H.J. Rangas

May

2021

Different Ways to Discover Your Self

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Each one of you are finding different ways to discover your self every day even if you don’t know it. Most of us think we already know ourselves inside out. We think we are what we do and we act that way. We identify with our jobs, our family’s expectations, our friends’ descriptions of us. Deep inside, we know these aspects of our selves are just a part of us. A persona we show to the world.

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
— Oliver Wendell Holmes

There is a feeling lurking within us that we are something more than what others see; what we let others see. There are things stirring in our shadow self that we want to get out into the world. A part of ourselves that we still can’t describe; potential that we both fear and admire. It may help us unleash our hidden genius or ruin our life’s work. Unless we can identify it; we won’t be able to harness this potential. If we can’t know this part of our self; we will always feel that we are not enough. Instead of being frustrated; why not actively go on a journey to discover your self?

The Process of Self-Discovery

Self-discovery is a continuous process, not a specific or final answer. The process of self-discovery is not found when you reach a destination. You come to discover more of your self through your life journey. Discovering your self is not just a one-time process. It involves discovering something new about ourselves as well as rediscovering old, forgotten parts of ourselves. There may even be instances when you uncover a part of yourself that you have kept hidden because you feel you are ready for it. Along the way, we may change in many ways. It is through this journey that we find purpose and meaning in our lives.

Be Aware of Your Current Self

Awareness is the first step to getting actively involved in your self-discovery. Get a clearer and deeper understanding of your own personal characteristics, your emotions, needs, values, strengths and weaknesses. Spend time to reflect on the parts of your personality that you already know.

Find out what gives you joy; what are your hopes and dreams; the things that you are passionate about; what things are holding you back; what negative experiences have you carried with you since childhood? These questions will leave you feeling vulnerable but they are an important step to getting to know yourself better. You can do this through journaling, talking to family and friends, or to a professional. The important thing to remember is to be honest with your self.

Experiment with A Different Self

Once you have a map of your current self; you pretty much have an idea of what your personality is. You are also able to identify some of the things you do, or want to do, that would clash with your current personality. Examining your self does not stop at knowing where things are. You also need to test how far things can go.

Your self, or your personality, is a fluid entity. Contrary to popular belief, you are not stuck with your personality. Getting stuck and getting out of it and flowing into a new one is all up to you. So make an experiment of the process. Do something that you don’t usually do and see how far you can go with it. For example, you may be a people pleaser, a “Yes man”. So try experimenting what would happen if you just said “No” to other people. Most of the time, you will find that your worries and fears don’t come true. It is only your belief that’s holding you back from accepting this part of your self, and from changing your situation.

Trust in Your Own Path to Self-Discovery

There is no one way to the journey of self-discovery. Each person has their own path and their own time for the journey. The important thing is to trust your own path. Don’t compare your self to others. Also, be kind to others and help as much as you can. Remember that everyone is on their own journey and some will have a harder time than others. Having a positive mindset and an attitude of gratitude helps a lot.

Discovering, rediscovering and uncovering more of yourself also helps to develop your trust in your self. Most people are going about their daily lives fulfilling their duties according to what others expect of them. Being actively involved in the process to discover your self means that you need to learn to trust your self rather than the world around you. It means being able to focus on what you truly want and being grateful for what you have even if the world tells you that you’re doing things wrong.

Discovering your self also means that you learn to accept difficult things about you as well as others around you. For example, you learn to trust your feelings instead of just your thoughts. You learn to love yourself more. You learn to be okay even if some things don’t go the way you wanted them to. More importantly, you learn to be comfortable with all parts of who you are; and if people don’t like it, you don’t feel bad when they walk away.

The journey to self-discovery may involve losing friends and even loved ones along the way. Know that it is not your fault. It is just that their part in your journey is over and they need to go on their own paths. There are many things that you will need to accept and lose during your journey. As you learn and develop your self; you will find that it will all be worth it.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Jackson David on Unsplash.

May

2021

The Shadow Self: Learn to Love Your Dark Side

Reading Time: 3 minutes

The Shadow Self is the opposite of your Persona; and it is important to learn to love your dark side in order to live a fully balanced life. Ask yourself: Who am I when I am alone?

Each person is born with both The shadow and the persona. Growing up, we learn to differentiate between what society accepts as good and bad, light and dark. The good parts of ourselves is what we show to the world, the desirable Persona. The bad parts are what we hide, fear and suppress, the Shadow Self.

Both of these aspects of ourselves are a part of our whole self. Unless we are able to learn to love our dark side, we will always feel that something is missing in our lives. We will always feel like we are inadequate in some aspect; or that we are merely posers. Since our dark side is that part of us that we deem unacceptable; we will forever be in fear of that part of ourselves being discovered.

The Shadow Self is Not Bad

The Persona and the Shadow Self can be seen as 2 sides of the same coin, or the Yin and Yang of each person. Without the other, the person is not complete. The Persona that we show to the world is the part of us that we have already “processed” and accepted. The parts of us that we have not processed yet is the Shadow Self. These are the instincts, impulses, weaknesses, desires, perversions, and fears that we try to hide. Our denial of our addictions or our fear of failure and other bad habits that we are embarrassed about are some examples.

When we repress or deny things; they do not disappear. They only grow stronger and they creep up on us without our awareness. One example of this is thru projection; where we associate what we dislike about ourselves in other people. We end up constantly blaming other people for our own behavior that we cannot accept. This can affect our self-esteem, our relationships and even our perspective of the world. In some cases, they can manifest as difficult psychological or behavioral issues such as not being perfect enough.

