDUCE, REUSE and RECYCLE is good habit to practise especially in these times. However, you can add one more to that – REFUSE.

Refuse to contribute to anymore pollution in our environment and refuse to be just an onlooker from the sidelines. Instead, be a mindful resident of this planet.

Be mindful of the ways you can help in reducing the problems and be an active part of finding and advocating for sustainable solutions to keep our homes, community and our planet healthy and safe.

Photo by Evan Krause on Unsplash.