You have successfully stayed away from negative people in your life. You have blocked, unfriended and unfollowed all of them in your social media account. But how come, you feel there are still more of them out there? Before you start blocking people again, did you ever stop and wonder that maybe you are also a toxic person to them? However, most of the time, people are unaware that they are already being a toxic person to others. So, are you a toxic person?
Toxic people are people who are not emotionally well. These people are carrying emotional burdens. They are broken individuals. It is like this, have you ever dealt with a sick person? Have you noticed that sick persons are easily irritable? It is not because they have something against you but because they are in physical pain. That is the reason why they are short-tempered and irritated at times. The same is true with emotionally sick individuals. They become toxic to others whether they do it consciously or subconsciously.
Here are signs that you should always be aware of so that you will know if you are already being a toxic person to others:
1. You criticize people a lot.
At some point in our lives, we all have to give criticisms especially if the other person badly needs the feedback or advice. However, there is a thin line between a constructive and a harmful criticism. It all boils down to the perception of the person receiving the feedback.
Before you criticize, ask yourself, is the other person asking for your opinion? If not, what do you hope to achieve by giving the criticism? Are you offering a solution to the problem? If your answer is no, then you are better off keeping your mouth shut.
Happy individuals do not feel the need to bring other people down.
2. You are good only when you need something.
Do you treat people equally? Are you nice and friendly most of the time? Are you only nice to those people whom you can benefit from and can offer you something? Other people can tell if you are nice to them only when you need something. They will feel used. Be a good person. Be good to everyone regardless of whether you can benefit from them or not. Stay consistent in how you treat others. Be sincere. Sincerity is important because it leads to trust. It is the key in building any relationship.
3. You like to gossip.
Do you like to gossip? Do you always talk about other people behind their backs? It does not matter whether your stories are true or not, what matters is that the personal affairs of others are private. You have no right to give unconstrained and derogatory remarks about them.
Instead, learn to respect other people.
4. You blame everyone else for your problems.
Do you have problems at work? Are you buried in debt? Do you always argue with your partner?. When misfortunes come your way, who do you blame? Do you blame the government, your boss, your spouse or the circumstance? If you blame it on everything and everyone else but yourself, then that’s a sign the you are a toxic person.
Rather than blaming others for your problems and misfortunes, try taking responsibility for your life instead. You need to take responsibility of all the bad things that is happening to you. You played a big role on whatever it is that is happening in your life right now. There is no one to blame but yourself. The sooner you begin to understand that you are the driver of your own life, the sooner will your life turn for the better. Begin to take control of your life.
It is always easy to blame others. You can spend your entire life blaming the world, but your successes or failures are entirely your own.
-Paulo Coelho
5. You take more than you give.
Are you a giver or a taker? Givers look for ways on how to be helpful to others. Takers put their self-interests first before others. If you are the type of person who always ask for favors or have never ending requests from others, then you are a taker. Takers are toxic persons. Before long, people will stop responding from your favors and you will be left with no one beside you. To avoid that from happening, try to balance yourself. Help as much people as you can. Happiness comes from serving others.
The purpose of human life is to serve, and to show compassion and the will to help others.
– Albert Schweitzer
6. Your life is full of drama.
If you are overly emotional about things that are happening to your life, no matter how small or menial they are; then, your life is full of drama. Come on, no one will want to listen to you going on and on about the misfortunes in your life. It is emotionally draining. Don’t be a drama king or queen.
7. You can’t let go of the past.
You were hurt by someone you loved or you were once on top of the world but you lost everything. Whatever painful experience that you have had before, it is now time to move forward. Don’t let the past imprisoned you. Stop obsessing about it. Let go of the pain and move on. Learn the lesson. Remember that failure is part of success. No one wants to be around people who are living in the past.
8. You see the negative in all situations.
A negative mind always see the worst in any situation.
- I can’t afford that.
- No one really cares about me.
- I have no money.
- I am always sick.
- My boss will never appreciate me.
- I am not my parents’ favorite child.
Negative thinking is not only bad for your health. It is bad for your life. Period. If you understand the law of attraction, you know that negative thoughts attract negative things. It will ultimately affect your future because your mindset affects the direction of your life. No one would hang out with you if you are always negative.
Always stay positive. Practice being grateful. Happy people are grateful people.
9. You dominate the conversation.
Have your ever been in a gathering wherein only one person is doing all the talking? Everyone hates it when one person dominates the conversation. No one wants to listen to listen to you, your interests and your opinion the whole night. If other people can’t get a word in, don’t be surprised if you will no longer be invited to the next get-together. You need to learn to listen to others.
One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.
– Bryant H. McGill
10. You think you are always right.
It is impossible to be always right. Even if you are the smartest, richest and most successful person in the room; there will always be someone who knows better than you in certain issues. You cannot force your opinions on others. You need to learn to respect other people’s views. Otherwise, others will find it frustrating to even talk to you.
If you find yourself relating to at least one of the descriptions above, unfortunately, you are considered a toxic person by others. The good news is that there is still room for change especially now that you are aware of your shortcoming.
Good luck!
First published in Pinoy Smart Living 08.02.2019.