Our dark side resides in our unconscious. If we do not process them and accept them as part of ourselves; they will eventually manifest themselves beyond our control. Despite being the dark side of ourselves; the Shadow Self is not actually bad or evil. In fact, it is a strong source of creative energy and self-healing.

Embrace The Whole You

The process of accepting our Shadow Self and embracing it as part of our whole personality is called “integration”, sometimes called shadow work. When we have integrated the dark parts of ourselves; we also heal ourselves and our relationships. There is no specific technique that can be taught on how to do the integration process. Each person has to do on their own and at their own pace. The trick is to do it gradually instead of constantly denying it. However, the first step is always awareness.

Become aware of what other people do or what situations trigger your reactions negatively. Your reaction to such behaviors and situations will give you a clue to your dark side. Next thing you can do is to acknowledge it as part of your self. For example, if you usually hide your aggressive impulses; it can come in handy when you need to defend yourself from being verbally or physically abused by someone else. By accepting it as a normal part of you; you don’t have to hide it or feel guilty for acting out. People who are important to you will also come to accept it as part of your personality. This also means that you can practice your self-control instead of bursting out uncontrollably because you can’t take it anymore.

Since our dark side hides many parts of us that we deem unacceptable; this is also the place where we hide our unique talents and abilities, for example. While the Persona is our orderly self; the Shadow Self is the place of chaos, of potential and possibilities. Many innovations have been born because of people’s dark experiences. A lot of people achieved success only after their lives went into turmoil. By learning to love your Shadow Self; you can live a fully balance life and operate at your highest potential.

The process of integration is a long and arduous process. This is why sometimes, external help is needed if the repressed memories and emotions are too traumatic for the person to deal with by themselves. In our every day lives; let us be more mindful of our experiences so that we can better see the clues that our Shadow Self is giving us. This is also an important aspect of self-love.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Sammy Williams on Unsplash.

May

2021

What Do You Think is Your Travel Personality?

Reading Time: 4 minutes

What do you think is your travel personality? Do you notice any difference in your personality when you travel alone or with a group? Remember that we all have our personas. We may be a different person when we travel by ourselves or when we travel with other people. Our personality may also depend on the personalities of the other individuals in our travel group.

Our travel personality may also depend on our goals for traveling. What kind of experiences do you usually imagine for your travels?

Thrill Seeker

Are you looking for thrilling experiences when you travel? Do you see yourself swimming with sharks or camping in the wild to get a glimpse of wild animals? Does excitement fill you at the thought of bungee jumping, sky diving and the like? If this is you, then you definitely have the travel personality of a thrill seeker. If you seek even more extreme thrills, you may even call yourself a danger junkie.

As a thrill seeker, you want to get close to the wild side of nature. You crave the death-defying stunts other people have experienced before; and you want to feel the same adrenalin rush for yourself. Sometimes, even if you fear it, you still go for it. It takes courage to travel out of your comfort zone. This is something you actually crave.

Of course, you don’t go into these adventures unprepared. If you need to learn a new set of skills to participate in an adventure; you take the time to do so. You spend time learning and training as though you were preparing for the Olympics. Thrill-seeking is like a sport to you. You actually enjoy the whole process. You’re not really competing against anyone though. For you, the thrill and the adrenaline rush are all worth it.

Adventurer

Do you picture yourself exploring new dive spots, swimming with whales, climbing mountains or trekking through the dessert? Do you enjoy road trips? If so, then you have the travel personality of an adventurer.

You’re the type of person who relishes unique adventures. You are always open to new types of experiences. To try something once is your motto and that’s what makes traveling with you so much more fun. Whether you travel alone or with buddies; you always enjoy your self. The least adventurous around you also get to have their fun even when they’re just watching you.

You are always interested in what unique experiences your destination has to offer. Spontaneity is the name of your game. Your travel buddies are swept along with your enthusiasm to try out new things. However, you always keep everyone’s safety in mind first.

Sightseer

Would you describe your travel plans as calming, laidback, easygoing, casual and free? If this is you, then you’re a sightseer. For you, travel is a time to relax, walk around at your leisure and just enjoy the scenery as you pass by it, or as it passes you by.

This doesn’t mean that you don’t make plans. You enjoy the freedom but you do have an agenda of the places you want to go to; the food you want to try and other activities you want to watch or even participate in. Wandering around and getting lost in exploring the interesting nooks and crannies of the place is a normal part of the experience for you.

Your travel plan might include going on a tour group but you also make sure to have free time to explore on your own. Leisure is your travel game plan. A structured plan on where to go and what to do is a convenient way for you to get acquainted with a place quickly. This is also an opportunity to take note of interesting places or things to do. Then you take your own leisurely time to go back and enjoy them on your own or with your group. You usually take lots of pictures or videos.

Learner

Do you travel because you are interested in the place’s culture and/or history? You may be curious about something specific such as the cuisine or the arts. Maybe you like going to places like libraries, or museums; or you enjoy hanging out at historical sites? Do you like visiting old buildings or spending time inside old churches? If this is you, then your travel personality is that of a learner.

