coach

Nov

2021

3 Hats of Parenting

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Are your children happy? Are they capable, self-confident and successful? Did you know that your parenting style has a great effect on who they are, how they see themselves, what they have accomplished so far and what they will become in the future? Over parenting will cripple your children while too little will make them lose their way. That is why your type of parenting is very crucial in forming the personality of a child. According to preacher and best-selling author, Bo Sanchez; there is no one style of parenting. Instead, parenting style should evolve as the child grows up. Bo Sanchez said parenting is a journey in which the parents have to wear three kinds of hats. Parents should change hats as the child grows. He calls them the 3 hats of parenting.

There are many different styles of parenting. Parents normally employ one parenting style to all their children depending on the parents’ personalities. Sometimes, parents pattern their parenting style exactly as how they were brought up by their parents. However, did you know that parents should modify their parenting style as the child grows? Parenting roles should adapt to the changing needs of the child. One type of style may no longer be appropriate for the specific age of the child.

1.Controller’s Hat

When your children are still small, you must wear the controller’s hat. The controller’s hat of parenting simply means that you should be able to teach children and give instructions while they are still young. Equally important is that you should have the ability to control the situation and make your children follow you. In other words, as parents, you should be able to manage and discipline your children.

Children are very creative when it comes to demanding what they want. They can throw tantrums, they can cry out loud, they can stomp their feet or sit down on the floor and cry their heart out. Instead of giving in to their demands, you should be able to regulate their emotions and behavior. You can’t just buy them a toy each time they throw a tantrum in the mall. You can’t just let them eat all the junk foods that they want. You can’t allow them to play with their gadgets all day otherwise they might end up being addicted to social media, gadgets or games.

There are so many things that you can teach your child. But the bottom line is you have to teach and make them do certain things. You need to make them study. You need to teach them how to tidy their room or keep their toys after playing. Making them follow a schedule or routine is advisable including setting a bedtime.

In other words, let them feel that you are in control and not the other way around. As a parent, you should make rules and enforce these rules. You need to be able to talk it out with your child. You don’t need to punish them harshly when they don’t follow. Instead, do things like praising good behavior or setting a good example.

2.Coaching Hat

When your child becomes a teenager, whether you like it or not, you need to change hats. You have to accept the fact that your child now has a mind of their own. Trying to control them will no longer work. Instead of being helpful, wearing a controller’s hat can backfire and your teenager might end up rebelling. The best way to deal with teenagers is through coaching.

By definition, a coach teaches, trains and assists. In sports for example, a coach just sits by the bench and sends the player to play alone. A coach just watches the player. A coach gives strategies but gives the player enough freedom to decide on the details of the strategy. He does not interfere in the game but he will always be there when he is needed by the player.

Just like a coach, parents of teenagers should teach, train and assist their children. Parents should be there when the child needs them. However, the child needs to be given the freedom to do his/her own thing. Parents should learn to let go and trust their teenagers. Avoid nitpicking on every little detail.

3.Consultant’s Hat

When your child becomes an autonomous adult, the parent should again change hats from coaching to that of a consultant. An autonomous adult means someone who is already working and maybe have a family of their own.

A consultant is someone who gives advice. It is different from a coaching hat because a coach can pull his player away from the game anytime. A consultant cannot do that. A consultant gives advice only when asked. In short at this point in time, the parent’s role is just to be there when their child needs them. Parents should not interfere with the child’s life especially if the child is already married and has a family of their own.

Changing hats is not an easy thing to do for parents but it is something that must be done if you want to have a harmonious and healthy relationship with your children. It is only by slowly letting go will your child be able to grow and mature through life.

Edited Version. First Published in Pinoy Smart Living on 21.08.2019.

Feature Image by Photo by Berendey_Ivanov / Andrey_Kobysnyn from Pexels

Oct

2021

Who is The Best Person to Ask for Advice?

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Who is the best person to ask for advice? We always have things that we want to learn more about. Who to ask from will depend on what information you want to learn and your goals for asking. Doing your research can help you find the right people. Here are some ways to help you figure out who to ask and in what situations.

Discrete Advice

Discrete advice is what you need for personal matters or family-issues. Emotional issues can result in heated arguments and may strain family relationships. Get the opinion of family members who are not directly involved in the issue. They may also be able to help mediate the situation. You can also ask a trusted friend who can take a more objective perspective of the whole situation. This can also apply when you need to make personal decisions that involve going in favor of or going against specific options.

Counsel

If you need guidance on how to go about a difficult or unfamiliar situation, then you need someone to give you their counsel. Someone with a lot of experience or who has gone under the same situation before is who you should be looking for. This can be older family members, senior colleagues at work, or a friend of a friend who is working in the same industry as you. You can also utilize online forums and groups related to your industry or line of work to get advice on your specific issue.

Coaching

You will need a coach if your goal is to enhance yourself in a specific area of your life. For example, you will want to consult with a training coach if you want to develop a fitter body. you might need a swimming coach if you want to improve your swimming skills. An executive coach may be training you to improve your work skills. There are different kinds of coaches for different personal development needs.

Mentoring

People who want closer guidance to reach their goals will usually go into a mentoring program. A mentor will help guide you to your goals with information that will affect many different areas of your life. Your mentor may even aid in your career success by providing your opportunities to practice what you have learned. A good mentor may also help get you started on your project.