Your travels often have a structured plan to it. You know which places you want to go to and which ones you might want to see if you have time left. A guided tour is usually on your list. You may get a local guide that you can consult when you need to. Afterwards, you go straight to what you really came for. You spend most of your travel time in the specific places you have on your list. Going early is part of your habits; because having the church or museum all to yourself is such a pleasure.

Your itinerary may also include taking a class such as pottery or weaving. You take lots of pictures or illustrations, or notes. Sitting on a bench and just people watching is also a leisurely time for you. When you go back to rest; you usually review your pictures and/or notes.

Your Travel Personality

Does your travel personality fit any of these? If not, which are you closest to? Your travel personality may be a combination of any of these as well. Or you might have started out as a sightseer and now you are more of an adventurer. You may also be a learner and now you aspire to be a sightseer and enjoy the sites around you more.

The more important thing is how your travel goals have helped you develop as a person. Traveling helps us get to know our selves better even as we get to know more of the world outside our home towns. For some people, travel is a way to sort through their life issues. It also provides us with more inspiration for what we want to be and where we want to be in the future.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Felix Rostig on Unsplash.

May

2021

10 Ways to Improve Your Emotional Quotient

Reading Time: 5 minutes

There are many ways to improve your emotional quotient (EQ). IQ and EQ should go hand-in-hand to help you navigate through life and reach your goals. You should incorporate practices into your daily life that will help you improve in any of these areas.

Reading is a good way to enhance IQ. You gain more knowledge from reading about different topics or listening to podcasts. Basically, you need to take in more information and learn from them to help you improve your IQ.

On the other hand, enhancing EQ requires a different method. Do you think you have a high EQ? If you think you’re EQ is average or poor; these tips should help you improve your Emotional Quotient. If you or a friend are on the high IQ side; then these tips can also help you improve your EQ.

1. Ask yourself how you feel each day.

When you wake up in the morning, you already know if you still feel sleepy or energized. So it seems nonsense to ask yourself how you feel. But try to do it each morning upon waking up. You will find that sleepy or energized are not the only emotions that you feel. Try to rate how you are feeling from 1 to 10 and see if you can spot a pattern. Are you feeling less positive when it rains in the mornings? Do you feel more energetic on Mondays or on Fridays? Learning to read how you truly feel is a good start to improve your emotional quotient.

2. Ask yourself how you feel at different times during the day.

Everyone has times during the day when they have more energy and times when they have low energy. High energy times do not necessarily coincide with the times when you are most busy. We exert more effort in our work during times when we are low on energy and feeling lethargic. Tune in to yourself every now and then during the day. Try to see when your emotions and energy are at its peak and its lowest. This can help you figure out when you’re most productive during the day. This way, you can schedule your more challenging tasks during your high energy times.

3. Ask others how they feel about you.

This may sound silly but some people are actually able to sense how others feel. Or if they are not able to accurately do so; then at least they can give you feedback on how you come across. Do you come across as unapproachable when in fact, you are wanting to join in on your colleague’s conversation? Getting the opinion of somebody close to you can help. Getting the opinion of someone not as close to you can also give you surprising and illuminating feedback.

4. Observe other people’s actions and emotions.

Spend some time sitting at a cafe or a park and just watch people and their interactions with each other. Make sure not to stare though as people might find you rude. Just observe them casually. Bring a friend as an accomplice if you have to so you don’t come across as someone suspicious. You learn a lot about how people show their emotions thru their facial expressions, gestures and tone of voice. You might even gain insight on how others understand your own gestures and expressions. Learning from other people’s reactions can help you understand your own feelings better. It also a great way to improve your emotional quotient.

5. Write down your thoughts and emotions.

Just like how writing the steps to a goal helps you keep track of what step to take next; writing down your thoughts and feelings help you process them and better understand yourself. This allows you to review your emotions throughout the day and maybe even realize what triggered them. This will also help you come up with a plan of action. So you can manage your reaction the next time you catch yourself being triggered the same way emotionally.

6. Learn to verbally communicate how you feel.

Practice communicating to others exactly how you feel without disrespecting them. This is hard to do so practicing this will be helpful. Be sure to let the other person know that you do not intent to offend them. Tell them that you are just going to be honest with them. Assure them that you want them to give their feedback and correct your assumptions if you are wrong.

7. Learn to express your feelings of appreciation.

Most of us have this habit of holding back praise or appreciation for somebody’s else’s actions or achievements. In fact, expressing your appreciation verbally can be a pleasurable experience for both of you. If you can verbally communicate your feelings of joy and pride for their achievement; then you will make the other person and yourself, feel even better. We all know how appreciation can boost our mood so learn to share the good vibes.

8. Think before you speak or act on your emotions.

Although practicing how to communicate your feelings is good; thinking of what to say and how to say it first, is even better. Take a pause to observe the situation. See first how other people are reacting. This is a good way for you to compose yourself. Review your thoughts and feelings before you turn them into words. This will not only help you avoid awkward silences after you’ve blurted out something hastily; it will help you communicate your thoughts and feelings more clearly. Learning how to express yourself in different ways will greatly improve your emotional quotient as well as your relationships.

9. Learn to listen well and don’t change the topic even when you feel uncomfortable.

This is especially important when you are being criticized or you are in an argument. Instead of trying to change the topic or being louder than the other person; listen to what they are saying first. Listen well and really listen. While you are listening, do so without thinking of how to get back at them. Listen with the intention of learning from what you are being told. Don’t feel offended, unless their reasoning is really baseless. See if there are questions you can ask or points that you can discuss. This way you can clear up or correct any misunderstanding.

10. Listen to your body and how you feel more often.

One of the best way to connect with yourself emotionally is to listen to your body. More often than not, we are driven to act by the thoughts in our head. We often ignore what our body is telling us. How many times have you gone |to work even when our body is clearly telling you to rest? You still ended up taking some days of leave from work to nurse a cold or fever; or worse had to be hospitalized. If you had listened to your body; you would have only spent a day to rest and be back on your feet again.

Obviously, these tips all involve learning how to connect to your feelings. Knowing your own feelings will help you understand your self better. We often mask our true emotions with the persona that we present to the outside world. In order to be “perfect”; we put our best foot forward and hide our flaws. Our emotions are the clue to what we consider our weaknesses and imperfections. By understanding our feelings; we can better manage them and transform our selves to become better.

While IQ requires us to rely on our mental energy, EQ requires that we rely more on our emotions; how we feel in our bodies. Let us not forget that mind and body are connected. Learning how to connect and manage your emotions will also help improve your state of mind and body. This in turn, will help you perform better in different areas in your life.

Learning how to connect to your emotions, to communicate them to others and to listen to others; is an important aspect of your path to success. After all, you will be relying on the help of many people along the way to achieve your goals. How you relate to other people is just as important as your skills and knowledge.

Are you already practicing some of these tips? If so, tell us how it has improved your emotional connection to yourself and to others.

Updated. First published on Pinoy Smart Living on 2019.09.06.
Feature Image: Original Image by Magic Creative from Pixabay.

May

2021

Black Swan: When Being Perfect is Not Enough

Reading Time: 8 minutes

Are you a White Swan or a Black Swan? What would you do when being perfect is not enough? A lot of people have an unhealthy obsession with being perfect. This is especially true in industries where individuals need to look and be perfect both in front of the camera and in real life. We all have a side to us that idealize being perfect. We manifest this by idolizing other people who we think are like that; or by controlling the various aspects of our own lives in order to be perfect.

Many individuals have lost themselves in the pursuit of perfection in their careers. Some of them self-destructed at the peak of their popularity. Others committed suicide and shocked the world as to the reason why. In both cases; their surprising behavior is a result of losing themselves in pursuit of perfection.

Black Swan the Movie: The Pursuit of Perfection

The 2010 movie Black Swan gives us a grim picture of how losing your self to perfection looks like. There are many layers to the story that you can relate to your own real-life experiences, or lack thereof.

The story is about the ballerina Nina (Natalie Portman) who’s childhood dream is to play the main role in Swan Lake. Nina’s passion for ballet rules every aspect of her life. When they need a prima ballerina for Swan Lake; she takes the opportunity to get the role for herself. Lily, a rival ballerina, gets the role. Nina eventually convinces the director to give it to her. Nina sees Lily as a rival but at the same time befriends her. Once she got the role, Nina struggles to not only play the White Swan perfectly. She struggles even more to become the perfect Black Swan.

Uncannily, Nina’s journey also parallels the actual story of Swan Lake.

We all know the story. Virginal girl, pure and sweet, trapped in the body of a swan. She desires freedom, but only true love can break the spell. Her wish is nearly granted in the form of a prince. But before he can declare his love, her lustful twin, the Black Swan, tricks and seduces him. Devastated, the White Swan leaps off a click, killing herself and in death finds freedom.
Thomas Leroy

In the end, despite a major setback during the performance, Nina is able to play both roles to perfection. She receives the admiration of her co-ballerinas, her art director, her mother and the audience. It is her best performance. In her own words, it was perfect, she was perfect. It was also her last performance.

The White Swan: Faking Perfection

Nina is the perfect White Swan, pure and innocent. She still talks like a child even when she had the courage to ask the director to give the main role to her. Her mother, a former ballerina, who gave up her dancing dreams to raise Nina; is both a caring figure as well as a controlling one. She has stunted Nina’s growth into maturity. Nina does not have friends as her only focus is on making her dream come true. In a way, her mother is living her own dancing dreams through Nina’s own journey as a ballerina.

This is why, when Nina asks the director for the main role, he tells Nina:

Well, the truth is, when I look at you, all I see is the White Swan. Yes, you’re beautiful, fearful, fragile. Ideal casting. But the Black Swan, it’s a hard fucking job to dance both…
In four years, every time you dance, I see you obsessed, getting each and every move perfectly right. But I never see you lose yourself. Ever. All the discipline, for what?

Nina answers that she wants to be perfect. She is too focused on being in control of her own performance. But the director tells her that: “Perfection is not just about control. It’s also about letting go. Surprise yourself so you can surprise your audience. Transcendence. And very few have it in them.”

Ironically, it is her perfect persona that hinders her from playing the Black Swan. The director tells her further: “The real work will be your metamorphosis into her evil twin and I know I saw a flash of her yesterday. So get ready to give me more of that bite.”

During rehearsals, Nina starts to break down as she deals with toxic coworkers, her rivalry with Lily who she also idolizes, and pressure from her mom and her company to perform her best. Her goal of a perfect life starts to break down. She blames herself for everything that goes wrong during practice. The pressure from perfecting her performance for both roles manifests in her delusions. In her delusion, she is bleeding in different parts of her body. She is physically, emotionally and mentally breaking down.