The best person to ask for advice will be different for every need. One person may be able to provide you different kinds of advice as well. For example, if you are having anxiety issues, then a doctor can provide you discrete advice while also serving as your counsel and coach to improve your health. Asking a professional or expert for advice is a good step but always try to get a second opinion so you can have a wider perspective on things.

The most important thing to remember is to be honest about what you need. Use your network of friends to find the right people to get information from. Be courteous when asking for help. Be open to the types of advice you get. Remember though that some people may be biased. The best approach is to ask a number of people and review all the information you received. Then make the best decision you can at the present situation.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Helena Lopes on Unsplash.

Jun

2020

Things to Consider in Finding a Good Mentor

Reading Time: 3 minutes

You need a mentor to fast track your way to success. However, finding a good mentor is not that easy. You cannot just choose anybody that you like. There are some things that you need to consider first in finding a good mentor.

1. Define your Goals

First, ask yourself, what is it that you want? What do you want to achieve in life? Do you want to be successful in a specific field? Are you aiming for a healthy and sexy body? Do you want to be wealthy? What are your goals in life?

Your choice of mentor is highly dependent on what your goals are. Just because somebody is successful does not necessarily mean that that person is the best person to be your mentor. Your mentor’s achievements should be in line with what you want to achieve in life.

2. Be Specific

Once you have defined your goals, you should now look for someone who already achieved whatever it is that you want to achieve. Ask yourself, is there somebody whom you aspire to be like? Who is your role model?

You should not limit yourself to just one mentor. You can have as many as you deem necessary. For example, your wealth mentor may not necessarily be your health mentor. That’s why you need to be specific not just in identifying what you want but in identifying the people whom you think had achieved success in that particular aspect in their lives.

3. Look into Expertise

One of the things that you need to consider in finding a good mentor is his/her level of expertise on the subject. If you want to grow your finances, you need to look for people who know how to handle and grow their money. If you want to have a perfect body, you need to look for people who have perfect body themselves. You want to have a healthy relationship with your partner, you need to look for people who have been in a happy relationship for years. The point is, your mentor should be an expert in that particular field.

There are people who asked money advice from people who are in financial situations worst than them. In the same way, that there are people who asked relationship and marital advice from their single friends.

It is like this, if you want to learn how to play tennis, will you ask a person who doesn’t know how to play tennis to teach you? Of course not! You are going to look for a couch who is an expert in playing tennis. This should also be the case when it comes to finding mentors. Look for someone who has been that road before.

4. Build Authentic Relationships

The best place to look for a mentor is around you. Are there people around you whom you respect and admire? Are there people whom you look up to?

Once you have identified these people, make an effort to build authentic relationships with them. Attend social gatherings. Connect with these people. Keep in touch. These small interactions can help you build a genuine relationship with them. You cannot just simply approach a stranger to be your mentor. It is best that you establish a good personal relationship with them first.

5. Read

Although a personal relationship with a mentor is always better, books about and written by people whom you admire can also be a form of mentorship. Just like a real person, books also have the power to change your thinking and beliefs. Many people succeeded in changing the way they look at things simply by reading books. For instance, if you want to be successful and wealthy, read books about wealth and success.

This is especially useful if there are no people around you who are experts in that particular field that you want to excel to. There are tons of information available out there even in the internet about famous and successful people. Read about them. Learn from their stories and apply the lessons in your life.

If you are not the reading type of person, you can still watch videos of interviews or you can listen to podcasts. The point is the information is available out there.

Good luck in finding a good mentor!

Updated Version. First Published in Pinoy Smart Living in 06.28.2019.

Feature Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay Images.

Jun

2020

The Wind Beneath Your Wings

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Our lives are always undergoing change. Change always brings with it some stress and discomfort. After all, change entails that we adapt to new things, new people, new situations. It puts us in a place where we have to go out of our comfort zones. Unless we learn to adapt, we will always be uncomfortable with the changes around us.

When things change, the more you resist, the harder it will be for you. It’s because when things around you change; you need to change yourself too in order to adapt. On the other hand, if you want things around you to change; you need to transform yourself first.

There will be times when the wind beneath your wings blows as a hurricane. That is not time for self pity. It is time to be thankful that you learned how to fly.
— Patti Dawn Swanson, Sierra

In order to change, you will need not only your internal motivation but also external resources to help you succeed. You might need to learn a new skill, seek the help of a mentor or coach, read books, take an online course or watch video tutorials to acquire new skills and knowledge. These are important components that will help you soar into your transformation. They are like the wind beneath your wings that will help keep you afloat amidst the storms in your life so you can come out better than you were before.

Imagine change as a wave of ups and downs that you have to go through in life. Most of us will initially change this downward motion. These are the times when we feel down and even directionless. We often feel anxious and full of worries. It’s times like this when we think that our fears are becoming reality. The present seems out of our control and the future looks bleak and even scary.

Change is like a test or a series of tests. Each test you overcome will help you become the person you want to be so you can live the life you want. Instead of resisting change, recognize that it is an opportunity to better yourself and level up your life. When you take the time and effort to allow for your own transformation; you will find that the world is transformed as well.

Feature Image: Original Image by jakov zadro from Pixabay.