The Black Swan: Destroying Perfection

In the story, the White Swan has to conquer the Black Swan in order to get back her prince. In real life, Nina needs to grow up, fast in order to perfectly play the Black Swan. The director tells Nina that Lily was his first choice because she can play the Black Swan. In this way, Nina thinks of Lily as her rival but also admires her.

Lily was the first one to reach out to her and attempt to befriend her. She takes Nina to dinner and there, Nina realizes that Lily is not afraid of exposing her imperfect self. Lily is also not afraid to express her self as she openly flirts with the waiter. Nina ends up torn between hating her rival and admiring her for being unafraid to do as she pleases.

The director gives Nina harsh guidance by comparing her directly to Lily. He hints that Nina’s perfection is fake. As they watch Lily perform, he tells Nina: “Watch the way she moves. Imprecise but effortless. She’s not faking it.” The director also describes to Nina why Beth, the former ballerina who played the main role, was so entertaining to watch.

Because everything Beth does comes from within, from some dark impulse. I guess that’s what makes her so thrilling to watch. So dangerous. Even perfect at times. But also so damned destructive.

During rehearsal, the director shouts at Nina: “Forget about control, Nina! I want to see passion! Come on! Reach! Board, you’re stiff! Still like a dead corpse! Let it go! Let it go! And, again.”

Both the director and Lily personify the harsh reality of the world that one confronts when growing up. They also serves as a wake-up call to Nina. Both are telling and showing Nina to let go of her desire to be perfect; to let her passion for dance take over her performance instead. To not be cooped up in her own imperfections but to accept them as part of her.

In a way, both are encouraging Nina to break down her walls and let her flaws show through. But Nina refuses to do this and sticks to her desire for a perfect performance. She can’t reconcile how to maintain her perfect persona while at the same time wanting to be like her rival Lily, the perfect Black Swan.

From White to Black: Losing Yourself to Perfection

Playing the main role for Swan Lake requires the ballerina to embody both the pure, innocent, White Swan as well as the dark, evil, Black Swan. Nina is able to play the White Swan to perfection. However, in the last part of the performance, when she is about to transform into the Black Swan, she makes a major mistake on stage. Luckily, her partner picks her up and continues the performance.

During this time, her major breakdown starts but she also starts to break out from her perfect persona, except in a destructive way. Instead of blaming herself, she blames her partner for the mistake. When she goes to her dressing room, she finds Lily in the Black Swan costume. In her delusion, Lily tells her that it’s her turn to play as the Black Swan. Nina fights back and ends up stabbing Lily. She quickly hides Lily’s body and changes into the Black Swan costume. This signals her perfect transition to becoming the Black Swan.

Back on stage, Nina finally let’s go and loses her self in the performance as the director advised her to. She even gets a standing ovation. She is so engrossed in her character that she actually kisses the director as she takes a break from the dance. Her old, innocent self would have been too shy and embarrassed to do that.

She returns to her dressing room to change her costume to that of the White Swan again for the final part of the show. By this time, she is almost in tears but she still goes on with the show. She receives a standing ovation and her director and other dancers congratulate her. We see Lily as one of the dancers and she is the one who notices that Nina is bleeding. It was Nina’s delusion that she stabbed her rival but she actually stabbed herself.

In order to become perfect to play the Black Swan, Nina embraced her dark side completely. She needed to make the transition fast. The only way she thought of doing that was to kill her innocent, child-like self. To play the Black Swan, she had to get rid of the White Swan.

The Danger of Perfection

Nina’s stunted growth made her miss out on many life experiences. These experiences could have helped her to thrive in her career without sacrificing her relationships to her self and to others. Most of all, she missed the biggest lesson in life; that nobody is perfect, and you don’t need to be. This is not just Nina’s fault though. Her mother also contributed greatly to how Nina views the world. When Nina finally found the courage to speak up for what she wants; it was already too late.
In her perfect world, she only needs to perfectly perform and her life would be perfect. She had to confront her inner demons on her own. Until the end, she held on to her idea of perfection. When she is able to perfectly perform her childhood role; she declares that she was perfect.

Symbolically, because she has attained the perfection that she wanted; her life’s goal was complete. She did everything she could to make her performance perfect. Even to the extent of killing a part of her self. She has successfully transformed herself into the perfect Black Swan. Thus, Nina’s perfect performance was both her best performance and also her last. After all, in Nina’s perspective, once you have achieved perfection; what other goal could you have?

Self-Acceptance is A Process

There are times in our life when being perfect is not enough. We need to utilize our flaws or weakness to transform ourselves into someone better. The major lesson in this movie is not only that we should accept our flaws and so-called “guilty pleasures”. We also need to learn to do so gradually. Self-acceptance is a process that takes time. Discovering our shadow and shedding parts of our persona does not happen over night. It crops up at different points in our life. It is during this process that you learn how to handle bigger challenges in your journey through life. Each time this happens; we gain more knowledge on how to manage our inner and external demons. We learn how to make us of both our strengths and our weakness. This is the missing part in Nina’s journey.

Her lack of personal relationships stunted her personal growth. That’s why all she sees are her own flaws. No one is there to appreciate and show her the beautiful side of her. She only sees her shadows and is unable to appreciate the other parts of her. She fails to realize that she does not need to be perfect to play the White Swan and the Black Swan. Nina never considered that both the White Swan and the Black Swan can co-exist. She has never even learned how to love her self.

Another lesson to learn is to develop various goals and different interests. This way, when you experience a setback in one of your goals; you have other goals to inspire you. Nina had only been focusing on one goal her entire life. When this one goal was threatened; she did everything to make things perfect again. It was the only thing that she lived for. She had many chances to change her perspective but by then it was too late. Her unhealthy obsession lead to her own destruction.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Stefano Pollio on Unsplash.

May

2021

Benefits of The Tithe and Giving Back

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Do you know the benefits of the tithe and giving back? The concept of sharing our blessings is a teaching that we often hear as children. Sadly, we do not practice this very much. As we grow older, we don’t often encounter such generosity from other people either. This is mostly due to financial reasons but also due to having a poverty mindset.

In fact, generosity in the form of a “tithe” or a giving fund should be a habit. The tithe should be part of our monthly budget. Here are some reasons why we should develop and maintain the practice of tithing.

An Attitude of Gratitude

Giving is an opportunity for us to share our blessings. It is an act of giving where we are also able to acknowledge and appreciate our own blessings. Whenever we give off ourselves to others (whether thru our time, money or in kind); we also feel a certain fulfillment. We feel an assurance that the world is not so bleak and gloomy after all.

Giving to another also carries with it a wish, a hope. You can even say that giving back is form of prayer. It is a prayer that things will become better for that person or organization that we intended to help out. In these moments, we also become grateful. We are able to be thankful that our own situation is not worse off. We feel gratitude that we are still capable of giving back. This is one of the benefits of the tithe and giving back.

Paying It Forward

The practice of tithing is a way to give back. We do it in exchange for all the kindness and generosity that other people have shown us in the past. It can also be a form of paying things forward. An advance to give thanks for the generosity and kindness of other people that we will encounter in the future. As you give; it gives the recipient the opportunity to grow. They can develop themselves into someone who can be capable of giving back the same way you did for them.

When you practice tithing, the amount you give helps the recipient to expand their options in their own self-development. When they succeed; they will also become capable of giving back to others the same way that you helped them along the way.

Turning Feelings Into Reality

When you are truly sharing your blessings, it should not be with a heavy heart. Tithing is as simple as giving away a certain amount to a charity, a person in need, or even a tip to a kind waiter. You should do so with a light heart and even a smile. If you can do that, then you are truly helping without expecting anything in return. That is how you act when you feel truly “blessed”.

You know that you attract more of what you focus on. If you feel generous, grateful and blessed; you will continue to attract more opportunities that will make you feel this way. Wouldn’t you want to feel this way most of the time, even all of the time? This will definitely help you get out of a poverty mindset.

These are some of the reasons of why you should have a tithe fund. These are the benefits the tithe and giving back. This is the kind of mindset and attitude you should have when giving. The next question is how much to give. In your monthly budget, it is recommended that you set aside 10% of your income as tithe. You will find this recommendation in the Bible as well.

Your tithe fund is where you get money to tip waiters, the stylist and her assistant at your favorite hair salon, the kind taxi driver, etc. This is also where you can take out cash for gifts or when a relative needs to borrow some cash.

Remember that a tithe is different from an offering. You can consider an offering as something extra aside from the tithe.

Updated. First published on Pinoy Smart Living on 2019.10.22.
Feature Image: Original Photo by Katt Yukawa on Unsplash.

Apr

2021

How to Break Your Social Media Addiction

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Do you know how to break your social media addiction? Social media usage has become a regular part of our daily lives. Because of this, more and more people are getting addicted to it. Like any addiction, it has harmful effects to our overall health. Even so, we must accept the fact that this product of modern technology is not going away anytime soon. People are going to continue using it for a very long time.

The technology itself is not harmful, at least it is not intended to be so. However, the way people use it is what causes the negative effects. It also leads to bad habits that have negative effects on our health. To prevent and reduce the negative effects of social media addiction, we need to manage how we use it. Here are 5 ways to break your social media addiction that you can apply immediately.

1. Set a Time Limit

You don’t need not quit it altogether but you can spend less time checking your social media accounts every day. Set a time in the morning and in the afternoon to check. Give yourself at least an hour to do so and then stop and do something else. Schedule the activity like you would any task you need to do throughout the day. This way, you can manage your time efficiently and reduce the time you spend on it without feeling deprived.

Also, try not to schedule it first thing in the morning or before you go to bed. This ensures that it doesn’t disrupt the more important things in your daily routine.

2. Define Its Purpose

One way of limiting your addiction to social media is to change how you use it. Give it a purpose that should benefit you. Ask yourself why do you go on social media? Do you go to it to check for news or mainly to chat with friends and family? Is it part of your job or a major part of building your career or business?

Once you have defined your main purpose, stick to that purpose and use the platform only for that purpose. This way, you don’t waste time checking your profile if you are not fulfilling a certain purpose.

3. Go To Other Online Sources

The Internet is a big place. If you are only using social media to get your news; then you are missing out on the bigger picture. Next time, why not use a search engine to find what you’re looking for online? Then, go to the website of the original source instead. This way, you are introduced to other sources of information that may not be popularly shared on social media.

Remember that social media posts are designed to “go viral”, to catch the most attention. This is a good marketing strategy for big companies. However, it may not represent the most accurate details or information about a certain topic.

4. Step Away from Your Device

Yes, our mobile phones have become a security blanket for most of us. It is one of the most important things that we need to take with us when we leave the house. We carry it with us everywhere, almost like it’s our lifeline. To some extent it is but it need not be so.

To break away from social media addiction, it is important to schedule a down-time daily. Get away from your phone or even turn it off and indulge in mindfulness habits; spend time for some self love or spend time with a loved one and be fully present in the moment.

Also, when in places that require turning off your phone, do so. You can also put it in silent mode and turn on vibrate. It is not only polite to do so. Doing this allows you to actually enjoy being a social animal with your fellow human being; without having your face glued to a small screen. Focus on enjoying the bigger screen and appreciate the actual, bigger picture.

5. Go on A Social Media Detox

Just like taking a vacation from work, you should also take a vacation from drowning in social media; you can even do both at the same time. Yes, you can still take your phone on your travels. Use your phone to take great vacation pictures, search locations and where best to eat. However, don’t check or post to your social media pages while you’re on vacation. (Unless it’s your job to do so, but that’s a different story.) Unplug, disconnect and go offline for the time being.

Not only will this detox you from social media addiction; it will also allow you to fully enjoy your vacation experience without the pressure of having to stay updated. You can always post your vacation pics once you’re back from your escapade. This also keeps you and your buddies safe from any lurking scammers or people with ill-intent. Some people might be stalking your whereabouts so they can take advantage of you.

Social media is a convenient way to connect with people. We must remember though that too much of anything can do more harm than good. Manage how you use your social media accounts wisely. You can do other fun things aside from going online. If you’re just bored, there are also more productive ways to combat boredom. With social media, you can conveniently stay connected with the things that matter to you. At the same time, remember to actually be present to engage your social connections in the real world.

Updated. First published on Pinoy Smart Living on 2019.10.18.
Feature Image: Original Photo by Hugh Han on Unsplash.

Apr

2021

3 Types of Expenses You Need to Manage

Reading Time: 2 minutes

There are 3 types of expenses you need to manage in order to be successful in your financial goals. These can be applied to any items you have on your monthly budget. Identifying these kinds of expenses helps you schedule your expenses. In this way, you don’t fall victim to little money leaks that can ruin your budget.

1. Fixed Expenses

Fixed expenses are the types of expenses that you incur in predictable amounts and in consistent intervals. These usually happen monthly such as utilities, rentals, loans, insurance, subscriptions and credit card payments. These can also include your tithes, savings and investment funds if you add to them monthly.

Since these expenses occur on a regular basis, you can schedule them automatically. This one of the 3 types of expenses that is the easiest to manage in your budget.

With a fixed amount and schedule, it is easier for you to decide which expenses to reduce or remove. This allows you to maximize other items in your budget. For example, you can downgrade your mobile plan subscription. Then, you can add more to your savings or investment fund.

2. Periodic Expenses

Periodic expenses are similar to fixed expenses but they occur less frequently. These kinds of expenses can also be scheduled quarterly (every 3 months), bi-annually (every 6 months) or annually (every year).

The dilemma with periodic expenses is that they are usually necessary. That’s why it is hard to remove them from your budget. These expenses usually include maintenance costs. Examples include oil change for your car, car registration fees, annual membership fees and annual tax fees for a business.

Unlike fixed expenses, we tend to forget periodic expenses. This results in paying penalty fees which ruins your budget. It is very important to include these types of expense in planning your budget. The advantage is that you have more time to prepare for them.

3. Variable Expenses

The trickiest type of expense to manage are variable expenses. These types of expenses don’t occur regularly but they are still important. Variable expenses can be subcategorized into necessary and discretionary.

An example of a variable but necessary expense is gas for your car. This does not occur regularly but you have to budget for it when it becomes necessary. A discretionary, variable expense includes a new pair of shoes or travel funds. These don’t occur regularly but they are important for your well-being.

Discretionary expenses are usually items that you reward yourself with. Sometimes, they can be impulse buys which you incur because you are feeling down and you want to feel better. Your behavior and priorities will define what variable expenses you cut out or save up for in your budget.

Which type of expense do you usually have trouble managing? If you haven’t started budgeting, then the first step is to track your expenses. Then try out the money jar budgeting system and adjust as you need. This will help you control the flow of your money. It is also helpful to know more about the money lessons you didn’t learn in school. Get more financial inspiration for own financial goals with these books on wealth and success.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Sasun Bughdaryan on Unsplash.

Apr

2021

Bad Habits That You Need to Quit Right Now

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Do you have bad habits that you need to quit right now? We may not realize it, but we might have bad habits that will have negative consequences for us in the long run. That’s why it’s good for us to stop them right now and replace them with better habits instead.

You don’t have to be too hard on yourself. Try improving yourself one habit at a time. First, you need to identify what habits you need to change as soon as possible.

1. Going to Bed Late

Not everyone is a morning person but everyone should be getting their daily dose of sleep hours. Adults need at least 7-8 hours of sleep at night to allow the body to heal and repair itself. Hitting the snooze button first thing in the morning is not the best way to start the day. Being awake late into the night is one of the most common bad habits that you should quit right away.

Lack of sleep can make you groggy and cranky the next day. It also causes dark eye bags, acne breakouts, dull skin and may even lead to excessive hair fall and other medical issues. More importantly, lack of sleep will make it more difficult for you to start the morning in the right mood.

2. Not Hydrating Properly

Some of us may experience a headache as we work in front of the computer. Most of the time, this is because we don’t drink enough water. The recommended 8 glasses a day also includes your intake of other liquids such as tea, coffee, fruit juice and soups.

Drinking more water helps our body to detoxify. So avoid sugary drinks and opt for lemon water or tea instead. Too much sugar in sodas and sweetened juice drinks is also unhealthy. Feeling hungry? Try drinking a glass of water first. If the hunger pang disappears, it only means you are not drinking enough water.

3. Not Having Set Meal Times

Forgetting to eat because you are inspired or in the flow is good for your work but it can be bad for your stomach and overall health. It can give you a headache as your blood sugar fluctuates. People have collapsed because they forgot to eat both breakfast and lunch. In the long run, this can lead to stomach ulcers which will need medical treatment.

Not scheduling set meal times can also lead to over-eating when you can’t stand your hunger pangs anymore. You may find yourself eating too fast to chew your food which can lead to digestive issues. You may end up craving for and bingeing on sweets, salty or oily foods that are unhealthy for you. This in turn can lead to undesirable weight gain. Preparing your meals ahead of time can help you change this habit.

4. Being a Couch Potato

Sitting for work most of the day can lead to bad posture as well as other physical issues. If you’re sitting most of the time due to binge-watching on your TV or social media addiction; then this is one of the bad habits that you should definitely quit right away.

Get into the habit of moving your body regularly. Take breaks in between work to stand up and stretch. It would be ideal if you can integrate exercise into your morning routine. Exercising helps us detoxify, boost our mood and lift our energy levels. If you stay at home most of the time, doing regular house chores or just dancing to your favorite music is a good way to keep moving.

5. Worrying Too Much

We all have concerns that we can’t easily set aside. However, constantly worrying about them is not helpful and will only stress us out. It is better to communicate your concerns with other people so you can vent out that negative vibe. But don’t dwell on them too much. Take the necessary precautions and do your best.

Most of us worry about “what if’s” and obstacles to our goals that will lead us to failure. In most scenarios, our worries are mostly imaginary. If we do our best to avoid them; they may never happen anyway. So instead of worrying, make a plan and follow it; making adjustments along the way. Keep looking forward to positive “what if’s” instead of the negative scenarios.

Accept that not all our bad habits were intentional choices. Sometimes, we developed them in response to certain life circumstances. We all have our share of bad days and bad choices. As long as we recognize them as such; then we are able to change them and start to reset our health. Replacing bad habits with new ones can be a challenge but the results can be rewarding.

There are many more bad habits that we may have acquired though the years. What other bad habits do you have that you need to quit right now?

Feature Image: Original Photo by Sammy Williams on Unsplash.

Apr

2021

Money Leaks That Can Sink Your Budget

Reading Time: 3 minutes

There are little money leaks that can sink your monthly budget. Most of them are unnoticeable unless you track your spending. If you’re already budgeting but still end up overspending, then check out for these money leaks in your spending habits.

1. Transaction Fees

Late payment fees and other financial transaction fees can leak money out of your budget without you noticing it. These are small amounts that you don’t think will affect your budget that much. Once they accumulate, that’s when you realize they already ate a huge chunk out of your monthly budget. This applies to credit card fees, insurance fees, loan fees and online money transfer fees. Check your monthly statements so you can plan ahead.

TIP: Make it a habit to always check your transaction receipts for any hidden fees or charges. Also, pay your bills on time to avoid incurring late payment fees and other penalty charges.

2. Impulse Buys

Little purchases that you make several times a month won’t be little once added up. Especially if these items are just trendy for a time or they’re for one use only. That one cup of coffee a day can eat a big chunk of your budget. This is one of the little money leaks that can sink your budget. It can be avoided if you plan and list down what you’re actually going to buy in a supermarket, for example. The best way is to set aside a budget for it so you’re prepared for it. You can set aside money for fun that you can spend however you want.

TIP: Make a wish list of big and small items that you need and want to buy and set aside money for them. Don’t buy it if it’s not on your list and it’s not covered in your budget yet.

3. Discount Buys

Just like impulse buys, discount purchases are also a common cause of overspending. Sale items are often packaged attractively and the festive spirit of the “sale day” event makes it even more enticing. Making transactions online only makes things easier to splurge. Not all discounts are great buys though. If you’re buying an item only because it’s on sale or because you have a coupon, then you might be wasting your money.

TIP: Having a wish list and the budget to buy the item on that list is one way to avoid spending on discounted items that you don’t really need. If you get an item on your wish list at a discounted price, then consider it as savings.

4. Wasting Products

Sometimes we buy in bulk because of the huge discount. Then we find out that we’re not really fond of the product so we end up giving them away or disposing of them in the trash. Or they expire before we can use them so they end up in the trash. This is why a list of what you need to buy is important. It is also important to list down exactly how much you need so you maximize your use of the items. Subscriptions to services that you don’t actually use regularly is also a leak in your budget. So review your subscriptions and see which ones you don’t need or you can downgrade.

TIP: Preparation is key to ensure that you use up perishable goods before they expire. Meal prepping is one way to ensure that you don’t end up throwing away produce. It also allows you to control what you eat so you can choose to eat healthier meals.

Do sometimes feel that you are living beyond your means? These money leaks could be part of the problem. To ensure that you don’t fall victim to these little leaks that can sink your budget; become more aware of your spending habits. Learn how to discipline yourself so you can figure out how to spend your money wisely.

Feature Image: Original Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels.